Cheating on your spouse

If you're in a relationship that you want to continue, but your partner is no longer into being sexually intimate with you.

Then you should say to your partner, “I want to stay with you but I have sexual needs”. “I respect that you are no longer interested in sex, but I want your blessing to meet other people so I can satisfy my need.”

If your partner really loves you and wants to continue the relationship, then they will give their blessing. They will however be concerned that it might lead you astray and you might end the relationship. So you need to manage their fears.

Real love means wanting the best for your partner so they are happy.

All sorts of rationale heard from posters trying to define what is ….. and what is not ….. cheating.

Coming up with all sorts of situations and reasons, for and against, what one might may or may not consider promiscuity doesn't make it right.

Regardless of how one might try to justify it in his or her own mind.

We all know ….. exactly ….. what cheating is. You don't have to try and sort that out. Period.

Really, now ……..

@Ms_Lila

Well said! 🌹

We all know ….. exactly ….. what cheating is. You don't have to try and sort that out. Period.

Really, now ……..

Really now. That sounds like the uptight Supreme Court justice Stewart who famously said he couldn't define pornography, but would recognize it if he saw it … ha ha …

We all know ….. exactly ….. what cheating is. You don't have to try and sort that out. Period.

It means whatever the offended party defines it as. If they feel just talking is cheating, if they say meeting up with another is cheating, and if they feel having sex is cheating…that is the definition of cheating.

No.

Example: Today, people have begun to interpret Constitutional laws as they damn well please.

Hence, the U.S. is currently full of chaos.

Doesn't make it right …. does it?

It means whatever the offended party defines it as. If they feel just talking is cheating, if they say meeting up with another is cheating, and if they feel having sex is cheating…that is the definition of cheating.

It is not THE definition of cheating, it is ONE person's definition of cheating.

Essentially trying to define cheating is a free-for-all. Everyone has their own notions about it. Sort of like what Clint Eastwood once said about something else … 😃

Example:

Somebody rationalizes, in his/her own mind, it is justifiable to kill somebody.

Is it murder …. or not?

You can sort out in your mind that something like that is okay.

But a rose is still a rose.

You're just fooling yourself.

PERIOD.

Is it cheating if your spouse is aware and has given their blessing?

Is it cheating if your spouse is aware and has given their blessing?

Nope …..

The key word in the definition is "deceiving".

Look it up …. it's in the dictionary.

The snark is unnecessary. I happen to agree with you.

Somebody rationalizes, in his/her own mind, it is justifiable to kill somebody.

Is it murder …. or not?

The thing is, murder is not the same as cheating.

Therefore false equivalency reasoning.

The thing is murder is not the same as cheating.

It could be if you screwed your mistress to death!!! If only I had that stamina - I'd become a serial killer! 😈

The thing is murder is not the same as cheating.

Therefore false equivalency reasoning.

Sorry …..

Murder is murder, cheating is cheating.

It has nothing to do with equivalency.

Some of you are trying rationalize your erring so that you can sleep at night without any guilt. Shame on you.

But that's up to your own conscience.

You can refuse accepting the formal definition. Which again, the key word is “deception”.

Seems that a few here have said that their spouse allows their going outside of the relationship.

News flash!!!! This is not cheating. And the key words here are “not deception”.

And a rose is still a rose …..

I don’t call it cheating, but open marriage.

So let me get this straight…… If I am not having sex with my soon to be ex wife (her choice) and I choose to look at porn, and masturbate, and she catches me jerkin off. I am cheating on her ? But she made me feel like I am the bad person. I read in other post's here that she was cheating…… me out of a marriage….. I am not very religous, but somewhere in the Bible married couple are supposed to have sex.

“I have lusted in my heart” Is that cheating?

According to religious believers, you have committed a ‘sin’ even looking and thinking. irrigator333

I think cheating definitions are best left up to the couple to decide. Without knowing the boundaries and expectations of your marriage then it would be hard for anyone to say.

I've come to the conclusion that if the opportunity arises, I would engage in sex with a female outside of my marriage. I am sure I could get permission from my wife, so it wouldn't be “cheating”. However, asking her permission would make her. feel worse about her disability, so I wouldn't ask. So technically it would be cheating.

Sorry …..

Murder is murder, cheating is cheating.

It has nothing to do with equivalency.

Because there is no equivalency. One (murder) is a legal, or more precisely, a statutory, definition; the other (cheating on a spouse / partner), which is not being tried in a court of law, is a personal conclusion. The facts which constitute cheating depend on however the offended party sees them.

the key word is “deception”….

