Missoopsey's diaper training.

4 21 14 Mon 32

Bladder Training- Yes

Potty- No

Diapers- 745am, 12pm, 530pm

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6am- I woke up and yay the bed didn't need changing; but I did! took bath, leaked when I hit the water, that feeling is so peculiar

730am- Finished the application for my interview tomorrow and got a few emails returned with my Bladder therapy Recordings on.

745am- Put on a fresh diaper after mind calming, and felt myself drifting again

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11am- woke up again my recordings telling me it was ok that I woke up wet.

12pm- daddy said it was time for a fresh diaper, little girls don't sit in bed in their wet diapers. I grumbled but he was right, I changed obediantly.

2pm- I went about my day in a short skirt as daddy told me I should get used to. I felt my bladder overwhelm and release it's pressure, I never had to worry about leaking while I was standing up cleaning in a fresh diaper. That feeling alone makes me feel really little. I feel a lack of control that creeps up on me.

530pm- I needed a change, I had been staying hydrated and talking to MrSir seriously about stuff. I know I'll be dependent on diapers for a while if I keep going this way even if I stay off and on training, I know I'll slip right back into the routine, the muscle to keep myself from wetting myself is weak and, is staying weak for longer period of times

930pm- MrSir checked in again, I'm so glad to be talking to him. I'm happy he's supportive of me going 24-7 it's been a really positive part of my life and progress

10pm- Sitting cross legged at my computer my bladder is tingling since I've kept it completely relaxed for a while. As the urge to go comes I dribble, it doesn't fill up more than about 5-8 ounces at a time. as usual.

12am- cleaned room up changed a lightbulb I'd left unlit for long enough to be annoying, almost time for bed

1230am- Making my bed- MrSir was so awesome this evening, he was one of the first people to really get me. It took a long time for me to trust him.He treated me like a human and connected with me on things OUTSIDE fetish.

4 22 14 Tues 33

Bladder Training- yes

Potty- no

Diapers- 1am, 9am, 3pm

1am- fresh diaper a plastic abena, I drank a few cups of water and turned my recordings on. I've kept them on every night it's so normal I forget to put it on my journal.

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8am- woke up, showered got dressed and looking pretty,

9am- fresh diaper and Left nice and early with some coffee and a nice breakfast.

945- Arrived 20 minutes early for my interview. Long boring... seems like a scam..... But I met some people I networked with.

11am- finished my interview heading to my friend Z's

1pm- got to Z's

we grabbed some lunch at a hot dog shack

145pm- MrZ took me to a sex shop so he could pick out something for an ex girlfriend. Lol I still wonder about that, my only input don't buy your ex a collar it has hidden meaning.

2pm- We drove back to his place and chatted. He teased me a little here and there about my dips and we talked music.

230pm- playing video games, he set up Viva pinata for me and we watched videos, he got in a diaper

3pm- Changed in the bathroom, I'm still embarrassed even though he knows

4pm- MrZ said he was going to hit the bathroom before walking me out which made me think of my bladder.... I couldn't control it. I browsed movies as he walked away hoping he couldn't hear it. I know he's a DL but I still get very blushy about that kind of thing

7pm- Talked to the guy from the interview and he gave me some good information, he looked it up too it was a scam.

10pm- My friends were talking to me about starting up our webchat again.

Good luck on the training 😄 I am happy to be diaper dependent... It is now in my medical record that I am incontinent. Glad to have achieved my goal and hope that you do too 😄

4 23 14 WED 34

(Note: This entry was lost due to technical difficulties 6/20/14)

Fiber- 2 doses 145

Bladder therapy- yes

potty- no

diapers- 4am, 1pm, 7pm

1am- Daddy Checked in on me, and wanted to spend some time with me so he turned on cartoons. I was getting very sleepy, and feeling very little, but I enjoyed spending time with him and chatting. I try not to be a needy little and monopolize his time.

145am- MrLars checked in and asked me about my fiber intake, we had a conversation about it and I ended up taking 2 doses of Metamucil. Daddy thought it was a god idea and that I should be a good girl.

3am- Daddy was so playful it made me feel little, he doted on me and I felt adorable squirming around my blankets hiding my face. I was very tired but I did my best to stay awake for him, we chatted about some girl he ws talking to that was way too eager, he was worried she wouldn't listen to his request to not send him any nude pictures, I giggled, knowing how serious he was.

330am- I was getting even more tired and daddy even more playful, I could see his eyes getting hungry, I rolled around acting little finding it only made the situation worse, he asked me if I would play with him a little before I went to bed, I was shy but he treated me like a princess, one item at a time he instructed me to strip for him, his eyes taking in my body making me feel warm, I tried to hide myself but his words soothed my delicate psyche

4am- Daddy had be put on a fresh diaper and we talked til I fell asleep.

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12pm- Woke up and curled up in bed watching cartoons

1230pm- Daddy checked in, and said I shouldn't lounge around in a wet diaper after bed and made me change. He told me how hard it was to let me go to sleep last night I blushed knowing what he meant

1pm- He told me the girl he'd been talking to on what ever dating site over stepped his boundary and that didn't please him, he told her no nudes please, and she sent him a picture of her tits, he had explained to me a long time ago he isn't attracted to random nudity, he is very sapiosexual he has to be attracted to the parson for it to mean anything.

115pm- that's about the time he turned his attention on me, knowing I went to bed very turned on, still naked he asked me to sit up for him, he had me lay back and instructed me to play with myself, his soothing words allowing me to melt, then he just watched, I let myself go, enjoying his pretense, I came after a while appreciating his patience and how he let me enjoy myself

2pm- I worked myself up and daddy let me cum. I couldn't even talk afterward. Relaxing and talking to daddy he sent me off to take a bath and said to text him a picture of what I planned to wear before putting it on.

230pm- All clean and setting out my outfit 😃 Daddy says no pants... only a skirt but I get to wear big girl panties over my diaper!

4pm- Blanket came over, I didn't wanna go to the hookah bar because of my sore voice, I didn't wanna go to a rave or a party, so we went to the Mall and got him some nail polish and some hair bows. Then shopped for pajamas for a while

645pm- we got back he was talking about us being play partners and how he was my little, he looked like he slipped so I asked him about that, he tried to hide behind his cigarette, "my little huh" he was bright red while we negotiated, walking slowly up the street to my house

7pm- Fresh diaper, we played dress up. I see him take in his new look, he loves the way I talk to him and manipulate him during our play sessions, "liking to be forced" to do something is a very delicate wish, you have to cross each line carefully watching for triggers, or emotional signs. I don't know how I seem to know this person so well.

945pm- Blankie had told me he likes to be dressed, it makes him feel little to have someone else do that for him, so this particular day, I undressed him from his girly cloths and swatted his hand when he want to pick up his pants I brought them down for him to step in then slinked them up his body, watching his face turn deeper red the higher they went. Miss how do you do this to me, his shoulders sank in as he folded into my arms I petted him gently ending our session with a soft hug. I walked him out and we exchanged kisses on the cheek.

10pm- I came up and talked to a few friends, we slipped off to a Webchat I started to cam safely, people come from different websites and back grounds and all have the same thing to say..... people are so mean. This place.... is different. There is zero tolerance for bullying (either over looks, Kink, or preference). Some people just need socialization, they are very stuck in the "erotic" part of the kink. My room tends to be people of the life style, diapers are just a thing we all have in common and we use our lives and similarities to build friendships. These are the people I drove over 7 hours to go see, and am planning another party to see soon Probably in July...

I've been extremely busy. But I'm still 24-7, it's been getting more intense since my control started slipping.

Glad to see you're still making progress! :-) Hope you had a good 4th of July!

4 24 14 thurs 35

Fiber- 1am

potty- no

diapers- 1am, 1145am, 630pm

1am- I finished up talking to my friends and put on a fresh diaper, took my medicine and turned on my recording before I fell asleep.

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1145am- woke up to recording. I can feel the metamucil working. I relaxed and it happened, I don't even attempt to fight it any more.

2pm- Spent my day working out, talking to daddy, he's very attentive to my needs when I wear 24-7.

5pm- Blankie left his Teddy. http://www.vidble.com/d7EhgB2ZHR_med.jpg

630pm- Daddy had me put on a fresh diaper before I could enjoy sitting down and watching tv. I watched a few shows with my roomie before I got a text that people were in my chatroom and wanted me to stop in.

