Cheating on your spouse

Hey, take it easy on poor @sniff. He's rationalizing a bit. I've been guilty of that too. My wife knows that I stare at lovely young things. We have a watch but don't touch agreement. I'm able to channel my lust into hot sex when we get back home. We even watch porn together sometimes as foreplay for ourselves. . . . .

My husband and I do that too. There are some good looking men I visually rape as my husband and I walk down the street and there is an occasional woman I stare at approvingly, but my husband and I both know we flirt a lot and he often teases me about how he likes women (girls) "old enough to have a great body and young enough to be jailbait." I know he doesn't act on it. By the time he comes home at night, he's ready for an evening having dinner with me followed by a few hours in his music room. I always know where he is because there isn't anything else he wants to do before coming to bed and making feel like a woman. When he have an S&M party [it's not a big bash, just a few couples], we each have certain boundaries and we respect them even when we aren't in the same room. We just know we each respect each other's boundaries.

I asked my partner exactly this question and she said it's OK because it's just part of a transaction and not a commitment. That's one way to see it and I am grateful it is so seen.

Awwww poor sniff.

If you want to cheat on your wife it is not my business,that is not why i said i thought you are creepy,

It seems to have been deleted now but in one statement you said you were not a peodo,but stated that you like budding breast young girls,

That sounded rather creepy,also it is best to not bring God into it here , there are plenty of theological forums on other sites for this

IMHO.

Peace,

Caz,

Awwww poor sniff.

If you want to cheat on your wife it is not my business,that is not why i said i thought you are creepy,

It seems to have been deleted now but in one statement you said you were not a peodo,but stated that you like budding breast young girls,

That sounded rather creepy,also it is best to not bring God into it here , there are plenty of theological forums on other sites for this

IMHO.

Peace,

Caz,

As you stated earlier

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=898942

Posts mentioning god rarely have a "happy ending".

@Caz, I'm going to keep you on my personal "pun" watch list. 😁 😁 😁

He's also deceiving his wife about his sexual behaviour.

True enough, but also only relevant should she find out. And since what he is talking about is more in the nature of a financial transaction, there is little chance she will find out. And if she never finds out, it will matter very little unless many of us end up very much surprised in some sort of Afterlife after all.

You could ask a zen-like question: can a person be deceived if they don't know about it?

You could ask a zen-like question: can a person be deceived if they don't know about it?

Yes, if person A is economical with the truth in order to mislead person B.

@caz & @SwitchableSusie & all who contributed in this discussion

I thought about it, is cheating no doubt unless spouse agrees to it. I joined recently and I wrote in my profile that I wish to meet someone to play with , well I just changed it because honestly it is cheating .

Yes I do have fantasies I like to fulfill but not by cheating. I do love my wife and I thought how would I feel about it if she secretly did similar things. So I decided that I have to keep trying with her and be frank with what I like to explore and try only with her. I just need to know how I am going to break the news after all these years . I think it is about time especially our youngest leaving home soon, heading overseas .

Well , I will keep trying .

can a person be deceived if they don't know about it?

Absolutely you can deceive someone if they don't know about it. That's how deceit works!

It is just as deceitful to withhold information on something you know they won't approve of as it is to tell a flat out lie.

If they know about it in advance they probably won't like it; but if they already know, how are you deceiving them? You're probably just going to make them upset or angry if they know in advance.

It is just as deceitful to withhold information on something you know they won't approve of as it is to tell a flat out lie.

I would not want to have to have gone to confession with you as a confessor ... I'd still be doing penance after all these years ... ha ha ha.

I'm also pretty sure you'd never have been hired as an intelligence officer, nor make a very good spy. 😈

Sin, Schmin. I once listened to a lecture from a rabbi which included a discussion of sin. According to the rabbi, the ancient, original Hebrew word for sin was an archery term that simply meant "missing the mark," which seems a lot less serious than the use of the term in Christianity. The concept of sin is just a means of psychological bullying, of instilling guilt, originally to keep us in line profit the church. Not being honest is another thing, but life is complex and having a mate that meets all needs is pretty difficult How much will we sacrifice to satisfy needs we have or to conform to the demands of a mate that will not meet those needs? And is satisfying those needs alone so awful? "Sinful?" By whose criteria?

I don't think of it as a matter of sin or think about it in any sort of religious term.

It is simply a matter of if you are a horrible person or not. If you have someone who you have made a commitment to and who loves you and you are willing to betray them for simple pleasures you are a horrible person and don't deserve there love or trust. No excuses for infidelity ever !

you are willing to betray them for simple pleasures you are a horrible person and don't deserve there love or trust. No excuses for infidelity ever !

Who said that sex is a simple pleasure? It is only simple in the sense that people don't need anything in the way of contraptions, accessories or tools to engage in. It is simple in the same way as it is natural.

