Men using vibrator on women

@HC said

I think the problem is that in our society, there is a perceived hierarchy of sexual activity. To reach "home plate," a couple must have penis-in-vagina sex. That is touted as the be-all and end-all. Anyone whom that does not work for must be dysfunctional, or so people assume.

But the only real hierarchy is that the more aroused you are by an activity, the better it is. And not everyone is aroused by the same activities. It might even change from one day to the next. The only thing that counts is to just do what feels best. It might not involve your genitals, it might not involve your partner's genitals, and it might not even involve a partner at all.

I believe the problem is a hangover from the times when sex was meant to be solely for reproduction, and doing it for pleasure was frowned upon. I have seen film footage from the early 1970s showing some doctors and officials commenting very sourly that the greater availability of the contraceptive pill "would make people sex mad". They clearly saw only reproduction as the goal, which obviously implies penis-in-vagina sex. I'm sure that to them, to practice other forms of sexual activity would indicate you had a problem. I'm sure the partners of these doctors must have had a wonderful time. Not.

These attitudes haven't completely gone, of course. Religiously conservative communities continue to maintain very narrow views on the acceptability of sexual practices.

@Mashie said

Quincy, you are exactly right on the age aspect. I meant to address that and forgot. Women are the same way, the older we get the more in tune we are with our own bodies.

@arthur said

So true, I can't understand why young females are so far from the reality if their own sexuality.

Some of this stems from Sigmund Freud's supposition that the so-called 'vaginal orgasm' was mature and superior to the clitoral orgasm, which he considered immature and inferior. This was completely unscientific, but due to repetition of the argument, it became accepted by the scientific community. Women found that they were mostly unable to achieve the 'vaginal orgasm' by penetration, and were therefore sexually unsatisfied. Freud and his followers were responsible for setting back women's sexuality by decades. Again even today, the myth of the vaginal orgasm being the goal, combined with a reluctance to openly discuss sexual pleasure, and also ridiculous romantic ideas promoted in fiction, mean that many young women still have little understanding of their own sexuality. Unfortunately for them, they have to wait until realisation dawns on them a little later in life.

So true, I can't understand why young females are so far from the reality if their own sexuality.

It depends a lot on how they are brought up. Go to a nun's school and have repressed and mean-spirited parents who are obsessed with sex because they are so incompatible themselves and also the product of an archaic religious upbringing and all the pieces are present.

It's hard to escape such a background. No matter how hard you try, it still influences your life ...

I personally can't even begin to tell most all of you who have contributed to this thread after I wrote my long post how outstanding, thought provoking, and intelligent your posts are. Seriously I am so impressed. In my opinion it's threads like these, responses like these that prove my point when I tell people that our members here for the most part are very intelligent and highly educated, way more so than the national average no matter what country you are from. Seriously, threads like this, containing content like this thread do no exist in other like sites. They just don't. Most of the people on the other sites are not smart enough to hold an intellectually stimulating conversation.

As far as Susie's post. I think I always call any woman under the age of 18 either a child or a girl. Then anyone over 18 a woman, if I remember correctly. Now when it comes to men. Any male under 18 I call a boy, and over 18 a man. When I use the terms male and females I use those terms to only differentiate between the two sexes. The only exception to that is when I often address the men in this forum or in real life outside the forum. I will call men boys depending on the circumstance because well, they like it. LOL.

Mashie

As far as vibrators are concerned, ANYTHING two people use to make each other feel good is terrific.

I love a vibrator and when my husband does me with one, it doesn't make him less of a man, it makes him a man who has yet another way to get me off.

Dr. Z you said:

many young women still have little understanding of their own sexuality. Unfortunately for them, they have to wait until realisation dawns on them a little later in life.

However, I think young women should get more credit than they do. Just because one is young, does not mean they are naive and have not "found themselves" yet. It's a myth that women always need someone else to liberate them and turn them into sexual beings. Most people are naturally sexual, but somehow the influence of society can take that away from them. It's important to acknowledge that they already have it in the first place. Some people may need someone to guide them towards rediscovering the sexuality that society has denied them, but nobody really needs somebody else to make them sexual. They already are, on their own.