8pm- All my friends are here, I notice everyone is more positive in this place.

4 25 14 fri 36

Bladder Training- yes

Potty- yes

Diapers- 1145am, 5pm, 1245am

1am-enjoying my friends in my webchat. I made the room for us to have a safe place to kink as we please and I'm really glad they keep coming back. These are the people i went on my field trip with up to san fran 😄 they really want to plan the next event.

2am- cleaning my room, got out of my diaper, I needed some time out of them. I listened to my friends go on about how well the party went.

5am- cleaning my room is going well. watching the departed, MrZ loaned it to me, it's a little boring but the other movies were good.

7am- put on ointment for my sore diaper area, I didn't wanna get a rash... went to bed with out a diaper airing out my bottom...

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11am- I woke up to a peculiar feeling.... That the heck.... I had to go.... so... I just went, why isn't it collecting in my...... I was mortified and I couldn't stop what had started.... I had been woken up by officially wetting the bed... and just as it happened my alarm went off. Really????

If my body had waited just a minute longer I'd have at least been conscious.

1115am- Cleaned up in the tub and sat at my computer to write down what had happened, I felt ashamed, but I texted daddy knowing it would be worse if I waited.

Daddy- "*hugs* it happens dear, but you need to be extra careful, You can't go to bed without protection - he reminded me

1130am- Talking to daddy. The tears started coming and my fingers got locked up my little side wouldn't let me communicate the things on my mind. I think she's scared of being incontinent, and things being real, and I think she's worried about being rejected in the future for it.

I started to calm down just from the release of endorphins alone, using my journal to facilitate complex thoughts that my little side can't communicate. turned on recordings, anti potty training, bladder therapy and bed wetting curse of course...

1145am- It was a lot to take in, I felt some emotions that I had kept from myself. I was scared to hear it but daddy had been so supportive he told me to get into a diaper. If I was having accidents It would be for the best if I was protected. My bladder felt numb and weak so I complied

bladder completely relaxed...

12pm- Watching Moon boy on hulu and cuddling in bed.

215pm- I cleaned my room including the deep cleaning. I washed the dishes that built up, Cleaned my fan and hung it up.

5pm- Blankie came over to watch me pack up for detention (an event from 9pm to 3am) I was scared to go alone but I was going to be brave. Blankie picked out my outfit (everyone loved it). I changed into a fresh diaper before leaving.

830pm- got down to the event made sure I knew where it was an went to the mall to relax. Hit Confirm on my attendance to detention and watched the people walk in and out of the food court

945pm- chatted with a few friends and enjoyed my headspace of feeling confident and sexy. Thinking about MrZ, for some reason he keeps popping into my mind. I know it's just a crush there is no way he'd be interested in me in any other capacity that getting his needs met, he's my kind of goofy handsome but that might wear off when I get over my crush for him.

1030pm- walked into the event

11pm- Everything seems tense, the married couple I know is fighting, the other age play couple I know is showing off. Then there is AuntieQ. She playfully offered up negotiation, I was intimidated but I stole myself away to think. I sat in the bathroom stall taking my mind to a calmer place and texting a few friends back.

1130pm- I came out after a while and auntieQ who I've known for over a year asked if everything was ok, I was plucky and lied answering everything was fine, my nervousness was nothing I couldn't handle. She took me aside for negotiation.

12am- AuntieQ Commandeered the detention room and the blond that I am was surprised as always that the scene I just negotiated was happening now. she took out all her tools letting me gawk at them and ask questions. She told me which ones were the most sinister. I assured her I was a light bottom and I wouldn't be able to take much. I set up my video camera and assumed the position.

http://www.vidble.com/ZFrjkqo15T_med.JPG

1230am- Going through her arsenal of toys she laughed torturing me and informing me I wasn't a light bottom at all. She enjoyed how reactive I was, moving and giggling, the human interaction was bliss for me. The way she worked was perfection.

http://i.imgur.com/r4g8jpv.jpg

1245am- She insisted I remain on the table and relax, I'm not used to being kept in one position, usually I flutter around, people don't hold me down, position me, do things for or too me... it's just not part of my normal.

She recommended I change into a fresh diaper before we leave.

4 26 14 sat 37

Potty- yes

Diapers- 420am, 2pm, 1230am

1am- AuntieQ took me aside after cleaning up the toys and the room and gave me aftercare cuddles, and got me cheezits, gummies, and a cookie. I even had blankies teddy bear. I made her laugh when I said the best part about kink events are all the hot chicks, they leave all the snacks alone.

145am- AuntieQ left early, I elected to stay feeling a lot more confident, I made a few friends and smoked a blunt with someone and stayed to watch the pegging and rope play.

420am- Just got home from detention. The ride home was interesting. MrZ was on my mind a lot.... I really need to stop thinking about him, he is giving me every signal he's not that into me. Passed out unceremoniously

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1245pm- I woke up feeling confused and sore wrapped up in only a comforter on my plastic sheet no pillows. I felt myself dribble into my already saturated diaper, every day I was waking up used to this feeling. I closed my eyes listening to my recording that I turned on the night before.

2pm- I smoked a bowl while watching cartoons, I had to pee... I felt like I was going to burst I let myself go... and dribbled... that was it?? I was having to go more often and getting used to not going that much, the bladder shrinkage could get very inconvenient at times but I tried to stay positive. I changed into a fresh diaper.

5pm- feeling a bit of event drop. I talked to daddy about my feelings and he was there for me all day.

7pm- Blankie came over, he's excited about Tuesday, I don't know why yet.

11pm- Blankie and I are in my webcam chat in the hottub, we got a bottle of Jack daniels and I'm a little drunk.

12am- Blankie verbally slipped while we were drying off... "well you are dating a big deal" I teased him about his phrasing "dating?" he blushed deeply about it.

1230am- Cuddling on the couch in our pajamas, I made blankie put on a diaper and his footie pajamas, he loves when he's made to do things.

4 27 14 sun 38

Potty- yes

Diapers- 130pm, 530pm

1am- checking in on my webcam chatroom blankie and I cuddled in the small square, our friends gushed about the next time they would see us in person.

230am- Blankie told me he wanted to tell me where he's taking me on tuesday. He told me to just press paste on my computer if I wanted to know. I thought about it for a moment seeing his excitement I realized I wanted to know.... I pressed the button...

245am- I almost fainted realizing over 3 months ago I was in a bad place and for a moment was envious over someone who was being taken on a trip and instead... I thought: someone will take ME to disney land.... someone will care about me.

545am- I took a bath and got in bed with no diaper....

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1212pm- woke up, had to pee almost let go completely but caught myself, I ran to the bathroom and stood in the tub while it happened. Tears welled up but I choked them back. I'd woken up from a nightmare. I realized I'd been having nightmares when I don't wear to bed.

130pm- Blankie picked me up and we're heading out to the Play party. I brought a time out chair just in case blankie acts up.

3pm- I dressed up blankie in a cute little dress, everyone asked where it came from it fit his figure perfectly.

4pm- That was the cutest thing when Blankie was trying to be a brat. Trying to find a way to act out, she took books out of my hands and put them on the floor. I happened to be sitting there setting up the color circle, so I wasn't bothered. She bit her lip and pouted. I wasn't even bothered. Then she started picking the stuff off the floor and putting it back in the box... I tried to keep up and playfully take them out but quickly the brattiness wore on my care taker side and I quietly stood up, slowly took her bear setting it down, taking her hands I puller her up and by the hand led her to the timeout chair.

5pm- I borrowed a wooden brush to give blankie a spanking. I took him over my lap and paddled him until he cried.

530pm- then the person I borrowed the brush from wanted a turn... with me... I was very bashful but I bent over and I let her go at me with every paddle she had. I got changed into a fresh diaper and rejoined blankie in the party.

830pm- Got home and carried my stuff in, I felt my bladder start feeling full and a second later I was flooding my diaper, I get less and less warning, I try to ignore the control slipping from my fingers.

1111pm- LilTrees my friend we had the birthday party for in San Fran wanted me to log onto the chat so I popped on to smoke a bowl

4 28 14 mon 39

potty- yes

diapers- 4am, 1pm

1am- Little trees and I talked for a while til it was time for me to put him to bed. He congratulated me on creating a place that felt like home.

345am- I went to bed with no diaper, exhausted. I can handle it...

4am- tried to sleep had a panic attack... put on a diaper..

