Cheating on your spouse

Do you consider getting a happy ending massage from a professional cheating on your marriage. I am very Catholic and have a lot of guilt but it does not stop me.

Yes, it is cheating.

If you are "very" Catholic, I am sure your priest will agree when you confess it to him.

From a non-Catholic's point of view, you have an advantage with confession. A few Hail Mary's and a few Our Farther's and all is forgiven... until the next time.

So go to confession after your massage and get rid of the guilt.

I hate to rain on anyones parade here but if you are a true practicing catholic (I am sooo not judging) then going to get that massage that you know is going to end in a happy ending is a sin too. Kinda like pre meditated lol

Also sinning on purpose then confessing to rid yourself of that sin/guilt doenst cut it if you are not sincere and definitely does not count if you keep doing it again .

Ok off my pulpit now

BTW , my new outlook is , if I am going to go to hell I might as well go in a handbasket ?

If having an extra-marital affair is a mortal sin, then getting a massage with a happy ending is maybe just a venial sin, something of a lesser order.

I know that in medieval theology, extra-marital affairs were considered serious business, but that mere fornication before marriage or as a widower was considered to be of minor importance, sin-wise. It was considered that the desire for sex (as long as it was 'natural' meaning PiV of course) was an undeniable part of the (male) human condition, that men were so created and hence subject to natural desires and longings that were not sinful as such.

Besides, few people married back then as we know it now. They simply lived together which gave rise to the concept of a common-law marriage.

Don't know if the last is any help to you in our 'modern times', but church doctrine is known for being unchanging and fixed.

I hate to rain on anyones parade here but if you are a true practicing catholic (I am sooo not judging) then going to get that massage that you know is going to end in a happy ending is a sin too. Kinda like pre meditated lol

Also sinning on purpose then confessing to rid yourself of that sin/guilt doenst cut it if you are not sincere and definitely does not count if you keep doing it again .

You could have been a Jesuit if you tried ... ha ha.

Anyway, yes, there is indeed a sort of 'damned if you do and damned if you even think about it' doctrine. You get off easier if you've just been thinking/obsessing over something ...

You are indulging in intimate acts with others which you would normally do only with your wife. You seem to be suggesting that the use of a 'professional' might make it not amount to cheating, but you already know that it is or you wouldn't be asking the question. You don't need anyone else to tell you. All you need to do is imagine how your wife would react if you told her where you were going and why.

Religion has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I love this site. I find it cathartic I always wondered if I am sick. After reading the great discussions i at least know that if I am sick there are a lot of normal people who are like me. What I would like to know is do you consider getting a happy ending massage from a professional cheating on your marriage. I am very Catholic and have a lot of guilt but it does not stop me.

I love that you said, "I am very catholic" blah, blah, blah...so now, I will re-phrase those words to reflect their true meaning, "I AM A HYPROCRITE."

You obviously don't give a rat's ass about your religion (I'll get to your wife later), and as an atheist, I don't give a rat's ass what any god thinks either, so if you and I do the same things, at least I am being honest and veritable while you are a hypocrite and obviously a BAD christian who should probably be excommunicated and rot in hell. You also apparently do NOT have any guilt, you just lie to us and say you do because you are a repeat offender. You have broken a couple of the commandments--repeatedly. If you had guilt, you would have done it once and been sorry, but no, you repeat your offenses. You can forget about the idiotic confessions because you have no guilt and your confessions and religion and/or your disregard for its commandments will NOT make you a better person.

You brought this up in a previous post of yours here:

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=898427

Now for your wife. While I am of the opinion that if you are doing something your wife won't do, that might not technically be cheating, but you are certainly committing adultery--one of your catholic commandments that you don't give a damn about even though you lie to us that you have guilt. In addition, if you cared at all about what your wife thinks, you should ask her if SHE thinks you are cheating. I think I know the answer to that question. I bet she doesn't even know you have been unfaithful because you would never admit to her that you have broken your marriage vows and had sex with other women.

I gave you links to this topic in the nude massages thread where you described being masturbated by other women.

Here are some links regarding cheating and other fetishes:

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=881016

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=88390

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=38462

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=5433

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=30464

I like where you said in another thread, "I rationalize that a full body massage is just a service like a shampoo and hair cut and not cheating." That's such bullshit I'm surprised you could type that.

