Female Enemamates Are Not Hard To Find

Finding a female enemate is not just difficult ; it is close to impossible. In fact, few things are more difficult. It is easier to be elected to the United States House of Representatives. After all, there are 435 members. It is easier to get a leading role in a hit TV series or make the Billboard hot 100.

It just seems like there are more female enema lovers on the east coast than there are on the west coast here on Zity Biz. Which makes them kinda hard to find, unless you want to make a road trip.

Enemavamp whether or not that is true, it is still a tiny number. I have been VERY active in the local fetish community for almost 20 years and have yet to find an available one (I found two females who supposedly already had regular partners for enema play).

The reality, it seems, is that there may be 2 women who responded to this discussion, vs. all of the guys who made comment.

As my Uncle's oncologist said, it doesn't take a brain suregeon to know that ...

I have always enjoyed enemas. I wasn't given them as a child, but I have always had an anal fixation. I used to give myself a fleets enema to "prep" before a date, to be really clean for anal sex. So I wouldn't mind giving as well as receiving enemas and am also into other sexual activities during and after the enema play.

What really upsets me when trying to meet a male Enemate is the lack of manners that I encounter. I find that most men forget to be polite, funny, kind, and intelligent. They seem to just RUSH the sex talk, jump STRAIGHT to enema and fetish talk without even introducing themselves! Really? Um, that's not going to get them any play dates. That's just boorish behavior. I would like the man to be interested in me as a person, not just a "body" to fill him up ASAP, jeez. Of course, not all men behave this way, and the nice ones have enjoyed my company as a regular play date. I got a long message today stating the guy was looking for "FWB" and "NSA".

This is very distasteful to me. Why not just go ahead and ask me if I'm an "escort" while he's at it? And it also makes me think that he's married too !!

So please guys, make a good first impression and stick to that approach. Get to know the woman first. Passion, trust and respect should be mutual. Good communication is important too. Act like you're actually DATING!! Some us are actually looking for a nice kinky boyfriend on here!

Bravo, SweetGirl99. I concur. Many men jump immediately from "Hello, I saw you on Zity." to "So what is your favorite position to take enemas? Did you get them as a child? How did you get started into enemas?" While all are questions we will eventually like to discuss with them, we'd like to be seen as women first and not objectified for our fetish or act as unwilling participants to feed your fantasies. Would you subject your mothers, daughters, wives, aunts and grandmothers with such brashness and rude behavior and questions? We may be "kinky" but we are LADIES first and we like to be treated as such.

Try to get to know us on an emotional human level before delving into the physical and sexual. It is very off-putting to be approached by a barrage of intimate questions but if you guys put your penises in check and fine tune your conversational skills, you might just find the woman of your dreams.

I must agree with the above two posters. There are times some guys make me cringe with their behaviour.

I agree totally with Dianne and Jenny. I can't imagine why a man wouldn't want to get to know you first. Enema play is such an intimate activity I would want to know and be comfortable with the women before sharing anything as personal and sensual as enema play.

I think that most people are not interested in any kinks and I have never had any luck introducing women to any aspects of kink. And among the few women on the boards who are interested in kinks, very few of them are interested in enemas. Far more of this small number list spanking and things like that. Even among professional doms who make a living this way, a small fraction of them are interested in enemas. Maybe I am wrong, but I think that enema play is even less of a turn-on for women than for men. Not sure why. Maybe they think it is too messy.

I think you're being too hard on guys who have an interest in finding a Play Partner (or something more permanent). How can anyone start a discussion with a woman who writes almost nothing in her Profile, and with whom you seem to have nothing in common except your love of some fetish? Many women don't even disclose which continent they're on.

How can anyone start a discussion with a woman who writes almost nothing in her Profile, and with whom you seem to have nothing in common except your love of some fetish? Many women don\'t even disclose which continent they\'re on.

"Hello. My name is _____. We met on Zity. How are you doing today? Do you have time to chat?" is always a nice start. As is, "How's the weather? What are your hobbies and interests? Are you single or married?" And every other normal question you would ask a complete stranger in a bar or on the street.

As far as not knowing anything about her except your common fetish, including what continent she's from, why are you even bothering her? Can't you be patient and get to know her by reading her posts or blogs?

