What do you feel sex is?

Sex is many things to many people and we all have our own likes and wishes that we call sex. What is sex to you? Is sex the act of reproduction or is the expressed physical contact between two partners souly for the mutual gratification of each others lusts?

Hmmmm.... sex use to be considered by myself as just the physical act of penis in vagina, going at it. Now I have modified my view of sex as an act of sharing a physical connection between sub and myself. Sometimes sub needs the connection more than I (this I am not always sure about since I am not inside of sub's head) and there are times I need this connection more.

This connection is not just the physical joining or rubbing of body parts together. It is the connection of the emotional parts of myself to sub. Knowing that sub and myself are pleased and enjoying what is being given and received. Knowing that I possess his mind and body in the moment. No one else is between us.

I know that sounds a bit on the rubbish side, but I do have a romantic side. I am not always evil and wicked.

Concerning talking about sex. I will have to think on that thought for a bit more.

I'm going to dive right in with my own: I have always felt that sex is an opportunity for transcendence from the physical world through a physical act. How's that for drivel!

I don't think of sex as being about the particulars of what body part did what where. I have been sexually assaulted twice in my life (no condolences, please, I've dealt with it, incorporated it, and moved on long ago) and I wouldn't consider either of those experiences to be sex, just rape.

Really wonderful sex lets us experience a taste of something ancient and powerful. It links us together as a species, and affirms the lifeforce that's within us. When we sex, we are engaging in a joyful, worshipful dance that other humans have been performing since the dawn of (our) time.

And I'm not just talking about good ol' hetero vanilla sex. No matter what fetish you're into, and what your orientation is, the basic components are all still there, and they are not diminished by the details of the act.

Nor does there have to be a permanent emotional connection between partners, in my opinion. I had very meaningful, healing sex with a one-night stand once. And we didn't even have "intercourse" in the technical sense. I dildoed myself while he watched.

So in summary, I believe sex is a life-affirming, spiritual and physical connection, not just to another person, but to a whole huge universe of concepts that are larger than we are.

Sex is only one thing. The penis is in the vagina. You can do it for fun or to make a baby, it doesn't matter.

Anything else is playing with your or someone else's body, aka, masturbating.

Sex is not making love and making love isn't sex.

They can be mutually exclusive or may occur together.

A rapist isn't making love, but is having sex.

Sometimes my husband and I have sex and make love, sometimes we just fuck each others' brains out. Other times we can make love just laying close, holding each other and letting our brain waves connect.

. . . . Sex is it only Penis and Vagina? I was sure especially here it would be looked at as more. . . .

I said, sex is only "penis IN the vagina," everything else is playing with the body, aka masturbating. . . . There is only one way to have sex. You can do it in many positions, but the two body parts must be connected to have sex, which is a reproductive activity whether nor not you are using a contraceptive. Again, everything else is playing or making love, whatever you want to call it, which as I stated, is fine and wonderful, but it isn't sex. A penis in the rectum or mouth is not sex either, it's masturbating with somebody. There are a zillion ways to masturbate and make love, but only one way to have sex.

All the other things like making love and tenderness are fine, and I love them, but to have sex, the penis must be in the vagina.

In point of fact true. But can't sex be more or less in the eyes, hands, and minds of the participants, and not just the cold clinical definition of the act? Sex to me could be very different from the definition of sex, due to physical impairments ie; trauma or deformity. Still sex, but not fitting within the common guide lines of definition. A person or persons with challenges use the tools they have at their disposal, and to them it is sex.

^^^^ No, I like cold hard definitions. You CANNOT make your own definitions. You have to use what the dictionary says. OLD dictionaries are best. New ones have been bastardized by overly permissive language that has tickled down to be what is used by the people of the lowest common denominator. There is absolutely no reason for language used by seventh grade dropouts to become a standard for anybody, especially anybody intelligent.