What it boils down to is NOT whether YOU think it's cheating, but if your WIFE does.

If she thinks it's cheating, you aren't going to change her mind.

I hate hypocrites.

I will say one thing about Catholics--they make terrific submissives.

If you are "very" Catholic, I am sure your priest will agree when you confess it to him.

Before you confess your sins to your priest, first ask him how he enjoyed the last little boy that he molested. Then depending on his answer, you can decide if it's worth your while to confess anything at all to the child molester sitting next to you.

You are indulging in intimate acts with others which you would normally do only with your wife. You seem to be suggesting that the use of a 'professional' might make it not amount to cheating, but you already know that it is or you wouldn't be asking the question. You don't need anyone else to tell you. All you need to do is imagine how your wife would react if you told her where you were going and why.

Religion has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I agree except for the last statement.

I think in this case, religion has a lot to do with it because he claims to be "very Catholic."

If he wasn't religious, it wouldn't be a big deal to me. He would just be a sort of male version of me.

His hypocrisy just shines through.

Bridgette said

I hate to rain on anyones parade here but if you are a true practicing catholic (I am not judging) then going to get that massage that you know is going to end in a happy ending is a sin too. Kinda like pre meditated lol

Also sinning on purpose then confessing to rid yourself of that sin/guilt doenst cut it if you are not sincere and definitely does not count if you keep doing it again .

Ok off my pulpit now

BTW , my new outlook is , if I am going to go to hell I might as well go in a handbasket ?

FURTHERMORE, Sniff stated in his massage post:

Yummy. Get them on a regular basis. i usually insist they are mutual. If the truth be told I enjoy getting her off better than her getting me off.

https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=898427

Sniff insists on MUTUAL NUDE MASSAGE. If it were just a massage that would be one thing, but he wants to "get her off" and that's even better than her getting him off.

Sniff insists on MUTUAL NUDE MASSAGE. If it were just a massage that would be one thing, but he wants to "get her off" and that's even better than her getting him off.

Guilty. Case closed.

I always find that if religion is brought up here on the forum it is never a happy ending,lol

If you say you are a Christian then you have a funny way of showing it to your God.

if the bible is true then God made us in his own image Gen 3,and gave us all our passions,Proverbs.

He must be a really kinky God then 😃.He stays out of my bedroom that is for sure.

I guess what I am really saying is this is your inner battle, no one can advise you because each of us are so different,other than hypocrisy in life will not get you very far with people, family and God,and does not go down well with other members here.

Peace,

Caz

I always find that if religion is brought up here on the forum it is never a happy ending,lol

Was that supposed to be a pun?!?!?! 😁 😈

Pun and get punished!

I feel that God wanted us to enjoy sex. Why else would She give us so many pleasures? Especially you girls, your bodies are one great big pleasure castle and She gave you something to prove Her desire for you to have so much pleasure ---- is there any purpose for the clitoris other than your pleasure?

OMFG! take a look at this:

Sniff said

My ultimate fantasy has always been to have a 3 some. My wife would never allow it. I love her very much but i am a closet freak so like the rest of my kinks I turn to a professional to live out my fantasy. My regular massage lady is bi but she is in a lesbian relationship. I sometimes ask her to have her wife join in my massage session.. The best part is that they are into each other and they make love like I am not in the room with the exception of me touching parts that they do not have enough hands for. Being an unabashed voyeur i can not begin to tell you how exciting this is to watch. After they are done it is my turn. with one on each side of me [front and back] they kiss and lick every part of my body simultaneously. They try to help me last as long as possible but unfortunately my turn is over in 10 min. or less. As it is pretty expensive to have them both [3 times the cost of one] I only do it once or twice a year. To start a thread ladies. do you think because I do not have intercourse with these ladies i am not cheating on my wife. For my part if my wife chose to have a happy ending massage I would have no objections. If she had a lover however i probably would start divorce proceedings.

https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=898850

Talk about hypocrisy!

I wonder how pissed his wife would be if she knew he was squandering their nest egg.

Yep

Hence the lol after it,

Peace,

caz

Paul Tillich, the great existentialist theologian in Chicago, said "sin is separation." If so, getting an erotic massage might be separating you from your wife. But then is any obsessive hobby, football on TV, etc, but they generally lack the erotic component. Or, as Martin Luther proclaimed, "Sin boldly."

