Should you risk your relationship for your enemas?

I feel so lucky. Two of my three husbands knew about my love of enemas, they happily participated. #1 was a giver as well as a receiver. #3 was a receiver. No risk involved...

I posted this elsewhere, bit it seems appropriate here...

I had to break off with a partner, we were having consensual sex (and enemas). I was enjoying it, because she had initiated the relationship (always a male fantasy), or to put it another way, when you are 68 and a 39 year old woman is really "hot for you" you still don't have enough blood for both the brain and the penis.

I had to end the relationship because of her drug and alcohol use, something I was unaware of going in. When I broke it off with her she filed 1st degree rape charges!

Due to her history, and the realization nothing that wasn't consensual happened, the charges were "unfounded" but it has made me very cautious of ever having another relationship. And now the "system" knows about my proclivity for enemas.... when you're a business owner and involved in local government this is NOT a good thing.

Will I ever get my trust in people back?

In years past, nothing bad had ever come from my enjoyment of enemas, even producing enema videos. Perhaps I was too honest, and I have to say one partner warned me that someone might use my openness against me.

Healthymale wrote:

......but things have changed. After 25+ years of marriage, she's decided that she's not at all into enemas, and simply refuses to engage in any kind of enema play.

I don't know how many times I have heard this! We are not alone!

I was upfront and honest and for the first 5 years we had great enema play and she had orgasms associated with enemas that were incredible. Then one day she said no more enemas, no more anal, a few years later, no more intercourse.

She told me I got so "out-of-control" I "should have been gay." But what I could never understand was her assortment of toys that she would only play with solo.

I'm still wondering what I did wrong, maybe I was too "over-the-top."

When she said no, I said to hell with fidelity...

And now, when I even hint that I'd enjoy some enema play, I get the standard answer: "You're never happy". Well, she's got that right. I'm not happy that 28 years ago she said that she was fine with me enjoying enemas, and then, a few years later the answer is "Sorry, I'm just not into enemas". Damn right, it's frustrating. I thought I crossed this hurdle before the marriage, but obviously I didn't. And yes, it does lead to thoughts of infidelity, although I haven't done it.....yet.

OTOH, I've told every woman I've had a relationship with about my proclivity for enemas, and almost every one has at least tried it... If they didn't they didn't run away screaming either...

Perhaps honesty is the best policy, but what I don't get, they try it, say they like it, marry you, and then everything comes off the table after a few years!

Bitter? Yes, a little bit.

I'd really like to hear from a woman a justification for this kind of "Bait & Switch."

Should you risk your relationship for your enemas?.... I would if she made me choose. Plain and simple.

A friend -- classical musician -- married a woman who claimed to be a huge fan of classical music. After "the bloom was off the rose," it turns out she was big on "easy listening." So -- if our partner claims to be big on enemas in the early stages of the relationship, don't be too stunned if she loses all interest and in some cases considers you "weird." Happens all the time. (in my case, she detested anything anal from day 1. At least she saved me the disappointment). "Women use sex to get love; men use love to get sex." Some are lucky to find a life-long enema partner -- leaving the rest of us wondering "where did I go wrong?"

I lost my wife of 35 years in 2005. On her death-bed she told me that "....I didn't do well by myself...I was still a good looking man and there was 'someone' out there...but be careful. Find someone nice, someone like Catherine...'

So I started seeing Catherine, a Veterinary Nurse. At one point in our togetherness I asked her how she felt about enemas. She said that she had given a lot of them to animals but none to humans, but that it really wasn't rocket science.

T'was the start of a beautiful relationship and marriage. --three years now and I get 'em every other day....usually at her insistence. She isn't much for receiving butt I have managed to give her a couple. Oh well, WTFO!

the boxcar

This is the unfortunate part of male-female relationships. They say a woman marries a man hoping that he will change, but he doesn't. Conversely, a man marries a woman hoping she won't change, but she does. Bummer, eh?