I would say that at times it seems like sex is a very complex and overriding need, a basic drive that goes far beyond being a simple pleasure.

My definition of 'betraying' someone for a simple pleasure would for instance be eating stuff you are not supposed to because of a diet or what someone else considers to be unhealthy, or reading a book your spouse doesn't approve of, stuff like that are simple pleasures that when engaged in, are really no big deal (unless your spouse has a bit of a too domineering/controlling personality).

Sin, Schmin. I once listened to a lecture from a rabbi which included a discussion of sin. According to the rabbi, the ancient, original Hebrew word for sin was an archery term that simply meant "missing the mark," which seems a lot less serious than the use of the term in Christianity. The concept of sin is just a means of psychological bullying, of instilling guilt, originally to keep us in line profit the church. Not being honest is another thing, but life is complex and having a mate that meets all needs is pretty difficult How much will we sacrifice to satisfy needs we have or to conform to the demands of a mate that will not meet those needs? And is satisfying those needs alone so awful? "Sinful?" By whose criteria?

I have to agree with all of that. Much of the stuff we espouse in Christianity as bad was invented by the church in the middle ages or by the people who edited the Bible back then. The concept of Hell would qualify as one of them in my opinion.

@agracier, using a computer qualifies in my wife's mind since she doesn't know how. It is always unforgiven when ever I do it unless she has told her friend we (meaning I) can Google it for them.

This is not the first nor the last member to try and get away with justifing a cheat as being okay. Whether they are religious or not. Cheating is cheating. It's just a matter of if you are ready for the consequences of being found out about your cheating.

If you are thinking of cheating be prepared for the day you are found out. Then if you can handle the aftermath go ahead. But keep wondering when your partner will find out and you risk loosing so much more or everything.

Divorce is one of the quickest ways of destroying equity.

Cheating on your spouse isn't uncommon - google it.

Infidelity Statistics

In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating.

22% of men say that they've cheated on their significant other.

14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.

36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker.

Only thing missing is a correlation between cheating and divorce.

OTOH, about 50% of marriages end in divorce, so the cheating ratio is not too far off to draw a correlation (which is NOT the same as a cause-effect relationship!).

Just saw a thread on whether or not your SO knows if you are on this site. Most said they don't tell their SO. A question popped into my little brain - Are there different levels of cheating?? Is my participation on Zity a form of cheating or betraying (much lower level than having an affair). Perhaps different people have the bar set at different levels or have different definitions of what constitutes cheating. Any other thoughts??

Just saw a thread on whether or not your SO knows if you are on this site. Most said they don't tell their SO. A question popped into my little brain - Are there different levels of cheating??. . . .

Are there different levels of being pregnant?

Ask your spouse if they think your activity is cheating then you'll know.

What THEY think is all that matters if you want them to be happy.

Ask your spouse if they think your activity is cheating then you'll know.

That's the issue - by being on this site I'm doing something of a sexual nature behind my wife's back and I don't want her to know about it. She would probably be hurt if she knew I was having conversations about sex with total strangers. I'm not "cheating" in the purest sense - just being an asshole.

It sounds like you need your own little cheap computer for this.

Make sure you password protect it.

Something like-- KjglLggKKH%&OH%#%TujUOJK8kmHTRbblK)097jkde629ggsj --should be a good password.

KjglLggKKH%&OH%#%TujUOJK8kmHTRbblK)097jkde629ggsj

Committed to memory!

But now the evil Susie has it.

But now the evil Susie has it.

That's OK because I don't know his user name or have access to his computer.

He could always change 30 or 40 of the digits.

I simply swapped two of the characters.

Simply put, if you are married and have consensual sex of any kind with anyone other than your spouse, you have cheated. How a person, or their spouse, deals with it is another matter. My wife and I agreed from day 1, cheating by either of us was 100% unacceptable and divorce was the only resolution. 34 years later we both still feel the same way. Yeah, we're just kind of old fashioned in that regard.

Simply put, if you are married and have consensual sex of any kind with anyone other than your spouse, you have cheated.

Not true of you have an open relationship.

You may have committed adultery (who cares?) but not necessarily cheated.

Ask your spouse if they think your activity is cheating then you'll know. What THEY think is all that matters if you want them to be happy.

Then ask your spouse to tell you what THEY have been doing to scratch their own sexual itches? What Internet sites have they been visiting? What random strangers have they been chatting with? What erotic stories have they been reading? What porn have they been watching?

It goes both ways. Chances are very good that if you're on a site like this, your spouse may be doing the same thing.

Cheating is not just a matter of cheating on the person to whom you have made a commitment but also yourself. very simply you have to be able to look in the mirror and like,love and respect the person you see