In addition, if you cared at all about what your wife thinks, you should ask her if SHE thinks you are cheating.

My wife is of the opinion, 'It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.'

Another translation: Look, but don't touch.

My husband has a similar line.

It's OK to read the menu as long as he eats at home.

He said that goes for me too.

It seems I have raised the Ire of several feminists. Not surprised and I appreciate their stance. I however would like to offer a rebuttal.

First and foremost I have been married for 38 years, love my wife very much and have never had an affair. My wife and I are in our 70's and have a fairly active sex life considering our age so she is not neglected. I have strong sexual proclivities as a result of things that happened in my early teens, I am not a pedophile I have never made inappropriate sexual advances to the beautiful women I supervised or any other women in my company. I have had several opportunities to have no strings attached sex and never followed up on that. That being said I often fantasize about things I would do to my wife's single friends They are just fantasies and I have never acted on them. I can not say for sure what my resolve would be if I did not employ the services of a professional masseuse I may have stepped over the line.

It seems I have raised the Ire of several feminists.

I'm not letting you get away with that one. The comments made are nothing to do with feminism.

You are being unfaithful to your wife because you are engaging in sex acts with another person. You are trying to kid yourself that the absence of emotional involvement in doing a physical act with a 'professional' masseuse excuses your behaviour. It doesn't.

You were hoping for approval here, but you didn't like the responses you did receive.

Sniff, after reading your last comment I so hope I never see another comment from you again.

You have no respect for anyone and you seem very deluded and I will say it CREEPY.

I hope you are not here for very long.

Peace,

Caz

I'm not letting you get away with that one. The comments made are nothing to do with feminism.

I agree.

No one said anything about feminism, women's rights or any of that crap. Yes, feminism today is crap. We got what we wanted years ago, now there are just women who like to complain and bash men.

@sniff -

I love this site. I find it cathartic I always wondered if I am sick. After reading the great discussions i at least know that if I am sick there are a lot of normal people who are like me. What I would like to know is do you consider getting a happy ending massage from a professional cheating on your marriage. I am very Catholic and have a lot of guilt but it does not stop me.

When I first got here - I was committing adultery, and being a hypocrite about it, trying to split hairs and justify the fact that I was cheating on my husband, who I love very much. I did all sorts of - mental gymnastics, giving reasons to justify what I was doing. Everything I was doing - I wanted to do with my husband, I didn't know how to ask for it, or even what I wanted really. The bottom line @sniff - I was cheating.

After I admitted - to myself, that what I was doing was what it was, and that I really in my heart wanted that with my husband, I faced facts about who and what I was. I'm either the greatest sales lady - smoothest talker, or or whatever, but eventually I was able to get my husband into what I wanted. The road I took was - anything but the high road, and when I found out he had been cheating too, it didn't change a thing about who and what I had become. My husband and I - found what we wanted to have together, and along the way our relationship and marriage changed to what we have today. We both fuck other people - we know about what we both did, and how we got to where we are now. We were both cheaters - hypocrites, but we don't have any more time to indulge in beating ourselves up over how we got to where we are. Where we are now - is where we want to be, both of us, and the friends we made along the way are gold. 😃

I do regret how I got here - he regrets how he got here, and that means that be both have regrets about how we got here. But the thing is @sniff - we are once again on the same page with each other and at peace with where we are now. And it was us - finally being honest with our ownself, and then with each other, that we have made some friends, and have family, that will be there for which ever of us is left behind. I want that for him - and he wants it for me, but in the end it was admitting to ourselves that we are human, and that we wanted to communicate with each other.

@sniff - you are getting your ass kicked here, rightfully so, I got mine kicked, here and from myself, and rightfully so. You say you love your wife - I believe it, I really do, but take a short cut, learn from my dumb ass, and communicate with her. Hell - she might be way ahead of you and just not know how to say it!

I was a hypocrite - and / or maybe that label sticks or still applies, but my husband and I are at peace with each other and what we have done, where we have been. But we don't piss in each other's ear - and tell each other it's raining anymore. The people beating the shit out of you here - are right to do so, you aren't helping yourself out by pissing in your own ear and then telling others it was rain.

