What turns a person into being bi?

@SwitchableSusie said

Technically we are really bisexual, it's only the frequency of same sex encounters that from a picky semantic standpoint makes us heteroflexible, although from the high frequency of your encounters, I'm not sure you fit into that category any longer!!!!

I honestly may not - and I have thought about that, I really have. The high frequency - comes from proximity, that sounds crass as hell, sorry Beth Anne, but we are together at the shop a lot 😃 and I love being with her. Ruthie - she's hit or miss, and not that frequent at all, although when I first started, I was sure that she would be more 'into it', that isn't the case, and I'm glad. 😃 Gibby - she lives too far away, although I'd 'do her' as much as possible. 😉

So @SwitchableSusie - how far away do your 'ladies' live from you? Do you have almost daily contact - or run in the same circles as they do?

I love being with a few particular women, but it is primarily for the closeness, not so much the sex (not that it isn't fantastic) but I do prefer sex with men.

And Beth Anne is a great friend - a wonderful woman, lover, to be close with, sex or not, she's very giving and a class act.

If frequent sex with Beth Anne - means leaving the 'heteroflexible' category behind, I'm good with that. 😉

. . . .So @SwitchableSusie - how far away do your 'ladies' live from you? Do you have almost daily contact - or run in the same circles as they do?. . .

One lives about two hours away in New Jersey and the other about 90 minutes away on Long Island. A lot depends on traffic.

In NY, we describe distances by the time it takes because depending on traffic, an hour ride can be only twenty miles. Of course, at off-hours, it is as fast as any other part of the country, but there are only about four "off-hours" during the 24 hour day here. Traffic in the NY metro area/suburbs SUCKS.

We have telephone contact about twice a week and we don't run in the same friendly circles. We became friends when we were younger and our children were young and lived close to each other but have since moved in different directions mostly due to our jobs and husband's businesses.

When we do see each other it's a real treat because it isn't very frequent. As I described once before, our get-togethers are only a couple of times a year, not counting the times with our husbands who have NOTHING to do with our sexual relationships.

@SwitchablSusie if she was closer or you worked together - would you and she be more 'active'?

@SwitchablSusie if she was closer or you worked together - would you and she be more 'active'?

Probably not.

I wouldn't want to be away from my husband that much and the women really want to be with their husband and partner.

One woman is 99% hetero like I am and the other became a full time lesbian after her children were born.

@Lora_C

My first woman - Gibby, understood what I wanted, and who I was, and that I would probably have some qualms in actually putting my face in another woman's 'business'.

What you wanted? ... it was and is friendship with no bounds and a friend ... or friends ... to share everything about you ... up to ... and including ... your sexuality. 🌹

Who you were? ... you are ... that rare woman ... friend ... who wasn't afraid to be really naked ... figuratively ... and literally ... with a friend on every level imaginable ... and willing to try something new ... no matter how intimate. 🌹 The only requirement you have ... is that the one you show all of yourself too ... not just your body ... that person has to be a friend ... and a true friend.

@Lora_C ... forget the labels ... heteroflexible ... bi sexual ... bi curious ... whore ... slut ... those are only about sex and fucking. If you absolutely have to have a label ... or labels ... go with ... loving and devoted wife 🌹 ... loving mother 🌹 ... skilled & accepting & 'welcoming' lover 🌹 ...

But this post asked the question ... 'What turns a person into being bi?' ... @Lora_C ... you had those tendencies a long time before we ever got naked together ... or that curiosity ... and you liked it 😃 ... with a friend ... 😃 ... 🌹 🌹 🌹

Nobody turns bi. They discover their own sexuality.

When I was young, and just discovering sexual attraction, I saw guys, and thought 'I really want one of those', and I saw girls and 'I really want one of those, too!'

I few years later I discovered I could have both!

You are very much correct Buttwoman. Its actually the outcome of our hidden desire how we want to enjoy ourselves.

Hi, in my opinion you have no choice, its the same if you are either gay or straight. I knew there was something different about me when I was a child, but putting two and two together didn't come till I was much older. As a matter of fact I assumed that everyone was the same for a wile.

You are born to be what you will be, over time you do go in a particular direction sexually and hopefully are comfortable with it.