You have to have respect for the language and use dictionary definitions. That is how we communicate. If everyone started using words by their own definitions, no one would know what the other is saying.

It's nice to have warm and fuzzy feelings about sex, but let's not glamorize or spiritualize the definition of sex to make it all warm and fuzzy just because you enjoy doing it (intercourse) and a myriad of other associated activities involving the sex organs and other parts of the body with a loved one.

I agree that all these things are wonderful when done with a loved one, but sex is intercourse, anything else, regardless how warm and fuzzy you feel with your partner, is playing, making love or masturbating, all of which are also wonderful to take part in.

I know how the dictionary defines sex. I don't think it's necessarily "penis in vagina"; i.e., "oral sex", "anal sex", etc. It does seem to necessarily refer to poking the penis into something. I consider that an outdated, patriarchal, heterosexual definition, and it needs to be changed. I mean, how much sense does it make to say that a lesbian couple who's been living together for 25 years has never had sex? It's ridiculous.

As far as "making love" goes, I always think of it as a antiquated Victorian expression that can refer to all sorts of sexual activity. The concepts of sex (or fucking, if you like) are still bigger than all that, at least to me.

To hell with the dictionary, and to hell with narrow, out-dated definitions.

If a word doesn't mean what you want to express, make a new word and see if it catches on.

You cannot disagree with a dictionary definition any more than you can disagree with the meaning of a red traffic light. You might not like to stop at a red light or the dictionary definition of a word, but you have to honor the definition. You also cannot spiritualize the definition to make it warm and fuzzy. "I love stopping at red lights because if I do I will be able to avoid getting killed or killing someone which makes me feel warmth and love throughout the universe." The red light just means STOP. It's a cold hard definition. It doesn't ask for your opinion about it or how it affects you emotionally, it just says what it is.

Don't bastardize a perfectly good word.

Homosexuals/gays/lesbians do not "have sex."

I have as you say "had sex" with a number of women who I thought were exceptional in some respect. But it ISN'T sex. It was at times making love or just masturbating or having a good time.

"Oral sex" and "anal sex," clearly IS NOT sex. The mouth and anus are not sex organs.

Wikipedia says that sex "commonly refers to the act in which the male reproductive organ enters the female reproductive tract.[1][2] The two entities may be of opposite sexes, or they may be hermaphroditic, as is the case with snails. Over time, the definition of intercourse has expanded and may include other penetrative sexual acts, such as penetration of non-sexual organs (oral intercourse, anal intercourse) or by non-sexual organs (fingering, etc.)"

It needs to (and I predict will be) expanded again.

So, somebody doesn't agree with my last couple of posts, and gave me minus points. I write what I believe and didn't attack anybody. I just disagreed and stated my case.

I stated what "sex" is to me, which is the title of this thread, but apparently some person feels what it is to them is better. That's fine. You don't have to agree with me.

I really want to reply to this thread, but I am afraid to, lol. Afraid because this question scares me.

I find talking about my kinks, jobs, and what not is easy, but spewing out my inner most thought, some of which I still have not even wrapped my brain around is really tough. It's probably better than therapy, and a hell of a lot cheaper, lol.

I don't know, I will have to think about it some more first if the thread continues to gain interest.

[quote author=Switchablesusie link=topic=35741.msg310971#msg310971 date=1282995580]

So, somebody doesn't agree with my last couple of posts, and gave me minus points. I write what I believe and didn't attack anybody. I just disagreed and stated my case.

[/quote]

I didn't know you could give somebody minus points! Not that I would ever give Susie minus points, but that could have been useful in a few threads, like that guy who drugged his girlfriend....

I'm not upset at all that some people may not agree with me. That's what makes the world go 'round. I'm just stating my case. Everyone is entitled to cite his/her opinion here.

I have, as you would say, "had sex" with other women, but as I said, it isn't really sex, it's playing with various parts of the body/masturbating/having a good time/making love, etc., whatever you want to call it.