I am sure you know this. I just thought it was important to mention in addition to what you said.

I would also like to point out that the information people are exposed to is becoming more and more democratic. Not every 18 year old is just looking at the way sexuality is portrayed and often misrepresented in the mainstream media. They are also on the internet, and some are even reading this very page. They have a chance to expose themselves to a much wider perspective than previous generations. And yet in every generation there have always been people who embraced and owned their sexuality at a young age and discovered on their own that it did not have to be vanilla.

I think young women should get more credit than they do. Just because one is young, does not mean they are naive and have not "found themselves" yet. It's a myth that women always need someone else to liberate them and turn them into sexual beings. Most people are naturally sexual, but somehow the influence of society can take that away from them. It's important to acknowledge that they already have it in the first place. Some people may need someone to guide them towards rediscovering the sexuality that society has denied them, but nobody really needs somebody else to make them sexual. They already are, on their own.

That is very true. Our daughters were very sexual at an early age. They were very quizzical and asking for great details about "where they came from." They learned about sexual intercourse, sperm, eggs and orgasms when they were less than four years old. I remember one night we were putting our older daughter, "The Adventurer," as we call her, to bed except she would not go to sleep one night when she was about three and a half. Her younger sister was about six months old. She literally cried and cried asking where she came from and absolutely would not go to sleep. I tried to give the short (but factual) story about where she came from, but she wouldn't go to sleep and let me go until she knew as much as a high school senior about where she came from and how everything worked. Every single answer to her questions were met with her next question of why or how.

The older daughter used to play with herself at night when we were tucking her in when she was four or five. The first night I realized this, I heard a clicking sort of noise under her blanket and I asked her what she was doing. I thought she was playing with a toy she had taken under the covers. She said, "I'm enjoying my wetness." Even at that age, she knew if she rubbed herself, she would get wet, it would feel good and it wasn't from urine. I told her it was fine to do that but she should do it by herself, a suggestion we later learned she and her sister didn't always follow.

One night when they were about 11 and 14, as my husband and I were coming home from a night out, we got a glimpse of them as they stopped masturbating (themselves, NOT each other) in the TV room. Everyone knew what was going on but no one said anything about it. Some things don't need to be said. We just let it pass. It was simply a case of two young girls exploring their bodies. It reminded me of the morning when I was in high school when my father saw me drying my hair in the bathroom with my colon tube and Sherema bag hanging on the towel rack behind me. He just asked if I was OK.

If children are not artificially sexually repressed by their parents, friend's parents, teachers or friends, they know what makes their bodies feel good even if they don't initially necessarily associate it with a sex act.

Come to think of it, I never saw a sexually repressed dog or animal in the zoo. We are the same. Someone has to teach you to be repressed.

My wife got a novelty vibrator from some friends as a gag gift birthday present many, many years ago. She laughed when she got it, but never would use it in bed. At least not when I was around. Maybe she used it solo when I was working late or something. She threw it away not long after receiving it. Such a lost opportunity.

She would be horrified if she knew how many I have bought to use on (and in) myself over the years.

My wife got a novelty vibrator from some friends as a gag gift....She threw it away not long after receiving it.

That right there is why I think it is a shame how so many people's only experience with sex toys are cheap "gag gifts." I believe that more people would give sex toys a chance if they were instead presented with the nice, classy, tasteful sex toys. I'll never forget the first time I saw an njoy Pure Wand. That drastically changed my perspective on sex toys. They can be highly desirable things to use, and to use with another person.

Use toys enrich the sexual life. 😉

I like using a vibrator on a woman and getting her to have lots of orgasms before I have mine. I have found that after she has had several orgasms first, then the sex that follows is quite good. It kind of leads to a grand finale where both have powerful orgasms during intercourse.

I previously said

many young women still have little understanding of their own sexuality. Unfortunately for them, they have to wait until realisation dawns on them a little later in life.