I don’t know what defines you as bi. I lived 64 years never having any type of sexual activity with a man. For a couple of years before that I played around online with guys. Now I’ve experimented heavily with men. Fucked, been fucked, sucked. Everything. I enjoy the physical release but I don’t crave men. It’s just sex.

I finally acted on it because my wife does not have sex anymore and women arr so hard to find at my age. If that makes me bi then okay

I don’t know what defines you as bi. I lived 64 years never having any type of sexual activity with a man. For a couple of years before that I played around online with guys. Now I’ve experimented heavily with men. Fucked, been fucked, sucked. Everything. I enjoy the physical release but I don’t crave men. It’s just sex.

I finally acted on it because my wife does not have sex anymore and women arr so hard to find at my age. If that makes me bi then okay

YOU DON'T???

You have been playing with men for a couple of years, "experimented heavily with men. Fucked, been fucked, sucked. Everything."

You stated you're heteroflexible in your profile. That's a weak version of Bi.

You're Bi!

NO ONE HERE CARES! Be what you want to be. Enjoy yourself.

Hmm. I was a late developer, in terms of having sex. I initially believed that I was gay and didn't get to practice it (just had my fantasies). Only after reaching uni did I have opportunity for sex (I shan't say a full relationship). I offered myself to older guys, then to guys my own age, but continued to believe I was just gay. Yet my whole philosophy was that one should be open, not limited to a particular outlook. This led me to women of my own age or slightly younger (via med-fet, I might add). Gradually, I found that I was comfortable - and enjoyed - having sex with both sexes. It has stayed that way, although I have never married. Maybe I'm still gay, deep down.? I honestly don't know.

Much easier to find guys to have mutual gratification with. Women have become too much trouble, too complicated, too many issues, some potentially too nagging, too annoying, they're likely taken if you're attracted to them, & they come with baggage that can be at times hard to deal with.

With all the recent harassment claims made public in the media, I expect to see guys further backing off, for fear of big trouble, big scandal, legal action, losing their jobs, etc.

Everything I just mentioned all leads to discouragement. Which leads to a tendency to just give up.

Guys are more clean & direct. Once you learn to find some gay or bi guys attractive, you can arrange a mutual greeting, get your mutual satisfaction, and move on cleanly without any bullshit. You don't even have to make any attempt to show appreciation by sending flowers or anything.

I love receiving oral. For me, it's one of the greatest sexual feelings in the world. How much will I have to go through to find and get a woman to give me oral? On the other hand, I've had several guys tell me they would give me oral without reciprocity any time I want it.

Sure it's shallow and selfish. But no one's likely to care for your needs besides you. Sure I would much rather get sexual with a woman. But if you're thirsty and can't get a soda, I'm sure you'll settle for water as long as you trust it.

Much easier to find guys to have mutual gratification with. Women have become too much trouble, too complicated, too many issues, some potentially too nagging, too annoying, they're likely taken if you're attracted to them, & they come with baggage that can be at times hard to deal with.

With all the recent harassment claims made public in the media, I expect to see guys further backing off, for fear of big trouble, big scandal, legal action, losing their jobs, etc.

Everything I just mentioned all leads to discouragement. Which leads to a tendency to just give up.

Right you are. And the tendency should be or should have been predicable. But on the other hand there is also a tendency that is becoming more apparent these last years, a growing prudishness and at times (in some countries at least) a growing hysteria about any kind of gay sexual activities. It's no secret that many religious and political leaders use anti-gay hysteria to gain power and influence, especially in authoritarian societies and countries. There is a distinct possibility that gay sexual activity will become more and more disapproved of if not factually legislated against.

And then guys as such those described above, will be even more sexually frustrated than now ...

It's no secret that many religious and political leaders use anti-gay hysteria to gain power and influence, especially in authoritarian societies and countries. There is a distinct possibility that gay sexual activity will become more and more disapproved of if not factually legislated against. .

Ironically, in recent years, there have been several people who have been leaders in anti-gay movements that have been caught in a gay relationship. Quite the hypocrisy. To the people, they stand for or represent one thing, but their private life tells another story.

I don't know about European or Asian countries, but America has become gradually more open to gays, their rights, etc. More and more people are comfortable about coming out, and homosexual orientation of many is more out in the open now. It's become more accepted in American society that gay people exist, and are people just like everyone else.

