Am I gay?

IMO - I think men obsess over the "am I gay" question way too much. Women don't seem to worry about this as much. The hornier a man is, the more he might wonder into "gay" sex, but once he cums, in an instant he reverts back to normal mode, feeling guilty about what he did. IMO, it comes down to (can't resist a pun) how you as a man feel about other men when your are NOT horny mode. Do you still want to hug, kiss, smell, dance with them? - if so then you're gay. If, on the other hand, (ha, another pun) these are things you want do with women, then you're straight.

(can't resist a pun). . . . (ha, another pun)

Telling someone it's a pun defeats the purpose and prevents the pun from being funny.

Puns aren't funny if you tell people it's a pun.

Likewise, a joke isn't funny to a person if you have to explain it to them.

Been married twice...with women, but I am anally erotic. I could be exclusively with a man sexually.......but would entertain a cock in my ass if the situation arose. I'm trysexual.......will try anything sexual.

Been married twice...with women, but I am anally erotic. I could be exclusively with a man sexually.......but would entertain a cock in my ass if the situation arose. I'm trysexual.......will try anything sexual.

Yes - "trysexual" that's a great term. Fits me to a tee, and it better than many of the dictionary listed terms.

Been married twice...with women, but I am anally erotic. I could be exclusively with a man sexually.......but would entertain a cock in my ass if the situation arose. I'm trysexual.......will try anything sexual.

Don't be making up your own words otherwise someone might take your meaning wrong. 😜

I did find your word very much on point though. To be open to try something is better than being closed minded and not trying new things.

I subscribe to the spectrum theory of sexuality. i grew up in a religious culture and era that conditioned me to believe that being gay was both "sick" and "sinful." It took me a long time to get free of that conditioning.

When i divorced from my former wife after 31 years of marriage to her, i thought i might be bisexual. We had two kids together and i was never not able to perform sexually with her. We had sex usually several times a week the entire time we were together. i loved and still love this woman, even though i've been pretty much disowned by her and my kids because i live as gay and have rejected their religious approach to life. i came to understand my love for her as similar to a prison romance, where for instance a straight guy may have sex in prison with another guy because that's all that is available, but that doesn't make him 'gay.'

Similarly, my beliefs and conditioning were my prison. Once i 'escaped' that prison, i had to figure out whether i was gay or bi. i dated a woman who was a professor of women's studies at a major university. That was a funny story, she had identified as lesbian most of her life, had been a major leader in the lesbian community in Germany (she was a visiting professor to the US), but in her 40's found herself attracted to men. Go figure? It would seem, at least in her case, that sexuality is not only on a spectrum, but can be fluid as well. i really liked her, she was physically and otherwise attractive to me, but i didn't find myself feeling the least bit sexual towards her. She wanted sex, i didn't. i know i could have performed sexually with her, but wasn't sexually attracted. But that experience helped me further see that i really am gay.

Another relationship that helped solidify it for me was i also dated a trans person for awhile. i met this person on a polyamorous site. When i still thought i might be Bi, polyamory made sense to/for me. This person was born with a female body but identified as male, was living with a female lover for 10 years and they wanted a third who is male. Complicated lol. This person was attracted to me, and i liked this person a great deal, but again, was not sexually attracted. i was fascinated by and enjoyed this person a great deal, but there was something/s about them that said "female" to me, and it wasn't the vagina or breasts, it was emotional/psychological.

i've had lots of opportunities to have sex with women, but have only ever had sex with my former wife when it comes to women. Turns out, i'm gay.

@MissStress said

Don't be making up your own words otherwise someone might take your meaning wrong. 😜

I did find your word very much on point though. To be open to try something is better than being closed minded and not trying new things.

I am posting in GREEN again because this is what GREEN means to me.

For the record, I am NOT against making up a new word to describe something.

I AM AGAINST changing the definition of a perfectly good word that has an accepted definition to suit what you THINK it should mean.

I have used the term, "trysexual" in the past to describe myself.

Susie, always remember that making up words and definitions is perfectly fine as long as you don't intend your language to be useful for communicating with others.

Susie, always remember that making up words and definitions is perfectly fine as long as you don't intend your language to be useful for communicating with others.

Exactly!!! How do we communicate if everyone has their own definition of a term. There are a number of threads (well maybe 3 or 4) where everyone seems to have their own definition of "normal", "gay vs homosexual", "degree of sexuality - eg where on the homo vs heterosexual scale does one fit)" "what constitutes cheating". In most cases, these made up definitions tend to support/ justifiy/sugarcoat ones own actions and insecurities.

Examples:

"Normal to me is what I do every day." That's even if you like molesting 7 year old girls every day?

"Homosexuals are ok but gays turn me off" - Assumes gay = effeminate vs gay = homosexual (usually male), what about trans folks?