When I read all the entries in this thread, there is a common trait: In by far the majority of cases where problems arise it's the woman who pulls away or suddenly feels differently about enemas or anal kinks or whatever. Men are generally simple, predictable creatures. There are exceptions, of course, with both sexes. But they are exceptions, not the rule.

Best is not to shack up together or get married. That's when the romance and kinky fun quickly turn to resentment and frustration for most couples, because the man wants the woman he thought he had, and the woman wants the man she thought she'd get. This may sound a bit pessimistic, but that's according to Murphy's Law, and he's usually right on the money.

Flburst58,

Sounds like sound advice to me lol... I still got married though and she doesn't make me choose. I think she knows that if she did I'd change but only to please her and when either guy or girl do that, it's the end of the relationship. Marriage as well as relationships are not just about finding your soul mate etc.. It's about deciding whether or not you can live with each others quirks and accepting them.

Can enemas be included in the prenuptial agreement?

I'm kidding of course, but I guess it still bothers me that you "come clean" about yourself (pun fully intended), and so does she....

She's allowed to change, but you're not!

Another female trait that drives me nuts, she can and will throw every mistake I have ever made in my face... but don't you dare do that to her!

A bad joke from the old MasterCard commercial.... Cover charge - $20, Drinks - $30, Table dances - $100, Taking the dancer home - $300, Sending her home and not having to listen to her bitch - PRICELESS.

One of the happiest guys I know never married, has several pay for play friends, and does what he wants when he wants.

I've probably pissed off a number of women here, but having been lied to about a very important part of the relationship I think I (we) have some justification.

So how did this all work for me, yes, I'm still married after 35 years, and she is my best friend. It came down to, she looks the other way, doesn't want to know about it, and as part of the agreement I never get to touch her again... which is no big deal, as we had stopped having intimacy after 15 years of marriage, her libido had dropped to 0. No enemas after 5 years, no sex after 15.

What makes her/us OK with this, we own everything jointly, and if I even consider divorce she promises to take EVERYTHING. She still wants me around, and that's good..., she's still my best friend and she is one of the most amazing women I have even met... How many guys here have a wife that maintains their airplane and helicopter, can change out a power assembly in an EMD 567 diesel locomotive engine, rebuild air brakes, run every machine tool in the shop, weld, and owns her own steam locomotive? Did I mention gourmet cook?

I much rather have a warm and loving (and kinky) relationship at home, but I'm not dead... yet.

I have to be honest.

The legal system sucks and the women get the spoils of war by more than a 10 to 1 margin.

Men DON'T get an even break.

Very depressing thread with tons of truth.

My wife told a couple about our sex life to get me to shut up she went to Vegas they had me over all there gear was in the GUEST bath we had a wonderful time, A word has never been said and we play when she is out of town.

I have a whole bunch to say on this topic but am not quite sure where or how to start it, so I will return to it at a later time when my head is a bit clearer. This is a very very interesting thread though and one I wish more people would take a long hard look at.

Mashie

Well I have become a little cynical about woman who want to get married. I know you can't generalize from a specific example, so here is my not so uncommon story. I was in my mid 20's, had been dating my future wife 2 years and the "m" word started cropping up in conversations. So I figured it was time to be completely honest and talk about an idiosyncratic behavior that I enjoyed ... enemas ... giving and getting. I explained how it all began and how I got hooked. She said her childhood experiences where the exact opposite and she hated them. She said she would be willing to give to me if that is what I wanted. I "think you nuts" for liking this, but.... So during the next year of our engagement and the first year of marriage I got enemas whenever I wanted. I didn't over do it. I asked about once a month, I would have liked once a week. She even tried twice, receiving, while we engaged. Never once, once we were married. We even had a standard "bet" if she was correct, she got a 20 minute back rub. If I was correct, she gave me an enema. I payed my debt, she got every back rub. I stopped counting when she owed me 40 enemas.

We had a child in our 5 year of marriage and intimacy dramatically declined, by the time he turned 10 it was non existent. We had long talks, she saw doctors, but refused to take the medicine she was prescribed. Divorce was not even considered on my part and definitely not on hers. I believe a child is better off with two parents. Aside form the lack of intimacy, my wife is a grand person, a fantastic mother and a gourmet cook and we share basically the same values.