JTMac said

Much easier to find guys to have mutual gratification with. Women have become too much trouble, too complicated, too many issues, some potentially too nagging, too annoying, they're likely taken if you're attracted to them, & they come with baggage that can be at times hard to deal with.

With all the recent harassment claims made public in the media, I expect to see guys further backing off, for fear of big trouble, big scandal, legal action, losing their jobs, etc.

All that has understandably caused or allowed the MGTOW movement to take off.

Men are generally better friends than women because as a rule (NOT ALL) men tolerate disagreement much better than women. After a disagreement, women will write you off. Men go back to being friends because they don't give a damn if someone disagrees with them, women don't do that.

This bi far has been one of the best threads I have seen here. There are so many moving parts here where do I start...

First, I believe and agree with many of the others here in that we don't necessarily turn bisexual. I believe it's more of a self-discovery. When I was little I played with a couple of neighbors of mine (brother and sister), and in hindsight I've have always been bi. But as I got older, I chalked up the experiences as curious childhood play. It wasn't until way later that I truly discovered my bisexuality. I was married, raising kids and in my late 30's. My marriage was falling apart and sex life was all but dead. I was searching through craigslist for an extra marital affair and stumbled into the m4m section. At first, it freaked me out for even venturing, but I had seen images and read ads and I got curious. This curiosity eventually got the best of me (by this time I was already divorced and dating again) and I eventually had a same-sex experience as an adult. I did this for about a year or so still claiming to be heterosexual until one day it just hit me like a bullet...I'M BIEXUAL!!

This new found identity has evolved over time and it really is much more complex as others have noted here. First, I think the identity is only assumed when one is ready to take on some of -as another member put it - baggage of the bisexual community. In other words, when the bisexual (or lgbtq+) identity feels right and one is ready to adapt to the subculture values, attitudes, beliefs and norms. I've read here in this thread that there are many who are heteroflexible, in these instances it seems to me that one can enjoy some same-sex playtime, but that the individual has no interest in the queer community or culture. These folks have no interest in pride parades, pride jewlery, queer literature and/or social movements. So does this mean that they are a closeted bisexual? No, absolutely not. No one can impose a label onto another, and identity must be self-perscribed and adopted. When a straight woman or man says s/he is straight but likes to play with other women or men, then s/he is simply a straight woman or man who likes to play with other women and men.

Next, like other have stated, I'm only romantically attracted to other women but I do enjoy the physical and sexual touch of another man. I discovered that I'm a heteroromantic bisexual. There are others who identify as homoromantic and some who are equally romantic to both or all. In my own journey I have found that no two bisexuals, pansexuals, demisexuals, sapiosexuals, heterflexibles and others are alike; our sexuality in terms of likes, turn-ons, attractions are as diverse as our fingerprints. Some can be romantically attracted to both sexes and all genders, some simply physcially attracted, others are asexual, then again others who only fantasize about same sex relationships. I believe one can be bisexual and never have sex with the same-sex. I remember many in high school who identified as heterosexual yet were virgins. Again here, it's really not about the phyaical act of having sex, but more of the identity that fits you. The heterosexual lifestyle fit them and this was their world view.

I think there are many with the propensity to be fluid. All they need to do is be open and remove the shackles of society.

~Proximo

Much easier to find guys to have mutual gratification with.

In general yes, guys are much more promiscuous than women.

Women have become too much trouble, too complicated, too many issues, some potentially too nagging, too annoying, they're likely taken if you're attracted to them, & they come with baggage that can be at times hard to deal with.

Well if that's not a huge sweeping generalization, I don't know what is. One could easily replace women with men in that statement and have it be just as valid. Men can come with all of those same issues, too annoying, too taken, too much baggage etc etc etc.

With all the recent harassment claims made public in the media, I expect to see guys further backing off, for fear of big trouble, big scandal, legal action, losing their jobs, etc.

Something tells me that guys who aren't inclined to sleep with men aren't suddenly going to start sleeping with men all because of other men not knowing how to act like a human being.

Everything I just mentioned all leads to discouragement. Which leads to a tendency to just give up.

Life's tough, get a helmet.

Guys are more clean & direct. Once you learn to find some gay or bi guys attractive, you can arrange a mutual greeting, get your mutual satisfaction, and move on cleanly without any bullshit. You don't even have to make any attempt to show appreciation by sending flowers or anything.

