What do you feel sex is?

Just in reply to the previous post: I think the big trick that Nature/Evolution played on humans WAS fusing sex with ideas of marriage and love because, from an evolutionary perspective, the child does better if both parents stay together to raise it (especially in primitive times). I.E., it's tough to hunt for food if you've got a baby on your back.

Just in reply to the previous post: I think the big trick that Nature/Evolution played on humans WAS fusing sex with ideas of marriage and love because,

I think it is Society, in as much as we are talking about an aggregate of people, that did the whole thing of fusing marriage with sex. Marriage is a human institution, it's not anything derived from Nature. People, groups of people create institutions like marriage and determine how it should be conducted and what its parameters are.

And once Societies came up with the idea of linking sex with marriage, and usually exclusively so, that is when the trouble starts. Sex is such a strong urge that it is virtually impossible to repress or contain within a man-made institution. Because it is a biological urge, there will always disharmony if Society conjures up institutions in which to keep it contained.

I would agree that marriage could possibly be something that society just made up if it was not so prevalent in all human societies, even primitive ones that have had little or no contact with the outside world.

Also, I saw a show once (I think on Discovery?) talking about how in some species monogamy seems to be the rule (like certain birds). If it is not a genetic/biological tendency in humans, then it certainly could be...

But I guess my main reason for wondering if the societal concept of "marriage" is not a biological/genetic derivative is how quickly we tend to associate having sex with an emotional bond (referring to it as "making love", for example). When really, sex does not actually require any emotional component at all. Yet all of the touching and physical intimacy of the act inspire strong emotions in some people. I guess I tend to think that sex as an emotional trigger is definitely a biological/genetic trick that nature has played on us to turn reproduction into a ritual of bonding.

[quote author=HumblePatient link=topic=35741.msg363616#msg363616 date=1308104595]

I would agree that marriage could possibly be something that society just made up if it was not so prevalent in all human societies, [/quote]

Marriage may be prevalent in virtually all human societies, but having sex exclusively within marriage is certainly not. Nor are all types of marriage similar to each other.

Anything seems to go when it comes to marriage forms, from polygamy to polyandry and a strict prevision against pre-marital sex, to a loose concept of the same and to the acceptance of the keeping of mistresses and concubines on the side. And then don't forget 'mystical marriages' as carried out by certain religions which involves no sex at all.

And of course there are men and women who will happily have sex with all and any available partners and not care a fig about emotional bonding or longtime mutual commitments or the marital status of their partners nor themselves.

So with all these possible types of variations regarding how people sexually act within and outside of marriage, I'd really deduce that it is either Society or individuals who determine sexual behavior, certainly in regards with anything in the way of bonding or emotional feelings.

Ah, you are focusing on sexual behavior within the marriage. While I am not sure what the percentages are in terms of different kinds of marriage and behaviors within the marriage, I would agree with what you are fundamentally saying.

I was talking about something slightly different though and not focusing so much on the exclusivity aspect of sex within marriage as I was in that both parents of an offspring tend to stay together to help raise the offspring. As opposed to some species, where the norm is for a partner of one sex (usually the male) does not stick around after copulating and the female is responsible for any offspring produced.

And just a quick addenda to what I just wrote: Yes, I know that the divorce rate is very high and many marriages fail and they do NOT stay together. However, I am speaking less of the success rate of the institution than I am of the desire to enter into it in the first place...

I would suspect that there are very few people who, if they knew that they had produced a child, would not want to be involved in the child's life, for example.

My point, I guess, is that the primary purpose of marriage is to lock both parents into responsibility for raising the child. Outside of that, there doesn't seem to be much point to it... It is romantic to say that you get married for love, but marriage isn't really required to spend the rest of your life with someone that you love. You will do it because you want to, not because you accept a contractual obligation to...

For me, sex is the powerfull energy of the human being!

This energy can be dangerous if it is disciplinate, hidding or discriminated!

We must live our sexual life in health manner the preference with a person with the same sexual tastes and to be in love!...

The sex it is not for procreation but also for sharing of affections and pleasures.