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12pm- woke up wet, no nightmares, felt frustrated and trapped in diapers.

1pm- Finally getting out of bed changing into a fresh diaper,

445pm- Made spaghetti noodles in broth to lock in the flavor. Made a great dinner.

5pm- Tripping out.. Disney? Tomorrow?

6pm- downloading a Disney ride wait time app. and trivia to entertain my little blanket tomorrow. I got everything together that I might need.

8pm- blankie came over I tickled his back til he was a puddle.

10pm- sent blankie home with the plan to get together early.

1230am- Blankie left his phone and it took him a while to get a hold of me to see if it was at my house... I'm putting my foot down he gets swats for the things he forgets from now on... we'll teach him to remember.

1245am- Going to bed, trying at least.

4 29 14 tues 40

potty- yes

diapers- 630am, 12pm, 645pm http://www.vidble.com/rA8V063hT7_med.jpg

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630am- Woke up and took a bath before getting a fresh diaper on. I got the last of my preparations done.

740am- Blankie got here and now we're leaving my house.

845am- we're about half way there! I have my paci in on the road

http://www.vidble.com/0DhxSk1khL_med.png

1030am- getting booze from the liquer store and got some wraps for sustenance. Got a little turned around and lost, oh well.

http://www.vidble.com/3jqZWAV2kr_med.JPG

1045am- Frothing with excitement getting into the parking area we talked to the guy about our "anniversary" we got buttons for our special moments. Talking about getting season passes with blankie so we can go when ever we want.

11am- Getting tickets, I was excited so I started singing a song from sleeping beauty. The little girl in front of us told her mom i sounded like a princess, and her mom said maybe I was.

1111am- Hoping to have a good day 😃 in line for space mountain. Blankie is talking about going back to space, we always joke about how he's my little alien.

12pm- Diaper change time. I handed blankie a diaper and sent him into the boys and I want and changed in the girls bathroom. Then it was on to Mint Julips in New Orleans Square.

http://www.vidble.com/msOCV0u0R4_med.jpg

1215pm- we sat listening to the band and enjoying the lovely weather before getting in line for the Haunted Mansion. I Told blankie old stories from when I went to disney with my mom and brother. It felt amazing standing in the same place I'd shared space with my mom and being cuddled. I'd drempt many times that someone would show me affection at my favorite place.

1pm- we were a little bummed Indiana jones was closed so we went on Jungle Cruise. Enjoying the old corny jokes and the familiar scenery.

2pm- Heading to the car for some Toking, we moved the car closer I packed some vodka in my bag.

3pm- Space mountain again! Blankie brought back a little blue alien with us, I told him not to feed it.

http://www.vidble.com/yDU9K98kvE_med.png

330pm- Autotopia had a long line but I always remembered having so much fun that I'd piss myself laughing. We got bored in line so we broke up... then got back together lol.

http://www.vidble.com/SmielnKvlQ_med.JPG

4pm- We hopped on the train, I kissed Blankie's neck in the dark.

420pm- We got another round of Mint Juleps and headed for splash mountain. Blankie spots a guy with the SAME goonies shirt on. Amazing feeling so many people commented on his shirt and he had a TON of goonies knowledge so that was awesome while in line.

430pm- We splashed the Juleps with Vodka and blankie got trashed after chugging his nervously, the pirate ship went by the Hungry Bear Cafe and I waved remembering all my trips on that ship as a kid. I loved being a kid and small enough to fit into areas that meant to be interacted with. I sent a text to all my friends having told no one about my adventure.

445pm- We got in line for splash mountain It's a long line so I'm having fun domming Blankie and turning him red in front of strangers. The looks he gets when he's getting attention are satisfying to me.

515pm- Finally got on the ride! Blankie got in trouble for rocking the boat hehe. Looking at his face was amazing I love the sparkle in his eyes.

Got a fast pass to go on again later.

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630pm- Bengal grill, Blankie got us some skewers, chicken and beef; they were delicious, he is so nice to me, I don't know how to react other that to treat him like his desires cry out for. He started to pout at the grill and I got stern with him playing into his little side.

645pm- Diaper changes, I sent blankie with a diaper into the boys and told him you'd better use the wipes, I dont want to see any rashes later.

7pm- On to fantasyland! Mr toads wild ride, the line was short but the scenery was pleasant.

http://www.vidble.com/z9YaB7Y2dx_med.JPG

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715pm- we went on the teacups, I slipped and hurt my leg but it wasn't too bad. http://www.vidble.com/QS2Z3WzeMX_med.JPG

730pm- Star-tours, one of my favorites, blankie left his little blue alien on the ship! Oh well at least he'll find a nice human to go home with.

745pm- hopped on the train. I love the Dinosaur part of the train ride. My family brought a man who was mentally slow with us once and he rode the train all day and had a marvelous time.

8pm- I begged blankie to go on haunted mansion with me one more time since the line was nonexsistant and it's my favorite.

815pm- Splash mountain was next because we had out fast passes. After the ride I got excited and ran to the start of the line and blankie thought I was lost.

http://www.vidble.com/ZcSGn3XJyl_med.png

830pm- I saw a flowered cart that made me think of my mom, and I heard my parents song come on. I took a picture and felt very connected to her. I thanked her for finding blankie for me. http://www.vidble.com/8IapDbcZGO_med.JPG

845pm- In line for thunder mountain. Blankie is getting cranky, but then again so am I. We are both a little stressed and out of our roleplaying headspaces.

9pm- The park closes, Indiana jones, pirates, smallworld... all closed... we weren't too butt hurt about it.

930pm- waiting for the tram. Very tired and emotionally drained.

10pm- heading home, Blankets Big side is intimidating I got into my Pajamas and into the car. I felt myself dropping. I hid my face and wept for a bit letting out the bottle stress from the day. The ride home was quiet and I was worried I'd upset blankie but it was a much needed test of our relationship.

1030pm- A good friend texted me for help.

1145pm- Got home and blankie drove the mile back to his place to sleep for work the next day, he'd played hookie telling them well in advance he'd need that day free, and not telling anyone else where he'd be going. I was really lucky to have him, I cherished the entire day, even seeing him worried and upset, how can you know someone if don't know how they panic. He was very much the main thing on my mind as I mulled every part of our relationship around in my head. I wanted so badly to sleep with him that night. Do I have a crush on him?

http://www.vidble.com/QQ9V2a2qDs_med.JPG

4 30 14 wed

potty- yes

diapers- 1245am

1am- My friend had been texting me on the way home, she needed me, so as soon as I logged on around midnight I checked on her. It took me a while to get her to a place where I felt she was safe enough to leave alone. I continued to talk and make her laugh even though I was tired and stressed

3am- I dwindled down to embers,passing out on skype; talking with her talking til I wasn't conscious anymore.

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130pm- rolled out of bed so sore.......

215pm- Changed out of my diaper and soaked in a hot tub

420pm- eating watermelon, smoking a bong with my roomie, I decided not to wear a diaper.

9pm- MrZ called and asked if I wanted to go out.... point blank verbatim... These are the mixed signals I'm talking about. I'm...... exploding inside while trying to act relaxed. I looked at some of his pictures and felt myself... get worked up; I wanna do horrible things to him but I'm just getting ahead of myself...

We talked about him getting passes to Disney with Blankie and I.

1245am- I came looking at a picture and listening to a recording. I had a diaper laid out so when I finished I could pass out.

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5 1 14 thurs

potty- yes

diapers- 6am, 12pm, 545pm, 7pm

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6am- woke up... put on a fresh diaper and worked out

8am- I spent my morning eating a good breakfast talking to my dad and meditating on some good thoughts, really trying to get into a better place.

12pm- I put on a fresh diaper for the drive and I Left to go hang out with MrZ.

130pm- MrZ took me to lunch, pinkies hot dogs. on the ride we were singing and he said I had a really pretty voice. He sang and had a pretty nice voice too. Someone was tail gating, I asked if I should clean the back seat for them. "No! They have to sit on the stuff!" he joked. I wish I didn't find him so charming. I get such mixed signals from him.. there is no way he's interested in me, I have to be imagining it.

245pm- MrZ took me with him to an adult gift shop. I advised him not to get his ex a collar as that sends a message he may not be trying to convey. I think he wanted me to get a strap on as it was something I mentioned and he was curious about it.

530pm- MrZ peer pressured me into getting a snap chat...

