Men using vibrator on women

A man once told me that he didn't like to use a vibrator to get a woman off because it made him feel like less of a man. Like he couldn't please without "help". Sometimes I want my boyfriend to use a vibrator on me to orgasm. He said he would but he doesn't really seem keen on the idea and I don't push it.

Do most men feel this way?

Cant really speak for anyone other than myself but I find & have found the addition of vibrators enhances the pleasures for both.

I would have no issue with using a vibrator or any other aid to enhance someone's pleasure.

I both use a vibrator on my wife, and watch/"help" her use a vibrator on herself. Variety is good, and she's even hornier after an orgasm!

I would definitely use a vibrator on a woman. I can think of a few other toys that I would like to use with her, and to have her use on me as well.

The last time I was with a woman, she did not bring any toys into the mix. I wish she had offered to. Maybe it was up to me to ask her if she had any. I feel like I missed an opportunity there.

I think that everyone should be creative and use their imagination to give their partner as much pleasure as possible. To refuse to incorporate any type of "help" from sex toys is to confine oneself to a very narrow world of lovemaking. Obviously, incredible sex is very possible without using any toys at all. But toys would help me feel like I was really making the most of my time with a woman and keeping it interesting and exploratory. And of course, people who experiment with new activities can end up experiencing a greater sense of intimacy with each other.

I can't speak for most men, but I certainly don't feel that way. I see the measure of how I'm doing sexually as the level of intimacy, openness and shared pleasure* I'm able to help create. I will gladly make use of any tools which assist in that.

*in overall terms - I'm all for specific scenarios that focus on pleasure for one partner exclusively.

My ex felt that way. He even said something like that. Happily my current guy doesn't. We play with toys a lot and I think it brings a lot to the experience. Happily he does to so it works out.

I don't feel that way. I'll use whatever it takes to get my wife off. Whether that's an appendage of my body or some form of external technology, it's all good.

I don't feel that way and if a girlfriend asked if we might use toys I would be more than happy to oblige. I have done in the past and I would do so again.

A vibe is like spices for food, giving taste not replacing the food, can be like a three some too, each one offer what he have to reach the pleasures, a vibe never replace human love, it helps for " fun of sex ".

From Post Nr. 1

A man once told me that he didn't like to use a vibrator to get a woman off because it made him feel like less of a man. Like he couldn't please without "help". Sometimes I want my boyfriend to use a vibrator on me to orgasm. He said he would but he doesn't really seem keen on the idea and I don't push it.

Do most men feel this way?

A such man have not reached his maturity, may be did he thought that only his erected penis will please a woman, forgotten that cuddles, kisses, fingers, lips, tongue can be also used to please !

Whatever works, one should not limit oneself to one form sex. Variety is the spice of life

I used to only want the 'real' thing ... that was before my husband's diabetes really kicked in ... i was a bitch about it ... ... but i was doing enemas and i used a dildo on myself sometimes ... well ... a lot of times when i was getting myself off solo ... ... then i let go of my 'hang ups' about hubby doing me with a dildo ... and i actually talked it out ... 'communicated' ... with hubby ... and wow ... ... ... all i can say is ... use those toys ... and let them be used on u ... hubby can't always get it up and keep it up over the long haul ... but he almost always is able to make a ... 'grand entrance' ... when we r playing ... ... @ccarol ... don't let him get away with that ... u will waste precious time and miss out on a lot of fun ... ... if it will help him ... get a vibrator with a kick starter ... 😉 ... if that will 'sell' him on doing u with one ... u 2 won't regret it ... 😄 🌹 ....

As with most of the male respondents I am not phased by the introduction of toys into a relationship, in fact I quite like using them to bring a partner to orgasm. As with any relationship ccarol you need to talk openly especially when it comes to sexual matters, as these act as a precursor to others cause or born out of sexual frustration.