You are wrong about my attacking people with any particular sexual preference. It isn't an attack on homosexuals/gays/lesbians/or bisexuals at all. I have done and enjoy what they/we do, so how can it be an attack?

Sex is sex, not "what works for you." Having a good time and making mental and physicial connections is great, but that's not sex.

I don't think I can express myself any more clearly.

I have thought long and hard about this question, what is sex. I wasn't sure and really still am not sure quite how to answer it because for me I am still not sure I can define it. Sex to me isn't a clear cut, black and white thing.

From the time I started having sex and up until three years ago sex for me was exactly as Susie definition explained it. A penis in a vagina. That was sex as I knew it. I didn't like it, didn't really want it, but did it because one, I wanted kids, and two because I felt it was something I had to do, my "wifely" duty so to speak. I absolutely hated it.

Three years ago that all changed for me. Sex became something I wanted, something I needed, something I craved.

My mother always told me that sex between two people in love was the most beautiful thing in the world besides the site of your new born baby for the first time. I never understood that until that fateful day three years ago.

I think the answer to this question is one that changes all the time, even within a constant relationship, one with the same two players, it changes.

For example, when that relationship first started, while I wanted to please him, I was more interested in making sure for the first time in 15 years I was getting pleased. Make no mistake, his needs were taken care of and I loved doing it.

But as our relationship grew, so did our love for each other, and so did the answer to the question of what is sex.

Until I met him, missionary was really all I knew. It was boring, plain and very uneventful. Once in a while we might toss in the occasional doggy style, but not usually.

I remember the first time we had sex in missionary position. It was something to behold. I can't explain to you why it was so different. I didn't cum. Physically speaking while it was a whole lot different than my previous relationship, it was still missionary position. Mentally though, because of my feelings for him, it was very different. It was slow, methodical, sweet. We had a mental connection that was so strong, one that I had never felt before. It was beautiful and magical, so much so that it made me cry after wards. I am not a crier, ever!

Sex drastically changed after that for me. It no longer was about me, what I wanted, needed, or what felt good. It became all about him, his needs, desires and wants. If I was pleased in the process, well then that was a bonus. Sex became all about him.

Oddly enough I believe he was having the same thoughts, and at the same time. He was only concerned with pleasing me, giving me what I wanted and needed. It almost became a game with us as to who could please the other more.

And while sometimes we would, for lack of better terms, "fuck", and other times we would, make love, the fact that we were in love brought everything to a much higher level that no one can understand unless you are truly, madly, and deeply in love with the person you are with. We may be going at each other like lions in heat, that higher love is still there making it no longer just the act of sex, but the deepness of mental sex.

I know a lot of this probably doesn't make any sense at all. Putting a definition on what sex is to me is very hard made more difficult with deep emotions thrown into the mix.

All I can say is that today, as I sit here, sex for me is the most beautiful thing, only defined by the players involved, and only truly appreciated by two people in love with each other.

Folks, I serendipitously ran across a short piece of erotica last night that addresses this very topic. It's short, and a good read, and Greta Christina has obviously put alot of thought into the difficulty of defining what sex is.

Greta Christina's "Are We Having Sex Yet?"

http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2006/09/are_we_having_s_1.html

She started out correct when she was counting, then she got sidetracked.

A lot of what people are calling "sex" is really "eroticism" and "mutual masturbation" among other things.

Which is another reason that the definition of sex should be expanded. It's short, easier to say and spell, and "I just had sex with my lesbian partner," sounds less wonky than "I just experienced eroticism with my lesbian partner."

[quote author=Anne B link=topic=35741.msg311550#msg311550 date=1283305170]

Which is another reason that the definition of sex should be expanded. It's short, easier to say and spell, and "I just had sex with my lesbian partner," sounds less wonky than "I just experienced eroticism with my lesbian partner."

[/quote]

I'm a purist when it comes to definitions. I will agree with you on spellings.

