How do I tell my boyfriend my submissive sexual desires?

How do you approach the subject with a partner? I am a sub, and really need some guidance in my life, especially in terms of sex. How do i tell my boyfriend that i need him to be more controlling in some aspects?

Two easy ways -

1) Read him an erotic story with a BDSM theme. Then ask him what he thinks about it or if he would like to re-enact it.

2) Write him an erotic letter (a real one or email, doesn't matter).

Start out with a more mild idea in mind. Don't want to scare him off, just get his motor running. If you peak his interest he may start to go looking for ideas online. So be prepared for what you might unleash.

Being honest and open about your desires is a good start,when I brought up the subject with my current boyfriend, he was very pleased

Start slow. Joke with him and say something like you want him to spank you. Then if he does, make sure he can tell it turned you on. Then during a lovemaking session, tell him you want him to tell you what to do. Respond with yes sir. Keep adding little things to the mix. Pretty soon he'll get the hint.

I agree with MissStress--Do be prepared for what you might unleash. Years ago I was in the same boat as you and I began trying to get my man to be more dominant. I told him things like I wanted him to tie me up, I wanted him to force me to do things, spank me, talk "mean" to me, humiliate me, but I failed to adequately impress upon him that it was all actually pretend.

He got into it more than I anticipated and after some very uncomfortable sessions I found myself backpedaling like crazy. "Dammit, couldn't you tell you were hurting me?" I asked.

"You told me you wanted to struggle against me." he replied. "You said you wanted to beg me to stop. I thought it was going exactly like you wanted. How was I supposed to know you really wanted me to stop?"

You see, I completely forgot to establish a safe word with him, and I paid for it with several hours of intense discomfort.

So do be throrough in your preparation and then enjoy yourself!

I struggle with this subject myself. My husband as an amazing man. But he has no idea the secret bdsm fantasies I have. I've been played, with a rough but respectful hand, by a Dom. I don't know how to tell him I crave being taken, Dominated!

Impressive ideas! I was going to ask the same thing myself, but I'm going to try these out and see where it leads...

I remember being kinda scared to tell my boyfriend about what i wanted from him and then at the same time i was tired of wanting more and being a little fustrated. instead of taking it out on my booyfriend i just took it to another level, during one long session we were having i took his hand and slapped my ass with it, we were doggy style. and he seriously enjoyed that, so that is the way it started, with me initiating something small and progressing from there, that started him spanking me then i wanted him to tie me up so i took a scarf and bound his hands to the headboard, and then i kissed him all over and gave him the best blow he ever had, and then i said my turn, he couldnt wait because he was totally in control, again something small i wanted to incorporate toys into our sex so what i did was to take him to a sex shop, he was heavy into porn and i just suggest on how hot it would be for us to try a whip or plug and he was all open..., and satified

As we've aged we have expanded our boundaries somewhat, but I'm still trying to figure a way to get my wife to submit to some bondage. I'm going to try some of the ideas posted here. Thanks for the help, ladies. Feel free to contact me with any other suggestions.

You don't say how long you have been with him cheekygirl, or how comfortbale you are with each other anked (not everyone is!), but why not surprise him one time by being seated naked blindfolded with a piece of fabric or a scarf with your hands on your head. Positively submissive but with the least hint of bondage, the blindfold.

If he doesn't fall in immediately with the situation and says "What are you doing?" respond "I am awaiting your pleasure sir" or similar. Then just sit there and it will sink in. 😃

Hello

I'd like to try, but my wife does not seem interested

We watched some movies,

I spoke to her of my fantasies (very very light).

Can anyone give me any tips on how to involve her

Thanks

Ponza: BDSM is something you have to ease into slowly if she isn't wildly interested at the start.

I think you started off well. Maybe a little bondage with silk scarves, not leather and chains, something she can get out of easily by herself if she wants. Or you could just use "emotional bondage" to restrain her -- the admonition "DO NOT DARE TO MOVE A MUSCLE" while you do something she likes, like oralling her, etc.

Tell him how excited it makes you to be spanked, or tied up, or whatever you want him to do first. It will excite him for sure. Even if he doesn't want to do what you ask him to do it will put the idea jn his head. Guys WANT to know what turns you on.

All are great ideas. Have you ever asked him about his fantasies? I love the idea of writing an email or letter about your fantasies, wants and desires. Where is the movie the Secratary? Anyone have any ideas how to get it?

