Cheating on your spouse

I didn't love or even like my first wife was pressured by both her and my family to marry even though the child was not mine and yes I did cheat on her but only with the lady that became my 2ed wife , we lived together 5 years and was married for 34 , I not only did not cheat on her I had no want or need to . although when we were in our mid 50s she did tell me to get a girl friend . I didn't want or need one , she was all I ever wanted . after she passed I did date but that felt like cheating , now 7 years later I do see the lady's at the " kit kat " and have become good friend's with some . and some how that does not feel like cheating although if she was still alive it would be ...

Cheating is cheating. Those that are happily married will always say it is wrong and those that aren't will say it isn't. It is what it is so if you get caught you will deal with the consequences.

Well as some of the others have said, There was a "contract" If she was taking care of business then I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. But we can argue this until we are blue in the face and it will turn into a pissing contest without a winner. As I said before; Let he who is without sin.....

I hope this thread doesn't turn into a debate over the definition of the word "cheating". I got my fill of that with the debate on the word "SEX"😃 😃

Agree with Moppy: Cheating is Cheating whether you are happily married or in a bad relationship.

It's only cheating of you do it behind the other person's back.

If they know about it, you aren't cheating--it's just sex outside of marriage.

Open marriages are not cheating.

It's only cheating of you do it behind the other person's back.

Open marriages are not cheating.

Agree 100%.

Of course it isn't always the woman who loses her sex drive. Sometimes it happens the other way round, and for some reason it's the man who loses his drive.

I think with most men it is more they lose the ability to maintain an erection and that is easy to fix with drugs. I think the desire is still there.

I think with most men it is more they lose the ability to maintain an erection and that is easy to fix with drugs. I think the desire is still there.

It may be easy to fix with drugs - or maybe not, but for the man to get or maintain an erection, he needs to have a partner who knows what is going on with him. His partner - girlfriend, wife, or whatever, can't be having it be 'all about her'. The little blue pill works - but it works a lot better if there is some TLC, communication, and selflessness mixed in.

Sex isn't just about - him getting hard and sticking it in, it is about each one taking responsibility for their own orgasm, and being ok with it if it has to be 'self induced' just so long as they are doing it together. 😉

I think with most men it is more they lose the ability to maintain an erection and that is easy to fix with drugs. I think the desire is still there.

For most, yes. But I've read about how in some marriages, low (or absent) desire in the man is the reason for it being sexless and the woman becoming frustrated. Some couples are simply a mismatch in that department.

@SwitchableSusie LOL! As you said, there is a reason. Unhappiness comes from an unsatisfying relationship or even unsatisfying sex life.

If they know about it, you aren't cheating--it's just sex outside of marriage.

Open marriages are not cheating.

I don't think any one was saying this was cheating. But if they change their mind on an open marriage, you could find yourself in a cheating situation to get sex.

Switchable Susie,

That was very kind of you to say that, made my day!! 😃

Reggind says:

I am not saying this happens to all females, but it definitely happens to a cross section of them. Not sure if it is mental or physical, but it does happen.

How can anyone know that? How can anyone know most women, or a great amount of women? I doubt anyone goes around bragging about all of the sex they have at home, but you hear the complaining...

Yeah, both genders slow down some after a certain age. I don't think most 50 year olds are having sex every single night. Both genders have their hormones diminishing. I'd bet the women who don't want sex after menopause were never hot to get it before menopause. They were probably bored with the predictable missionary sex and obligatory blowjob.

Yeah, both genders slow down some after a certain age. I don't think most 50 year olds are having sex every single night.

We tried that about five years ago in our mid forties.

We are both 49 now.

While we are both perpetually horny, there is a limit. Several years ago, we did an experiment to see how many days in a row we could have sex. Yes, it was my idea. The premise was we had to have sex at least once in every 24 hour period and we each had to have an orgasm. This was really fun for the first three to four weeks. We continued. By the 28th day it was like, "do we have to have sex today?" and one of us always said "yes" we have to complete the experiment which became a marathon. By 30 days in a row, there were days neither one of us wanted to fuck, get oralled or even jerked off. By that time, there was no love left in having sex and we were just doing it for the sake of repetition and to see how far we could go. I said let's do it for 36 days--an even three dozen so that's what we did. I would say that for the last 20 or so years we have had sex 3-4 times a week about every other day on average, so there are times we go daily for a week and the next week it may be only once or twice. The thing is when we do it because we want to, not because we are in a marathon, we have a much better time and we hug and hold each other more. I really love hugging and being tangled with his body and that is why my husband should be good for me forever.

I said let's do it for 36 days--an even three dozen so that's what we did.

24 hour serial frequency records should be the topic for a new thread. I'm not going to start it though because I wouldn't even qualify for the trials ... ha ha

@Lora_C well said.

@sundaybrunch You are using words that I did not use. Look at what you quoted. I said a cross section and how do I know a cross section? I slept with them. And I have both male and female friends and we occasionally talk about sex.