After all the years I 've been married it's become a powerful spiritual connection. At first it's more of a physical connection that morphs into a mutual mental and acceptance type of thing. Then as life goes on and we grow by our hard times and set backs our relationship with the right person or your soul mate becomes a spiritual union. First lovers, then when it all comes together we become best friends. When people get to that stage sex is a very powerful connection. It's primary driver is acceptance of each other.

gynedoll

I've been away for a while, and haven't been able to answer.

To me there's a difference between sex and making love. In my opinion, sex is simply the act of oral sex or intercourse. In course language, it's just fucking for the sake of the release. Making love on the other hand is the emotional connection between lovers that goes beyond just sex. It may or may not result in one or both people climaxing. Climax is the icing on the cake.

Now your mileage may vary.

Jeff

I remember when I was a freshman in college this was a topic of discussion one evening. When a girl is "making out" with a guy, when does petting cross the line into actual sex? Or is petting already sex? If he's playing with your boobs is that sex? If he has a finger in your vagina is that sex? A tongue on your clit?

The collective conclusion at that time was that all of the above were petting, and actual sex began with penile penetration. And I, being bi, went away confused. It's a lot easier to make that distinction when a girl is with a guy, but when a girl is with another girl it's not that simple. Interestingly, at that late-adolescent time in life, the issue of love wasn't even brought up.

Hugs,

Diane

It is a mind set and an expression of ones corr .It may or may not include physical contact . It should be satisfying and you should be in a good place internally and it should be a place of togetherness .that is what i feel sex is.

Nothing is ever simple, depending on the spin we put on it. What constitutes sex came up in a discussion at one time, and a friend was quick to give the reply: "Well, that's easy, intercourse!" Suffice to note that another immediately shot back with: "Yeah. Now tell us what constitutes intercourse, wiseass!" And then it was chaos, of course. Regular intercourse, anal intercourse, blowjobs? and what not.

Here at the Zity the concept of what sex is, expands considerably. People engaging in enema play, dildo play, BDSM, you name it. Sex, I think, is the act of engaging in vaginal, anal or oral intercourse, including masturbation by another, in any way, shape or form. I think that is what is understood under the term "sex" in legal context in most countries and in most cultures at this time. An enema with masturbation, administered by a person to someone else, then clearly constitutes sex.

But now we get to the fuzzy part. Activities with sexual overtones or sexual innuendo, no explicit sexual contact or masturbation. What if I help out a sexy neighbour with constipation by volunteering to give her an enema, I get as horny as hell, she gets all moist and dripping and clearly enjoys the procedure but nothing happens beyond that? No "inapproriate" touching, talking or anything else? I would call that a near-miss, or almost-sex. Not quite sex - yet. But what if she (or I) have a spontaneous orgasm, still not brought about by anything "inappropriate"? You have to agree that everything becomes very uncertain. If a jealous partner walks in on this situation, what he/she regards it to be may be very different to your lame excuse! 😁

The point is, what we regard as sex and when "boundaries are crossed" becomes a matter of opinion, depending on not only the situation itself, but also on the mindset and mood of the observer. There is really no hard and fast rule.

Sex can be many things, the act of intercourse only being one of them. Mutual arousal can take many forms including massages, playing with another person's body using objects, etc. Sexual touching is not limited to genital areas

It has been said that the most powerful sex organ is the mind. That is why things like role playing can be very powerful. What one person finds stimulating, another person can find unpleasant or even repulsive. Every woman I have been with has had different preferences as well as turn-offs. One of the fun things about sex is discovering that what someone else wants is something that you also find pleasurable or at least something that you are willing to do to please the other person.

I feel it is an act which makes you feel better, is taboo, naughty, and brilliant! I love bareback, feeling the connection, and to be honest - being inseminated and cleaning up after! Would love to clean another female - maybe one day! But then I feel it's wrong, not what we should be doing. Ashamed and never acted on these desires

Sex is good! A special part of life. A gift! It can be used or abused. Without sex, where would we be? We wouldn't exist! We would not be here trying to figure out what sex is. That would be a bummer! We would be lost in the we who know not or know not that we know area called the "Twilight Zone" I accept sex and I'm grateful for it! I'm here with you folks that are here also via the actions of our mammy's and pappy's. I'd betcha they enjoyed the rumple in the weeds that spawned all of us! Looks like they never tried to hard about figuring out what sex is? They done took the ball and ran with it. Maybe we should accept sex because it is what it is? Been that way since ole Adam & Eve got in dutch by snatching up the wrong apple in the garden.