545pm- MrZ also peer pressured me into putting on a dip before going into the hot tub. I was really shy about it but he seemed almost turned on by the idea. wishful thinking on my part I'm sure. I got in the water and felt so weird being water logged, I floated around the water for a bit and watched the Computer we had set up.

6pm- He jumped on my back and cuddled for a moment, I almost didn't know what to do, I'd been coy and now the cat was playing with me. I acted natural but I'm sure he got weirded out because I mostly just froze.

615pm- He took a pic of me in in the hot tub and then I turned on him I'd squirt him with my hand pistols he's splash me then grab my hands pulling me nearer to him. Even going back on this thought puts a bit of a heat in my face and a confusion in my chest. Its things like this I try to ignore, wishful me could have sworn there was a interest building, but I'm sure it was nothing.

http://www.vidble.com/qohgGxUmYv_med.jpg

630pm- he grabbed my waist and we cuddled, I laid my head on his shoulder and felt myself blocking off the memory and all the false hopes that would come along with it. I had quite literally forgotten this happened.

645pm- I held a towel in front of myself and I untaped my diaper and it flopped to the ground he looked over I was hiding behind the towel, he smiled knowingly and came back with a trashbag. I we a deep red.

7pm- I changed into a fresh diaper after toweling off and we watched dinosaurs. I traded shoulder rubs with him and then we cuddled for a while.

930pm- MrZ's walked me out; I tripped and rolled my ankle falling on a rock getting a nice gash in my knee 😢 On the Plus side it kept me from telling him some gushy type stuff. On the downside he made a corny joke about me "falling" for him, corny jokes are just one of my turn ons

1030pm- texted "I

5 2 14 fri

potty- yes

diapers- 1130am, 230pm, 1245am

1am- worked out til I passed out; with out a diaper on.

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10am- Woke up dribbling, it startled me awake from a nightmare. I couldn't recall what it was, I know I was being attacked. I huffed and changed my bed linens AGAIN.

1015am- I checked snapchat, MrZ made it to Chicago safe. I actually want to cuddle with him right now... I can't wait to get over this crush.

1030am- I put on a diaper and stayed in bed most of the morning watching random videos.

215pm- Turned on my "marshmallow suppository" recording. Used super balls instead since I'm out and to avoid irritation.

230pm- The recording started sinking in I feel like I need to get marshmallows. I took a bulb of coffee and held it until I needed to change

530pm- Blankie came over, we drank vodka and cranberry juice and chilled with our friends in the webcam chat. Blankie loves getting attention and I love seeing him shine when he gets it. We dressed him up and gave him some swats on the bottom as our friends from the san fran party told Blankie how cute and lucky he was.

11pm- We dressed Blankie back in his boy cloths and walked him out, he's got work tomorrow, I'm still bashful about our goodbyes. He's adorable when he trots down the sidewalk.

1245am- passing out feeling drunk

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5 3 14 sat

potty- yes

diapers- 345pm, 930pm

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12pm- woke up, pretty sure I puked on a wall... I hate playing hangover detective.

Woke up with out a diaper on.... but I went to sleep with one on... where the fuck....

1215pm- found it. I guess it made it to the trashcan in my bedroom, cool cool cool.

1pm- worked out most of the afternoon got in a healthy lunch. I didn't put on a diaper right away I don't like working out in a diaper.

330pm- Blankie came over, we hung out a bit before I put on a diaper and we ran out to the Spencery for some herb and the Habit for some burgers, you can't take me anywhere...

http://www.vidble.com/mAqADkp07Y_med.jpg

4pm- riding in the car home; all the sudden I was feeling little... Blankie spoke softly to me, being sweet to my little side. It was so different to have someone switch on me.

420pm- peed my pants and smoked a bowl curled up in the bucket seat embarrassed about how comfortable I felt around him.

445pm- Got home the plan being a "super awesome best friend sleep over." We fired up the hot tub then went to the grocery and picked up some more drinky stuffs!

730pm- in the hot tub broadcasting to the webcam chat, I got a little toasted while we watched game grumps and chatted with LilTodd and LilTrees and his girly.

930pm- we made it up stairs got into diapers and pajamas then cuddled while talking to some new members in the webchat. Blankie had gotten more comfortable kissing me softly, I still felt so stunned each time it happened, a part of me letting him be the feminine entity between us, I felt protected encasing my emotions in my perceived version of masculinity.

10pm- falling asleep, blankie curling up next to me I pulled the blankets around him and then cuddled up falling asleep with him in my arms

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5 4 14 sun

potty- yes

diapers- 1030am, 430pm

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10am- woke up in someones arms... I love when Blankie sleeps over, he's not like my ex boyfriends who were grouchy bears when it came to re-positioning. I would often get anxiety that would wake me up and keep me up because I'd worry about my every move.

1030am- I changed into a fresh diaper while enjoying my morning with Blankie we went outside and enjoyed some morning air and then cuddled more and even kissed passionately.

1pm- I took Blankie to my favorite Thrift stores, I picked out a TON of cloths and tried them all on. Blankie sat on a comfy couch being a good little boy while I went through my cherry pickings.

130pm- I asked Blankie to come in the booth and help me with a zipper. Then I started putting cloths on him. His face covered in a humiliated compliance. His shoulders were shrunken together I had to position him in the mirror so I could see how the cloths hung on him and his posture only sunk deeper and deeper as his face twisted into a pleading expression, I planned to learn more about his sub side today.

330pm- Fashion show! We modeled our second hand goods and picked outfits for the day. What should we do? Beach? Beach...

430pm- after getting ourselves together I put on a diaper knowing I cant go on a long car ride with no protection. http://www.vidble.com/yHzpaHO8ZG_med.jpg

5pm- arriving to our little pocket of a beach we saw a suitcase I wanted to know what was in it... I made Blankie stop and saw books and writing implements then looked up when i heard the honk, 2 men were walking toward me, I zipped the bag and walked it to them, I complimented them on the contents of their suitcase and explained my curiosity. They were nice guys and they spent about a half hour with us before leaving the beach. They loved Blankies dress and his purse, he's been very gender fluid since he's known me he says.

515pm- we climbed into the rocks and in the caves we blazed, talking about traveling and teaching, this hippie guy's mouth moved a mile a minute.

530pm- Before leaving the faster talking of the guys we met did some strong hitting on Blankie, and Blankie seemed oblivious to it until I told him later which was even more adorable, he blushed deeply as I informed him he was attractive.

615pm- I had removed my diaper to enjoy the ocean and had an accident. Blankie comforted me, telling me I'd need to tell daddy about it. I cleaned up and got back into a diaper.

630pm- We Kicked it under the umbrellas we fashioned into a fort. the Waves were loud and gave us privacy. We had popcorn and cactus cooler, I curled up and got to know him better. We made idle chit chat and jokes, playing with our stuffies before he told me that he's always wanted something like the scene at the thrift store. He was torn while it was happening, the real embarrassment when I would throw his arms over his head and the floral material could be seen over the booth and when cloths hit the floor it was obvious who was wearing them and their bright colors only made his face turn brigher red. I could read his face like a book and I wasn't going to stop unless he said his safe word so I continued, whispering in his ear and telling how pretty he was in the mirror. His lips pulled over his teeth and I could see him biting down on them, I was familiar with this face, he didn't have to tell me but he finally came clean and told me how much I turn him on. http://www.vidble.com/PgEq58p0Ph_med.JPG

645pm- He'd been telling me one thing meaning another for a long time, I knew his truths would show through in time, it gave me time to rationalize my own feelings and come to terms with the burden of domliness. Giving someone the treatment I wish I had wasn't easy, it also made it harder to dom for people I knew online.

http://www.vidble.com/tfHB34PoYJ_med.JPG

7pm- we got the crop out and I gave Blankie I spanking on the beach savoring each squirm as he whimpered. Torn again between loving the attention and the pain of being spanked. He got his aftercare and we whispered quietly about private things.

http://www.vidble.com/4240WADQyC_med.JPG

745pm- it's getting dark, but I ran back and forth in the climbing surf, Blankie asked if I was feeling little, I smiled and splashed passed him.

http://www.vidble.com/vlSIuJEpYD_med.JPG

8pm- we packed up our campsite and walked back up the beach I felt my bladder getting heavier I didn't want to wet myself but I felt my bladder trickling while I walked, I choked back my nervousness and let it happen, this is my new normal.

http://www.vidble.com/v91YajwsUq_med.JPG

815pm- on the road I got reception to my phone, my texts went out to daddy and I started getting messages from him about my accident. I also got a few texts saying the chatroom was full and people were asking about me.

