I had a very intense and very satisfying sexual encounter with my beloved husband @Night_Pilot ❤️ this week and the pain was exquisite 💥💥💥💥 and as I am one who suffers from SAD, something I needed. No, make that something that I crave from NP 💥 because we have our marriage and history and this punishment or abuse is something that I want from him. It is me at my darkest when I allow NP to restrain my wrists to the uprights and also my ankles at the poles with me completely naked and at the mercy of the lash in his hands. My body, my soul, my every fibre is screaming out to him to lay into my flesh 💥💥💥 and with each impact of the lash that I crave the searing pain speaks to that centre in my psyche that needs this satiated.
However, it was more severe that we had intended and both my husband and I met with my ‘Dr. Deb’ as she insisted on it as she has concerns. She had me undress and offered me no gown to cover myself with and I stripped naked before both her and my beloved husband. In no insignificant way Dr. Deb, for all intents and purposes, made my husband feel almost as naked as I was in fact. Dr. Deb was silent as she administered an enema to me as I stood and leaned on the exam table and received the enema. Both NP and I could fairly feel the, for lack of a better word, rage 😡 or concern or exasperation as she held the bag above our heads and drained the water into my bum.
Both NP and I exchanged glances as I was being administered this enema and looked at Dr. Deb's face who had controlled her emotions in capacity as a physician with professional comportment and affect. I had the impression that my enema was for both of us, to clear out my rectum and for her to compose herself. NP and I both were silent and well aware that she was seeing me, us, off of the books and as a personal favour to me but I could feel that she was at her wits end and although she was professional and compassionate, she was curt and at the end of her patience with myself and also my husband. He and I felt this and as I went to release my standing enema the atmosphere was quite thick and NP and I instinctively kept quiet and felt that there was no small amount of concern as Dr. Deb collected her thoughts and her instruments for the examination she was going to perform on me with NP present.
And therein lies the rub because the prior appointments I've had with Dr. Deb were between only myself and her. However she insisted on seeing the pair of us because of the bruising I had shown her on the prior day and after my pain session from NP. Dr. Deb had me lay upon her examination table where she was positioning lights and announced that the instrument and procedure that day would consist of a flexible sigmoidoscopy. She did manage to compliment me on the release of my enema she had given and said that there were no visible signs of blood in the release and managed to say that I was intelligent enough in at least adjusting my diet and having an enema or two prior to presenting myself to her for this day.
I am literally black and blue and purple on most every place that isn't exposed to public view and I've had these types of bruises only not to the extent as I presented to her. And as she thoroughly examined me from head to toe front and back, she commanded or rather, imparted to NP, that he was to pay rapt attention to what she showed him and to listen to her every word and that I also do the same. She had me stand with my hands clasped behind my head and she cupped and felt of my breasts, lifting them, explaining to us what she was seeing and her estimate of the depth of tissue damage I had. She was detailed, clinical, cold and detached and with only an occasional hint of concern voiced in the tone of friendship as she detailed what she was seeing.
Then when I was done being examined on the outside Dr. Deb had me mount her exam table and lay upon my left side in what she called the Simms position. And my gaze was directed by her to the monitor as she and my husband took up position towards my bum and then another very very detailed examination or ‘survey’ of every part of me ‘down there’ and she explained what she was looking for. She would remark from time to time as to how my tissue damage was deep in some areas and that overall she hasn't seen this type of damage inflicted consensually. And then the parting, once more, of my cheeks and the insertion of the scope and we were told what she was looking for and why she didn't feel the anoscope would have been appropriate for this examination. Dr. Deb narrated to us what she was seeing, what we were seeing, in vivid, explicit, raw detail as we advanced deeper inside of me.
She spoke and only she spoke during the procedure and her tone of voice made it crystal clear that my consensual injuries were serious and her concern was that I may suffer from blood clotting. She had asked if I had been using lotions and moisturizers on my skin as that appeared to be my only saving grace as my skin was moist and the showing signs of being cared for properly. She asked us of what we did for this after care to keep my skin from drying out and I told her that vitamin E and aloe products were use with a very light touch in their application. I told her of the soft and gentle massaging as the lotions were being applied. She remarked that she expected to see more damage to my anus and rectum as well as swelling and asked me what had been done to mitigate this, as it was quite evident to her that I had been anally ‘assaulted’, consensually she noted. And I told her of the small cool enemas and the insertion of cold if not frozen lube shooters coated with KY to prevent direct contact. This she approved and did manage to give something of a compliment to NP and I for the after care, and as a couple, we did not deserve that bit of compliment.
We, NP and I, were both warned that the severity of the bruising she had observed and the amount of area on my body, by skin and physiology, put me at high risk of blood clotting and for me not to wear clothing that would constrict any portion of my body. I asked her if any sexual activity should be curtailed and what would be allowed, specifically cunnilingus or vaginal intercourse. She noted that I had some rather serious bruising to my vulva although my vagina seemed well enough, but that vaginal intercourse would irritate the tissues and prolong my healing process. Likewise with cunnilingus as those regions of my body were still somewhat inflamed and it would best be that I refrain for about a week. 😞
Both NP and I were brought up short at the conclusion of the examination with Dr. Deb's stark assessment that neither he nor I should have any business partaking in this severe form of ‘play’ because we had no idea what we are doing. That the ONLY saving grace she could see was that I received good aftercare of my tissues and application of the lotions and ointments. And that the aftercare was just as important and vital if not more so if we were foolish enough to continue in this vein in the future.
As it was cold outside and I had worn my great coat and had been warned about wearing clothing that would constrict my blood flow, I just donned it and we left her office with a great deal of humility. For the next week or so I will be wearing loose fitting onesies with no bra or underwear with my frock when dealing with the public. Otherwise I will be nude and applying the suppositories Dr. Deb gave to me for insertion for the next week and to apply lotions and ointments and keep my skin moisturized.
It was a sobering moment for NP ❤️ and I to hear of our reckless and unthinking behaviour and he and I have been quite caught up in reflecting on this ‘dark side’ of ourselves when it comes our severe play. We've had to do no small amount of soul searching as to why we want this from each other and to what degree. Therapy? Perhaps, but we've not much faith in therapists but we do have faith in each other and our intimate friends. His Charlotte is a good friend to him and they confide in each other and they discuss us, her husband to NP and me to her from NP, and that is what friends are for, IF NOT DONE TO EXCESS and burdensome and, bluntly whiny and needy.
My beloved husband ❤️ is in the air to assume his work at one of his sites and Charlotte is there and will be there for his duration of stay and I expect that they will have much to talk about and I hope that they do. For my part and any of you 🌹 who manage to read my long missives, I will be having my time with the one whose aftercare does much to bring me peace and pleasure. Only I will not be able to enjoy his canoe rides nor have the feel of him inside of me in the near future, I will still be able ask for his assistance in inserting a prescribed suppository as I will not be able to, or any real desire to, wear clothing when he is here. And although my receiving cunnilingus from his is not to be, there was no mention of my performing fellatio on this very dear and sweet man whose touch and application of lotions on my body helped to lessen my foolish disregard for safety.
I hope that he has the opportunity to read this prior to our being together today, if that is possible. He really is, in so many ways, innocent and insightful and patiently listens to what I say to him. But then, and what I love dearly, he will ponder what we have said or done or felt, and take the time to put to words, in his own @Cedar-esque way 🌹🌹🌹 what we shared, be it cum lust or quiet reflection here for me to see and enjoy and take to heart. And EB has done this for me this past week as I have struggled, as NP ❤️ and I have struggled to cone to terms with our demons.