Does Bondage Hurt or Feel Good?

Does bondage hurt? I am very new at this, and I have already told my bf that I am into it. It turns out he is into heavy bondage. I am afraid he is going to be rough, and possibly hurt me, but I do want to try out being tied down to a bed or chair, and I want to try being handcuffed or suspended or anything really. But I don't know if I should?

Bondage only hurts if it is very tight or if you are placed in a bad position where muscles and joints are stressed and/or you are held there for a long time or if you pull on the restraints.

If you think about it, it ISN'T supposed to be warm and cozy. You are supposed to relax and settle into the discomfort and learn a little discipline.

As with any play communication is key, establishing safe words and respecting them is paramount.

You need to voice your concerns to him and make sure that you are both in the same page as far as what to try and safe words use!

Bondage can be very erotic for sensory depravation for pleasure play, or it can be very restricting for other types of play....both have thier places 😃

Hi MadWorld06.

Please, first, before you try anything else: Do you trust your boyfriend totally? If not, bondage with him is not going to be comfortable. You will never feel safe even if the bondage is not painful or uncomfortable.

If you do trust him be sure to establish a safeword and make it clear that he must respect it and release you from all restraint immediately if you use your safeword. If he equivocates at all, in any way, stop right here. Do not get into a bondage situation with him! Your safety comes first all the time, every time you play with him check on his attitude toward your safe word.

If you do trust him and he will respect your safeword, discuss the kind of bondage you want to try. He should respect your opinion and make suggestions, not demands! If he becomes demanding, stop right here. Do not get into a bondage situation with him!

All the above being said, bondage can bring you to levels of feelings that you will not get elsewhere. It can be a huge turn on of done in a mannor you aprove of.

I don't want to scare you, just make sure that you have heard the message about your safety in no uncertain terms.

I'm kind of disapointed that no one has jumped on my comments about bondag. I expected to be told that I was too extreme in my warnings. Before you start, I thought I was being rather conservative in my discussion. Safety should always come first and with bondage not just physical safety but psychological. People have been permanently harmed by the fear and pain of bondage situations which got out of control.

Any comments?

@Stephen S, I personally think your comments were 'right on' the mark. If you don't trust the person you are with, you need to make sure you protect yourself as much as possible, even if that means stopping the bondage before it even gets started.

In personal situations (many different types of bondage partners with different experience levels), I have learned if you keep calm, you can usually explain the situation and they will make adjustments. Anyone wanting to 'rig' up another person usually has no intension of harming that person, but accidents do happen. If the partner is your SO (BF, Hubby, or Dominant), they should only have your best interests at heart and if the 'knot' is a little too tight, or pressing on the wrong 'spot', a little communication can usually help with an adjustment. Bondage is not always comfortable, but it shouldn't be down right painful... If it's done correctly, the submissive or bottom, should be able to 'settle' into their bonds in order to experience everyting else that may be going on.

A suggestion of using a safeword is excellent, but not always realistic. I was usually bound while gagged. The gag always went on first. I had to come up with signals/body language that my dominant (We had 4 wonderful years together) could 'read' if something wasn't right. Feeling safe in your 'bonds' starts with communication between both parties, and if your SO says something you are not comfortable with, you should make it known, you are not comfortable. Don't just go along with it to avoid an arguement.

The psychological part of bondage is also very deep. I have been injured by bondage scenes, I have endured long durations of bondage, and I have been bound in dozens of different positions by several different 'riggers'. I cannot express enough, how important it is to be as open as possible with your 'rigger'. You have to have a connection... a relationship... There is bondage, and then there is aftercare... You have to communicate, or things can go terribly wrong quite quickly. Also, you have to be sure your 'rigger' has pure intentions. Always discuss physical and personal limits prior to starting a bondage scene. Realistically, in the heat of the moment while having nookie with your SO, I know you don't want to stop and 'discuss' much, but you have to if you are not comfortable with it. If you do find yourself in a poor bondage situation, the best advice I can give you is keep calm, be polite, and explain what the problem is. Sometimes, freaking out doesn't help a situation at all and can actually make it worse as your body, muscles, and mind go into 'overload' (i.e. psychological damage).

Others might disagree and say kick, scream, fight... but I have NEVER found that useful. It usually only got me in more trouble because it caused a confrontational situation. This is just my experience... everyone is different.