930pm- Blankie and I cuddled on cam, I chatted with people before walking Blankie out, he kissed me, I kissed him back. He looked drunk on surprise for a moment.

5 5 14 mon

bladder training- Yes, alarm training

potty- yes

diapers- 1am, 4pm, 1015pm

1am- I passed out around this time after putting on a fresh diaper

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11am- Woke up to my usual, a wet diaper, I hated how casual it felt I don't really like to talk about it but at the same time, I'm starting not to care.

1130am- Worked out most of the day. I've been making my best effort of losing weight and I've been able to with-stand longer and longer.

2pm- I got a text from MrSir, reminding me it was time to order another case. It made me blush being told that. He always comes back to check in on me. I've appreciated his reluctance to sever ties, and his appreciation of my respect for him and his time.

3pm- Daddy checked in on my progress and he told me I'd probably need to go 24-7 when the case of diapers arrived. I told MrSir and he was happy someone was being strict with me, his openness and support has been a big factor in my realization I can be poly, I can feel love for many at once. Feeling safe in your relationship is the foremost factor.

345pm- "drip drip drip" daddy teased, torturing me, I didn't have any control, the dribble started and I cursed him for making me wet my panties.

4pm- There was no arguing, he made me put on a diaper and told me I should start my 24-7 training now. I'm expected to wet every 15 minutes.

5pm- Obediently following daddy's instructions, My little alien texted and I told him about my day.

7pm- Daddy checked in, making sure if I couldn't follow my alarm training that I'd drink a bottle of water.

945pm- wet before the alarm, my bladder is constricting, it happens faster each time.

1015pm- on hulu watching Dan Vs- it's a really good show. I had my bed wetting recording on and felt my bladder give way after the alarm went off. Daddy let me know I should change.

11pm - Alarm went off didn't have to pee but I got up on my knees and relaxed. A weak dribble started and training started washing over me.

1130pm- Talking to my Angelo, my friend from Mexico, he commended me on weight loss. We haven't talked in a while, he visited a few months ago and I introduced him to a lot of abdl people and cuddled with him, he was so nice to my little side.

12am- MrSir let me know another abdl was moving to cali, CC is a cool chick and has a cool husband. I'd always given them the benefit of the doubt. I was glad to have talked to them and smoothed out some things that happened in the past.

1215am- He told me he appreciates how I'm not a brat, I don't stomp on peoples feelings and my first goal is to make friends.

1230am- Beep beep, went obediently even though I was chatting.

1245am- passing out, I turned on my recordings: bed wetting curse, anti-potty training and then bladder therapy on my phone. I had two streams going at once and it would make my brain tingle. knowing each stream well I could tell both lines of information apart and it was one of my favorite private activities. I went to sleep feeling cute and adorable. I just couldn't get out of bed.

bed time story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kkoaFT-Oc-U

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5 6 14 tues

Bladder training- yes alarm training

potty- yes

diapers- 4am, 5pm

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4am-woke up and changed my laundry then changed myself, my alarms continued to go off and I wet each time. My recording went on and I passed out again after drinking a few cups of water.

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745-woke up to the alarm, obediently complied... passed out again

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1111am- woke up feeling nervous, I ripped my tabs and took off my diaper the alarm went off and I immediately sat on the potty and the dribble came and went... I'd have to be near a potty if I wasn't going to wear a diaper...

1pm- watching deep space 69, listening to my Bladder therapy recordings and I made a profile for Lamdo my awesome stuffed animal.

2pm- Worked out all day, I didn't wear but I still obediently went to the potty every time my alarm went off.

5pm- watching TV with my roomie, In my webcam chat and talking to daddy. My evening went smoothly as I polished my journal entries and talked to a few friends on Zity chat and my webcam chat. Daddy told me I should get a diaper on, I hemmed and hawed but I ended up in my room with the powder.

8pm- watching kitchen nightmares, going every 15 minutes, remaining numb to the process, my bladder is shrinking drastically I can feel the spasms of discomfort from being filled and then of being empty.

1245am- I'm getting sleepy, went upstairs and took off my diaper, I didn't really feel like putting on another one...

5 7 14 wed

Potty- Yes

diapers- 630pm

1am- finished off a bottle of cranberry juice, my bed wetting curse recording on low while I smoked a few bowls and looked at pics of Blankie. I felt like I was getting a crush on him, it felt strange since I've never had someone "like" me first. He's so pretty when I dress him up, disney was so fun and he looks so handsome in some of these pictures... he's so fun around people... did I try not to notice how attractive he is? Even in his glasses, I actually really like him in his glasses.

115am- falling asleep I have to pee. I have this weird feeling like it's not ok to wet the bed.... but there is plastic on it... there is nothing wrong with it, no one will yell at me I rationalize... I intend to pee the bed...

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330am- I came conscious for a moment, I think I wet my bed at this time but I can't be sure I do know I registered being in soaking pajamas and a wet comforter... but I was disoriented and unbothered... and passed out again

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4am-woke up soaking wet... remembering my night I filled in my journal notes then pulled my bed apart, threw in the laundry, washed the plastic on my bed and got in the bath

420am- out of my bath and smoking a bowl thinking about my progress. I'd trailed off on my alarm training with all my thoughts

730am- Spent a few hours on my journal polishing the entries from MrTrees Birthday weekend. I've been so busy that I haven't had time to turn my rough notes into actual entries. (it would take me until 7 24 14 to polish THESE entries)

8am- I got bored and sent out a snap chat I painted over my face, well I sent it out and It didn't have any paint on it... so Just the silly face I made went out. MrZ sent back a silly face. I looked at the picture I sent out..... it was JUST the stupid face I made before covering it in squiggly digital art.... I died a little inside, then realized he doesn't even like me back so doesn't matter... so i sent another silly face and went back to sleep

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2pm- woke up having to pee, I RUSHED to the potty not wanted to wash MORE bedding...

215pm- Told daddy I slept undiapered with the intention of wetting the bed, he was disappointed I went undiapered but was proud of me for wetting the bed, it felt strange to be praised for it when I'd been emotionally torn apart over it as a kid.

315pm - read a post on poly- (will me in my next post) I did a lot of reading today. then worked out for a few hours

615pm- after talking to my mommy I Came upstairs and taped my toilet shut. I don't know how long that will last... but when i talk to her, her presence makes me want to be good.

630pm- I put on a dip when mommy got stern with me over having accidents. Blankie came over to help me with my errands.

7pm- My case arrived, so I went to Fed ex and picked it up, I wet myself while waiting for them to get my package so I was glad as I often am that I was wearing. As my little alien calls it "I spent a penny" we joke about "needing some change" if you get the humour.

730pm- Blankie picked up some flat tire beers and I dressed him in all the cloths that we rarely pull out. I made him model around for me in his little orange dress that makes him look like a little girl. He blushed as his outfits got sexier and sexier until he was in lingerie and he was being groped and kissed on. That familiar face looked up at me, he was frothing with sexual tension, conflicted with his asexual nature but confronted with all his deep dark fetishes and having them bathed upon him as he'd always wished; forced into diapers, coaxed into girly clothing, and spoken to like little boy in need of gentle guidance.

12am- when I walked blanket out it seemed hard for him to leave. He lingered in my arms repeating goodbye in different ways.

1245am- LilTrees wanted to chat on skype, we talked about our lives and serious things. He asked me a lot about Blankie, he is so cute when he's in little space. I feel a draw from him that brings out my domly side naturally, when I cuddled him in San Fran he melted into my arms like it was nothing new.

Poly - post - promised - previously:

So your partner is meeting new people? Some thoughts on dealing with poly-anxiety....

Journal Entry | 154 Comments · 1,046 Love It | 3 months ago

So I had myself a long brain dump yesterday as I was both doing a writing assignment and trying to process some of my feelings surrounding poly. It was boring so I deleted it. 😄

I've got to say it has felt incredibly odd to be looking at poly from a different perspective to some of the things I have been used to. Aside from an open relationship I had one time any poly-type experiences have always involved me coming into established relationships and dynamics as an 'outside' person.

This has had it's own challenges and things to consider, and has all been a good learning curve for me.