One would think that if good women who enjoy enemas are so few and far between that you would cherish them, treat them like ladies and be damned sure you didn't say anything to upset them, offend them and ruin your chances of ever getting to know them.

How many men want a woman to go into an immediate barrage of questions such as, "How long is your penis? Is it nice and thick or are we talking Chapstick size? Do you shave your asshole? What about your balls? When was the last time you had sex? How long can you last in bed? Can you go all night or do you need a little blue pill to get you up? Since you like enemas and putting things in your butt, are you gay or do you think you might be? Do you take enemas for pleasure or do you need them because of poor digestion, diet or not taking good care of yourself? Do you take enema solo or with a partner? Have you ever gotten one from another man? Would you like to? I've always fantasized about being with two men. Would you be open to that?"

I mean, really, people. It's like that for women. I will be sitting online, maybe having a bite to eat, listening to some music and someone I've never talked to but who found my profile on Zity will bug me in a rapid-fire succession of ever increasing personal and rude questions. They don't even consider to ask if it's a good time to talk in case I'm not alone and have someone reading over my shoulder. If they only took the time to read my profile, which is very detailed and expressive, they would find the answers to many of their questions. It really bugs me when someone IMs or writes me who has clearly not read my profile asks me about things I say specifically that I have zero interest in and when I say so, try to coerce me in changing my mind. No means no. I say it for a reason.

And for those who think this post is harsh, you try getting harassed online nearly every day for decades. You are just one in a line of men who have asked me that same question and yes, sometimes I snap. But the men who have treated me like gentlemen are dear to my heart and we've developed strong, long-lasting friendships. The other guys are a dime a dozen. I am usually polite in saying thanks, but no thanks, but sometimes it's just one time too many. There's a reason I rarely sign onto YM these days and when I do, it's as invisible.

I was raised to be a lady and to be kind to others and generally, I am. I'm a nurturing person with a good heart so I have often given in and talked to people when I wasn't feeling up to it because I am one of the few women they have ever met who shared their interest but perhaps I should take the example of others and cut them off before they get started.

I think egirlky has raised some valid points. I apoligize because I didn't have the sense to think of others first!

I am not defending "rude" behavior. However, I still concur with ManyOohs4U's basic point. Most male members of enemas4fun would probably like to find a play partner. Why not first discover if someone has complimentary kinky interests before discussing vanilla subjects? Sweetgirl99 the fact that you have joined this site is an acknowledgement of an interest in kinky activities. One can still "be polite, funny, kind and intelligent." There are much better ways to find a vanilla friend or gf than through chat with other members of this site.

Also there is nothing inherently wrong with being married and seeking an enemate.. Sweetgirl99 you indicate that you are seeking a bf. Therefore, you don't want to play with a married man.However, I suspect the majority of males here are not seeking a gf. As long as a married man doesn't say he is single, he is not acting inappropriately approaching someone here for play.

My profile states that I am seeking an unattached Dominant male. I am open to a relationship, a play partner, and friendship. If becoming good friends, and then play partners leads to a LTR, then wonderful. Please do not interpret my profile into what you choose to see. And I Clearly state that my main interests are erotic and punishment enemas. Otherwise, why would I be on an enema site? If I wished for only spankings or stricly bdsm,then I wouldn't even be on this site. Thank You, egirlky for pointing out that there is no excuse for bad manners.

Why would I want to play with another woman's husband?? I clearly see that there are many single men who love enemas as much as I do.If I must weed through the married ones, so be it. I am also a switch, so I love giving as much as I do receiving. I do see some men on here wish to have an "enema nurse" and only wish to receive. I wish them good luck, but that is very one-sided, and it's fine for them, but not fine for me.

How would men on here like to constantly be asked a barrage of questions that egirlky mentioned in the first few messages? That would seem very shallow and rude to me. I have filled out a fetish list on here, so that is clearly legible for all to read. Bostonseeker, I had not realized that sending polite messages initially was discussing "vanilla subjects". I just thought it was a nice way to behave in any setting. My play partners have always been close friends, witty, funny, intelligent, and playful, and polite. Due to long distances, we have not been in a LTR. Sending a woman a barrage of intimate enema or sexual questions in initial messages is not being polite, funny, and certainly not an intelligent approach at all, and is a turn off. Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

And by reading other member's posts, I get a feel for their views, opinions, and personalities. I read profiles as well. I list all of my information on mine.