@sniff - these are good people here, taking the time to talk to you, or at you. You say that you - and your wife that you love, are in your 70's. Take a tip from me - skip all of the handwringing, bullshit justifications, and lay it out there with your wife. If you don't know how to do it - and buddy I know how that works, 😉 do some reading, rehearsing, test the waters with your wife and find what works. If you don't want to do that - then have some self respect or stones to admit that you are cheating and don't kid yourself or the good people here.

I went about it all wrong - I was a hypocrite, but luckily when I fell into the shit this time, I came out smelling like a rose. I am glad to see - that my youngest daughter has the stones and the finesse with her husband, at least with her husband :-\\ , to avoid my road, and have her husband on the same page and in the same bed with her. 😉

I cheated - I was / am a hypocrite and it's almost over and we both know it, and to borrow a term, no shit and no sugar, it's just what it is. @sniff - you and your wife are in your 70's, don't you think it's time for a good dose of no shit and no sugar, if for no one else, at least yourself? 🌹

It seems I have raised the Ire of several feminists. Not surprised and I appreciate their stance. I however would like to offer a rebuttal.

First and foremost i have been married for 38 years, love my wife very much and have never had an affair. My wife and I are in our 70's and have a fairly active sex life considering our age so she is not neglected. I have strong sexual proclivities as a result of things that happened in my early teens, I am not a pedophile I have never made inappropriate sexual advances to the beautiful women I supervised or any other women in my company. I have had several opportunities to have no strings attached sex and never followed up on that. That being said I often fantasize about things I would do to my wife's single friends They are just fantasies ind I have never acted on them.I can not say for sure what my resolve would be if I did not employ the services of a professional masseuse I may have stepped over the line.

As others have already said, it has NOTHING to do with feminism.

It also has NOTHING to do with fantasies. You, I, and Jimmy Carter can have all the fantasies we want.

It has everything to do with ACTIONS. If you are paying someone to give you an orgasm, without the knowledge and consent of your wife, you ARE being unfaithful to her.

You, I, and Jimmy Carter can have all the fantasies we want.

Please, I have just one request. Never, ever include the name Jimmy Carter and fantasies in the same sentence again. It ruins any and all thoughts of fantasies. 😃

Hey, take it easy on poor @sniff. He's only guilty of a little rationalization and denial. Me too for my sexual attractions. I like a little porn, I have a lot of sexual fantasies, and I have a hard time not staring at beautiful bodies (female and male) when I'm out and about. My wife knows, and I'm trying to be more and more open about this. We have a policy that it's OK to window shop, but I have to keep my wallet in my pants. She even points out 'thong girls' for me to look at when we walk on the beach, because she knows I'll channel my arousal into hot sex when we return home. We sometimes watch porn together as foreplay. Controlled lust for things outside marriage, up to a point, can enhance sex within a marriage.

I think the main issue here is dishonesty and betrayal, whether caught in an affair or not. The possibility of being caught raises the issue of cruelty, the likely infliction of great emotional pain on your spouse. I think a little guilt here is in order--but not rationalization and denial.

@sniff, if you want to play around, ask your wife how she feels about it. She might not mind you paying for an occasional erotic massage if you're open about it. You could invite her to go along and watch. She might learn what you like and do it at home for you. You might even agree to have an open marriage with full disclosure before and after brief affairs. If she says no way to these suggestions, ask her if she would consider finding another couple like yourselves to play with. There are good websites just for that purpose for couples of all types and ages. She might agree. If she does and you end up playing with other couples, that's a whole lot better than being caught cheating.

If she won't agree to anything, she'll be very mad with you for a while for asking, but then she might start paying more attention to your sexual needs. Try not to keep things secret from her. It's a work in progress for me.

Hey, take it easy on poor @sniff. He's rationalizing a bit.

Indeed.

For those of us without sin, I've got a huge pile of stones just laying around. You're all free to come help yourselves.

My modest thoughts are that @sniff is not only being quite frank about his experiences, but that somehow it's sometimes pretty close to what many of us want and wish for, but perhaps maybe haven't done yet.

Hey, take it easy on poor @sniff. He's rationalizing a bit.

He's also deceiving his wife about his sexual behaviour.