Are you really who you say you are?

I know this probably doesn't belong under this section, but since this is where I spend most of my time while logged on. How many here question whether or not someone is who they say they are. I see lots of questions from so called females but their questions and how they are worded lead me to believe they are really men. Does anyone else see this or am I just to analytical?

There have been instances of gender misrepresentation. I have myself been misled, believing I was interacting with a female when in fact it was a male, that member was found out and banned. Few and far between fortunately but yes it does happen.

These days if a member is interested in chatting then following a brief interaction via messages I want to actually talk to them, not via written messages but via Skype or yahoo, otherwise it could well be a person who's misrepresenting themselves.

I have nothing to hide so if someone does have some reason not to speak I don't get involved.

I appreciate there are those who wish to remain anonymous, I respect that and would leave them alone.

I prefer to actually chat, rather than message.

It's clear to see this is male dominated fetish by the male/female ratio here.

I think there may be members who've been misled, who will take exception to being referred to as:

"Sad desperate men"

Sex misrepresentation is against Zity rules.

Indeed. I am who I say I am.

On a more serious note - this is the internet. Anyone can say they are anyone else. It happens. It is always best to keep that in mind when interacting with anyone.

It isnt the fact that you may be chatting with a man when you thought you were having a conversation with a woman, as much as how you can usually spot them because of how they talk. I come here to converse with people who share the same fetishes that I do. I guess pretending to be someone you are not is also a fetish. Please find your own place to ply your fetish, not here. I post real pics, I talk of real experiences and real topics of interest.

I am who I am.

I'm a real girl! =)

I haven't been here for very long so I haven't for sure met anyone that was misrepresenting themselves as another gender while talking to me, but I have had a few suspicions.

Sadly there are quite a few on this board who are not who they portray to be. This is not unique as it happens on other sites, including dating websites! It is fairly obvious that if a Male is posing as a Female here their postings are not as comprehensive as a woman would write because they do not have the experiences a woman does! Comments such as (and please note - I randomly say these, they are not aimed at any particular posting/person on here nor are they verbatim) - "I remove my bra for the doctor" or "I've had that done too". It is just so obvious when the same person is posting ad-hoc comments like this in such a vague manner. By the same token of course I am sure Women pose as Men, although I must admit I haven't come across any obvious postings to that effect on here. There are even people who have dual identities on this board, a M and F profile, and post using both names! What is the point? Am I missing something?

I will always seek to chat with someone in YIM/Skype via voice and/or cam. This should be a fail safe way to ensure that they are at least the sex they portray to be. However I do realise that there are some very interesting technical devices available these days and you can disguise/alter your voice in many different ways to chat in these programmes. Devious? No doubt about it. It is a shame that people do this, not only spoiling this forum but also attempting to make friends with someone and not being who they say they are.

Thank you Dozerman for raising this topic, it has been something that has annoyed me for quite a while, now I've said what I wanted to without being the initial poster! Karma point for you!

Oh and I can assure you I am definitely female and there are people on this board who can vouch for that fact lol.

If a member believes another is misrepresenting their sexuality (male as female or female as male) you can send a message to a moderator with the "evidence" you have supporting your findings. Even if it is just a gut feeling you can give a moderator a heads up to what you think. We don't want members posing as someone they are not.

Yep just checked my driver license, all is as it should be

Any community website requires rules, to make the place liveable for everybody and to keep order. And even more so when dealing with the subject matter of one like the Zity. Of course we can modify rules as we go along and the website evolves - but care must always be taken not to unnecessarily dilute rules which serve a useful purpose.

There is no ambiguity in the rule regarding a member's gender: "Do not pretend to be of the opposite sex" - quoted ad verbatim from the rules page. I say stick to it. I'm gonna be highly pissed off when chatting to someone pretending to be a female and then discovering the bitch is a dog.

I would like to see another rule added concerning a member's age, too. "Do not pretend to be younger or older than you really are" sounds like a good rule to me.

Well, I really have no emotional need to satisfy anyone on that, but I accept that others may need to feel safe with me. If you care to go to the gallery and look at Bespoke Equipment, you will find a picture of enough of me to answer your question definitively. And if it makes you feel ill, I will pray for your healing!