I never said all or most.

I will stick by my thesis that as we age, more likely to suffer from an inability to perform sex while women seem more likely to lose interest. Not all or most but I believe this phenomenon does exist.

You are using words that I did not use. Look at what you quoted. I said a cross section and how do I know a cross section? I slept with them. And I have both male and female friends and we occasionally talk about sex.

I never said all or most.

I will stick by my thesis that as we age, more likely to suffer from an inability to perform sex while women seem more likely to lose interest. Not all or most but I believe this phenomenon does exist.

If they are NOT interested in sex, how was it you were sleeping with them?

What is a "cross section"? What percentage of the female population did you sleep with, who were postmenopausal?

Even 10% is about a million, since the over 50 female population of the US is over 10 million!

Susie, That's interesting.

When we were in our early 30s, my wife expected vaginal sex every night, except if circumstances made her tired... or if we did something kinkier. No "TV evening" for us.

Then came the children and we got TIRED. Also even if doing sex, orgasm was more difficult for the both of us, especially her.

Now that children are older and require less care, our sex life has improved. One issue however is that my wife's job now requires more travel, so this reduces opportunities. Otherwise, she's back to expecting daily intercourse.

I like that, we sleep well afterwards.

@SwitchableSusie - 'I would say that for the last 20 or so years we have had sex 3-4 times a week about every other day on average, so there are times we go daily for a week and the next week it may be only once. The thing is when we do it because we want to, not because we are in a marathon, we have a much better time and we hug and hold each other more. I really love hugging and being tangled with his body and that is why my husband should be good for me forever.'

🌹

Now that children are older and require less care, our sex life has improved. One issue however is that my wife's job now requires more travel, so this reduces opportunities. Otherwise, she's back to expecting daily intercourse.

You got a keeper. My wife only wanted it twice a week in our 20's and has no interest at this point. You are a lucky man.

Moppy: Fun fact, she was not so interested in sex per se before meeting me, but she soon expected it with regularity. She jokes about "marital duty".

The rules: No TV evenings except for some films (watched in our bed in close contact). No masturbation unless spouse has been asked for some sex and has declined.

When I was younger I played computer games sometimes a bit too late, I was soundly brought to bed...

@SwitchableSusie said, 'I really love hugging and being tangled with his body and that is why my husband should be good for me forever.'

@Moppys_jalopy said, 'My wife only wanted it twice a week in our 20's and has no interest at this point. You are a lucky man.'

That's quality -v- quantity and remembering the number of times you have sex becomes tedious and lost with time. But those times when you are so very naked, figuratively or actually, with the one you love is something that just is what it is 🌹 and there is no balance sheet you need to consult to know you love or are loved.

I may start out fucking my husband but when our time cums we are right there in each others arms and in each others thoughts and dreams. That's what I do and will remember. 🌹 The score or count doesn't matter at that point.

@Ms_Lila Lila, how beautiful.?

I do not find it hard to have sex with my husband every day. We do it at least once or twice a day and it is really good every time, we keep it fun and always hot. I know that I have got a high sex drive but he has too so all is good for us. 😜

*sigh* I hope when I get as old as some of these "prudes" that I have all the intelligence that they possess. That way I will have all the right answers that they seem to possess.

In other words, Some of you folks have your nose so far in the air that you can't smell that which life is made of. Don't judge until you've walked in my shoes.

And a GOOD DAY TO ALL!

Things may be wonderful and sex filled for now. But throw in a medical issue/crisis and that may suddenly not be the case.

Health problems can throw a person, male or female, out of whack. You won't be interested, be able to perform, or just physically sex can't be done.

Add in side effects from medication(s) and you could be in a no sex situation. Until you are in that situation you can't understand or see how much something like that can change your previously "perfect" sex life.

I just hope that no one has to deal with something like that. But I'm sure some will. It is just how life goes.

Things may be wonderful and sex filled for now. But throw in a medical issue/crisis ....

I just hope that no one has to deal with something like that. But I'm sure some will. It is just how life goes.

My wife was in such a condition for 22 years. At times she would hint/suggest I find someone on the side to spend time with. But I never took her up on her suggestion and a good thing it was too, because moods can be mercurial and suddenly changing. One day all understanding and open and another full of suspicion and needless jealousy.

And indeed, life went on ...

I don't feel it is cheating at all. I love my wife but have been in a sexless marriage for 4 years. A happy ending relieves much stress. I also have had a few extramarital experiences including swinging with a guy and his wife. It is purely physical and pleasurable and I don't have any plans to change my situation.

Do you consider getting a happy ending massage from a professional cheating on your marriage. I am very Catholic and have a lot of guilt but it does not stop me.

By "happy ending", do you mean blow job? Yes, that is cheating. It's also "spilling your seed" which is against Catholic doctrine. You are only supposed to have penis in vagina sex, sans contraception. Many (most?) Catholics ignore that, but since you said you are *very* Catholic, I thought I'd mention it.