What has been a better learning curve has been discovering what it is like to be in the 'established' relationship and then start to have other people becoming involved with me or my 'primary' person.

I have felt a big mixture of things, ranging from positive to not so positive.

Things are early days but today I feel extremely grateful and happy that as far as it goes from how I feel 'new stuff' has been handled with calm, grace, consideration and respect from everyone involved.

Hell yes I am patting people, including myself, on the back. I don't find dealing with some of this shit easy at ALL. So there. ;p

Anyway from this experience, as well as loads of others over the years, both from my own shit, stuff friends or others have gone through, chatting..talking..thinking (your basic Raine mishmash then)

I've come up with my initial views on 'helpful' stuffs when journeying into new territory in poly...

Fear is not the enemy

Your fears are there for a reason! Sometimes that reason is relationship 'valid' sometimes it's the head-gremlins dancing the macarena in you. Your 'job'? Is to try and figure out which of these it is, and address it with your partner(s).

It's NOT their job to 'fix' a past problems, but it IS their 'job' to listen, and be supportive whilst you take steps to sort through it.

If the fears / anxieties are based in some sort of present-day relationship-reality then that too needs discussing. It could be solved with as simple a thing as reassurance or a discussion about emotions.

Don't project

Do not project your feelings onto the other person(s). I nearly did this and caught myself doing it very recently. I felt uncomfortable and uneasy in my stomach. I was sorting through why exactly and then my naughty brain went and focused on a minor detail which someone else had done. It really wasn't a big deal at All but guess what my brain did? It Went.....

'AHA!!!!! This was not quite 100%..this must be why you are feeling uncomfortable. Unleash the fuuuuuuuurrrrrrryyyyy!!'.

Easy enough to go from there to 'this was wrong!!! GRRRRRRR' right?

Except I kicked myself in the tits and went 'um brain, do shut up. It was an extremely minor thing and you are trying to make it into a big deal to neatly sidestep owning your feelings and projecting your discomfort onto someone else. Stop it.'.

My brain kind of sidled off looking sheepish.

Communicate communicate communicate.

Yea yea we all say it. But seriously..it is amazing how easy it is to be tempted to hold in certain feelings because you wanna look 'cool' with something, or want to present as being a certain way. I caught myself doing this at times, like thinking 'oh I wouldn't want anyone to think I am a 'bad' poly-person, should I say X?'. Answer? YES. Say it, express it, own it. If your partner and all involved give two shits about the wellbeing of things for all involved they want to know.

Caveat..pick your moment! Try and have these discussion BEFORE stuff happens. If something comes up and you can't talk to your partner then leave it until a later time. In my view you can't try and shut the stable door after the horse has bolted. If you freak out and think you don't like it (and I had one or two moments when I was like 'eeep I don't like this') then really? What are you going to do? Charge into your car and drive like a maniac and throw yourself between your partner and their date, crying and saying 'noooooo!' in this manner?

Didn't think so. That goes for phone shenanigans as well.

As an addition do not then wait furiously until your partner is alone again working yourself up into a tizz you can unleash on them as they are chilling after nice times had. Trust me it really sucks when that happens.

Keep calm and process...

Express yourself

Write it out, shout it out, talk it out, even cry it out if you need to. Just you know, alone or with a mate (or Fetlife if you're me!!). Look this shit ain't easy. It's scary when you first being to wave your loved one off to meet new people. All your confidence and relationship gremlins are ready to greet you like a long lost buddy, and i've known this to happen to the most seemingly secure people when it is new to them or their first time in that relationship.

Trust takes time to build and can only go so far before you begin to put it to the test. That's going to be uncomfortable for a bit, but when you get the 'maple kind' results your trust levels skyrocket.

Remember why you are doing this in the first place!

Remember why you chose this lifestyle. Remember all the reasons you want it and want it for your partner. Remember how happy they are when you are supportive and want them to have nice times. Think on all your 'first date' type experiences and how exciting and fun they are. What a combo of nerves and thrill it is to kiss for the first time, get to know each other..all that stuff.

Think about how you also enjoy those feelings and want more of them. Yep sometimes it's about mutuality and wanting to have freedom yourself, so making sure you give that same freedom over. If you are not expecting to be hassled and moaned at for every little thing you do away from your partner...don't do the fucking same thing to them.

Debrief

Have a chat about how things went, how your partner is feeling, how you are feeling, how anyone else is feeling too. It really helps not to have to drag information out of other people (though the balance between sharing and TMI is different for everyone) like blood from a stone. I am well happy at not having to ask lots of questions and just sit back and listen to how things went. It feels good that way.

Finally I guess it just comes down to taking a deep breath and keeping an open mind. It is significantly different to experience things from this side of the fence so to speak than if you are planning on meeting up with people who are already attached. Different set of fears, worries and anxieties.

I really think that fears and anxieties can be dealt with extremely effectively by a combination of owning our own shit where we know it is ours and / or chatting things through to ensure everyone is happy and on the same page.

So far? It's been interesting and not always easy, i've had my worries and doubts and I expect things will continue to crop up and be dealt with as and when, especially as trust continues to build and security levels get even higher. I don't think this sort of thing is always a walk in the park ..but it is very very worth it.

😄

5 8 14 thurs

potty- yes

diapers- 145am, 11am, 1230am

145am- I put on a fresh dip while LilTrees and I kept talking, We discussed being echosexual, meaning you echo what turns someone else on... it turning them on turns you on.

245am- I had wet a few times and put LilTrees to bed and passed out myself

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1030am- woke up soaking wet and grumpy about it. I Sat in bed and watched a new youtuber I stumbled upon "nostalgia Critic"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYwwgeP5Jms

11am- I changed out of my diaper and washed up before watching more videos.

645pm- I worked out and watched kitchen nightmares and american Idol. Still no dip for this evening. I spent the night on the camchat watching tv with my roomie.

1215am- I turned on my bed wetting curse recording. Chatting to MR sir about dry 247s

Really have to pee... recording on. no diaper... sitting on my bed I can't hold it.............

well... at least I had a towel down....... mentally... I still have an aversion to pissing myself, what just happened has been something I feared for a long time.

1230am- Cleaning up the plastic sheet and getting into a fresh diaper- laid on my back to do it. I felt little all the sudden. MrSir teased me about my accident and needing diapers.

5 9 14 fri

fiber- 4pm 1 and a half scoops

potty- yes

diapers- 7am, 145pm, 745pm

1am- I drank a few cups of water and I turned out the lights and attempted to go to bed.

115am- Listening to my bladder therapy on my computer and the bed wetting curse on my phone I drifted off to the multiple sources of stimuli. I found it always struck my mind a little deeper because of the overlap.

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645am- I woke up wet, I had leaked, grumbling I zoned out for a few minutes before succumbing to washing up.

7am- Bathtime, no hot water.... 😢

I might not do well in the zombie apocalypse I might be sore when I wake up after fighting hoards and raiding buildings.... I do like a warm bath. I washed up, diapered and went back to sleep on fresh linens

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12pm- Woke up grumpy and wet, I watched more nostalgia critique curling up in my blankets.

130pm- Daddy checked in asked if I was staying dry. I told him I had been having a lot of bed wetting issues.

145pm- He wasn't pleased I was still sitting in a wet diaper and demanded I change immediately. As a punishment he told me to wet it, I argued but he told me I should be used to alarm training. I assumed the position and relaxed myself letting the little bit of fluid trickle out into the fresh padding. I pouted even after he praised me.

345pm- MrLars checked in on me and said I should think about taking my medicine again. I turned on my trigger recording, It's a repetitive hypnosis file I haven't listened to in a while, I made it personally for myself and it got me through a lot of different phases in training.

445pm- My recording got me motivated so I obediently mixed up some fiber. MrLars was proud to hear I was being good.

5pm- I laid on my back and wet listening to my recording. my tummy bubbled.

6pm-I got a text from MrZ, might hangout on Sunday with some friends. We sent back and forth some random pictures and I went back into my meditation

http://www.vidble.com/VD8AInefrg_med.jpg

745pm- I changed my diaper and wanted to prevent sagging so I used these straps meant to hold a sheet on your bed. It actually kept my diaper in the right place and improved my experience. they look like suspenders.

9pm- cleaning my room and listening to my files, I think I might download new ones.

11pm- Daddy checked in to see if I was behaving 😄

5 10 14 sat

potty- no

diapers- 315am, 5pm

1am- chugged some water

215am- downloading new warp my mind files.