@HC said

However, I think young women should get more credit than they do. Just because one is young, does not mean they are naive and have not "found themselves" yet. It's a myth that women always need someone else to liberate them and turn them into sexual beings. Most people are naturally sexual, but somehow the influence of society can take that away from them. It's important to acknowledge that they already have it in the first place. Some people may need someone to guide them towards rediscovering the sexuality that society has denied them, but nobody really needs somebody else to make them sexual. They already are, on their own.

I am sure you know this. I just thought it was important to mention in addition to what you said.

I would also like to point out that the information people are exposed to is becoming more and more democratic. Not every 18 year old is just looking at the way sexuality is portrayed and often misrepresented in the mainstream media. They are also on the internet, and some are even reading this very page. They have a chance to expose themselves to a much wider perspective than previous generations. And yet in every generation there have always been people who embraced and owned their sexuality at a young age and discovered on their own that it did not have to be vanilla.

I didn't say that young women were not sexual. Indeed they are, but as you say, there are influences acting on them to hinder their understanding of it. Young women do enjoy sex, they enjoy the intimacy, but in my experience they mostly don't know their own bodies as well as those who are a little older. So it seems to me they don't necessarily get as much out of it as they might when they are a little older, more experienced, and have had more time to work out what they like.

I can only speak with first hand knowledge of the UK here, not the USA - but from when I was 16 up to the age of 33 (when my wife caught and tamed me 😁) I had slept with (ahem) more than a few women in the age range of 16 to early 50s. The pattern was that the younger ones loved sex, but did not know their own bodies as well. There were exceptions of course, but in general that was how it was. My own first partner at 16 was 36, a world away from the 16 year old girls I slept with next.

In the UK, there is still a problem with a lack of openness in sex education to the point where even now, many teenage girls don't actually know their own sexual anatomy. A driver for this is teacher' being uncomfortable themselves about discussing the subject, and also fears that parents do not want open discussion of sexual matters. It's letting the kids down.

@Switchablesusie - British parents would do well to raise their daughters as you did your two. It's a good job you've done, as they both sound well-adjusted and well in tune with their own bodies. My wife's mother had similar attitudes. Being avoidant and uptight with children about sexual matters does not turn them into happy and fulfilled adults.

I think my batteries are flat

I think my batteries are flat

That's hilarious!

Definately not sponsored that bunny or duracum

My wife loves it, and I love that I can get her off 5 or 6 times at a shot! push for it!!

When he uses a vibrator, he knows he will make me scream!

Well said, DrZ. I completely agree with you. I was not trying to correct anything you said. Your comments merely inspired me to add a detail or stipulation about certain things you brought up.

No problem, @HC. I might also have said much of what you did, only I wanted to avoid making my own post too long.

To add something further, masturbation plays a major part in developing young women's understanding of their own sexuality. Use of vibrators and other sex toys is also important in that development. If it makes her feel good then it should be done. It is nothing to do with her using the vibrator instead of a man, but will enable her to have a better sexual response when she is with a partner.

My wife makes herself scream with a vibrator on her clit. Three times in a matter of minutes. It is such a show for me that I do not want to distract myself from watching for even a second. I get off beautifully after she finishes her spectacular show. Sometimes, we have to change the bedsheets she squirted on. After seeing her go at it, I think I can pretty much tell which of the females are faking it on the porn sites.

Edison wrote

After seeing her go at it, I think I can pretty much tell which of the females are faking it on the porn sites.

Are you sure about that? The fact that you even made this statement makes me doubt you. While no porn actor or actress is Alan Alda or Betty White, they are still in fact, actors and actresses. Unless you are watching a "made at home porn tape" by armatures, the women in porno movies do not really ever have an orgasm. Every single one of them are acting. Well, there might be the very few exceptions, but they are one in a million. If you ever get a chance to watch a making of a real professional porn movie or ever have the opportunity to watch real interviews with the women, at least in everything I have ever seen, flat out admit that they never have a real orgasm on set and it's all fake.

Mashie

Thanks, Mashie. I agree with your assessment on fake porn orgasms by women. I just thought there were others out there that really could tell, and I was not one of them.