Johnny

Just a grammatical note. Bodies have sex - male or female and occasional ambiguities. Nouns have gender. Gender is rightly a grammatical construct of language; but in the last twenty years it has become a politically correct way of referring not to sex per se, but to the sexual agenda of various lobby groups. I will avoid it and encourage others to do so too, while respecting all views.

Johnny

I just felt between my legs. Nothing there, well, nothing on the outside anyway.

Eleutheros said:

Just a grammatical note. Bodies have sex - male or female and occasional ambiguities. Nouns have gender. Gender is rightly a grammatical construct of language; but in the last twenty years it has become a politically correct way of referring not to sex per se, but to the sexual agenda of various lobby groups. I will avoid it and encourage others to do so too, while respecting all views.

Johnny

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

You are absolutely correct. You have me, my New York state driver license (where I get an "F" for SEX but I'm sure my husband would give me an "A" ) 😁 😉 😎 and the United Nations position paper are on your side with this terminology.

The term "gender" is almost always incorrectly used when what people really mean is "sex."

Gender refers to masculine or feminine.

SEX refers to MALE or FEMALE.

I'm definatly the sissy submissive that I say I am.Zity Biz is somewhere that I can talk about my *play* experiences with Nana Jade and her friends both female and male.Posting on zity biz is definatly on the *nawty list* so it's a thrill for me 😃.

And here's the long version, lol:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

I am definitly a man, who seeks women, but they hide pretty well or so it seems !

Depends what you are looking for here. If in public chat, who cares as long as its fun and its interesting. Do you get emotionally sucked in because you think the "female" chatter is a prospect? Grow up! I am happy to chat with men or women about all topics... who cares what the sex is!

When I seek a relationship for a real meeting...its easy to sniff out men or women that are not serious. I don't get sucked in to endless online private chat that leads nowhere.

If in public chat, who cares as long as its fun and its interesting. Do you get emotionally sucked in because you think the "female" chatter is a prospect? Grow up! I am happy to chat with men or women about all topics... who cares what the sex is!

People come here and expect to deal with genuine people, especially when there is the intention of meeting and/or playing and/or forming a real life relationship.

If a man gets into an online relationship with someone who IS a man, but says he is a woman because that's how he identifies himself, he is being fraudulent and unfairly leading on an unsuspecting member here.

THAT'S why it matters.

People come here and expect to deal with genuine people

Precisely! Of course it matters. Well said Susie.

Thank you Rockdoc and Susie for your comments. Just be yourself. I think we all come here for somewhat self-gratification, but getting ones jollys off while playing mind games with others, certainly isn't my intent.

I'm not about to retreat from my stance on sex, but maybe we should go a bit deeper. Some people do reject the body God gave them. For example, there are men who self-identify as feminine and women who feel that the core of their being is masculine. Hear me accepting that, please. Sometimes society will identify a man as ;'effeminate' or a woman as a tomboy or 'butch' (yes, nasty, I do know). Most of these just leave it at that, but some are so miserable that they go for sex change operations and us outsiders can become rather confused during the transition. The answer to the question, "How do you identify your sexuality?" will be in terms of gender, not body layout (e.g. "I am masculine"); and the two can be different.

So then: -

'Gay' is not a sex and neither is 'lesbian' or 'bisexual' (but the latter term is seriously offside grammatically!). Confusingly, both categories may contain people who identify as masculine and feminine (gender, again, here rightly used).

'Transsexual' is a valid use to describe a body that confuses its owner and others.

Tylenol/aspirin/ibuprofin, anyone?

I'm still a man, and masculine, too; thoroughly married both legally and emotionally - delighted to be so! And, of course, enematically kinky...

Johnny

Eleutheros, I agree with your above post and as you know the United Nations and I are on your side with regard to sex vs gender.

Of course "Gay" is not a sex and neither is "lesbian", "bisexual", "heteroflexible" or the other "sexual preferences" or "identities" we have to select from in the profiles.

I will start a thread dealing with the validity and political correctness [or not] of various terms like "Gay", "Lesbian", "Bisexual", "Heteroflexible" "Homosexual", "Heterosexual" and other terms related to peoples' sexual preferences.

Here's the link: http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=76975

Switchablesusie &.Dozerman:

My apologies. I hadn't thought it about in that respect and you make excellent points as to why it should matter.

If I offended or upset either of you I can assure you that it was not my intent to do so.