"I'm not homosexual - just bi sexual or bi-curious" : I like to suck, fuck or get fucked by guys = homo.

"It's ok to have extramarital sex with a guy - that's not cheating" - duh!!!

Stick to the definition of a word - then caveat your feelings from there - don't adapt the word to support your proclivity!!!

I think words don't always suffice to convey what we may be thinking or feeling, especially written words that are missing visual and tonal cues.

This reminds me of an assessment i do with all my patients: a "pain assessment." In the assessment i ask the patient if they are feeling any pain and then ask them to rate their pain on a scale of 0-10. i explain that "0 is no pain at all" and that "10 is the worst pain they have ever experienced." Probably a good 25% of my patients will go outside the parameters with a number like "15." Early on in my career i tried to correct the patient and explain that "15" is 'not a word' (so to speak). Being pedantic served no purpose though, other than to set us up on opposing sides, it didn't facilitate communication or understanding. Reality is, everyones perception of pain is individual and the point or assessment is to understand that persons individual pain so that i can help manage it. When i ask the next question, "what is a manageable level (number)," we usually start to communicate, to connect, because i explain that everyone's numbers are "their" numbers and the point is to help them with "their" pain, not to nail them down to a number or label. i explain that their numbers may (and can) change, that those numbers are just a tool to try and communicate and convey their feelings, they are not the thing.

i believe one of the threads common to all people, a thread that (can) bind us all together, is the need/desire to be seen, heard, understood and our value affirmed.

Research done by Albert Mehrabian highlights the complexity of communication, that communication is not as simple as only using words with static definition.

"Words (what is actually said)

Tone of voice (how we say the words)

Body Language

All three of these elements can be conveyed at the same time [in face to face communication] to express an overall message. Often, the tone of voice and body language are combined to become the most powerful form of communication. However, body language – which forms a large part of non-verbal communication – is often used on its own, and is thought to be one of the most ‘telling’ modes of communication. Through his research Mehrabian also surmised that proportionally, the three elements were not of equal importance. He claimed that in face-to-face communication, the majority of what is put across is portrayed through non verbal communication:

Words (the literal meaning) account for 7% of the overall message

Tone of voice accounts for 38% of the overall message

Body Language accounts for 55% of the overall message"

http://www.bodylanguageexpert.co.uk/communication-what-percentage-body-language.html

He claimed that in face-to-face communication, the majority of what is put across is portrayed through non verbal communication:

Words (the literal meaning) account for 7% of the overall message

Tone of voice accounts for 38% of the overall message

Body Language accounts for 55% of the overall message"

Could not agree more. Sometimes I even wonder if people listen to what is being said at all.

And words are certainly not neutral. When my mother addressed me in English, that was a cue that she was seriously mad about something. Or other examples as when a nun teacher addressed a (male) pupil as 'Mr. Gracier ...' oh boy, then you knew they were mightily pissed as opposed to their usual disapproving demeanor.

Susie, always remember that making up words and definitions is perfectly fine as long as you don't intend your language to be useful for communicating with others.

Exactly!!! How do we communicate if everyone has their own definition of a term.

I said create a new word, not change its definition. If you create a new word, you have to state its definition and see if it catches on. That happens in scientific literature with increasing frequency.

This reminds me of an assessment i do with all my patients: a "pain assessment." In the assessment i ask the patient if they are feeling any pain and then ask them to rate their pain on a scale of 0-10. i explain that "0 is no pain at all" and that "10 is the worst pain they have ever experienced." Probably a good 25% of my patients will go outside the parameters with a number like "15." ... When i ask the next question, "what is a manageable level (number)," we usually start to communicate, to connect, because i explain that everyone's numbers are "their" numbers and the point is to help them with "their" pain, not to nail them down to a number or label.

Interesting. I always read that as a semi-log scale like the Richter (let's please not get into a discussion of the foibles, failures and usefulness of that) where 7-8 would be "curled up in a ball unable to function," and 9 would be "not answering you because I can't function enough." I like the idea of clarifying questions for followup.

That said a precise lexicon is important for written communication because there aren't any of those nonverbal cues.

The real problem with the 1-10 scale or the similey face to a crying frown face scale is many people rate getting a splinter removed a "9"

The real problem with the 1-10 scale or the similey face to a frown face scale is many people rate getting a splinter removed a "9"

And a small group of people - men and women - refuse to rate higher than a 5 or 6.

And a small group of people - men and women - refuse to rate higher than a 5 or 6.

And when they don't ask questions to find out which is which they might get the wrong impression if they don't realize "7" means "I was starting to get worried I'd pass out in the car on the way here and possibly cause a major accident" instead of "I stubbed my toe"

And when they don't ask questions to find out which is which they might get the wrong impression if they don't realize "7" means "I was starting to get worried I'd pass out in the car on the way here and possibly cause a major accident" instead of "I stubbed my toe"

And hopefully the med professional knowing what’s going on can calibrate those folk

And hopefully the med professional knowing what’s going on can calibrate those folk

yep.