And good luck to everyone on this site!! I am happy to be here.

Hugs

Jenny

I was raised to be a lady and to be kind to others and generally, I am. I'm a nurturing person with a good heart so I have often given in and talked to people when I wasn't feeling up to it because I am one of the few women they have ever met who shared their interest but perhaps I should take the example of others and cut them off before they get started.

I'm sorry to have ended the conversation sounding bitter. I became sidetracked and had to sign off. What I wanted to say to is that maybe I should grow a backbone and stop placating those who interrupt me with a first contact of questions regarding my rectum and vagina before asking questions about my availability, health, head and heart. Maybe if all women would do so, men might learn their mistake and be retrained to see the whole woman and not the woman's holes.

Jenny It is difficult to sympathize with you. I am not saying that you don't receive annoying messages here. On the other hand I receive NO messages from women interested in enemas. I would wager that the same is true for most of the males at this site. As you indicate, if you must weed through messages, so be it. You have a surplus of options; in regard to possible female enemates I have none. Would I mind a barrage of personal kinky questions from an interested female? NO! NO! NO! egirlky has phrased the questions in the most insulting, hostile way.There are different ways to ask intimate questions. Moreover, many of them are irrelevant to the subject at hand: enemas. If one wants a serious response, she (or he) should use more felicitous phrasing. As there is such a shortage of women here, however, the issue is moot.

Egirlky also assumes that you have not already read a woman's posts to get to know something about her. I have -- always do. I think many other men do that too.

If I see something that indicates she is not suitable, I don't even waste my time messaging her (such as she posted a comment mentioning her husband, when her Profile never mentioned she's married) -- unless she makes it very clear that she can and will do something outside of her marriage.

What's wrong with contacting a woman who has written in her Profile, and in posts -- and maybe even placed an ad -- that she's looking to find someone with whom she could share her fetish? What purpose is served by all that stupid chit chat about totally unrelated topics with people who have virtually nothing else in common? Women certainly don't tolerate such bullshit on Internet dating sites -- they don't answer it (unless your photo looks like a movie star). What's wrong with inviting her to get to know you -- and you, her? Online at first, and then in person for coffee or lunch? Why do so many people assume that all such messages are rude and crude, and that the writer in insisting on sexual/fetish Play from the start? They're not. I think it's fair to state from the start what your intentions are, however, so that a woman can decide whether she even wants to spend time on social chit chat.

And who has time for online chat? The great invention of asynchronous communication -- email etc -- is that you can send a carefully worded message that can be replied to at a later time, and with the time and care to give a good & thoughtful response. Online chatrooms are a total waste of time. No one ever says anything meaningful, or even expresses a complete thought. Every partial sentence has to be followed with "What did you mean?" "Huh?"

If a woman has written almost nothing in her Profie (as very many do), and hasn't made any revealing posts lately, there is nothing for any man to discuss, and no reason to contact her -- and no reason for her to reply. Who talks about the weather etc as a general opening to a person of the opposite sex? You've got to be a total dope if you do. No modern woman would reply to such meaningless and unimaginative banter.

Jenny It is difficult to sympathize with you. I am not saying that you don't receive annoying messages here.

Oh, but I wish that you could. If you did, it would mean that you are sorry she is bombarded with messages from rude men who give your gender a bad name and who lessen your chances of women giving being warm and friendly at your attempts of contact. It isn't a case of quantity that matters to women, it's quality. I wish men could appreciate and understand that. It's no good to bait for a sockeye salmon and catching chum instead. (Poor analogy I know but I really don't know my fish.) Women would rather hear from four worthwhile quality men in a year than ten time-wasters a day.

On the other hand I receive NO messages from women interested in enemas. I would wager that the same is true for most of the males at this site. As you indicate, if you must weed through messages, so be it. You have a surplus of options; in regard to possible female enemates I have none.

Women like to take time to know people. Men are into instant gratification. Men are comfortable meeting someone after talking to a women once. Women have been victimized by men since the dawn of time and especially since the dawn of the Internet (Slavemaster John? Robinson, The Craiglist Killer.) We require more time to get to know you and get comfortable with meeting you.