I love all these ideas. I tried the idea of tying him down but I think I discovered his sub side. After that he had no want to return the favor 😢

I share my bdsm fetish with my housbant and practice it once in a while.it took a good period of time to convince him to share the 'joys'of my fetish

My Special Friend and I played a game where each wrote on a slip of paper what they would like to do or have done to them. All slips folded and placed in a hat. Draw out a slip and for the next 5 minutes do what is written. We had a ball then the timer went flying... Check out my blog http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=blog;ox=showitem;id=278 The weekend..

Skybear

All of these are great ideas. The problem still come up about convincing the other partner that it is not weird or not normal. Any ideas on how to approach that hurdle.

I've been with my bf 3 years. I seriously wanted to be dominated by him but I was afraid he would think I was crazy. I didn't want to just come out and say what I wanted so he could be like "uh, you're crazy" so I decided while we were having sex I would just get so hot and worked up and beg him to do something to me. I thought he'd be less inclined to deny me while were doing it because he wouldn't want to kill the mood. It worked! He loved to spank me so when he would do it I would say "harder, don't stop, etc." One time I just put his hand around my neck and now he loves to choke me. He started out timid at first but now he keeps pushing the limit. It just keeps getting better and more intense!

"I want you to spank my ass cherry red" followed by "didn't hurt". Hard to imagine why you'd want to date the man that wouldn't work on!

Wouldn't it be best just to simply talk about it? Communication is always the way to a good relationship, whatever it's flavor

@Yemaya:

Breath play during sex can intensify the pleasure a lot, but extreme caution needs to be exercised since at the moment of orgasm both parties can accidentally go beyond the safe point.

I think most men are happy to do this, they just need the ok from their partner. They may be scared of hurting you though, so you have to tell them you can take it. You need to give them ideas, but not instructions, and have a safe word. And never do the breath play thing, it's a good way to end up dead.

It would be nice to have someone who is willing to experiment a little. Pure vanilla can get a ittle boring! If I had a small crack in the veneer, we could explore and find things we both enjoyed.

You can simply hand him a copy of The Story of O by Pauline Reage. O is a submissive.

Be certain of the author: Pauline Reage (spelling?). Amazon has a kindle version of this book which truly butchers the whole story line. Do NOT get the amazon version. Anne Rice, publishing under the name of Anne Roquelaire, has written the Sleeping Beauty series of three books. If you cant get Story of O, get these three books, and read them in order. These books recount the trials of wayward young adults in the Middle Ages, who are sent from their home villages to the castle for sexual service and sexual punishment. In this book, there are both male and female submissives. I am not surprised that you have difficulty communicating your desires to your boyfriend. It is not the way of a sub to bring these kind of things up in conversation. I advise you to come at the problem sideways, and simply leave an appropriate paperback book on your coffee table.

I'm in the same boat. He's just not aggressive. It's hard because I don't want him to think I'm trying to change who he is. I'm so frustrated and wound up. I told him "I'm not a china doll, you can rough me up a little. I won't break." Bless his heart he just can't/won't do it. This woman needs some hot, hair pulling, ass slapping, dominated and taken SEX!!

@Norah

"This woman needs some hot, hair pulling, ass slapping, dominated and taken SEX!!"

Interesting that you make a distinction between being dominated and being taken. Domination fulfills my need for submission, but being taken also makes me feel desired as a woman. They can be separate, and you can have one without the other; ideally both together.

@Norah

I think a man who enjoys sex may well find it possible to do things "in the heat of the moment" (that is, during a love-making session) that don't come naturally to him. I think it's OK if you can make the suggestion for him to start.

Something very simple / easy perhaps like, when you are in a traditional man-on-top so-called missionary position, raising your arms above your head, resting them on the pillow and telling him to hold your wrists tightly to keep them still.

Or perhaps ask him to run his fingers through your hair, when you're in that position; not to pull your hair as such, but just at first to massage your scalp. Your encouraging noises when he does that will make him feel he's doing a good job. (I reckon most men enjoy making their woman feel good - I find that very stimulating for me.) You can then say "grip my hair" and later "pull my hair" and make more appreciative sounds to chow him you really like it.

Starting with things that aren't really dominating as such but are slightly more active than he is doing already could move you in the right direction.

Hope that helps.

Facilitator

I agree with pamib straight forward communication is best. Why don't people just talk to one another. Too much hint dropping and guesswork may not result in what you want.