What did I do ... I have relationships outside the marriage that include enema play. At first I went to pay for play enema nurses. I figure that was the "safest". least chance of conflict. Some were good, most were fair. It lacked intimacy (and I am not talking sex) for the most part. Then the internet came into being and I found AOL chat rooms were a "goldmine" of like minded ladies who craved enemas and their husbands weren't interested. I was always upfront about my marital status, in fact, being married was a plus. They didn't want to leave their husbands, they just wanted to have fun.

Fast forward to today. I am still married, 39 years this fall. My wife has no clue about my liaisons. There are 3 ladies I see on a regular basis. They have all met each other, never all 3 at the same time. Angelina and I have been together for 18 years, Ava has been in the picture for 6 years and Angie has been part of what she calls, "The A Team", for 2 years. I normally have 2 meetings a week with the members of the "A Team". Is it an "ideal" solution?, I don't know. But it works well for us.

When I read your story FunnStrict, I felt as though I were reading my own.....a virtual mirror of it.....with the except of the solution. Believe me, I've seriously considered looking elsewhere for suitable and acceptable females with whom to share my enema fantasies, but my problem is time. I keep a somewhat regular schedule with my extracurrricular activities, and the wife is quite aware of where I am, and whom I'm with. For me to satisy my needs as you have, I would have to be gone more than I currently am, or start lying about about whom I was with, and places I've been. At this point, I have not chosen to do either......so I just stay frustrated and do my enemas solo when I have the opportunity. Whatever works, I guess. My big mistake was not paying attention to something I recognized early on in our relationship, and that was....she was more "vanilla" than I wanted.....although she successfully convinced me (verbally) otherwise. I suspect that many many relationships are much the same....from either side.

I felt after finding and joining in on sites like this that it was time I told my wife about my lifelong use of enemas. I kinda knew she would not join me and like taking them but I thought she should at least know that I did like them. I was right shes not into them at all, but now she knows I am and she knows ill never sop enjoying them. She doesn't however know that ive come into sites like zity and chatted with other people who enjoy taking and giving enemas. We do both enjoy anal play butt she knowhere as much as I do. Im still glad I told her thou and now she knows to. She probably wouldn't understand my need to chat in here like I do.

I have been single for a long time. Would I ever marry again? Yes, but not to someone that is not a part of the E-fetish community already. If it turns out that I don't find someone that wants permanence in a relationship, well, I am fine with my own company so I don't have to settle on someone that is lukewarm about enemas/anal play.

After having an awful marriage for many years I have learned that a true marriage of heart and mind is a treasure not to be taken for granted. There are three simple rules for lifetime partners: 1. Respect - never quit working on seeing the good traits that your partner has. 2. Grow together, not apart - include each other in your desires and dreams for your future as well as fantasies in the bed. 3. Communicate, communicate, communicate! This is the person that you are giving yourself to. If your going to share your body, share your words!

The point is, you shouldn't have to give up anything to be who you are.

Following on my earlier post on 06/06/13 and the deluge of contributions since, this confirms what I have always maintained: Men are simpler beings, and are easier to please. We don't change our minds mindlessly all the time (no pun) as to our preferences or dislikes, and we're generally loyal like dogs. We only need an ILLUSION of love from our partner to accept it and return it with interest. My wish is also not to piss off women here, but when I read the contributions from FunnStrict, DrStrangeLove, Lincster45, Susie et al, as well as my own personal experience (after 30+ years of marriage) and the experience of just about every friend I have, there is a very inconvenient truth emerging here. I need not spell it out.

I have always asked myself WHY this is so. Because nothing happens without a reason. A relentless study on my part of this challenging topic over decades has finally given me answers that make sense (or at least so I think). I think the fact that homo sapiens is not biologically a monogamous species, is the beginning and end of it. Our social evolution pushed us into monogamy, but like all the primates (ape species) as well as the higher intelligence mammals (like dolphins and whales), our biological evolution is non-monogamous. We are programmed to break up. This fact is not scientifically disputed today, but somehow all the self-appointed relationship "experts" like Oprah and her cronies choose to ignore it and blame the man for all the shit in the world. And yet, their relationship advice has not made the slightest dent in the breakup/divorce rate.