So you are rarely going to find a woman by cold-calling her via unsolicited IM, email or chat. The best way for women to get to know you is on the message board and if you only use it once every few months and only to gripe about the lack of women and being a negative nelly, you're not going to get a warm reception from them. Quality men care about more than a woman's kinks, though they are important, too. Women like to be asked about more than just their bodies and what they can do for a man. So again, intelligent, fun, polite and respectful are appreciated.

If we find out that our personalities are agreeable to each other and that we share the same interests and values, then we can talk about the rest of the stuff. Again, the kink can wait. We would rather be opened up slowly like a rose than feel like we're being attacked by a weed-whacker.

Would I mind a barrage of personal kinky questions from an interested female? NO! NO! NO! egirlky has phrased the questions in the most insulting, hostile way.There are different ways to ask intimate questions. Moreover, many of them are irrelevant to the subject at hand: enemas.

I used dysphemism to make my point; just as Jonathan Swift did in A Modest Proposal, to give an example of the invasive and intrusive line of questioning some men use when writing women. I did it to show you why we're reluctant to come forward and express our deepest desires to a complete stranger who doesn't care to get to know us as people but as their sexual fantasy, as well. While I and other women do enjoy sexual attentions from the right men, we don't want to be displayed and used by others. We don't want to be objectified.

If one wants a serious response, she (or he) should use more felicitous phrasing. As there is such a shortage of women here, however, the issue is moot.

If you say so. I mean, at least we know where you stand so you personally being contacted by women may be a moot point. Being negative, whining and complaining about women rarely makes us take notice and gives us the desire to know a crab apple. We'd rather talk to patient, intelligent men who know that we're worth the wait and are willing to take as long as necessary for us to find our comfort zone. And those men are richly rewarded. I hope someday, you learn a lesson from them and can find your local enema giver. Until then, perhaps you'd rather use a different venue such as Craigslist or Backpage where you can get anything for your $ since all you seem to care about is the physical need of an enema and not the caring and emotional need of a woman to share your bed and your life.

Kind Sirs and Ladies, I never asked for anyone to sympathize with me. I am not on this fun site to beg for anyone's sympathy. I am here for interesting conversation, to make meaningful friendships that either stay as friendships, or they might lead to meaningful play partners. I enjoy discussing a variety of topics, exchange enema recipes, laugh, learn from other ideas, chat about a million things, and just enjoy life. I LOVE MEN. I am not here to bash men or women. People are free to do as they wish. I had read some men complaining about the lack of women responding in this thread actually, and then comments about the lack of women that are trully interested in enemas in general on enema sites, and in personal ads. So that's the reason why I posted my comments. If you read my initial post, I said that "Not all men behave in this way, and the nice ones have enjoyed my company as play partners."

I am open minded, and I appreciate sincere genuine qualities in both men and women. egirlky and I have simply pointed out a few hints about effective communication in a direct manner. And I did notice that others agreed. I am not talking about messaging someone about irrelevant subjects. I was mentioning some experiences that many woman have shared with me regarding SOME men's over eagerness to just cut to the chase and ask very blunt graphic questions in initial messages without even introducing themselves or saying a mere "hello". This approach scares most women away. This approach might scare some gay men, if they are approached by a more aggressive gay male, and that might make them uncomfortable. Communication works both ways. I might respect a married man's comment or personal message to me in a respectful manner, which I have in fact. Of course I wish to rule out if a guy enjoys "diaper play", while I don't. Nothing wrong with ruling out the wrong match. Not all of us share the same kinks, even in enema play. I believe we all want some kind of intimate connections as humans with certain kinks.

This site is all about expressing mutual needs in a multitude of ways, sharing ideas and conversations, and making friends. It's not a crime to wish for witty and fun conversation. Does one make friends in just a few comments? I doubt it. And that is my point. Enema play involves very intimate and vulnerable acts, and I feel that only through an established close friendship and communication that's possible for fun. You have every right to disagree with me. Some people are shy, and may be embarrassed to ask for certain needs. Society is very vanilla. Or is it??? What is normal? What is kinky? it's all so subjective !!! May I just pass the peace pipe to all of us and start over? We are all here to have fun. Meaningful friendships can last a lifetime.

