Would You Marry A Vanilla?

I married a vanilla, and we had a great sex life, but now 40 years later, I'm getting kinky, and my wife goes along with most of my kinks. She seams to enjoy them, but she won't do anything she does not want to do.

I married a vanilla, actually a prude vanilla, and we get along super well! Except, not in the sack, which is sad for her as well as for me!

I didn't realize it at the time, but I guess you could say my girlfriend/wife wasn't really vanilla, but not yet really much of a fetishist. Early on we did some swinging and towards the end of our sex life (stopped by a long-drawn out illness) she began to enjoy spanking very much (it was not really my thing as such - but hey, it was fun) as well as wearing lingerie and playing out little situationalist scenarios ...

Now the thing is, I used to think there was little out of the ordinary in this and assumed my friends were somewhat like minded. But these last years, with many deep and intimate conversations with friends, I realize most of them were the real vanillas (unless they were holding back talking about their sex lives, unlike myself).

Not that I am claiming anything all that fetishistic about my late wife but compared to other friends I know, she was a cut above the rest when all is considered.

I married a vanilla, actually a prude vanilla...

Me too. And after more than 3 decades we get along fine - but the relationship is sexually boring and lifeless. Hypothetically speaking, I would certainly not ever get married again with what I now know about love (or rather the lack of it) and marriage, and any relationship would most definitely not be with anyone vanilla!

I could not marry a vanella. My kinks mean too much to me. It would be a very weird double life, and I know I would not be happy with that.

Both my husband and I married vanillas but we gradually overcame this affliction over time. I try to keep things interesting for him all the time and zity has given me some good guidance but not all of it is for us. Denise

I enjoy sleeping with a vanilla. I get a feeling of need and caring. I couldn't be faithful to one I know when that urge comes and that bell goes off in my psyche. I know I have to fulfill my desires. So to answer the question..I couldn't marry a vanilla.

By being here on Zity we have answered this question. WE are no longer victims of suppressed desires.

My 1st wife was looking for off center and I was too stupid to know. She moved on. 2nd one is more vanilla than 1st but still a great one. I became incontinent and she became more of a boss but we work well together.

I did marry a vanilla and we had a great marriage for 35 years till he passed away almost 5 years ago. The sex was passionate and i enjoyed it because i buried my desires. He would have never understood and i did not want to rock the boat. I really miss the great marriage we had but enjoying my kink now. But would i get married again no. It was too good even without the kink and i don't regret it for a minute. But the kink is addicting and im really enjoying it. I would have never looked outside the marriage for kink. It was too special. But now, i can be me although carefully hidden from everyone. I was lucky enough to meet a very decent man with my kinks on here and it has been a year. But will never be serious, my choice. I'm just going to enjoy myself with no obligation, but he's the only one i see. Luckily he is local so it's convenient.

By being here on Zity we have answered this question. WE are no longer victims of suppressed desires

I consider that to be a true statement. When I got married in 1977 it was a taboo subject. My wife is very vanilla and wants nothing to do with anything kinky. I have had a long successful marriage but I would never do it again without matching real life and kinky desires in the whole package. Live and learn.

I don't ever want to marry, but if I did, I think the fetish would be pretty important, because literally all my fantasies are fetishy (light medfet and/or light AB)..

@SwitchableSusie sums it up perfectly. Some vanillas won't even do oral or any other play.

@agracier , I think when we “kinky” folk refer to vanilla it is void of all those delicious “toppings” . That's the problem, those vanillas have no interest or desire to add anything to their sexual repertoire.

I don’t consider a person that does not share all sexual likes with their partner as a vanilla. Its ok to not like everything that you’re partner is into but be accepting of it. Thats the difference. If I was not into enemas but my partner was I may or may not help them out but go right ahead and indulge yourself. I rather my mate be open and honest and not want them to hide it.

I think a lot of the time that is one of the reasons marriages get into trouble. When you need to hide who you really are what does that say about how the person loves you? To me it speaks volumes. And it spills into other parts of the relationship.

I don’t consider a person that does not share all sexual likes with their partner as a vanilla. Its ok to not like everything that you’re partner is into but be accepting of it. Thats the difference. If I was not into enemas but my partner was I may or may not help them out but go right ahead and indulge yourself. I rather my mate be open and honest and not want them to hide it.

Bridgette, you hit the nail squarely. My departed spouse was not into enemas for good reason, as she had collagenous colitis on top of celiac disease. But she did know that I took enemas, and knew that when I was alone I would indulge. Not only that, she commented a short time before departing that "You will have more time to indulge when I am no longer around." I think of that comment often now, for she was right.

I am divorced, but if I were to remarry, she would absolutely have some of her own kinks and tolerate mine, which are not cruel in nature. It takes a kink to know a kink or marry one. I love lots of kinky

I could not marry a vanilla person now but I was probably a vanilla person when I got married. Being married to a kinky person allowed me to feel comfortable enough to want to explore some of my fantasies.

No! I guess I was very lucky and was introduced to my future husband by a woman that worked with me. She and I used to go for lunch together and, when she heard about my spanking past, she set us up. Going on 28 years for us and he still gets his bare bottom strapped to a nice rosy red!

. . . I was probably a vanilla person when I got married. Being married to a kinky person allowed me to feel comfortable enough to want to explore some of my fantasies.