Yes, and one party to a relationship deceives the other party to that relationship by withholding from him / her facts which if disclosed, would violate a vow or understanding upon which their relationship is based. Those facts could include chatting on Zity, or even being a member. It doesn't have to be a sexual encounter.

Well it seems these are your choices:

1. Give up on sex. Probably the toughest, sex is one of the strongest instincts, and I doubt many Zity members would rush to recommend this. It would solve the problem but might sow seeds of resentment, although it was your own choice. If your own sex drive fades with age, this could become more palatable.

2. Secretly start sexual interaction with others ranging from non-contact chat etc to physical sex, e.g. paid-for sex or affairs etc. The former would probably be a lesser betrayal than the latter, but still is one. If she found out, and women are much more preceptive than many men realise, it would be hurtful and damaging to your relationship, especially if you’d chosen the physical options.

3. Explain the situation and try to negotiate one of the option 2 choices. She might accept this, but equally could feel she cannot refuse if now dependent on you through poor health etc. Not a nice predicament to put a loved one in; neither is yours.

There are no sweet choices here, but to paraphrase @JTMac, you’re a long time dead. I hope you find one that works for you both.

Sometimes the information is better off being withheld, if the spouse wouldn't have a good understanding to be able to see the situation for what it is. An example is 2 buds getting together, that happen to play with each other's cocks. Maybe they suck each other. Well, the wife doesn't even have a cock that can be sucked, so….

@Nixie I think cheating definitions are best left up to the couple to decide. Without knowing the boundaries and expectations of your marriage then it would be hard for anyone to say.

I like this - nice, simple, to the point.

Yes, and one party to a relationship deceives the other party to that relationship by withholding from him / her facts which if disclosed, …

If we lived in the world of the Handmaid's Tale, apparently just being a member here would be enough to get us strung up on the wall.

What a sad idea. This ‘sharing’ axiom that so haunts present-day culture in TV shows and movies, is in real life not really sustainable in relationships over the long haul. If a membership in an internet forum is enough to set a spouse off, then just about anything else will eventually qualify as cheating.

Seems to me to be a self-defeating definition. And if someone already has this expectation of full spousal disclosure, brought on by upbringing or watching too many movies/shows, then they are certain to be disappointed in their partner sooner or later over something or other or whatever. These kind of expectations are unsustainable and unrealistic.

If we lived in the world of the Handmaid's Tale, apparently just being a member here would be enough to get us strung up on the wall.

What a sad idea…..

The real issue is what are the expectations between the partners. Most couples never broach these issues beforehand and when it comes up afterwards, it creates a problem. We make assumptions as to what things our partners would consent… and we often are wrong.

The real issue is what are the expectations between the partners. Most couples never broach these issues beforehand and when it comes up afterwards, it creates a problem. We make assumptions as to what things our partners would consent… and we often are wrong.

@srg_rik Good point. Many couples discuss that they would want their spouse to remarry and be happy should they die first. That's usually as far as it goes and they don't talk (or even think) about what to do if one or the other becomes disabled. Would they want their spouse to find sexual happiness or not? Would they be comfortable with it? . So the discussion would only occur after the fact. Would a young, healthy wife (or husband) consent to their spouse having sex with someone else should they become disabled?? Interesting spin - maybe a sexual “advanced directive” should be used.

When it comes to a couple, two separate people who are involved with each other whether they are married, living together, or whatever, it is solely between THOSE TWO people what they consider to be cheating. They don't have to agree on the definition and if one them 😭 feels like it is cheating and the other doesn't, then that's between them and them alone unless one of them takes it to court. This is where good 🙄 righteous 🤢 upstanding 🤮 superior moral people who are without sin 😇 can pass judgement for or against whichever person has the most money and the dirtiest piece of shit lawyer.

Or they can post it on Twitter or Facebook or Snap Chat or some other morally sound media where they can see if they get the most likes or followers.

I'm not saying that one spouse or partner or fuck buddy should “cheat” on the other but I am saying that their relationship boils down to this, those aren't my monkeys 🙈 🙉 🙊 and that's not my circus. 🎪

@Dahiana … but how do you really feel? Stop being so … subtle. 🤨

@Dahiana … but how do you really feel? Stop being so … subtle. 🤨

@gibby LMAO gibby, she's a chip off the block of her Mom LoraC. 😁