And who doesn't want a sincere lifetime friend? I have enjoyed friendships for over 27, 20, 15, 10, 5, 2 years.....All are so very precious to me !!!

Just think, Who could I contact at 3 am to help me in a time of crisis, or to just talk things out, and not be judged, and loved unconditionally???

Hugs,

Jenny xoxoxox

By the way, I have in fact contacted men in the past, formed close friendships, and had fun play partners. Those men took their time to get to know me, and one younger man acutally sent me his live piano concertos via iPhone, and "Good Morning, Beautiful" texts. That endearing communication led to more intimate experiences, wow!! Just a thought. Mmmmmm, sexy poetry, sweet messages, sincere thoughts and feelings...amazing!!!

I have enjoyed many forms of close friendships.....quite delightful. And they all started off with meaningful friendships. ;-)

Sweetgirl, I approached my current lover and enemate first on Zity and we've been together 4 years now. We have a deep, marvelous friendship and love each other deeply. We can talk about everything, including the weather - he lives nearly two hours away and I'll let him know when severe storms strike here so he can get ready for it at his place since it will head there next. We talk about our families, our childhoods, our pets, our health, our hobbies, what music we like to listen to, how to grow roses, what we're making for dinner, about our internet connections and computers and cell phones, how hard we want to be spanked, what our favorite enema solutions are, the water temperature we prefer, what toys we've used, how we masturbated when we were young, what lubricants we prefer, what height to hang the bag, how long to hold the enema, where and how I want him to penetrate me, how we each want to be fisted, what size catheters to use in cath play, etc. It's a blend of respect, love, thoughtfulness, companionship, kink and hot sex. And although my preference is for older men and he's 15 years younger than me, it works.

And there are several men, some with which I made the first move, with whom I've shared decades long friendships and plan on being in each other's loves forever. We talk about everyday things as well as sexual things and have shared intimate fun on the phone with each other. Patience is a virtue and friendships like those are worth the wait.

Egirlk if there are NO women interested, then it is irrelevant what I say. The United States population is around 315,000.000. There may be a dozen women interested in giving enemas to men. I can name a few: you (Kentucky), Miss Stress (Iowa), Switchablesusie (New York) and Sweetgirl99 (Texas). In twenty years I have encountered one local woman into giving enemas to men (and she was not available). There are NO local enema givers. Of course I am not including professional enema givers. Even then, they are few and far between. Enemas are rarely included in professional dommes' repertoires. However, I have absolutely no interest in paying someone anyhow. I have no idea what Backpage is. Craigslist locally has only fakes and none of the advertisers mention enemas anyhow. People here make assumptions based on no facts. What does seeking an enemate have to do with finding someone to share one's bed and life? If I were seeking the latter, I can think of many better avenues to find it. I might find that enema play is not as much fun as I fantasize anyhow.

You under estimate how many women want to give men enemas. There are far more than you imagine and if I'm not mistaken, at least one women who is looking for an enemate in the Boston area. If there isn't perhaps you would have luck finding a lady on the east coast with whom you could start a friendship and could take a road trip to see or pay for her trip to visit you. If it's just in the fantasy stage and you might not end up enjoying it at much as you think you would, it wouldn't be a great investment to find out.

For the record, my enemate and I had the same doubts that it might not be as good as the fantasy but we were both greatly mistaken. It was even more incredible than imagined.

BTW, I haven't heard of anyone who has had success finding an enemate in the personal ad section

Dianne you are correct in that female enemates are easier to find off-line than on-line. Personally I have only found one partner on-line and that was by accident. Off-line I have had four partners and much to my surprise it was all of them that brought up the subject of enemas. In all cases it was after several dates and having been intimate at least twice. Woman usually like to mix the two especially if they like anal intercourse and they are looking just as hard as men for an enemate though they won't admit or advertise the fact.

TopGear and Dianne, I have never found my male enemates through an ad online. But I have randomly, by chance, messaged 2 very nice men on enema sites, and after becoming good friends, we then became play partners. We were also pleasantly surprised to be part of another fetish site as well. We usually plan play dates and meet half way, spending a couple of days together. We also have taken turns visiting one another. I must agree that women do like to mix both intimate play, anal sex, and enema play. I have found 2 partners ofline this way. It just takes great chemistry, a close friendship, and good communication to find the right play partners. It doesn't happen over night. But it's a delighful surprise when things flow very organically and naturally.