Let him know about your concerns. Have him slowly introduce you to rough bondage. Also set up a safe word to let him when you had enough.

Bondage does not hurt but then again i have always been tied in bed. When i meet up with my mistress i prep the bed ready a single one restraints are in place , i have wrist and ankle cuffs soft white leather . i am prepped for bed then secured in by my mistress for a duration that is up to my mistress so it could be all night or just a few hours . I will say that i feel at ease in bed and have no worries of being tied in bed

Please try it. It is a great feeling hanging helplessly and letting your partner take all the leads. You will just enjoy it.

I think you should discuss it with your BF and take it slow. I highly recommend going to workshops and events to really learn how to do it correctly.

All of the replies have stressed the trust, safety, and safe-word issues well. Starting slowly, and learning about bondage through online or workshops is a great idea. It lets you see the situation through other riggers (Doms?) eyes, as well as submissives' views. Even without dropping out of "character," either one of you can communicate if you are doing okay, or need to slow down. Hints given by the person tied, can help to mold the scene. Tying up can be just for fun, with pleasure the goal, albeit you usually cannot reciprocate (goody for your pleasure).

In addition to the possible real discomfort of a knot or rope being in a bad place, or too long, there is the pleasure aspect of things. You asked about hurt. Sometimes being in a slightly uncomfortable position, or humiliating position, helps your head to let go or get more into the scene. Just the idea of being slightly immobilized can be exciting.

For my first time we used soft handcuffs so that did not hurt. I agree with everyone about that it is based on trust and what experience and feelings you both want from bondage.

Bondage, at least with rope, doesn't necessarily need to hurt. It will depend on the ties being used, the kind of rope, how tight it's pulled, etc. Rope, like a lot of other BDSM play, can be as sensual or as sadistic as the players involved wish for it to be.

You need to feel comfortable that your boyfriend knows what he's doing. Do you have a safeword involved? Does he have immediately available the means to quickly get you out of the rope (or other form of restraint): handcuff keys, knife, sharp scissors, etc?

I would suggest the possibility of finding your local dungeon and playing there for the first couple times at least. There should be people there who have a lot of experience in bondage/rope who can not only guide your boyfriend, but also help look out for you during your scene. Safety needs to be first and foremost: when both of you are safe, then you can relax into the fun of the scene. After you feel like he knows what he's doing and you know what to expect, you can transition play back to your home with confidence.

Bondage only hurts if you want it to!

@SwitchableSusie

If you think about it, it ISN'T supposed to be warm and cozy. You are supposed to relax and settle into the discomfort and learn a little discipline.

I think it's cozy. It feels loving and nurturing and cozy to me. Nothing like being tied down in 4 point with padded restraints on my wrists and ankles, nice and secure so I cant get up, in the cozy bed.

Nice peaceful, comfy, relaxed and pleasant. It feels so nice. Just as long as you are sure you are in safe hands.

@SwitchableSusieI think it's cozy. It feels loving and nurturing and cozy to me. Nothing like being tied down in 4 point with padded restraints on my wrists and ankles, nice and secure so I cant get up, in the cozy bed.

Nice peaceful, comfy, relaxed and pleasant. It feels so nice. Just as long as you are sure you are in safe hands.

You apparently play with a gentle partner.

We tend to play rough.

Bondage and Discipline shouldn't hurt.

S&M- Depends how much you want it to hurt.

Bondage doesn't hurt, most of the time. It's what happens to the person while in bondage that could hurt. Clamps, whips, paddles, oversized plugs, or what ever "treatment" that is applied could hurt. Especially if it's what the one tied up is desiring for the one that did the bondage.

Different things flip different folks so what works for one may not do it for another.

Bondage in and of itself should not hurt. There certainly are uncomfortable positions, but anything you introduce into play should be comfortable, and progress slowly and carefully. Once you get comfortable, and as new things are introduced, one can determine the limits. As with anything kink related, there needs to be excellent communication and respect for limits. And always, stop means stop.

Bondage can be a very good way to "let go and explore". But safety is paramount.

Use velcro much safer and can be tightened easily or undone quickly.