My sub kinky desires were what drove our early marriage. Since I "didn't have any pervy behaviors". Little did I realize that I only needed to open some mental doors and stroll my own mental hallways.

I, we, found my own kinks and fortnately they worked well with him.

Back to the question, I don't think I would marry a vanilla if I get to that point again. There would need to be some kink in the relationship.

I would say my husband and I were both Vanilla when we were married. We both came from strict families. He was also raised in a odd and overly strict catholic home. He was so ass backwards that he believed hell was his destination if he touched my female body parts. His mother would sew his pockets closed on his pants. Catholic boys did not play "Pocket Pool"

Anyway, we learned as were grew older. We were in it until, "Death Do Us Part" so we made things work. The most important thing is we never cheated! That was and still is the Cornerstone of our lives. And we have great sexual fun in many ways!

I did marry a vinilla and I do not get the kind of sex I enjoy at home .

I absolutely love my wife and I don't regret marrying her at all. I discovered my kinks after getting married however. I have tried to bring her along but she is far to timid and I am not that agressive. I know she loves me but I think she also questions my sanity some times. It would be awesome to be able to share everything with her.

My first wife was a total vanilla. We were members of an ultra-conservative church that banned almost everything except breathing. I knew she was conservative but believed that once we were married, the marriage bed would allow the pleasures of a happy marriage. That did not happen: the dogma of the church took precedence to everything in our life including which sex acts were allowed. Missionary and woman-on-top were the only acceptable variations; anything else was a perversion and a sin. We eventually divorced because of this and other incompatibilities. Present wife is just the opposite. She enjoys a variety of sex and she shares my med-fet obsession.

the dogma of the church took precedence to everything in our life including which sex acts were allowed. Missionary and woman-on-top were the only acceptable variations; anything else was a perversion and a sin. .

How about a compromise position: laying side-by-side? ... ha ha ha

No, i would not! I am not sure why others would marry non kink people. Maybe they trade kink for other traits. But, I do see many here who don't engage in kink activities with their spouse. Also, some may be too embarrassed to show their kink side. My husband really helped me bring out my kink side without fear of being ridiculed. I grew up that you did not play down there because it was dirty. I was real scared to show my kink side. When we were dating, i could see his kink side.

When I was married the sex was great, did every kinky thing ( well almost) outside bed everything sucked! So now I know I won't get married unless that person sets my soul on fire! I won't settle! I want love and ALL the kinks. Don't mind if he has some that are different, as long as I get the same respect. Who knows he may have some that I haven't tried and may like! I have an open heart and mind, but I won't marry for anything less than open and honest relationship.

To marry a vanilla is like eating the same thing every day of the year, we lose the appetite for this meal.

I don’t think I would ever marry a ‘vanilla’ if I had to get married again. But I also doubt that if anything happened with this marriage it would be the ‘til death us do part’ vow since we have both committed to our marriage. I don't think I would marry again.

I don’t really think I married a vanilla guy at all, especially since he knew I was sexually and somewhat emotionally involved with another woman for a long time before he and I got serious. I fell for him and when we had sex for the first time I knew right then that I could ‘switch sides’ and not miss the old team at all if that was what he wanted when we really got serious about each other. I think I knew for certain that this boy was not totally vanilla because he was not making me choose between him and her.

This was back when same sex couples weren’t all that common and she was a couple of years older than me. When I think of it she was far more vanilla than my boy friend / husband and she was a little jealous of him. She had every reason to be because he had a penis and I loved it! ? Yes I did! And yes I do! 😄 😈

The fact that my husband was open to letting me continue with Sarah had to mean, in hindsight, that he wasn’t vanilla. We started a family fairly quickly mainly because I never really had to worry about birth control with Sarah but my husband was a fertile turtle and I was a fertile Myrtle and we just kept having those babies. ? If it hadn’t been for our kids I think we would have explored a lot more sooner than we have. But I just got the feeling when we were in bed that he was open to more and I know I was.

When we finally were able to sleep through an entire night more and more and take advantage of our kids’ naps, we were right back at it in full force. Sex with Sarah was nice but she did not have a penis and she was turning out to be one vanilla woman.

My husband and I unlocked each of our kinks little by little and anal was just the beginning. Anal was the ‘gateway’ and the lowly Fleet enema was the key and from then on it snowballed for us. And yes, I am going to include ‘snowballing’ as part of our kink exploration. By then I knew my husband wasn’t vanilla based on our sex and also that I knew that ‘vanilla’ referred to the Missionary Mary’s and Bottled Up Bobby’s.

Being sexually compatible is important but being sexually communicative is far more important.

Well, I did, of course I didn't know it at the time. In fact I did it twice, the first and third. The second was as kinky as they come. Damn I miss her.

Hmm, is there any chance to convert them to my kinks ? If not then no I would never again marry a "vanilla"

It wouldn't be her vanilla tastes that would bother me - after all, vanilla is delicious! But I'd want a woman, who'd do her best to work with my desires... There's a world full of people that aren't necessarily against, for want of a better term, "a more adventurous sexual expression", they've just never tried it. Perhaps my adventurous attitude will open the doors to their own self expression. During the dating period I believe we'd come to see each other clearer, and if there were hard lines drawn, and it was important enough to me - that would be that, I'd look elsewhere.