@Sweetgirl99: When you contacted these men, did you talk about the weather, local parking conditions, your favorite music etc, for weeks or months before even mentioning your interest in enemas (as egirlky suggests)?

TopGear, I didn't mean it's easier to meet enemates off-line. I've met mine on-line. What I meant was that it is easier to meet people by using the message board, engaging in conversation there and getting to know at least a little about each other in a public forum. It's less successful to send IMs or private messages to women without knowing anything about them. When someone contacts us out of the blue, we think creepy horny guy or stalker, not "Hey, I can't wait to tell this strange man all the intimate details of myself without knowing a single thing about him." I don't think men consider that when they approach us.

And in case I haven't mentioned this, IMing a woman out of the blue and instead of openly telling her things about yourself and saying, "I''m an open book. Ask what me what you wanna know and I'll tell you." Is a pain in the ass thing to do. We might be in the middle of something and don't have a checklist of questions set aside in preparation. Often, the only thing we want to know in that situation is how did you get my info and will you go away. Guys have to bring something to the table. If you don't take the trouble to present yourself properly, why should we take the time out of our day to deal with you?

@Sweetgirl99: When you contacted these men, did you talk about the weather, local parking conditions, your favorite music etc, for weeks or months before even mentioning your interest in enemas (as egirlky suggests)?

I suggested talking about neutral topics to see if you have the same non-sexual interests, a similar outlook in life, have personalities that work together and a good rapport with each other. If it goes well for the first few topics, maybe you have something to wore with. But if you're hobbies are say, clubbing baby seals and she's into saving the planet, dolphins and whales, you might not have enough in common enough to keep each other's attention and no basis to start a friendship or relationship, even if it is just sex and/or enemates only.

Guys may have the ability to fuck anyone and anything but women have more discretion and won't often bed someone who doesn't share her core values.

BTW, for every woman who replies to this thread, there are dozens to hundreds that read it. So if you treat one badly and talk smack, they all see it and it blacklist you. And if you personally attack and harass one, it can be grounds for removal from the site. So continue to bait me, if you like. It's your funeral.

@egirlky, So, instead of listening to valid criticism of your naive views, you just resort to insults & threats?

How many messages have you sent -- posing as a man -- trying to contact a woman? I doubt you have much experience at being a man trying to start a conversation with a woman. Your experience when you contacted men first is an entirely different matter -- because men reply.

On the Internet, women DO NOT reply to irrelevant chit chat when you attempt to get to know them. Many think ANY message is sleazy. On Internet dating sites, women answer only about 1% of the initial messages sent to them. Obviously, many of them are NOT rude & crude, but women seldom reply to anything. When they do, the usual result is that they soon stop replying to further messages trying to get to know them, with no explanation. It is extremely difficult for any man (other than a rock star) to send even the nicest of messages, and get any kind of response.

When a man says he would like to get to know a woman, she usually NEVER replies. If you offer to meet for coffee to get to know them, they either don't reply, or refuse. If you tell them more about yourself, and how it relates to things they said, and offer to answer any questions, they DON'T ask any. If you ask even polite questions about them, they DON'T reply.

Let me relate this to the Real World, rather than the Internet:

For many years I ran a large coed Beach House on Fire Island. This is the best place in the world to meet someone for just fun or for something more serious. Many people meet their future husband/wife there. Some of the women in my house had other close female friends staying in several other houses near mine. All of them were 25-40 yo, employed, and some were accomplished at the managerial & executive level. Come Friday and Saturday evening, where were they? In town, every bar, restaurant and disco were filled with thousands of guys eager to meet a woman. Where were the women? Sitting around the big kitchen drinking coffee and complaining to each other that they never seem to meet a guy. I'm not kidding.

Re Men vs. women: I think a good explanation for the difference in behavior is that: men seek intimacy thru sex; while women seek sex thru intimacy.

That's the problem. We want the same thing -- intimacy & sex -- but usually start at the opposite side. It's a difficult impasse to break, particularly when women won't engage.