Pain and safe words

I'm not sure if anyone can legally consent to be beaten and bruised.

This delves into yet another tangent and best left to a thread by itself.

@SwitchableSusie : I believe that's based on the jurisdiction. I'm familiar with a case where the police were called to a person's home (by neighbors) where they were having a home party, involving consensual implact play. Despite the sub saying she was consenting to it, the dom was arrested for assault.

A person has the right to allow someone to strike them, but it may be ilegal for the other party to do the striking. Very odd law, if you ask me, but it's real.

Instead of hashing it out here, might I suggest to do a google search on "BDSM and the law" and you might find the answer you are looking for.

It's really vital 1) to have safe words and 2) to use them only when really really needed. YOu can say stop, don't do that!!!, yell, scream and anything else IF the safe the word is "red" and you haven't said it. You get to express your fear and pain and yet let it continue, unless you truly can't bear it and then it's time for Red. And a partner who respects the crucial role of safe words.

Sometimes during a scene is it necessary to remind the submissive of their safe word and ask if they want to use it.

Sometimes during a scene is it necessary to remind the submissive of their safe word and ask if they want to use it.

I recently thought of using the simple question of 'Status?' to the sub. This forces her/him to answer with either Green, Yellow or Red without having a whole conversation that interrupts the flow. Green would probably initiate an 'Are you sure?' if the scene seemed to be reaching a critical point. Yellow requires a conversation to find what the issue is - something too tight, or too hard, etc.

And I think calling 'Status?' let's the sub know they the Dom/me is actually concerned and paying attention to them, and wants their feedback. It lets them know that it really is OK to use Yellow or Red if needed, as I'm sure most subs are hesitant to do so.

I've always played being sub with a loving partner not just a playmate, and have never safeworded out. But I and my prior partners have always enjoyed my being quite vocal about what's being done to me including moans, groans, questions, comments, pleading and begging to be let go, e.g., no more rubber or not another enema and the like. We've never done it, but I've frequently fantasized having my Domme (or me in reverse if we switched) do just as described here, checking in every now and then to be sure all my pleading and noises are still safely and enjoyably in the safe green range in order to continue. I'd like to do it with my next GF should I be so fortunate in the near future - I really think it would add to the flavor and enjoyment of doing D/s with her.

Eric

I recently thought of using the simple question of 'Status?' to the sub. This forces her/him to answer with either Green, Yellow or Red without having a whole conversation that interrupts the flow. Green would probably initiate an 'Are you sure?' if the scene seemed to be reaching a critical point. Yellow requires a conversation to find what the issue is - something too tight, or too hard, etc.

And I think calling 'Status?' let's the sub know they the Dom/me is actually concerned and paying attention to them, and wants their feedback. It lets them know that it really is OK to use Yellow or Red if needed, as I'm sure most subs are hesitant to do so.

I like the more direct quick question "do you want to use your safe word."

"I like the more direct quick question "do you want to use your safe word."

I think being asked " Status ?" Serves two purposes, it makes the sub actually stop to assess the situation, and not think of it as just a yes or no question but " am I in that yellow zone ?" and as CJ stated

"calling 'Status?' let's the sub know they the Dom/me is actually concerned and paying attention to them, and wants their feedback. It lets them know that it really is OK to use Yellow or Red if needed, as I'm sure most subs are hesitant to do so ."

Aa safeword is a must and the dom should listen to his sub. Red, yellow, green important. Its the doms resposibility to monitor the scene and his sub to protect her. After being with such a dominant i know how enjoyable and stress free this can be. Consideration according to situation goes a long way too

If having a 'safe word' is mutually agreed on then I have a 'two-stage' safe word. The word itself can be anything agreed but completely unrelated to activity. If voiced once then acts like a 'pause' button. - everything stops and establish what the situation is- play can then resume. but if repeated ie word voiced twice then acts like a 'stop' button and that session ends there. By being unrelated it means protests like 'stop' or 'don't' which might be a necessary part of the experience can be disregarded. It is clear what is really meant.

That is why the old standby traffic light safe word works so nicely: 1) it is except for a few exceptions unrelated to the activity, 2) it is a three word step where green means everything is fine keep on trucking, yellow means lets reevaluate and red means everything stops immediately!

That is excellent advice Fencer. At our house, we are adopting your safe words with a few minor modifications as follows:

Green means step on the gas pedal. Yellow mean lighten up a bit. Red means come to a screeching halt.

We have yet to try the new safe words out but it will happen very soon. Tonight if I have anything to say about it!!