245am- I needed to slow down I never really stop, so I put on a blind fold and put on a bed wetter file.

315am- I put on Tool and a fresh diaper like a good girl passed out

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8am-woke up leaked, yuck laundry. I took a bath and went to bed with no dip

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215pm- woke up in a puddle, my forehead bathed in a cold sweat... I actually wet the bed?!

I had a messed up dream about a beach- and running from people killing people.... there was poison and scary shit and mazes in this little cinema in the darkest part of the hallway there was a corridor to the left or right...

each time I asked for help... people were so cruel, my mom was there and I was begging her to help me but she was upset. I looked in the mirror and my front teeth were starting to look fucked up. people were following me down the beach, my friends and family were dying one by one.

The fear was real, I felt trapped in a real place, there was very little dream type feeling, more horror movie stuff, at one point I found the grand parent I thought was slaughtered, we hid in a corner and didn't breathe, one of the bad people passed by and my brother coughed catching it's attention... I remember trying to hide under a table with a cloth covering, kneeling in the sand outside, while my party got even slimmer. The beach goers all looked evil the beach sky was grey the entire dream making everyone look like a shade of corpse. The water in my nightmares is always choppy and chaotic.

It reminds me of old dreams

I remember one I was roller skating down the strand (concrete sidewalk running along the beach) this one was perched about 20 feet above the beach, the weather was grey and the water was angry. I remember staring at the water for a long time in that dream.

A different dream I was in a school that was at least a dozen stories high right on the ocean, the waves crashed into the rocks and foundation. I stood staring down at it. The Clouds blotting out the sky, the air was thick and everything felt chaotic, I was avoiding someone or some people,

5pm- still in bed, daddy texted and reminded me I needed to be in a diaper, and I should get dressed

530pm- I went out and took my dogs in the back yard

630pm- Blankie came over and we cuddled, and I dressed him like a girl, he swayed back and forth blushing, confessing he was extremely turned on.

8pm- I teased him so much, and gave him a light spanking

11pm- walking blankie out in his skirt. Coming up stairs OMG ROOMIE HAVING BEST CONVO with her boyfriend:

Him "what you know I masturbate, I didn't perform last night soo...

did you have a good climax"

Her- "well yea"

Him- " you can use your dildos, I like hearing about it"

Her- "I donno my dildos keep going missing, I threw a bunch of them out, I had too many"

Him- "you threw them out?! why didn't you give them away?!"

Her- "EEEW I wouldn't use someone elses dildo!"

And I stood there in the dark hallway with this face- wishing I had some hand me down dildos... and wondering if her daughter knicks her dicks hehehe

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Andy-Dwyer-Shock.gif

12am- daddy said he loved me

5 11 14 sun

potty- no

Diaper- 2am, 11am, 4pm, 930pm

145am- daddy teased me relentlessly- drip drip drip.

2am- I soaked and needed a change. daddy praised me for being so good

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11am- woke up soaked- I changed into a fresh diaper

YAAAY it's finally beach day with MrZ, blankie, and some of our kink friends

12pm- Blankie came over to get me, we went shopping for some food stuff and headed down to the beach

1pm- MrZ showed up with his cute vanilla friend, she looked like a really cute boy, and she was really fun to hang out and smoke with. We all built a little fort from the wind and surf and enjoyed our very own shelter.

130pm- MrZ is a pale dude so I made him put on some sun screen, remember people even under your shurt the UV rays hit your skin, always rub your shoulders down.

230pm- we built sand castles and took a ton of pictures, we talked and enjoyed the time chilling together

4pm- I was soaked after playing in the water and letting myself go when I needed so I snuck off to change into a new diaper.

530pm- MrZ had to jet just as our other friends were getting there, we found a quite place on the beach for the spankings though

http://www.vidble.com/PgEq58p0Ph_med.JPG

745pm- Blankie and I ran the beach taking pictures, the sun was starting to go down and we got some amazing shots http://www.vidble.com/v91YajwsUq_med.JPG

8pm- He asked me if I was feeling little as I trotted around, I think the smile on my face gave it away

http://www.vidble.com/vlSIuJEpYD_med.JPG

830pm- right after this picture was taken he flopped RIGHT into the surf. He almost collapsed laughing when he made it out of the water.

http://www.vidble.com/t2vHspQRjr_med.JPG

845pm- coming home from the beach, Daddy asked me how my day went, I told him about the fort we built and playing in the sand, and how uncomfortable sandy diaper legs are. He told me to shower and get into a fresh diaper when I got home.

9pm- Daddy said I can wear panties over my diapers when I do adult stuffs yay 😄

930pm- Home, blankie and I got showered and into some warm cloths and I sent him home, I got into a fresh diaper and looked through my pictures

10pm- going through some old files and sorting my stuff

5 12 14 mon

diaper- 145am, 11am, 530pm, 1015pm

130am-I put on my bed wetting recording and drank 2 bottles of water. The recording told me I'd find myself hydrating before bed. The water trickled down my cheeks as I laid on my back drinking slowly.

145am- I changed into a fresh diaper and prepared myself for sleep my recording still running.

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11am- woke up wet but I didn't leak on the bed

changed

1130am- talking to Babyboy20 about my beach trip. It was a fun trip and I was elated that MrZ had smacked my ass with his hat, it was really stingy but I passed it off. He asked me to the fetish ball, and I blushed, I really didn't like having a crush on him. There is just something about him

530pm- I changed into a fresh diaper and fed my animals. I worked out all day and ate well. Which was fortunate since my cycle started and my body had plenty of nutrients

1015pm- I changed it felt great after being all sweaty. Daddy is keeping on me about my behavior I knew I'd be in them permanently during this time of the month and I was very apprehensive about it. I felt rebellious and sneaky and there may have been times I said I was wearing when I wasn't but now for about 5 days I can't really lie about it.

1030pm- I'm putting together a hypnosis playlist:

instant wet training

permanent incon

anti potty training

diaper dependance

daddy's little girl

baby bladder therapy

1045pm- I forced down a bottle of water and went for a walk.

11pm- Incon permanence recording was sinking in, I wet while walking that was new to me. I have always had to stop walking for that to happen.

1115pm- Listening to daddys little girl recording realized how lucky I am. My daddy says my trigger and I didn't even know I wondered why I'd go instant little when he said daddy loves his little girl. He picked out my cloths just like the recording says. At the park going through tunnels and playing on the equipment and texting with daddy I felt so Little.

1130pm- The one person Spinning merry go round feeels like a walker or a baby seat. Baby bladder therapy, when it echos "gone forever" I get the chills... I let my muscles relax and told myself the private trigger thoughts that get me into a deep head space.

12am- I took pictures of the diaper I drew on and enjoyed the park

http://www.vidble.com/cHMO4PIbvo_med.jpg

1215am- I picked a spot and laid down zoning out to recording, polished off a liter of water. Switched to antipotty training.

1230am- walking home dribbled then walking sprnklers came on and dribbled again.

1245am- peed pants in middle of intersection sprinklers going. Mr zee wants to hang tomorrow

5 13 14 tues

diapers- 130am, 1115am, 7pm

1am- talking to MrTodd about our experiences with out little side. He's such a great friend. He is basically the co-owner of my chatroom, he keeps me down to earth and helps me work myself out of the angry habits.

130am- Time to change. I was starting to leak after my jaunt.

3am- I can kind of feel myself losing bladder control. I rarely clench the muscle at all, even involuntarily. Controlling that muscle has been time consuming, I wonder how hard it will be to retrain.

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11am- woke up soaked, my recording still chiming on. I had a text.

MrZ wanted me to come over, I was feeling lazy but i put myself together

1pm- drove over to MrZ's

2pm- Zee's vanilla friend sat outside and smoked with me. She seemed to have a crush on me and my butch nature, I saw her perk up when I mentioned I had a girl friend in the past

4pm- I went inside and Zee had turned on a Doc. I watched a documentary on polyamory with MrZ and his friend. Kind of tripping out mentally as Zee doesn't know I'm in a poly relationship with Blankie. I just smiled and listened to them giggle about thing.

430pm- Zee rolled around on the floor poking me with his feet. I asked him

"Are you gonna act your age"

"No" he shot back in what seemed like a little voice.

445pm- We went outside and smoked a blunt and I gave her a caramel, it was laced with some amazing bud and it made her into a giggle machine.