You want proof? In the US, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 80% of all couples living together, break up within 5 to 7 years of the relationship. And a recent study showed that of those marriages and long-term relationships that do not break up, more than 80% are unhappy, with the reason for not breaking up being things like kids, friends, family or finances. These figures show us that we're dealing with a fuck-up of monumental proportions, and getting married is a serious risk.

And now for the most interesting part. I said we are programmed to break up. But this programming features much stronger in the female than in the male. We men are delusional if we think we are the stronger sex. The female is. In their under-the-surface animal programming, females instinctively seek out the best genetic material for her offspring. That's why they go for strong men - the football players, etc. Once she snared the guy, had a kid or two, she automatically starts pushing him away. She utilizes a plethora of methods - constant criticism and nagging being the most successful over the long term. Oh, yes, and I almost forgot - much, much less sex and most definitely nothing kinky any more, asshole!

I reiterate - of course there are exceptions. Not all men are angels, and not all women will give in to their biological programming. But you can see from the above stats what the odds are. Not good. I can carry on with this ad nauseum - but this post is already too long as it is. I hope this insight contributes to something.

To quote a favorite author, "generalities are always wrong". There are quite of few of them being bandied about here. Some sour grapes and hurt feelings, and that's a shame.

I wish the topic of enemas were the only challenge a married couple faces. My wife and I have been married 36 years, and over that time, we've faced a few. But we're together, and our relationship is strong. We're actually more playful and unfettered than we've ever been. Some lessons in life are hard, but if you seek to actually learn from them rather than defending your pride, even at a late date, you can be a better person and a better partner.

The original question is whether we should "risk" a relationship by revealing our interest in enemas. I know that for the majority of us here, enemas are a significant component of our lives. I fear there would be more risk in trying to conceal something of such major importance to us. Of those I've talked to personally who have tried to do that, conceal their fetish, it hasn't worked out well. It's nearly impossible to hide, and I have to think that trying to do so will only cause you frustration and resentment; our partner doesn't like our hiding aspects of our persona, that's natural. Relationships are all about trust.

I do think that the way we approach it with our partner is crucial. If you present the concept with an air of shame and embarrassment, that vibe is likely to transfer and be obvious. Our sex lives are seldom more playful than when in the throes of new love, we're learning about one another, and, it's very possible your new partner has never formed an opinion on the subject of enemas. It's not a commonly discussed topic. That was the case with my bride-to-be, she was open to it (at least in part) because she'd never tried it, never heard of it being a kind of sexual play, and hadn't had any bad experiences as a child with an uncomfortable enema, etc. In fact, she couldn't remember ever having been given an enema.

I've said this elsewhere in this forum, but it's up to you to make the introduction as pleasurable as possible. If you are wanting your partner to try receiving, don't expect the sensation of the enema to arouse them as it does you. They should be in a very high state of arousal through foreplay and even intercourse before you slide the nozzle in. My wife recounts that I "had her cumming so hard I could have hit her over the head with my shoe and she would have enjoyed it". So, you get the point. Make the enema an addendum to lots of great sensations.

If you'd like to be administered to, unless something is amiss, you partner is most gratified by pleasing you. Help them to understand what it is that you enjoy about the experience, make the first time as easy for them as possible, and be vocal about your pleasure. They'll probably feel awkward with it at first, guide them gently, give them encouragement, and make them feel like they're naturals, you've never had such an incredible experience as they provided. Then demonstrate that by pleasing them in all the ways you know they like to be pleased. Reinforce every positive aspect of the experience you can identify. We're all encouraged by success and praise.