As said by gibby:

i actually talked it out ... 'communicated' ... with hubby ... and wow ... ... ... all i can say is ... use those toys ... and let them be used on u ... u will waste precious time and miss out on a lot of fun ... ... if it will help him ... get a vibrator with a kick starter ... 😉 ... if that will 'sell' him on doing u with one ... u 2 won't regret it

The introduction of toys can add a new, exciting, pleasurable and fulfilling dimension to your lovemaking and sexual relationship and may help to bring greater intimacy between the both of you

As HC said :

I think that everyone should be creative and use their imagination to give their partner as much pleasure as possible. To refuse to incorporate any type of "help" from sex toys is to confine oneself to a very narrow world of lovemaking. Obviously, incredible sex is very possible without using any toys at all. But toys would help me feel like I was really making the most of my time with a woman and keeping it interesting and exploratory. And of course, people who experiment with new activities can end up experiencing a greater sense of intimacy with each other.

Yes, RN1993, Gibby and H C are all quite right. My wife has a few vibrators and dildos that she can either use alone or have me use on her. The toys are not a threat to our physical relationship. On the contrary, they provide further variety. She understands that I am not about to be insulted if she suggests getting a dildo out of the cupboard.

I think it shows a lack of maturity for a man to feel threatened by sex toys. Their introduction should not be taken as implied criticism of his performance.

It seems we all agree here that there is nothing wrong with people using sex toys when they have sex, and indeed there are undeniable benefits of doing so. I just thought of a good analogy to capture our ideas on this situation.

Using a vibrator/dildo/etc. rather than one's penis/fingers is like playing an electric guitar compared to an acoustic. They're all just instruments. It's up to the person using them to use them well and to make a great song, that will provide an enjoyable experience for whoever they are with.

For example, a lot of people were furious with Bob Dylan way back in 1965 and 1966 when he first played the electric guitar with a band instead of an acoustic guitar by himself. But he was still Bob Dylan, and a Bob Dylan song was still a Bob Dylan song whether Bob Dylan played an electric version of an originally acoustic song of his, or an acoustic version of an originally electric song of his. He was never even that great of a guitarist, or at least he kept it a secret if he was. What really mattered were the songs, and even the mighty Jimi Hendrix drew much of his inspiration from Bob Dylan's songwriting. So just as there is more to music than what instrument someone plays and how well they play it, there is more to lovemaking as well. In both situations, it's all about the feelings you can express and inspire in others. That is why a lot of kids still listen to Hendrix and Dylan today, and that is what the kids are trying to learn how to do when they play music or have sex. It also explains why most people listen to music that is absolute shit- it just makes them feel good and so they do not care if it is good.

Often a singing man is using a guitar, a piano, a trumpet, or whatever , is done to enhance the song, why a adult toy may not be used to enhance the "song of love" ?

Post 15 : _

. . . Using a vibrator/dildo/etc. rather than one's penis/fingers is like playing an electric guitar compared to an acoustic. . . .

For some reason that reminded me of the old Roberta Flack song "Killing me softly". It contains the line "Strumming my pain with his fingers". 😃

Ccarol, first I hope you ran, not walked away from that first close-minded insecure 'man' whose uptight thoughts have huge potential to dangerously spill over into other important aspects of life.

I could write a thesis on the value of adding vibrators, dildos, butt plugs add any toy 'here' to your bedroom play. But I won't. The good zity folks will come up with everything.

Think of it this way, would you eat plain boiled chicken? No spices? I mean it will fill the square, it may taste okay, but seriously? No salt, pepper? It is ALL about giving pleasure to your partner, mo matter how it is given. Plus it saves your energy for more play!

I don't know I love a man to use a vibrator on me when I'm taking an enema it sexually stimulates me into a orgasm or multiple orgasms.

@ JimmyJohnson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNdMIAnKko

I love playing with a woman and helping her, and seeing her go into orgasm in which ever way pleases her the best. If it requires a vibrator, then let's get to it!! :-) Mike.

I could see that point of view. And if she became obsessed with the vibrator, so much that the man became expendable to her, that would not be a goo thing.