Some guys can be more direct like this, but again, huge sweeping generalizations. There are certainly a lot of bi and gay men who don't do one night stands or promiscuous sex. They too wouldn't mind being shown some appreciation from time to time.

I love receiving oral. For me, it's one of the greatest sexual feelings in the world. How much will I have to go through to find and get a woman to give me oral? On the other hand, I've had several guys tell me they would give me oral without reciprocity any time I want it.

What you are saying is, you prefer guys because they are easy and don't want to put in the work. That's fine too. That is why often when STI stats are published they are listed as "men who have sex with men" as there are a lot of men who do not identify as gay/bisexual, yet have sex with men. It's the whole "we're not gay, we're just helping each other out" thing.

Sure it's shallow and selfish. But no one's likely to care for your needs besides you.

Well with that sort of attitude...selfishness is not an attractive trait.

I don't know about European or Asian countries, but America has become gradually more open to gays, their rights, etc. More and more people are comfortable about coming out, and homosexual orientation of many is more out in the open now. It's become more accepted in American society that gay people exist, and are people just like everyone else.

Maybe I'm a half-empty kind of guy on this, but in many countries i have a bad feeling about gay rights and acceptance. I know that I grew up when it was all still illegal in places like the UK or many US states.

And with European countries you have to be careful which ones you're talking about. Belgium, the Netherlands, Denmark (I suppose) are all in the forefront, but in other EU countries like Poland, there is quite a backlash against what they perceive to be overly permissive and immoral Western European attitudes. Here for instance, people seeking to gain Belgian/Dutch nationality have to pass an equivalent to a citizenship exam, only it involves following classes about social issues as well, how to more fully integrate into Belgian/Dutch society. And it is often written that many would-be citizens have not so much trouble with legal concepts and such, but the social mores - like acceptance of public showing of same-sex affection - is very hard for them and doesn't really stick afterwards.

Even in the US from what I read and hear, there are many areas/states where gay things are not really accepted but very very grudgingly, with lots of push-back from politicians who do know how to exploit people's reluctance/repugnance. There are many who would like to make homosexuality a crime again. I have a feeling that legal battles will only intensify. Think for instance of wedding cakes ...

Islamic countries are a write-off as is most of Africa I'm afraid. The last mostly through efforts of a number of influential Christian missionaries who have shifted their anti-gay proselyting from the US to some African countries like Uganda for instance.

But on the other hand, historically, it was often Islamic countries, or rather colonies/protectorates like Morocco or Algeria and Tunisia that Europeans went to have easy access to gay sex. This in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Think of writers and artists who were attracted by this after WWII. Now most of these countries are the most conservative of all, an almost 100% turn-about in social mores.

Not sure why this is in the bizarre sex category here....

I was bisexual from age 8 w/other boys and 9 with girls, though I had no idea about the term, it was just my attractions and who was available. I had 2 boyfriends ("best friend" we called it) , one 8-10 and the other 11-12 - till 18 and we explored almost all possibilities. More about that on other postings. My earliest experience with a girl was onetime neighbor, I was 9, she was 10) and though I found it very exciting, being discovered by her mother scared me. In college I was lucky to have 3 different girlfriends who loved MFM 3 ways and that is my favorite kind of sex, two hard cocks and SO MANY holes! Also, a great way to get str8 cock.

But exactly what "turns" a person into being bi, I suppose there is just a natural propensity for some, an openness to a variety of sexual experiences. I know str8 guys who are repulsed even by gay porn and gay guys who feel the same about st8 porn. Also, I know a very sexual guy (a real stud) who loves sex so much he wanted to try gay sex because guys are so much more available. He could not even get an erection from an expert cock sucker any guy. So, I think it is either there or it isn't.

I had a bi experience a month ago with a fist buddy whose lovely plump naked girlfriend held him and softly comforted him while I worked my arm deep up his ass. He also nursed on her beautiful tits for comfort, so much fun. She let me play lightly with her tiits and diddle some with her clit, but I could tell she was very reluctant, so I did not press it. Still, very hot. I hope for more.

Personally my first sex experience was with my cousin who stayed with us.

we were both 13.