515pm- heading to Sushi, MrZ was reluctant to mention the name of the place... I can understand why....

gogo sushi that doesn't sound like diarrhea at all. I said in the car

Its got the conveyor belt? Oh that doesn't sound like diarrhea at all!

6pm- Z and his friends buried in phones. I only looked at mine twice.

630- Z's little side was showing so I was teasing him - "if you're going to act like a child I'm gonna treat you like one" I think I saw him blush

7pm- I changed then chilled and played viva pinata

730pm- Z and I were alone for a few moments, and his brat side was coming out, he kicked my bottom softly and asked about my diaper. We had a play argument about him wearing and I tossed him a dip he tossed it back embarrassed, and while he wasn't looking I put it in a drawer

8pm- he asked me to come with him to get his friend, so I hopped in the car he has 3 on his road trip record just for today - ran a stop sign, and pulled out in front of someone before he even left the driveway.

815pm- in the car- day dreaming while he's playing depec mode-

I kinda got held up in some silly fantasy about Z reaching over to hold my hand, didn't know why... then the song went into a chorus about wanting to hold hands... I'd never heard the song before, was I channeling Z's thoughts?

830pm- the drive over I was quiet I didn't want to get him alone I just wanted a break from the game I was playing. I enjoyed being a passenger and looking out the moon roof. I just didn't feel pressured to start conversations at the time, I wonder if he ever feels intimidated to start talking... sometimes I do.

845pm- We picked up his friend, who Z had taken to a fetish bar and wouldn't admit it was a fetish bar. His friend was more than happy about his trip to the fetish bar and Zee's face was so red as he protested. I giggled the whole ride home

9pm- I played more viva pinata while we all shot the shit.

10pm- I packed up my stuff and headed out. I feel pretty, I teared up happy on the way home. I texted my dad who was meeting me at the car place to drop the car off.

1115pm- dropped off car for oil change and drove home with dad. On way home saw a shooting star wished... for something

1130pm- Home finally peed I couldn't pee while driving even though my bladder was near busting....

5 14 14 wed

Diapers- 630am, 930am, 1pm, 545pm

1am- finally back at my computer, I spent some time talking to my dad. Entering my notes from my day with MrZ.

115am- working on shortening some of my recordings, taking out the stutters and the things that do nothing for me. anti potty training and daddy's little girl have a lot of pauses and phrases that take me out of headspace

145am- wow this is much better, the recording was so much more effective.

2am- turned on anti potty training recording passed out... hard.

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630am- woke up forgot to change last night. Took a bath and put on a fresh diaper.

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815am- woke up and read some of my journals, watching nostalgia critic on youtube, I love his movie reviews.

930am- daddy checked in I sent him a rainy cloud, I wet my pants.

"Thats why you're suppose to use your diapers dear."

He made me change, and I put my laundry in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tds0qoxWVss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iankyw47vqY&list=RDIankyw47vqY#t=1

1130am- I fell asleep.

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1pm- I woke up leaked. I pouted and daddy told me I should get used to it. I changed into a fresh diaper and worked out

330pm- Roomie wanted me to go to jersey mikes, daddy told me I wasn't allowed to wear a skirt I was to go in just a diaper and tights. Blankie texted me an I love you. I told him about standing in the store feeling exposed and he sent me the most supportive words.

545pm- My diaper tape snapped and I had to slip away so my roomie didn't notice. I went to my room and laid down thinking about daddy and how supportive he is, he wants me to wear diapers at all times and I found myself getting turned on by that. My bladder therapy recording going in the back ground of my thoughts, I played with myself until I came. I changed into a fresh diaper and went to go watch tv with my roomie.

7pm- daddy checked in, I was shy to tell him my naughty thoughts from earlier.

1230pm- after watching TV I took a bath and washed hair I trimmed hair a little as my bangs were getting long.

5 15 14 thurs

potty- no

diaper- 2am, 11am, 330pm, 10pm

2am- fresh diaper after my bath, I turned on nostalgia critic as I had been doing a lot. I really enjoyed his comedic timing and editing. I want to see more review style videos like this!

His Review of the purge is really good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nBEFSOt1AE

245am- Falling asleep watching videos and chatting with my friends in my chatroom. I feel more and more connected to these awesome people, we're talking about doing another meet up party! I think we'll do it here in Socal. I'm so excited! I have so many ides for activities for littles.

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11am- woke up leaked a little... washed up fresh diaper, I sat around watching youtube til daddy checked in on me.

I was watching this Review of the Lorax

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYwwgeP5Jms

330pm- I changed into a fresh diaper, I was feeling fussy and little since daddy was teasing me about staying in bed in just a diaper. I told him I'm not a babby, but I don't think I won the argument. He has such a tender nature he puts me in little space quite fluidly, I've learned so much about my little side while playing with him. The stability provides is what allows me to go to those parts of my psyche.

5pm- I have cramps from my monthly bio-clense. I laid down and smoked a bowl and the natural medicine helped a lot. I managed to close my eyes and get some rest...

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10pm- I woke up from my nap... I leaked 😢

Ug... this was becoming annoying. I used to notice when I felt ashamed for leaking my bladder muscle would tense, but there is less and less activity in that valve. There is little to no control unless I physically make it happen.

1015pm- I changed into a fresh diaper and logged into my chatroom. It was really busy and my Friend from up north LilTrees wanted to skype with me. We chatted about everything, I love catching up with him, he's a very down to earth little who switches as a big his little girl is the cuuuutest. she and her friend are probably the sweetest girls I've met on my journeys. I enjoy hearing about their adventures and helping them get to a comfortable point in their play partnership.

5 16 14 Fri

potty- no

diapers- 3am, 1230pm, 615pm, 930pm

2am- We talked til pretty late in the night, I noticed my toothache on the bottom right.... I'll ignore it.... nothing I can do about it *pouts and curls into a ball*

3am - Ignoring the pain and trying to go to sleep, I put on a fresh diaper and turned on a recording.

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10am- I woke up, I felt that I'd wet myself and hadn't finished. The incontinence guide I believe talks about when the urethra doesn't fully empty and you're left with the sometimes burny sensation or urine remaining in the pluming (I'll post a thread for links when i get around to it) When this happens it becomes impossible to hold your bladder and when you move the dribble continues.

1015am- I washed up and covered my bottom in ointment and left my bottom to air out and watched more nostalgia critique.

Here's an Alice in wonderland review

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeSa_TDtKcM

1230pm- daddy made me put on a diaper. I've been trying to be rebellious but daddy has been checking in and asking me to send him a picture update... he's trapped me in a lie a few times *blush*

1245pm- Opened a new pack of diapers, I thanked MrSir in the back of my mind as I did pretty often when I slipped into a diaper. There is a real fear sometimes of not wearing a diaper, running out can be a minnie panic attack.

2pm- I was outside talking with my dad, I took a deep hit of some good medical. I resonated into tunnel vision and then came back to my body, I felt like a new person, wiped clean of a lot of the depression I've been feeling.

6pm- Trimmed my hair, I feel like a princess, I hugged my dad and told him I was going to go with blankie to the archade.

615pm- I changed my diaper and blankie knocked on my door, I got ready to go work out and play DDR at the arcade.

630pm- in the car feeling little with Blankie, when he drives sometimes I get really little sitting in the passenger seat.

645pm- Playing the dance dance game haaaaard, I played more games than I should have because I was showing off, that's the only excuse I have. I had 2 more songs in me... but that third one... I almost collapsed... well technically I did collapse.. A heavier woman came in when I was running out of steam... It was an interesting feeling being watched out of the corner of her eye, she saw me moving so fast and I could see her thinking it "I could do that"

715pm- Almost threw up, had to dump cold water on my head to keep myself from over heating to a point of rejecting stomach contents. Blankie came over to check on me and we went to the concession stand.

730pm- Blankie and I shared some fries and talked about what if the zombies attacked right now.... we were dressed for it.

8pm- heading to the dispensary to get blankie some herb. I enjoyed sitting with him and talking about all the silly things we delve into. One time I remember he brought out a harmonica and we started doing some blues style improv songs.

930pm- I got home and wished blankie good night. I greeted my roomie and checked on my chatroom. People were online, I love being welcomed into my own chat. I changed my diaper and rejoined my roommate.

11pm- In the living room watching the daily show and colbert report and chilling with my roommate smoking.