However, i think the willingness to please one's partner in alternative ways only helps the relationship. It encourages reciprocity. If the lady likes using a bivrator from time to time & i do my best to pleasure her with it, the inclination would be to satisfy me more, and maybe that may lead to say better blowjobs or more frequent blowjobs, and then it's good all around.

But if the woman only cares about her own needs, the inevitable will be inevitable, and the relationship will tank,

But if the woman only cares about her own needs, the inevitable will be inevitable, and the relationship will tank,

That would happen long before the vibrator and reciprocity thing (in my book). That is not a relationship, it's exploitation.

As for helping a lady with a vibe? Yes, sure, anytime! No vibe can replace a man (if he's willing to play and he is healthy and eager enough), so no fear of toys. The fun can be increased immensely with a toy!

I'm a guy and I don't mind at all.

Vibes, electrodes, suction cups, clamps, plugs, dildos, it doesn't matter, as long as they enhance the pleasure making and bonding between two caring partners. It's all about having fun, not ego.

I have no issuses using a vibe on a woman who likes it... ill please her anyway i can x

You know boys, if you look at the real numbers on how many women orgasm through straight sex, the numbers are surprisingly low. Whether it's vaginally or cliterol, or rectally through penile stimulation alone it just doesn't happen as much as you think it does, or as much as she leads you to believe. Those numbers go up especially if there is tongue to clit direct stimulation. Then those numbers go way up with the use of toys and vibrators.

Seriously, look it up, you will be surprised at how low the numbers really are, and I say really because women are notoriously untruthful about whether or not they have had an orgasm to your face. But you get them in a room full of other women where they can be candid, or they are asked to fill out surveys, they usually are a lot more honest.

You know, up until a generation or so ago whether it was said or not out loud it was sort of a common understanding with the women in this country that our job as women is to have kids, raise them, cook and clean, and to please our husbands. Nothing was ever discussed about women being pleased. It's because of views and attitudes like that for so long ,generation after generation that women in this country were sexually suppressed. Again nothing was ever said directly to you, but somehow you just knew. Women just had this understanding that we had to please our man. We had to act like we wanted it, and act like it was good even when it isn't, but the men were not ever to know how we really felt. This is why everyone knows that women are notorious for lying about whether or not they had an orgasm.

Please boys understand that you may have a big dick, you may be the best in bed we have ever had and on an on, but some of us just are hard to bring to orgasm. Some of this is our fault because again, we growing up have not traditionally been taught that sexual exploration, especially on ourselves is acceptable. We don't know how to please ourselves so how are we supposed to tell you what to do? And then there are some guys that just don't get it, don't care, or don't want to then end up alone living in their mothers basement forever.

I think, no, I know times are changing and changing quickly. I know that my generation was a lot more open about sexuality and self exploration as we raised our kids. Personally speaking I was hoping by doing so that my daughters will not have a miserable sex life like I did and most of my friends did and still do. I got lucky, very very lucky when I met Doc. He was able to bring me to orgasm for the first time in my life through straight sex. We have been together for 8 years now and everything is exactly right for me to be able to orgasm inside with just penile friction. Does it happen all the time, no, it's still a special treat for me and him both, especially when we cum together. That's the best!

Some women are able to cum easier than others and for 100 different reasons, everything from anatomy to their time of the month and everything in between. We do not have the luxury to cum when the wind blows up your pant leg like you guys do, lol. I can tell you this, and I am not trying to be mean here, but real men, men who love the women they are sticking their dick into want to make their woman happy, they want her to cum. Real men are not afraid of toys and do not feel threatened by them either. Real men understand that it's not their fault women are often times hard to bring to orgasm. They understand that toys no matter what they are, are an extension of them, not a replacement for them.