There are so many variables that are to do with our individual makeup. Is your partner sexually adventuresome, or inhibited? I've had sex partners in my life who were thrilled at the idea of a new form of erotic experience they'd never tried, and I've had partners who thought they were really hanging it out there by giving oral. Certainly being anal-erotic is a huge plus, but even if they're not, a properly administered enema can be a very gentle source of stimulation. Is your partner bathroom-shy? We're taught to be very private in that regard, and women, especially, seek privacy. They, after all, actually have doors on the stalls in their restrooms, LOL. Men are used to peeing in a trough, unfortunately. Do your best to allow your partner to maintain their dignity, not be embarrassed. "Normalize" the experience as much as possible, try to anticipate your partner's comfort level and cater to it.

In regard to the men in this thread who complain that over the years their wives began to demure from enemas and moreover, their sex lives have diminished, two thoughts. One, I've found that most of the tribulations in my long marriage were caused by me, or, at least, poor communication on my part. Look inward. We men tend to see sex as an activity unto itself, unrelated to all of the other interactions we have with our partner. It's just the opposite for women, commonly. How you relate to one another, their perception of your feelings for them and how you make them feel about themselves has everything to do with their sexual relationship with you. Secondly, remember that our hormonal and general health changes/declines as we age. Could that be at the center of the problem?

The thought I'd leave you with is that deception is a relationship-killer. Be honest. But have some smart about you... make a good case for it, don't blurt it out like some kind of confession, make it as appealing as you can conjure. Good luck...

When dating I tested the water by broaching the subject in a non-sexual way. If I got a uch! I moved on. Been married now for 26 years of enema bliss.

My first wife thought it was gross, discusting! How could anyone be turned on by it. I was young and dumb. I just knew that I was terribly turned on by it. She actually had me believing there was something wrong with me. After we parted company I sought out a sex councilor to find out if there was "something wrong with me". Turns out I'm pretty normal and many, MANY men are turned on by anal stimulation of various sorts. The problem being that many are homophobic and afriad to admit it! That being said, as I entered the dating scene again and a prospective potential partner and I would be discussing our sexual interests I was gentile but let it be known that I enjoyed having my backside played with. Some said GROSS! other said cool! So do I! Come to find out that many women enjoy having their anus stimulated while having oral sex performed on them. Then I would say "of course it needs to be clean, nothing spoils the moment more than having a dirty playground." That seemed to open the door for some conversation usually leading to a discussion of enema's or anal douching as a prelude to anal sex. Living alone there was more than one occasion I left the syringe on the bathroom vanity, or the bag hanging on the shower rod. I never said a word about it unless my friend brought up the subject. I tried to play it cool. "Oh, I've been having a little problem and needed some help and I don't like laxatives. A few times I was asked if I was still having problems and wanted some help. "Well, I guess...... that is, if you don't mind....... I mean it is kind of difficult to do alone" In other words, be kind of "cool" about it and just don't blurt out, "I'm into enema's and really get off on it!"

1. I still think about enemas nearly every day.

2. I very rarely think about my ex-wife.

3. "Do the math."

Absolutely! Nothing could ever replace my love and desire for enemas, regardless of whatever else a partnership entailed. Hence, it would be essential for enemas to be shared and enjoyed mutually. Any serious contender as a partner knows that up front!

When I was dating my wife to be, now almost 30 years, after to spending the night at her place, I looked in her bathroom cabinet under the sink. There was a douche bag with the enema tip attached and it was wet from recent use. Nuff said other than she is the joy of my life!

Not at the cost of relationship. But if this was know at the begining, there should be some accommodation! Most relationships have been to come to one sided And self centered. This kind of stuff could break a relationship up!

I never had a problem being up front with it. It seemed to create interest in my partner and many were just willing.

A relationship is very much at risk if you are not honest or open about your interest/experience/relationship not only with enemas, but any other part of your life that is either important to you, or of which you have concern. Anything else but such honesty will inevitably lead to future incompatabllity.

gdru

My wife is not into the enema scene but she gave me a few years ago but now I am solo. She doesn't mind when I'm going to do them and she is OK with it. I'm the type of person that can't hide what I like and that way I feel free to have some fun without feeling guilty.