Pain and safe words

A safe word is always necessary.

On occasion, what seems like insignificant thing that the dominant may not even notice, like a knot sliding, a severe muscle cramp or even choking on your own saliva because you inhaled while you were swallowing because you were being beaten/whipped or flogged can cause real problems.

You always need a safe word.

I've made this speech on other forums but I am a firm believer that Tops have a responsibility to Bottoms....responsibility to communicate thoroughly before a session....especially if they are playing for the first time....determine limits, establish safe words and RESPECT the limits. There is no excuse for exceeding a Bottom's comfort zone. If the Bottom wishes to push his or her limits, the Top should be "checking in" throughout the session to ensure that they haven't crossed the line.

The community I play in uses RED/YELLOW/GREEN. That way we can monitor each other and not be confused by what AARDVARK means.

Remember that the safeword is not solely the responsibility of the bottom. It's also incumbent on the top to 'read' the bottom's body language and take appropriate action based on observation. Also, communication is mandatory - either verbal or thru action.

Ultimately it's always a matter of individual choice, however D and I have been playing together for almost 20 years, and we always have safe words whichever of us is on top. Red (eject-- stop everything), yellow (ease off a bit) and green (mmmm love it!). Have never used red myself or had it used by a partner, but I need to know it's there and would no more play without it than drive without wearing my seat harness. I insist my girlfriends commit to safe-word use (I top my girlfriends about 70 percent of the time-- wish it were closer to 50 percent!). I believe safe words are a necessary but not sufficient part of safe play. Most importantly there is the responsibility of the top to learn to recognise/correctly interpret the bottom's unspoken signals, to concentrate all the time and to always be conservative (ie throttle back) when in any doubt. If that sounds too dull or unadventurous, then so be it. Responsible topping is physically and emotionally demanding-- you cannot relax your attention for an instant (which is why would I like to be topped more of the time!). It is also intensely rewarding.

A safe word should be sufficiently unusual not to be uttered inadvertently or out of context. My choice is therefore "antidisestablishmentarianism".

A safe word should be sufficiently unusual not to be uttered inadvertently or out of context. My choice is therefore "antidisestablishmentarianism".

I hope you're joking. In the RW, thar would be one of the most dangerous things I've heard of. Safewords should be something so familiar to the bottom that they can utter it in the most stressful of situations and common enough that everyone can recognize it and help if necessary.

I always have a safe word for my sub. If she uses it all play is stopped clothes are put on and cocktails are served. Play can resume at her discretion.

>>dead drop

Not sure if this is the place to ask, but what's a dead drop?

^^^ An action or physical reflex that is immediately recognizable resulting in the termination of "play"....Safety !

If the sub does his or her preparation by ensuring selection of a Top who has excellent character, it should not be necessary to have a safe word. I have had subs for years who don't have safewords. A safeword interferes with the submissive experience. They have never ever had a problem with my discipline.

My Most favorite Safe word is "chiffon" To use with my Girl:-)

With "one time or casual Playmates" Traffic light works best .

In public or semi public play spaces, whether playing or DMing, I insist on traffic signal colors. First, they're deeply ingrained in most adults. Even under stress, you'll remember that RED means stop. Secondly, as a DM in a large playspace, I can't be expected to know the individual safewords for every player. When somebody REDs, everybody knows what it means and will react if the top doesn't stop.

It's just common sense safety.

In your bedroom, I don't care what your safeword is unless I'm the bottom.

If the sub does his or her preparation by ensuring selection of a Top who has excellent character, it should not be necessary to have a safe word. I have had subs for years who don't have safewords. A safeword interferes with the submissive experience. They have never ever had a problem with my discipline.

A safe word is absolutely necessary. You apparently do not play hard. Character has nothing to do with the ability of the top to know what is happening with the submissive. Some things are invisible.

I agree with JDS on all counts.

A safe word only interferes with the scene if the submissive abuses the use of safe words.

Also remember that safe words aren't only about stopping. A YELLOW can be called for situations ranging from 'my hand is asleep' to 'I need to pee.' These situations, while not necessarily dangerous can take the bottom right out of their head space,ruining a scene.

I don't participate in these sorts of situations but I would think a safe word is mandatory. That's also what I've read. Physical necessity could quickly turn to terror.