Edison, I didn't go into it but I will since you get what I was saying there. In a few of the interviews I have watched over the years more than a few of them actually went into more detail on the orgasm issue. All of them said that by the time the shot happens they are usually very sore and have to ice down their vaginas so having an orgasm is the furthest thing from their mind. There were some that were honest and said that they have never had an orgasm inside or from straight sex. Then there were a few that said that they never have real orgasms on the set because they save those for the one they love. They said that an orgasm is special to them and they don't want to share it with anyone except the person they love. Which I actually thought was very sweet.

Mashie

Tis a knock to a guys ego to know that at any time he can be replaced by a 12 v battery and an electric motor x

Tis a knock to a guys ego to know that at any time he can be replaced by a 12 v battery and an electric motor x

Hey, guys can be replaced by just about anything.

Don't let a vibrator get you down.

Nichty, see that's just it, you can't. I am sort of surprised that one of us women hasn't touched base on this yet, or maybe I am the only one that feels this way? Maybe I am going to put myself out here and look like a total idiot, lol. However, with that being said......

I am not sure if other women will agree with me or not but here it goes. Back in the old days, my college days, I never really had orgasms, but that's not really the point here. I slept with the boyfriends because that's what I was supposed to do, or I thought anyway. But they couldn't make me cum, and I wasn't really in love with them anyway. I thought I was at the time, but I really wasn't. Once you know what real love is, things are a lot different, trust me. So sex for me well, sucked big hairy monkey balls. If they couldn't make me cum, and they couldn't, then eventually the relationship would end. Them not being able to make me cum was for lack of better terms very frustrating to say the least.

Then along comes the good Doctor. I am 38, a bit more in tune with my body and my own sexuality, plus I am probably in my sexual prime. So those things along with the fact that yes Doctors and nurses really are better in bed, especially when we are having sex with each other, and Doc knew exactly how to touch me, I started to cum as a result of sex. We fell head over heel in love with each other. We have a love like neither of us has ever known, or felt, it's the kind of love that makes you better than what you are, not worse. So this is the point I am getting at here. Sometimes he doesn't always make me cum and the reasons for that could be any number of things none of which have anything to do with him or his lack of trying. But even when he doesn't make me cum, it's okay. I don't need to cum every time. Feeling him on top of me, loving me, making love to me. The way he kisses me so deeply and passionately. The way he looks into my eyes especially as he orgasms or the way he whispers in my ear that he loves me so much, I don't need to cum. Feeling all those sensations, knowing that we have a love and an understanding of each other that is so rare is enough for me.

He has told me more than a few times that he feels so bad when I don't cum, but I feel just the opposite actually. Sometimes I am to emotional to orgasm, and when we are done I cry sometimes. At first he thought he had hurt me, but no, I was crying because I love him so much, and he me. I can't really explain it, I am not sure why I cry sometimes after we make love, and it's always when he is on top of me in regular missionary position which we don't do much. But it's that position, him on top of me, I can feel his entire body on mine, skin on skin. He takes my breath away still, after 8 years.

So Nichty, yes, toys that buzz and what not make me cum, but they can't ever give me the love, the passion, and the deep sensual feelings that my Doc gives me every time we are in the same room.

Putting it simply, in my opinion, you men are not replaceable, period!

Mashie

. . . . . Putting it simply, you men are not replaceable, period!

Mashie

You obviously didn't read my post because you just finished your post less than a minute before mine. 😁 😁

Nichty, But once he gets that ego out of the way, he may become irreplaceable.

Lol Sue, yes, I was typing my little heart out. I'm surprised you didn't get your whip out and come after me about my love dribble, lol.

Mashie

Anything that I can do to help my partner get off, I am all for it. Life is about pleasure whether it comes from a piece of plastic of a penis. As long as she is happy...I am happy. Also let her try it in your prostate...ENJOY!!

This is a serious thread, so I'm not typing this lightly. Maybe part of the issue is the words we use.

Mashie, Susie and others have used the phrase "make me cum". I think that is a disservice to the orgasmic process. A man, a woman, a device doesn't make you cum. Enable may be a better fit, but still it is lacking. Your mind and spirit has to be into it. Absent that, you just get sore.