How do I get him to participate?

My wife thinks enemas are gross and perverted. I have had to do it all myself for years, with no help in sight. She has an additional problem of sterility and infection, so mixing enemas and anything vaginal is not a good idea. Nonetheless, it would be nice to have this done, even if not reciprocal.

My fiance and I were discussing my love affair with medical toys and there possible uses in the bedroom and when I mentioned the idea of introducing enemas at some point, he firmly said no that i could do needles but no enemas. I tried to explain to him that enemas can be beneficial as well as sexual but it seems he is appalled by all forms of anal play which makes me sad. So I guess my question is how do I get him to come around so that we can fully enjoy each other's bodies?

Unfortunately there is no magic way to convince someone that enemas and anal play is wonderful if they aren't into it. I can only suggest you let it go for a week or two and then re-introduce the subject. You can try honesty....how much you love it when he pays attention to your bottom, that it drives you crazy just thinking of him giving you an enema. However you better be prepared for him totally rejecting the idea. It is sad that he won't at least try, but having a reluctant partner is as bad as not having one at all.

While I agree with Gentlewaters, may I suggest that as much as your bottom is going to interest him, it's how much you can teach him about his own sexual response that is going to change his mind. Asking him to do something to you that he considers to be "dirty" in an unsanitary way is not likely to float his boat anytime soon.

You're not only dealing with his desires and prejudices, there is a male ego that can be threatened by an implication that he might be gay (what his mind may question subconsciously). He may not even be aware that he is threatened subconsciously. No offense is meant towards him, but he might not be very mature in terms of his own sexuality and you could help him plant his own flag in this new world he might discover for himself (with your navigation and assistance, of course).

It's quite possible that no woman has taken him around the world before, that's to say, used her tongue to circle around his freshly-scrubbed anus. If he is excited by this, after several times of employing this stimulus in foreplay, a well-lubricated finger finger (wear either a glove or latex finger-cot) can provide the same stimulus: initially, at least, do not penetrate his rectum. In time, he might allow you to slowly push that fingertip into his rectum -- but limit that penetration only to your your first digit. In time, if all goes well, he might allow you to massage his prostate: when that happens, using various toys to massage his prostate might let him allow you to give him his first small enema.

All this is a matter of taking small steps. So to start out, the next time that the two of you are in the shower together, work up a good lather with both your hands; then with one hand, explore and play with his penis and testicles; with the other hand, soap up his anus (if you have sharp or long fingernails, this might not be a good idea and in any case, wear a latex finger-cot that you can buy at almost any drug store). If he pulls away, you've got your work cut out for you. If he doesn't pull away but asks what you're doing, tell him that you want to take him around the world: if he wants to know what that is, tell him that you'll "explain" this later... and if he doesn't ask what you're doing, take it slow anyway and don't make the mistake of penetrating his rectum. All in good time...

Maybe sometimes people are not interested in enemas because they connect them to memories made of pain or punishment (for example the enemas you get from your mother...)

you have to make this people discover the erotic component of enema, which we klismophiliac now, is very pleasant ;-)

I'm no expert - I've been into anal and enemas since early childhood; never needed to be "converted" - but I tend to agree with Gentlewaters. I think your best bet is to start by showing him how YOU respond to anal touching. When his hand accidentally touches you there, or even when he's just in the general vicinity, use your hand to keep him there, and let him see how much it excites you. If that doesn't start getting him excited too, then I'm stumped. But if it does, maybe it will give you a starting point, that you can build on. Anyhow, good luck with this!

I'm more of a lurker, but felt the urge to speak up and share my thoughts and opinions in this thread.

You know.... what it is that we do, this fixation, this fetish, this obsession... whatever you like to call it. It's not normal.

Period.

We all have our mental processes of convincing ourselves that it is normal and perfectly acceptable, and from a subjective point of view.. it is. I'm not trying to put anyone down. i'm just as abnormal as the next enema enthusiast.

But in life we have to sometimes just accept the fact that not everyone is going to like what we like just because we desire for things to be that way. It is ok to discuss things, but to use manipulative behaviours and be persistent to the point of bringing something up again and again and again... it's not healthy and it's not cool. If we truly love another person enough to consider spending our lives with them and making that huge commitment that has become so degenerated in this society full of divorce and dysfunctional communications, we must accept them for what they are and not try to change them, rather turn back and reflect internally what might need to be changed in ourselves.

Just try and flip the situation and imagine if someone you love and trust deeply were trying to take away your enema fetish, or talk you into doing something that was repulsive or undesirable to you.

I don't care if saying this irritates people off. I think it needs to be taken into consideration.

Love and marriage are not about kinky sex, and if they are based in the belief that it is most important to get ones sexual desires met, no matter how strange, then there is no strength to stand up to the tests of time and life. Relationships are about sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. We sometimes have to sacrifice things that we desire in order to express and receive love.

Sometimes we meet and marry people when our desires haven't been really explored and after a few years of hiding it,we find out that there are others that are like us or get on a site,say like this one,and really learn more about ourselves than we thought.Many of us didn't dare say anything at the time so dealth with our secret wondering if we were "normal".Those fortunate enough to be young and living in more liberated lives can meet someone as someone older who lived in very conservative times couldn't.We all have different backgrounds and lives that dictate how we can exhibit our interests and express ourselves in this type of lifestyle.Your personality can determine if you have the ability to express these desires too without feeling ostracized for it.Just another opinion to add to the pile!

She hit the nail on the head and did it very eloquently. It would be great to be able to relive the past with the knowledge and contacts that the internet has brought us. I can only assume that many of us might have chosen differently.

Does your husband have a kinky side? Or is he the plain vanilla type?

I have been married for 4 yrs and never knew my wife enjoyed enemas. One day she asked me if I would give her one. I didn't think it was weird at all, so don't think that he will think different of you. Explain the benefits of it. My wife did to me and now we administer to each other.

I just let my husband know from the start that I enjoyed enemas in both a professional and erotic way. I am an 18yr RN and have given hundreds of enemas. I have quite a collection of bags and nozzles and related equipment and showed him from the start. This way I knew whether he was with me of not.

It took some convincing to let me give one and after some very stratically placed finger and tongue magic, I slipped my finger in and before long he had 2. Then I withdrew them and when he thought it was 1 again, it began to slowly fill him and before long, he had 1qt in and then enjoyed some of the best head I have ever given and with me holding the nozzle in, he blew the back of my throat out!!!! WWHHAAALLLAAA!!!!! Enemate for life!!!!!!

Start by telling him about what he thinks about enemas and if everything goes well tell him that yopu would like to try or have been giving yourself or having enemas, which in the short/long term have made you feel excellent.

After this has been done, ask if he would like to help you or observe you giving yourself an enema so he has an idea what it actually involves and that way, if he sees you doing it, he may want to try it himself.

Important reminder in this stage is to be honest and gentle to the subject.

if he agrees to having an enema done on himself, well done, but take it easy, gentle and listen to what he has to say and tell him what he can expect which in my books is a must do.

If he does not want to have a enema done, keep involving him in helping you give yourself an enema, and he may change his mind.

All i can say in summary is good luck, have fun and take it slowly and be very gentle

Hope this has helped

All I can say is, if anal play is very important to you and he completely refuses, DO NOT get married. You'll save a lot of heartache later.

Does your hubby enjoy anal sex with you? If he does. this could be the selling point of the additional gratification that can be gained.

I dropped it into conversation a couple of times. