Would You Marry A Vanilla?

I want to taste the milk before I buy the cow. I want to know that the person I marry can (and more importantly WILL) make me happy.

If I'm sexually frustrated and consistently being denied what I want, I won't be happy.

If you can and like to practice your kinks solo (e.g. don't really want to involve anyone in your enemas) then there should be no harm in marrying an accepting vanilla.

But for someone who needs a partner to fulfill their fantasies (e.g. BD) it's a firm no.

I suppose the vanilla equivalent of the question would be 'Would you marry someone who doesn't want to ever have sex?'

Hell No !!!

I did it once, got the T-shirt and then filed for divorce.

I'm far too naughty to live like a nun in a permanently locked chastity belt.

Nik

@gracier said So why set yourself up a forehand up to be disappointed?

@agracier While you've taken the side of marrying a vanilla and not getting everything you want, this statement appears to contradict that. Marrying a vanilla, knowing they won't share your kinks and sexually satisfy you, IS setting yourself up for disappointment, and unhappiness in your marriage.

NEVER again, she has to be anal erotic and enjoy giving and receiving enemas too. 😜

Well, the concensus seems to be overwhelmingly anti vanilla. However (no judgement) from reading posts here over the last 4 months or so, it seems the majority (or at least a sizeable chunk) are in relationships where the partner does NOT approve, or even know.

I'm sensing a double standard here.

I've been married four times, so I'm an expert (Please, that was an LOL). I told every one. They all participated to some degree, although some only after being tied up.

Good luck all, and think about laying all your cards on the table.

Well, the concensus seems to be overwhelmingly anti vanilla. However (no judgement) from reading posts here over the last 4 months or so, it seems the majority (or at least a sizeable chunk) are in relationships where the partner does NOT approve, or even know.

I'm sensing a double standard here.

Well stated.

And I agree 100%.

I find it nearly impossible to believe that a high percentage of people into enemas, medfet, dental feet, etc. actually end up with a soul mate with the same interests. Not saying it doesn't happen, just that it's got to be an exception rather than the rule.

However (no judgement) from reading posts here over the last 4 months or so, it seems the majority (or at least a sizeable chunk) are in relationships where the partner does NOT approve, or even know.

Yes, I agree, and I think I mentioned this below somewhere that there's a difference if you are ALREADY in a long term marriage BEFORE you really discover your kinky side. I believe this is what happened to many on here. I knew all along I was interested in anal, but it wasn't until my 30s that I discovered enemas and 40s to find D/S, spankings, and all other kink. So if I had married a mostly vanilla woman in my 20s, now 25 yrs later I want kink and she's not interested.

So at least IMO, none of us 'no-vanillas' are saying/recommending to dump a spouse after a happy 30 yrs because of a mismatch in kink. The question was, if you were single, and had these kinks/fetishes, would you KNOWINGLY marry a vanilla, even if they were perfect otherwise.

And my answer is absolutely no way!

KC patient- In a perfect world we would all find partners that were a 100% match. Then again, maybe that would get boring, and we'd have to find new horizons, that our partner did not agree on...and so on...and so on.

I agree with Mashie--- not a chance in HELL

But I also agree with what Buttwoman just posted.

At least a nonvanilla would be open to changing to keep things doing

Marrying a vanilla, knowing they won't share your kinks and sexually satisfy you,

I didn't say anything about not being sexually satisfied. That would be a prerequisite, I would not wish to marry - or more realistically at my age - enter into a serious relationship without there being a serious sexual component.

BUT, I think it is very unrealistic to insist on compatibility in kinks as well. Most of the stuff we discuss here is certainly not mainstream, it's not that common a sexual taste for most people. So why insist on it? If you do, it's gonna be a long and frustrating search. It's not as if when 2 medfets meet up, that all the other personality and character traits automatically match up just because they share an unusual sexual taste. Lots of other things, probably more important things long term, are going to be way out of sync.

So, get the important things synced up first, then worry about the kinks.

@agracier you seem to be willing to "settle". The older I get, the less I am willing to settle. Life is short, very short. Live life with gusto and kink.(or whatever floats your boat). What is interesting to me is, not willing to settle for less than I desire usually gets me what I seek.

BUT, I think it is very unrealistic to insist on compatibility in kinks as well.

So either you're going to cheat, or perform all your kinks solo? Ever had a solo golden shower? It really misses something.

Nope,to me being sexually happy is a big part of being happy in general and that goes for fetishie stuff as well. They are a requirement and I am always upfront with anyone I'm getting serious with if they are unable to accommodate I will be unable to be happy and that's a deal breaker.

Ever had a solo golden shower? It really misses something.

I am certain I could live a full life without ever having experienced that, no deathbed regrets ... ha ha

@agracier you seem to be willing to "settle". The older I get, the less I am willing to settle. Life is short, very short.

If you are not willing to settle for anything less than 100% perfection, then the search and wait will be long. And indeed, life is short. So, why waste time looking for perfection when a reasonable percentage of what you're looking for will be easier to find?

Anyone who thinks they are going to find everything they sexually and kinkily want is really being a tad naive. Due to circumstances I've waited a long long time to become sexually active again and dang if I am going to wait until everything is sexually just like I want it to be. If I do wait until everything meshes perfectly, then you might as well bury me now, cause it ain't gonna happen in a decent time-frame ... ha ha

Never again.

Ag, I understand where you are coming from but.............it does happen you know. I got everything I wanted kinkywise and everything else wise too. I realize that I am one of the very few lucky ones, but trust me, it does and can happen. Doc and I are a perfect fit in every way shape and form both in our kinks and in real life as well. Heck even our professions are a perfect fit with each other. After all does it get any better than a real doctor and a real nurse who are both medically kinky? I don't think so.

Mashie

Ag, I understand where you are coming from but.............it does happen you know. I got everything I wanted kinkywise and everything else wise too. I realize that I am one of the very few lucky ones, but trust me, it does and can happen.

Sure I know it happens, to lucky people, to those few, those lucky few.

But it's like billionaires. See, I know they exist and I know they came about their billions by really really wanting it, organizing their lives around that desire and spending their time on that particular desire. But at the same time I know I do not have the same intensity of drive, but especially not the time anymore to wait until I can get perfect circumstances mesh and come together. If I wanted nothing but 100% of my sexual wishes and desires, the whole caboodle or nothing else, then I might as well take a vow of celibacy here and now.

Which, btw, I am definitely not planning on doing ... ha ha

At the time when I met my wife (still married after 32 years) I thought we were a good sexual match. As I think back, well maybe not a perfect match but still very fulfilling. As the years rolled by I could see my kinks really were not something she was into, e.g., enemas. My anal eroticism both giving and receiving was not huge turn on for her.

So if I could have gone back in time knowing what I know now, should I have married my current wife? This is a hard question to answer because we do agree on most all of the practical day to day matters of life, which can kill marriages if you aren't on the same page.

So our marriage is not perfect but it is still going and always could be better. But marriage is complicated and just when you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence you realize that everybody has baggage that may not appeal to you. If I was single now, I certainly would be much more discriminating based on a lifetime of experience, but as agracier said finding the perfect match is very difficult and the odds are against you.

I've been married to the same woman for 43 years. She, s damn near vanilla plus! That said she is a very good woman in every respect other than kinks and I don, t intend on casting her out. As I've gotten older my kinks have gotten stronger and I do long to fulfill them but that ain, t gonna happen without major upheaval which I neither need nor want. As to the original question, if I had known then what I know now I would have held out for a kink oriented woman. Of course zity didn't exist then! 20/20 hindsight.

I would never marry "another" Vanilla. At my age, I've come to far, and know too much, to ever go back.

When I was young, a long time ago, there was no internet or sex manuals, only my father's nudie magazines, encyclopedias, 8mm "stag" movies, xxx movie theaters, and sex shops. In my world, we started out as All Vanilla. Being married, our piece of non-vanilla was a hard plastic dildo and some lube. We just happened to live in a sex toy friendly state, so we could receive, but always lived in fear of someone finding out. Before that it was only Vaseline and our imagination. We didn't even have an enema bag (my first kink), because the first one hated enemas.

Rock on through the years with other wives and girlfriends it stayed Vanilla, because the women I dated were straight laced or kept their kinks well hidden. Through the years I occasionally gave an enema to a lucky lady, but in reality I was the lucky one, being able to share my first kink with a willing host.

My "Last", Long, marriage was so Vanilla it was Boring. We did accomplish other great things that were so rewarding, and continue to reap wonderful successes to this day. I've always believed that we were brought together to succeed, where others had failed.

I've learned that marriages should never be based on relationships that are Vanilla or otherwise. It is the end results that truly make the difference.

That being said, it's time for me to teach women about my non-Vanilla kinks, specifically Enemas and MedFet. Those are where my spark gets lit.

Thank you fellow Kinksters for listening.

Even if I found a really kinky lady, I don't think another marriage is in the cards. I'm a two time loser in the marriage business. I think that the videos that show you giving up all of the things that you like your hobbies, your money, and your sex life are true. Best regards to those of you that have a different experience. I really marvel at the people on here that married their childhood sweetheart and are still together after many years. Consider yourselves as having a rare thing going.

I am not sure I will ever marry again but one thing is for sure vanilla will not happen ever again and any that profess kinkiness will have to prove themselves!

I am not sure I will ever marry again but one thing is for sure vanilla will not happen ever again and any that profess kinkiness will have to prove themselves!

@Fencer55 I agree. But I do understand the huge difference in being married for 30 years to a vanilla, as opposed to being older and starting anew . Throwing away a very long standing relationship might be extreme if the only reason is kinks. But if you are single at an older age, and looking for someone to make a new relationship, it certainly makes sense to find someone with the same sexual interests as yourself.

I am an honest kinkster and wouldn't do anything without permission and my ideas are not much far from vanilla (they are more colorous) with exception of partner wishes.

Vanillas have only one sex toy named flowers (of corse with one exception when they are furious).

As we must be gentlemen in things connected with kinks giving choice to choose level of degree, I think I could find compromises and live in marriage with Vanilla (by big love of corse).

I did. It didn't work out so well for several reasons and the sexual incompatibility was definitely one of them. I think you can have a successful marriage with someone you're not sexually compatible with but ONLY if you both have lower sex drives. I don't. Happily I'm now married to someone I 'fit' with in every respect

We were young, and my sexual repertoire/interests grew much faster than his.

- He thought beer was an afrodesiac

- He thought kinky was wearing my leg warmers.

- He thought foreplay was saying 'Here it comes'.

I left him in a Costco parking lot near Duluth. I've heard he married a car wash attendant and has seven kids.

Sexual incompatibility is a serious problem in marriage. I was divorced once and swore never again to divorce. My second marriage has been much more successful but still that "vanilla" incompatibility that was not present before marriage arose soon after the birth of our first child. A bit of bait and switcheroo - the joke on me. Unfortunate, but there it is. I am glad to hear so many other people have found happiness with people of like sexual temperament - enjoy!!

I did. I'm still married. I converted my vanilla to a kinkster.

This is difficult. I've been married 25+ years to vanilla. In hindsight I should have explored more for a better sexual fit. But marriage is a package deal.