If'n I sat here and tried to figure out how I feel about sex my mind would be wandering around like a lost ball in high weeds. A bee-bee in a box car! I was born with the gift of sex. What we do with it or to it depends upon our actions. Our actions are the consequences or our thoughts. As long as we are not intentionally hurting anyone including ourselves then sex will remain pure and good. Even if we are a bit different and I'm certainly different it does not mean we are bad people. So I'll fall back, regroup and enjoy who I am.

Have a great day everyone unless you have other plans!

Intimacy and/or a physical release. I think it should be in the religion & politics category - not for general discussion. I think it should be discussed with people you know you can trust- someone who won't use judgement that could affect getting a future job, promotion, etc

It's definitely a complicated question. Every time I've had sexual intercourse (as in my penis has entered her vagina) I have felt a strong mental bond with that person. Call it love, infatuation, appreciation or whatever, even guilt. I have also had this feeling after having visited the same massage therapist (sensual massage, hand job and mutual touch) many times over the course of a couple of years. We have a relationship now. I don't get the same feeling when I masturbate or play with sex toys. I get a certain release and feeling of satisfaction but nowhere near the same as when sex is mutually enjoyed or, as in the case of being masssged, given to me. I had sex once with a partner who was not enjoying it and I felt like a shit afterwards. She wanted me to enjoy it but I could tell she was uncomfortable and not "into it." I would say it was like fucking a sex doll but actually was worse because a sex doll doesn't grimace (although I've never fucked a sex doll and I suppose you could get a grimacing sex doll if your into that.) But it was still sex and I guess one could "have sex" with a doll, or animal, or fruit, or whatever. I've never grown fond of a sex toy. I say I love my 8" dildo but that's a figure of speech. After I'm done using a toy, I wash it and put it away. I never think, "I wonder how my butt plug is doing? Hope it's okay in that box." With people it's different. There's a connection and sex is more meaningful. I want to learn more about them, share more time with them, etc. I've never been on a long, meaningful walk or enjoyed a nice romantic dinner with my dildo. Just saying.

So, I guess sex then is the act of employing any means in which to achieve sexuall climax but sex between people involves more than just the act (usually).

For some they consider blow jobs to be sex. How do you feel about a quick little diddle. Is it sex or just finger fun?

What the fuck is a DIDDLE? Is it different than a WOBBLE?

No it is not sex. Sex means fucking, it does not mean things like just using fingers on somebody.

It is a finger on a clit, usually rubbing in a circle.

Having sex is FUCKING and that means a penis in a vagina.

THAT'S IT.

Anything else you do with a sex organ is masturbation or playing with yourself or someone.

Masturbation is not sex with yourself, it's playing with your body.

You can abuse somebody by diddling them, but it isn't sex, or as in TOMMY, Uncle Ernie "Fiddled about".

Having sex is FUCKING and that means a penis in a vagina.

THAT'S IT.

There are lots of interesting articles about the definition of 'sex' on the internet. What constitutes "sex" has different meanings for different people - none of which are wrong. Personally, I think sex includes more than intercourse.

2. The physiologic and psychological processes within an individual that prompt behavior related to procreation or erotic pleasure.

[L. sexus]

There are lots of interesting articles about the definition of 'sex' on the internet. What constitutes "sex" has different meanings for different people - none of which are wrong. Personally, I think sex includes more than intercourse.

Yes, the original poster asked -

What is sex to you?

There is no wrong answer, just an opinion on what sex is to each individual.

There is no wrong answer, just an opinion on what sex is to each individual.

But for people to communicate effectively, terms must have a standard meaning, and the term "sex" is no exception to that. If everyone makes up their own definitions, no one else knows what the hell they mean. There is no clarity, only confusion, uncertainty, and misunderstandings. We don't need misunderstandings.

If you say you have sex with someone in a heterosexual sense, it means to have vaginal sexual intercourse. That is what is understood by "having sex". It's very simple. It does not mean to perform oral sex, anal sex, masturbation or any other practices. Anything other than vaginal sexual intercourse is sexual activity, but is not the accepted meaning of "having sex".

