Would You Marry A Vanilla?

Would any of you (my fine kinksters) knowingly marry a vanilla and live in a closed relationship?

I probably would (though not go through the legal marriage thing anymore) because, even though they are fun, life does not consist of being able to enact your kinks. There are many other ways of being very satisfied and contented with a partner.

I would probably find other ways to engage my naughtier urges, but finding the right person does not necessarily mean they must share all your sexual oddities.

Well, I don't know if I'll want to get married again at all - I already bought my house twice! But for a permanent monogamous relationship? No, I wouldn't be with a vanilla. Sex and the intimacy it brings are too important to me and I know my desires would constantly be unfulfilled, so how happy could I be? I can't expect a partner to be perfect and have the exact same kink list, but there has to be a good base to keep both of us sexually satisfied. I actually don't think I could fall in love with someone who had a very restricted view on sex. Sexual compatibility is just as important as any other - religious, family, having kids or not, emotional needs, activities and interests, etc. If any of these don't match up at all, I can't see the relationship lasting.

Just a guess, but I think the largest category of people here are married folks who's partner isn't into kink, and need some kind of outlet for their interests.

Marry a vanilla--not on your life.

Have a closed relationship--sure as long as they satisfied my needs and desires. Then again, I would not marry someone who didn't satisfy my needs and desires.

No, I would not marry a vanilla as it would be too boring and my interests would be unfulfilled. And it would be unfair to the other person too. So why be foolish and marry a vanilla. Took me a long time to find my wife and we are not 100% compatible in our kinks but there is enough to make it work and we also have that solid vanilla foundation to sustain a long relationship.

Define what is vanilla??? If I read, and believe, what some people who post here, then I am extremely vanilla.

On the other hand, our sex life is as kinky as we want it to be and that is what makes us happy.

What's vanilla mean?

I did. And although my sex life is currently non-existent, I'm still glad I married my wife.

I hate to think of where I'd be now if I had held out until I found a woman into medical fetish before getting married. That's a really tiny group of women from which to date and try to find a wife.

What's vanilla mean?

Plain ordinary sex devoid of kinks. As conventional penis in vagina sex, oral sex, masturbation, nothing more.

Plain as in plain vanilla ice cream.

Plain as in plain vanilla ice cream.

A hint: you can put chocolate, caramel, strawberry sauce over vanilla ice cream, add some spreckles, fresh fruit and home made whipped cream and have yourself a hell of a tasty Sundae, even though it's based on vanilla. Btw: ever try gourmet vanilla? Madagascar vanilla is a treat, deeply flavored, rich in texture ... ha ha

So, just saying, vanilla doesn't mean pejorative or dull. 😜

I have just married (07/07/17) the lady of my dreams - blonde, vivacious and very beautiful - and I plan to be with her for the next four decades, I'm only 60! We have been together for two and a half years; walk on the hills together, garden together, cook together, travel together, laugh together, build model trains together and love together. The fact that she doesn't "DO" enemas matters not one iota (nor does she "do" deep sea sailing or drive the vintage sports car), but she understands my need to be clean and my liking for lingerie. These days it is she who pops in my plug when we make love and after years of erectile problems it is she who does the magic there too. So give me a "Vanilla" every time.

I did marry a vanilla and unfortunately the marriage and our sex life isn't going that well at the moment,

This is a question like "what would you do if you saw a person in a car accident seamingly near death" most people would say that they would help that person in any way they can. But the reality of it all, some would and could while others would run or pass out.

Chances are, that you are "in love" and at that moment in your life, you don't care. That said, you should have considered your kinks before hand, but, thats water under the ........ bag.

Avoiding a closed relationship allows me to have different partners for different uses. Some I just want to fuck, some have one kink they enjoy over another, Sometimes I want X performed by a woman, and sometimes Y by a man. Somedays one person will do the trick, sometimes it takes a group effort. I love fucking a complete stranger sometimes, and other times just curl up with my girl and watch a movie.

I was loyal during two marriages to men. It got as boring as watching checkers on T.V. Maybe that's what MADE me kinky. Anything to break the monotony.

Yes I would. Maybe for some people finding "the one" that is anywhere close to their kinks will not happen. As long as both people are happy, marry as you wish.

This question is interesting as it provides so many different thoughts about the subject. 56 years ago, I married my girlfriend. I was interested in enemas even then, but the thought of sharing with her did not occur to me as a serious possibility. Now, all of these years later, I remain interested, but there has never been enema play between wife and I. I think people entering a relationship should make their kinks known in an effort to better understand the other. If they turn out to include red line activities, perhaps a gentle exit would be called for. But, ya know.........you can't always have everything you want.

Absolutely not!!

Of course. Dont people marry for love and not for shared interest in sexual interests? In fact, I am not sure that many at all consider sexual fetishes or specific interests when they choose someone to marry?

I can say absolutely not . I think this question requires deeper thought than a simple off the top of your head answer .

Would marrying someone vanilla mean that you dont even let them know of your kinks or interests ?

I would never get into that kind of relationship again . To even consider being with someone you are not comfortable enough to even share your real sexual thoughts and desires with would be a deal breaker for me . I want that trust , knowing I can fully be me . It doesnt matter if we dont share all our kinks but the some of them yes . Most important its the openess and willingness to experiment and explore together . I want a partner that is just as eager and wanting to satisfy me as I am him and that gets just as much joy in doing so as I would . I need that shared intimacy.

I also think that when two partners are on that same wavelength they are just a better match inside and outside of the bedroom. It spills over and bonds that relationship even more .