Safe words are something that is very important. There are a few instances in which a sub/slave may say they do not need a safe word, but that takes knowing the Dominant very well and vice versa.

If a Dominant tells a sub that he or she does not need to use safe words, said sub should seek a different Dominant!

A safe word should be sufficiently unusual not to be uttered inadvertently or out of context. My choice is therefore "antidisestablishmentarianism".

RED / YELLOW / GREEN is just perfect.

Safe words should not be abused by the bottom, but not to have one is ridiculous and potentially very dangerous especially if you play hard.

Very simply because simplicity is the key to safeword success.

YELLOW is the code for 'let's talk.'

RED is for stop - nothing else.

With negotiations, the Top might return to the scene - I won't. If my bottom REDs, it's over. Once that's understood, they realize how to use the colors.

BTW, we never covered nonverbal safewords. It's common for the bottom to hold an object that, when dropped, is the safeword. In that situation, discussion will determine the future course of events.

Very simply because simplicity is the key to safeword success. YELLOW is the code for 'let's talk.' RED is for stop - nothing else. . . . If my bottom REDs, it's over. Once that's understood, they realize how to use the colors. . . . BTW, we never covered nonverbal safewords. It's common for the bottom to hold an object that, when dropped, is the safeword. In that situation, discussion will determine the future course of events.

@Jds4med has it right -- simplicity AND communication. You and your play partner must communicate beforehand on the limits each of you will not go beyond and you must communicate beforehand, the meaning of a safeword and the consequences for using it.

This is NOT something to think of on the fly. Safe, rather than sorry.

Jds4med alludes to something I hadn't thought about. If there is something in the mouth, like a gag, or a situation where the person suddenly can't talk, there needs to be an alternative safe out. As Zity turns we all learan.

Doctors requirements and patients limits have to be discussed prior and agreed, both should be reasonable enough though. Like no visual body marks, do not mess with hair, no beatings and such.

Well I don't like safe words I don't want to be able to say or ask to stop surely as a sub it's not up to the individuals . If I'm going to be spanked then that's what happens if it hurts then so be it . After all of your in that position in the first place then surley you'll put up with it ...

Well I don't like safe words I don't want to be able to say or ask to stop . . .

You obviously don't play hard.

You need a safe word.

Safewords are vital, as far as I'm concerned. I've had tops who prefer I use my "big girl words", as they've put it, but I also am able to trust that if YELLOW or RED are the only things I can utter in the moment they will be honored and play either stop or be conversed about, according to the situation. I've never had to call RED, but have YELLOW'ed a couple of times.

Nonverbal signals are also important, especially in the case of a gag or someone who goes nonverbal during play. It could be something held in the hand that can be dropped, or even a particular arm or foot movement that would be obvious and out of the norm for responses depending on the scene.

As a bottom, I realize that I agree to the play that has been negotiated... but there are variables from day to day as to what my body can take and my mind can take. If I give up my right to say slow down or stop, then I may very well be allowing harm to come to myself, and I don't feel that's very smart for me. Safe words are my protection against potentially permanent damage.

demure said

Safewords are vital, as far as I'm concerned. I've had tops who prefer I use my "big girl words", as they've put it, but I also am able to trust that if YELLOW or RED are the only things I can utter in the moment they will be honored and play either stop or be conversed about, according to the situation. I've never had to call RED, but have YELLOW'ed a couple of times.

Nonverbal signals are also important, especially in the case of a gag or someone who goes nonverbal during play. It could be something held in the hand that can be dropped, or even a particular arm or foot movement that would be obvious and out of the norm for responses depending on the scene.

What are "big girl words"?

I have a question...

How is a safe word managed if a gag is being used?

Quite literally: SIGN LANGUAGE

This can be waving arms or legs, blinking the eyes, wiggling feet/toes fingers, snorting noises, etc.

The Dom/Domme needs to watch for these agreed up signals.

Makes sense.

Big girl words, as in, "That hurts! Stop! Too intense! A little to the left! Right there! Yeah, baby, bring it on! My foot is asleep! I can't feel my legs! My head is about to explode!" Etc.

in other words, plain language other than traffic light words.

Plain English words like STOP are generally considered to be a BAD idea because people in subspace often yell things they do not mean and STOP is one of them.

Some of them will get very angry at their Dom/Domme if they actually stop.

The stupid sounding traffic light is really the best.