For same sex partnerships, this definition has to be more flexible as there is not a situation where there is one penis and one vagina. My understanding is that a significant proportion of gay men do not have anal sex, and therefore we cannot assume that "sex" for gay men automatically means having anal sex. So okay, there is uncertainty there. But I don't think that same sex practices should cause a blurring of the meaning of "sex" even for heterosexual people.

For straight people, the meaning is very clear.

If you say you have sex with someone in a heterosexual sense, it means to have vaginal sexual intercourse. That is what is understood by "having sex". It's very simple. It does not mean to perform oral sex, anal sex, masturbation or any other practices. Anything other than vaginal sexual intercourse is sexual activity, but is not the accepted meaning of "having sex".

I think if I tried to explain this distinction to any of my current (platonic) lady friends, it would absolutely ruin my chance of ever getting any of anything. They would think me some kind of laweresque creep, far too pretend smart for my own good and far too desperate for anything ...

Seriously, it just wouldn't fly. All of the above and other things you can't think of at the moment would be having sex for them ...

But for people to communicate effectively, terms must have a standard meaning, and the term "sex" is no exception to that. If everyone makes up their own definitions, no one else knows what the hell they mean. There is no clarity, only confusion, uncertainty, and misunderstandings.

Anything other than vaginal sexual intercourse is sexual activity, but is not the accepted meaning of "having sex".

For same sex partnerships, this definition has to be more flexible as there is not a situation where there is one penis and one vagina.

@DrZ - I disagree. For some (many?) the accepted definition of sex is the physiologic and psychological processes within an individual that prompt behavior related to procreation or erotic pleasure. That is not a made up definition and it holds for both heterosexual and gay partners. In my world, sexual activity is sex. If I want to be explicit I can say sexual intercourse, anal intercourse, oral sex etc. and can avoid any confusion, uncertainty or misunderstanding.

Maybe a (bad?) analogy is if I were to tell you I went to the gym today and worked out. What does that mean: 15 minutes on an elliptical, two hour of heavy weights; 10 miles on the treadmill; sitting on the bench chatting with other lazy people? The term workout doesn't have a standard meaning- it's different for everyone.

If someone wants to constrain their concept of sex to only vaginal intercourse, that's fine. If someone else takes a broader view - that's fine as well.

@MissStress nailed it: There is no wrong answer, just an opinion on what sex is to each individual.

I think if I tried to explain this distinction to any of my current (platonic) lady friends, it would absolutely ruin my chance of ever getting any of anything. They would think me some kind of laweresque creep, far too pretend smart for my own good and far too desperate for anything ...

Seriously, it just wouldn't fly. All of the above and other things you can't think of at the moment would be having sex for them ...

But it wouldn't rule out you doing any of the things I mentioned, would it? Why should it? It's only a question of terms, but when we use terms, we should be clear about what they mean, as far as we are able.

@Rigel said

@DrZ - I disagree. For some (many?) the accepted definition of sex is the physiologic and psychological processes within an individual that prompt behavior related to procreation or erotic pleasure. That is not a made up definition and it holds for both heterosexual and gay partners. In my world, sexual activity is sex. If I want to be explicit I can say sexual intercourse, anal intercourse, oral sex etc. and can avoid any confusion, uncertainty or misunderstanding.

In your profile your sexuality is declared as heteroflexible, not straight. It seems to me that is where your more expanded view stems from. For you, the lines are more blurred. For straight people, it isn't, or shouldn't be.

Maybe a (bad?) analogy is if I were to tell you I went to the gym today and worked out. What does that mean: 15 minutes on an elliptical, two hour of heavy weights; 10 miles on the treadmill; sitting on the bench chatting with other lazy people? The term workout doesn't have a standard meaning- it's different for everyone.

That is analogous to you stating you engaged in sexual activity, not that you "had sex". That is where I make the distinction.

Having sex is FUCKING and that means a penis in a vagina.

THAT'S IT.

@SwitchableSusie Just playing devils advocate here - so 2 women cannot have sex together? Or do insertable toys count? I know you have 1 or 2 female friends you play with, and I’m guessing in the last 10 yrs of posting you probably used the word ‘sex’ to describe what you do.

It's only a question of terms, but when we use terms, we must be clear about what they mean.

Why?? Many terms have different meaning to different people - there are no clear cut and dried definitions for many things. \