Definitions should not be expanded as you say. If there isn't a word or group of words to express an exact idea, create a new word and see if it catches on and becomes more than slang. "Shorter and easier to say" isn't a good reason to change the definition of a word or to use a word as a catch-all unless the word was originally created to be one. There are different words to express specific and different things. If we just used shorter, easier to say words, there would be no reason to have most of the words in the language. We could throw out anything longer than one syllable or six letters. Using your example, we could eliminate the word "eroticism" and just use the word "sex" because it is easier to say and spell. But if you did that, there would be no way to express what erotic or eroticism means. Eroticism does not mean sex. Sex does not mean eroticism. Words exist to express specific ideas. Using shorter and easier words rather than the specific word to express an exact thought only serves to smear the specific meaning of perfectly good words. Changing the definition of a word damages its intent and there would have been no reason to have created the word in the first place if you use it to mean something else.

This mental masturbation excercise isn't going to give me an orgasm, so I guess I don't have anything more to say on this. Please, carry on!

I always thought is what happens when a couple who care lots for each other make love and

have sex ??

I'm sure that's the definition of sex .

I will ALWAYS need Webster's.

My husband and I are going to be sensual, erotic, make love, hold each other, stare into each other's eyes, make emotional connections, fondle one another and fuck really, really hard. . . . . While the girls are out of the house, anyway!

What an amazing subject, Yes - in my opinion. Sex is a good topic amoung consenting adults. No not particularly describing the sex act, but discussing the feelings that go along with it and too the pre and post feelings. Saying what acts people in particular like and dislike and why can be a wonderful discussion too. So Yes it is a good subject - in the 'right' group of people. IMHO

Mashie, I totally agree with you on this. Until I met my partner, sex was sex, a means to have a little fun, occasionally an orgasm, sometimes part of med fet play, usually not but when you are so deeply in love with your partner, there is nothing that can even begin to compare sex to true lovemaking. No question! I wish you two the best as he is a good friend of mine and want him to be happy! I would love to meet you someday. From what I hear, you are an amazing woman! Take care.

Geeze weirdprincess, you are going to make me cry, lol. Amazing, not so sure about that, but definitely hopelessly devoted for sure! lol.

Thank you.

Why is sex taboo in a lot of circles.. .at least until you have had a little to drink. Sex should be a prominent topic. Sure it is for reproduction but it is also enjoyable. we talk about most things we enjoy. We don't need to share private moments but wouldn't it be fun to share. favorite positions or kinky things we enjoy with others? Maybe Ill introduce that at the next party I go to. Discussion of sex could be great!

There is the " my love, my only forever, have my child,ETC" and then there is "recreational" sex. (All the fun stuff your "other" will not do.) Remember don't take seriously what I poke in fun!

Too bad so many taboos have been placed on us by the gov'ment and church.

OUCH ( Just got hit by a tranquilizer dart in my ass, off to the big white house again)

Skybear

Sex is so much more than procreation. Sex really good sex for me anyway always starts with mental stimulation. I truly believe our most erotic sex organ is the brain. If that's not stimulation the rest just doesn't feel as good.

I have to agree a lot to what anne b came up with. The english language has too many words.

Susi - Yes. The total connection with your lover thru sight - touch - aroma - emotional contact - fondling and then yes finally Intercourse!

WoW

Oh yes all children should be somewhere else, Grandmas - a friends etc. 😃

I think Nature/Evolution played a big trick on humans when reproduction became linked with sex. I understand the biological imperative that makes it useful to do so, but it has been cause for much confusion and anguish when sex becomes fused with ideas of marriage and love.

You can of course truly feel love for a person and express it by living together getting married and having sex.

But for me true sex is more a state of mind. It is being infused with feelings and urges that can be expressed with someone else or just as well in a solitary manner. In the end it remains a solitary and somewhat selfish act since it mainly takes place in the mind.