@Roddy said

Of course. Dont people marry for love and not for shared interest in sexual interests? In fact, I am not sure that many at all consider sexual fetishes or specific interests when they choose someone to marry?

Wouldn't that be foolish? If you ignore or dismiss the issue of sexual compatibility as one to consider when the question of marriage is raised, you are heading for problems. Mismatched sex drives and interests are the source of many marital difficulties. As part of being a life partner, a spouse needs to be a compatible lover.

You aren't looking for a room mate, or someone to live with as if you were siblings.

Dont people marry for love and not for shared interest in sexual interests?

Well, yes they should marry for love. But part of that love is sharing the intimacy and closeness that @bridgette talks about. And part of that intimacy and closeness is having a good and satisfying sexual relationship. And if one party has many interests or fetishes that forever go unfulfilled (either by a non-interested partner or keeping them private) then how good of a sexual relationship can they have? And how happy can they be? Sexual compatibility is just as important as whole lot of other things where both people have to be on the same page or at least close and compromising.

I guess it's different if you didn't know of fetishes and interests when you started the relationship and now it's years later and you want to explore. But to START the relationship knowing you will always be longer from some other sexual satisfaction? Sounds like a mistake to me.

I've always said... Sex is absolutely NOT everything in a relationship... but it certainly IS something!

@Roddy said

Don't people marry for love and not for shared interest in sexual interests? In fact, I am not sure that many at all consider sexual fetishes or specific interests when they choose someone to marry?

You don't have your age listed in your profile, but you sound like someone who is religious and over 70 with that kind of attitude.

YES! People marry for love AND sexual interests.

People do marry for love and I don't see how you can fall in love with someone you are to marry without at least believing you share your sexual interests, proclivities, perversions and have fun together in bed. They are foolish if they don't. A marriage with sexually incompatible people is doomed to failure and/or unhappiness.

The primary reason people cheat on their spouse is they don't get what they want at home.

You don't have your age listed in your profile, but you sound like someone who is religious and over 70 with that kind of attitude.

YES! People marry for love AND sexual interests.

Hmm, a bit judgemental, is it not. And I am neither! Not that a religious 70 year old cannot have valued opinions.

Of course they can marry for both of those reasons. But many do not. It is my opinion that emotional and physical love are quite different and that both of those things develop differently and independently.

@Roddy said

Of course they can marry for both of those reasons. But many do not. It is my opinion that emotional and physical love are quite different and that both of those things develop differently and independently.

The problem with that is that sex is important for binding the two together in the relationship. To believe otherwise is to say, "When we are married, it will all just fall into place". But that is not the reality. Love is important, yes, and you cannot do without that in a marriage. But in a happy marriage, romantic love does go with a physical relationship, and that in turn requires two sexually compatible people.

Of course they can marry for both of those reasons. But many do not. It is my opinion that emotional and physical love are quite different and that both of those things develop differently and independently.

There is nothing new in the understanding that there is a difference between emotional and physical love, or love and lust. Of course they different and people shouldn't be fixated on the idea that both need to be found in the same person.

Of course, I may be looking at this in a skewed manner, being on the older side of things and having lived a different sort of marriage for so long because of my former wife's illness. You come to appreciate that you cannot have it all, not in one and the same person. Especially since sexual kinks are so personal and individual.

You wish to like someone, commit to them to a degree, accept their habits and idiosyncrasies, enjoy some kind of sex and also share sexual specialties? That is really wanting the whole enchilada, isn't it?

agracier said

There is nothing new in the understanding that there is a difference between emotional and physical love, or love and lust. Of course they different and people shouldn't be fixated on the idea that both need to be found in the same person.

Of course, I may be looking at this in a skewed manner, being on the older side of things and having lived a different sort of marriage for so long because of my former wife's illness. You come to appreciate that you cannot have it all, not in one and the same person. Especially since sexual kinks are so personal and individual.

You wish to like someone, commit to them to a degree, accept their habits and idiosyncrasies, enjoy some kind of sex and also share sexual specialties? That is really wanting the whole enchilada, isn't it?

Why is the first sentence in bold punctuated as a question? I don't understand what you mean.

First of all I don't WISH to like anybody. I either do or I do not and I won't like them unless we have certain things in common.

Second, if I am marrying somebody, I DO want the whole enchilada. OK, I could compromise, even give in on some things, like the color to paint the house or what model car to buy, but on sexual issues, I expect complete compatibility when both parties are healthy and capable.

Third, having a spouse who is ill is a completely different, unfortunate set of circumstances. To tell you the truth, I would only be involved with a person who is very ill if we fell in love before illness struck. Life is hard enough as it is without purposely entering into what could be a difficult relationship.

After the wonderful experience I am having with my gf (mommy) I would never enter a relationship with a vanilla.

If I had it to do over again, not a chance in hell. I just am not a vanilla type of girl, except when it comes to icecream and or cake.

Mashie

I would not marry a vanilla girl, great sex is what holds a marriage together in spite of all the other problems. i was lucky to have a beautiful sexy wife who shared most of my sexual desires for so many years. now thanks to this site i have found another love. remember ladies, never fall in love with a mate that won't eat your pussy and indulge you in your fantasies.

Second, if I am marrying somebody, I DO want the whole enchilada.

Life isn't an experience in which you get everything you want. I just can't think of any endeavor in which a normal person has a reasonable expectation of getting everything they want. That doesn't happen to the vast vast majority of people. Wanting everything is being greedy and unrealistic.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice, of course it would, but people being what they are, they'll never be satisfied anyway. They'll always want something more, something new. So why set yourself up a forehand up to be disappointed?