I dont have a safe word anymore but I explicatlly trust my Mike.

Here's my motto, no safewords no play ever. Red, yellow, green should be honored by the dom. It's their job to keep assessing the situation of their sub and protect them.

This is a difficult one for me, since I like to experience spankings like my childhood, where there were no safe words.

Before I met my spouse, I just used the "stop" means "stop" thing. I was always able to not say it unless I meant it. But then I learned never to say anything or make any sound while being spanked as a child, so it is easier for me than most to not say the wrong thing.

Since being married, I trust them totally, and so there is no need for any safe word. I rely on them to know when it is sore enough.

I think the stop light method works. I try to work out a session beforehand with play scenarios in writing first to see what direction they are going. This has worked for me. After you spend time with a person and get to know them a safeword may not be needed. I took Petal very deep into bondage with implements including leather strap, paddles and canes. I knew her so well I could tell when she had had enough. I don't claim to be on the same level as Fencer and Faith who are two of the premier Doms on the site. I have learned much from them and continue to ask them questions when needed.

I don't claim to be on the same level as Fencer and Faith who are two of the premier Dom's on the site.

I can't believe you forgot SwitchableSusie.

I can't believe you forgot SwitchableSusie.

Yup, she will have your ass for that!

Well Susie is definitely one of a kind. Her posts never fail to amaze me and she is everywhere on the site. I did talk her into becoming a mod about a decade ago so I take some credit. Her scope and breadth of play is certainly beyond anyone else on the site to my knowledge. I will still call bullshit on her occasionally though. She can get a bit overboard sometimes with those poor newbies!!

Well Susie is definitely one of a kind. Her posts never fail to amaze me and she is everywhere on the site. I did talk her into becoming a mod about a decade ago so I take some credit. Her scope and breadth of play is certainly beyond anyone else on the site to my knowledge. I will still call bullshit on her occasionally though. She can get a bit overboard sometimes with those poor newbies!!

Oh, come on, it's just a little tough love and mentoring them to become more perfect Zity members! 😁

@Moppys_jalopy I find Susie just likes to be subtle in her approach.

@Moppys_jalopy I find Susie just likes to be subtle in her approach.

We both know that's a lie!

We both know that's a lie!

I can vehemently agree and disagree with @SwitchableSusie at times, but SUBTLE is NOT the word to describe her!! 😁

SubtleSusie ???? Just does not look right !!! ???

I think it should be "SuccinctSusie".. She usually says more in a couple of bullets than most of us do in a few paragraphs!

Instead of having only a safe word for stop think about having 2, one for immediate stop and one for slow down, give me a second, or something like for the meaning. I tend to use Red for stop and yellow for let me think about it and give me a rest for a minute or so before resuming.

The last person I was in a relationship with would not stop when I asked him too. I felt disrespected, and I did not feel that I was valued as a person but more of someone that he used. He just kept hurting me, getting short with me, saying I was not a real sub or slave. I reached a point where I could not take anymore as I was thinking I was piece of crap and I knew I was better than that. One day when he was on a trip for several days, I packed my stuff up and moved in with a friend til I could fine my own place. Thank god for friends that have supported me and building me back up as he did a number on me mentally.

@Anna4U That should have never have happened. He is/was not a true dom. For as many have stated here, the dom's first priority is the protection of his/her sub. Safe words are not only smart play, they should be mandatory. No safe word=no play. Also there must be a level of trust in the person you are submitting to; If you can't/don't trust them, then no scene. Good luck and best wishes in finding that which you seek

The last person I was in a relationship with would not stop when I asked him too. I felt disrespected, and I did not feel that I was valued as a person but more of someone that he used. He just kept hurting me, getting short with me, saying I was not a real sub or slave. I reached a point where I could not take anymore as I was thinking I was piece of crap and I knew I was better than that. One day when he was on a trip for several days, I packed my stuff up and moved in with a friend til I could fine my own place. Thank god for friends that have supported me and building me back up as he did a number on me mentally.

@Anna4U That should have never have happened. He is/was not a true dom. For as many have stated here, the dom's first priority is the protection of his/her sub. Safe words are not only smart play, they should be mandatory. No safe word=no play. Also there must be a level of trust in the person you are submitting to; If you can't/don't trust them, then no scene. Good luck and best wishes in finding that which you seek

I'm a switch and would occasionally Dom my ex-wife when she wanted to be sub for an evening. It's truly unfortunate that fake "Doms" like the insecure childish jerk above can't be prosecuted for physical and psychological abuse if not frank assault and battery.

Eric