After doing thousands of assessments, you do start to get a sense and learn how to get information from different types of people. Things like heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate can indicate pain, but also other things, like anxiety or metabolic acidosis, etc. etc. etc.. Usually when i get to the the follow-up question of "what is a manageable number," things start to get clearer, but we also get a fair number of people with altered mental status in hospital and logic and reason become even more ineffectual.

While 0-10 looks neat on paper, and the definitions "0 means no pain" and "10 is the worst pain you have every had" seem pretty straight forward, it doesn't often work that way. The system has to be applied individually in order to identify those people who's 5 is really a 10 and those who's pain is a 10 no matter what.

It is no indication that you are gay. To be gay one prefers men to women for sex and to spend their lives with each other. Gays are attracted to the male body in preference to the female body. The fact that we have sexual sensations there indicates to me that it is for a reason and that is pleasure. A man's penis in your butt is certainly a LOT different from a strap-on and much more pleasurable. If I were you, I'd find someone who is understanding and willing to demonstrate to you what it feels like, without the emotional attachment. There are erotic masseurs who are willing to do that as a service, which makes it for release and not for gay love. If you're like me, it is an erotic sensation, and if the man knows what he's doing, and knows how to get you open and ready before penetration, then you will only feel the pleasure and may be able to relax and enjoy it enough to have an anal orgasm. Whatever you decide, I hope you are happy with the decision.

So true Erwin!

Fun to play with yourself. Too bad it is so hard to find someone to play along!

Legal prostitution would make it easier, I suppose. But that ended when the presidential candidate dropped out for lack of funds. Oh well.

If you have come here for the answer, you took a left instead of a right in Cleveland. Search your heart that's where the answer is. If you want to be gay for a day, a week, a month, a year it's inside you. Only you can walk that path and find the truth. Try it on, see if it fits, no harm, no foul.

As far as we know we only live once, so try everything at least twice. That's how my mom taught me to eat. Eat something twice and by two different cooks, two different ways before you say " its not for me, or I don't like it". I apply that to everything in life.

We can't just pronounce you as gay or straight or bi curious. I have friends who swore their whole life. Even as we dated they were polyamourous. Then with a little help they met the man of their dreams and are still Wiccan high priestess but no longer polyamorous. Times change, circumstances change. Life gets in the way etc, etc.

Good luck Sir, let us know when you do?

Also keep in mind that you can have fantasies that are fun to play around with but you don't really want them to go any further - those are fine, as are the ones you decide you want to go further with. Being rigid one way or the other is rarely helpful.

In terms of sexual desires, all my bi activities are really "trisexual", done especially when horny. In terms of what body do I want to kiss and hug, it's always been a female. I think alot of men fall into this category and needlessly wonder about becoming gay, instead of realizing that their sexual interests have broadened with age.

Do you feel gay? Do you want to kiss other men? When not, you are not gay, but you love the anal intense feeling and that's okay. Join a anal adventure with other heteroflexible men. If you more like to kiss and pet women, you keep hetero with a little flexible Faible.

"Am I gay, or what?" probably goes back to the Egyptians or somebody. a long time ago.

Prob not cave men, because they hit each other with sticks.

I think a magazine that has ceased publication recently, Mad, said it best:

"What, me worry?"

I wouldn't think you're gay because of that. You just enjoyed it a little to much

Enjoying anal stimulation does not make you gay. Are you sexually attracted to men? That makes you gay. I am not at all sexually attracted to men. I would never kiss one, I would never be romantically involved with one, I find most men and repulsive both physically and mentally. I do not fantasize about being with a man. But, I sure love enemas and I sure love anal stimulation. But when it comes to women, I love everything about them. Even the bad ones, I want to f***. I love the taste of their vaginas, I love f****** in them in the ass, I am even okay with the smell of their poop. Just as long as it's from a beautiful women that I am attracted to, I'm into it

I am not at all sexually attracted to men. I would never kiss one, I would never be romantically involved with one ...

I can relate with you on that point - But, having said that, I enjoy being fingered by both men and women... so, I'm a bi who does not reciprocate doing what he likes having done to him by men. With women I gladly give as good as I get.

I have often wondered what it would feel like having a cock in my ass. I certainly know what my toys and my wife's hand feels like, so why not the curiosity about a real penis? It would be simply sexual sensation exploration. Doggy style would be 'fuck me'. On top would be 'I'm fucking my ass with your cock'. Like me and the wife experience.

I would need to have someone with a large, long penis who could last a long time before his orgasm. Rare, I would guess!