I was under the impression, that the word 'gender' came to have the meaning of referring to which physical sex a person has, mainly because many prudish people did and probably still do not like to use the word 'sex' in any form or connotation whatsoever. Using the word gender was a good way to get around having to use the 'nasty' word.

It's a neutral sounding euphemism, and is just a continuation of the often laughable Victorian habit of finding euphemisms for things people don't really want to talk about or mention.

And since English has no body of learned linguistic academics who are allowed to decide what is or is not correct, the use of either word will come to be determined by common usage. Once a sizable minority or later, a majority of English speakers start using 'gender' to mean someone's sex, then that is what the word will mean. That this will cause confusion, especially when the transition is going on, is pretty evident.

Agracier--That's why we need the language police!

You can't go by "what a word means to you". You have to go by the dictionary, preferably an older one BEFORE the language was bastardized and ruined by people of the lower common denominator.

Dear Switchablesusie and agracier,

I love to talk about words so I felt compelled to reply here. As we all know, "gender" was formerly used only in grammar but now also refers to male vs female-ness. Is this a bad thing, and a misuse of the word?

Actually, I think the new meaning of "gender" is very useful because it fills a gap that had been empty before. The problem with "sex" is that it is a broad term with many meanings and "gender" is much more specific. For example, if you see a psychiatrist for a "gender disorder", that is very different from having a "sex disorder". If you are a sociology student majoring in "gender studies", you probably would not want to refer to your major as "sex studies". A teacher having a "gender discussion" with her students would not be having a "sex discussion" with them. We know what "gender neutral" means but who knows what "sex neutral" might mean (is it for eunuchs?).

The point here is that regardless of whether or not it may have originated as a euphemism for "sex", "gender" has evolved into a useful word with a unique meaning that cannot be easily replaced. Words are our tools and "gender" is a useful one.

Agracier--That's why we need the language police!

You can't go by "what a word means to you".

I never said anything about a personalized language. That would be a recipe for total incomprehension.

But however, languages do evolve and often right before our eyes. So when a sizable minority of people by or for whatever manner (unconsciously perhaps) decide to change or add or slightly alter meanings of words, then those changes become valid.

When I was young, I watched more than enough 'Our Gang' shorts where Alfalfa tries to 'make love' to Darla and become her 'lover'. Abbott and Costello also used these words in the same older fashion, and yet somewhere between my younger days and now, poof ... there is a whole new connotation to the words. How wonderful and also how comically archaic the old meanings sound.

In 'Tipperary', a 100 year-old classic song by next year, the dim-witted Irishman, Paddy-O, comes to London and thinks 'everyone is gay'. Which even at the time was a word undergoing a shift in meaning from simply happy, to living a fun life to being of loose morals and promiscuous. And now there's yet another completely new meaning added. This is part of the reason why jokes based on the meaning of words are more prevalent in English than in other languages.

You'd never get these kind of developments under a language police. And the mild anarchy found in English is part of what makes English such a fun and complex and varied language to use. Where I live, the Dutch language is (in theory) regulated by a commission of wise and learned and undoubtedly well-meaning, but out-of-touch group of academics who make proposals to improve Dutch which are then voted into law by the parliaments of Belgium and the Netherlands. And in France there is the old fuddy-duddy Academie Francaise which is supposed to guard the classic purity of the French language. Don't tell me that a red blooded American aspires to any of these kind of institutions ... ha ha.

Spelling is another matter, even though that too evolves. But even so ...

Bill Bryson gives a hilarious and yet sympathetic history of English in several of his earliest books. They are full of accounts about well-meaning control-freaks who wished to regulate and order English into some semblance of rationality, but ultimately all bit the dust.

You're lucky that no one regulates English. Compilers of dictionaries can only observe usages and report on how widespread particular usages and meanings are. They don't regulate or give out citations.

Vive l'anarchie!

I touched on this very thing in an earlier post today. i have been on the internet for about 20 years and when i first got on line i believed everyone was telling the truth and was who they said they were. then reality slowly sank in! after chatting on line and really hitting it off together i always want to take things one step further and talk by phone. this is where the proof comes in becasue the male cannot pretend to be female over the phone although a couple have actually tried! (my voice is deep becasue i have a cold). i have heard every excuse in the world and some that were out of this world. anyway, bottom line is that the internet is big enough and varied enough for every interest. just be who you are and be totally honest and someone, somewhere will connect with you in the same way.