It won't be much longer I hope that the days women lie, or feel they need to lie about whether or not they came will end. So you boys had better take a step back and think about your sex life. Are you pleasing your women, I mean really pleasing her? If she hasn't brought up adding toys to your bedroom activities maybe you should. Whatever you do, do not go and by sex toys for her lol. Both of you go together and pick them out together. Picking up the wrong toy might be offensive, lol. Remember, she knows what she likes and what will make her cum even if you don't really. Or, is shopping together isn't something that fits into your personalities or schedules, buy her a gift card for your local sex shop.

Last but not least, I am going to say something that will offend almost all of you. I am not trying to hurt your feelings, but I am trying to tell you the truth, which in turn can be taken as advice. As I mentioned earlier. Think about your sex life. Are you sure, 100 percent beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are pleasing the woman that you love? I promise you that all women lie, have lied or will lie to you at some point about whether or not they had an orgasm. If she is lying to you most of the time the chances of her cheating on you goes way up, and or leaving you. No woman is going to turn over after you have had sex and look you in the face and tell you that you suck in bed. So before you start patting yourself on your back and saying something along the lines of, "Well I've never had any complaints in bed". You haven't because most women feel insecure when we are naked for one, and two, most of us are not that rude, but again, trust me when I tell you, we are thinking it.

Again, this is not 100 percent fact for either sex, but the overwhelming majority. Don't be afraid to explore, suggest, or discuss the possibilities of toys. She will probably fall in love with you all over again.

Mashie

I think this is a matter of maturity. A guy who is into the macho thing, wants to show the world how much a "man" he is, and needs to convince himself, this guy isn't going to please most women as a companion or lover. He's an old boy, and other old boys are what matters to him.

M more mature guy will do whatever he can to please a lady. He listens to what she wants and likes, and he listens to what she dislikes and doesn't want. He is self confident, not over confident, and doesn't have to prove a damn thing to himself or her. He is there to please her.

It is all about maturity.

Quincy, you are exactly right on the age aspect. I meant to address that and forgot. Women are the same way, the older we get the more in tune we are with our own bodies. We know that when we cum it is very pleasing to men, which is part of why we lie about it. But the age of both partners really can and does make a difference.

Mashie

Well said, Mashie.

I think the problem is that in our society, there is a perceived hierarchy of sexual activity. To reach "home plate," a couple must have penis-in-vagina sex. That is touted as the be-all and end-all. Anyone whom that does not work for must be dysfunctional, or so people assume.

But the only real hierarchy is that the more aroused you are by an activity, the better it is. And not everyone is aroused by the same activities. It might even change from one day to the next. The only thing that counts is to just do what feels best. It might not involve your genitals, it might not involve your partner's genitals, and it might not even involve a partner at all.

I know there were times when I had sex with a woman and it did nothing for her, even when she said that it did. I know this because of how different it felt, and how differently she looked, when it most certainly did do something for her, and there was no need for her to say that it did. You can just tell by the contractions as it happens, and the obvious atmosphere of intoxication that emanates from her afterwards, and the way she blushes hard from her face down to her body. Her pleasure takes on an unmistakable presence of its own, or at least it alters her presence in such a way, that anyone who has experienced such a change in their partner can tell when it happens and when it does not happen.

Personally, on the occasions that one of us apparently had an off day, I would have gladly forgone the penis-in-vagina attempt at pleasure for something that would have worked, if there was something else that would have on those occasions. The union of the penis and vagina is not everything, and in many cases it accomplishes about as much as shaking someone's hand.

One time a female friend told me that women love to tell a guy that sex was great, even when it was not, because women love that it's just that easy to make the guy feel good about it. For the woman to feel good about it, she has to actually be in the mood, and the guy has to actually know what he is doing, and it has to actually be good. But for the guy, the woman merely has to tell him he is the king. It is just too easy for her, and has too powerful of an effect on the man, for most women to resist telling him that, she said.

Quincy, you are exactly right on the age aspect. I meant to address that and forgot. Women are the same way, the older we get the more in tune we are with our own bodies. We know that when we cum it is very pleasing to men, which is part of why we lie about it. But the age of both partners really can and does make a difference.

Mashie

So true, I can't understand why young womens are so far from the reality of their own sexuality.