Not in my experience. But I almost use the softly quilted Posey restraints to all four corners of the bed and if you spread the legs wide enough there can be some discomfort in the thighs. Not pain, but a not entirely comfortable stretching feeling. But, I believe in VERY wide.

@demure said, " I would suggest the possibility of finding your local dungeon and playing there for the first couple of times at least"

We have local dungeons ? And you can play there ? Wow it really is a whole different world out there . I find it fascinating and oh my I have a lot to learn! 😃

Use velcro much safer and can be tightened easyily or undone quickly

Velcro is one step above using a silk scarf! 😁

Amateurs! 😁

Use rope, leather or chain. It always helps to let your submissive know you mean business.

You need to instill a little FEAR in the submissive!

We have local dungeons ? And you can play there ? Wow it really is a whole different world out there . I find it fascinating and oh my I have a lot to learn!

Google BDSM dungeon and your city name.

I got LOTS of hits when I googled Dallas BDSM dungeon.

I would have liked to ask the OP what exactly was meant by heavy bondage as it is helpful to know each persons perception. I saw the mention of handcuffs and suspension used in the same sentence. If you do suspension, I recommend that you use leather cuffs that are comfortable and don't cut into the wrists. DO NOT USE HANDCUFFS, as these will cut and can cause permanent nerve damage. When I do use handcuffs, it is either for the take down or light play, and then I may transition to leather which is more comfortable or metal restraints designed for long term and comfort. Your typical police issue handcuffs of which I do highly recommend for light play versus the toys handcuffs which are prone to failing.

Bondage actually feels good to me. Any bondage can cross to a painful sensation. However, since I’m a self-bondage person, I only do what doesn’t hurt. I like my own leather restraints made from old leather belts or ropes and Posey cloth restraints. The feeling is the same sensation as being hugged, or hugging someone. The pressing, squeezing sensation by the restraint is pleasurable. I get a similar sensation from compression garments: my favorite is a Merry Widow basque. When I wear it the chest and abdominal compression complements the rope or belt compression around the knees, thighs, wrists and ankles. I enjoy scrotum/testicle restraint. I use a rope, leather cat or dog collar, or humbler around the top of the scrotum. The pull or stretch gives me a very pleasurable feeling centered in the spermatic cords. While one can imagine the testicles or cord injured or hurt, I only pull enough to feel good. Up to 30 pounds of pull feels good.

The sensations are in addition to the psychological benefits of acting out my femdom fantasies and erotic recall. I was restrained during 2 hospitalizations as a teen, by women nurses.

Some people love it, some hate it.

To a large extent it depends on one's personal resolve and inner strength to be dominated and restrained.

My husband can be happy as a clam mummified for 48-72 hours staying absolutely still. I can be tied up for several hours, but after that I have to stand up and walk around. You can punish me/flog me/whatever after I stand up for standing up, but I HAVE to stand up and move.

I had a knee injury from tennis a number of years ago, and the radiology technician kept telling me to stop moving as she was setting me up in the tube for the MRI with the bolsters to keep me properly aligned so the angles would be correct. I told her to just tape me to the bolsters in the position she wanted. She thought I was kidding. I told her I was serious. The scans then were 45-60 minutes, so I had to be still for a long time.

Mistress uses leather cuffs for my wrists and ankles that can attach to any of Her pieces of dungeon furniture. The neck collar, if She uses it, is the same. She is aware of the tendonitis in my right shoulder. i i convey any real physical discomfort to Her. She likes to attach my wrists to a spreader bar then semi-suspend me so I am on my tippy-toes, then cane/crop/flog and watch me as i hop up and down in agony/ecstasy.

Regarding flogging, caning, whipping and impact play in general...caning really stings, depending on the thickness of the rod, but it is only for a second. Cropping is similar. Flogging with a cat on my ass or back (avoiding the kidney area) is more deep, and leaves real bruises, but the feeling is quite sublime and heavy. In all cases, after She is done with however many She feels i deserve, my body is literally buzzing/humming from the endorphine rush.

It feels good to me that same way a deep and thorough sports massage can feel good, if that makes sense.

Tight bondage can be slightly unpleasant or give some mild pain but nothing that bad unless you have a really low pain threshold.

An amateur could place ropes in the wrong place which could hurt and be dangerous. So just make sure you go slow and always have a safe word. Hopefully you will grow to enjoy it.