I had started wearing her undies after getting them from the washbasket and when she found out confronted me and told me she liked that.

From there we played dressups and then she dared me to stick my penis into her.

That wa sit and I was hooked as a crossdresser for life. My first bi experience was with a friend when i was about 18 and I loved it and have ever since.

I am actively bi and jan and I love getting others involved in our lives.

Nothing turns one into being bisexual, you are born bi just as one is born gay, that is MY belief anyways.

I didn't wake up one morning and think to myself, I wonder what another guys cock tastes like etc.

I knew there was always something about mens dangly bits that inrigued me, from a very early age, however it wasn't until my marriage ended and I had a place of my own that I could find out what those early thoughts were all about,and when I did BOOM, now I love being bi and all the opportunities it opens for me sexually.

What turns a person into being bi?- Well, being super horny and not getting what you want same sex wise is a big factor in my horny opinion.

What turns a person into being bi?

Having needs and being unable to find someone from the opposite sex to satisfy them in a simple enough way, while being able to easily find same sex counterparts perfectly willing to do so in a simple clean kind of way. Something that wouldn't begin until they feel comfortable having that physical contact with a same sex partner.

What I mean by simple and clean is to get the sexual gratification with no strings attached, without having to get into a loving or complicated relationship.

To take it one step further, what turns a person into bisexual from bi curious, it's after enough experimentation and exploring, where you think this is right for you. May be after a first encounter, or maybe not until after several encounters. It may be from having an experience with someone whom you know you'd like to see again. Or the experience itself that you may want to have again with someone else.

Now that's what "turns" a person into being bi. Many folks believe bis are born bi. Some are; not all. Personally, I'd like to think if there were enough women out there to make me happy, or if I could have found the right woman, I would have never resorted to men at all.

Another thought about this - having all the same sex adventures and fun one can want; the need for something different and the taboo of same sex activity becomes intriguing.... Seems the sex drive always wants something more and a bit out of reach...

I don't think one turns into being bi. I think we are all very sexual beings and can enjoy all things sexual if we don't have too rigid thoughts about it. The older we get, the less rigid our thoughts and then we can enjoy sex no matter with whom or what gender. When young, procreation is our purpose but after that passes, then we enjoy the sexual things for the pleasure involved. Being able to enjoy both males and females is the best of both worlds. Why deny that pleasure?

I don't think one turns into being bi.

I don't know. I was homophobic for a loooong time. Like about half a century. The thought of gay sex disgusted me. It was all the same to me. I couldn't differentiate between men behaving like mature men and having man sex vs. guys acting gay in a way that would cause some to use slurs to describe it. I don't expect everyone to relate to this. And I'm sure some opposition toward it may be voiced. But I'm at the point to let's just agree to disagree, because based on what you can and can't relate to and your own sense of sexuality, people won't all be on the same page anyway.

My wife and I both had very high sex drives before some severe medical issues on her side shut it down. I have absolutely no interest in M2M sex whether it’s an easier hook up or not. I don’t know if I was wired that way or if something in my upbringing just told me no. Nothing against those who do explore that way. I still satisfy my urges - just not with other people

Beauty is erotic. So is intelligence, eloquence, taste... I do not fall in love with someone’s genitals. I fall in love with who they are, whatever that may be.

Overall I feel people are probably wired from birth to be bisexual. This is my take on how someone might start out as heterosexual and then at some point in their life shifts into bisexuality.

Most grow up in a heterosexual world and stay in that camp never thinking too much about same sex partners. The world is by and large heterosexual and most parents generally raise their children assuming they are heterosexual. But it would seem two factors must happen that would cause their latent bisexuality emerge.

First, life circumstances creates an opportunity to experiment with a same sex partner(s). This could happen at any age with the person being in a committed relationship or being single. The second factor is a change in how they see themselves as a sexual being and reaching a level of self acceptance with this new identity. I think many have to overcome the hurdle of fearing negative social fallout if their bisexuality becomes known. For the ones that don't want to deal with this risk, they keep their bisexuality a secret and they end up having discreet encounters with same sex partners.

Given this perfect storm of situational opportunity and changing self view, the person's bisexuality may emerge. In some cases these two factors seem to happen at the same time or one precedes the other. In either case, their bisexuality was always there but remained latent until these two factors interacted allowing it to emerge.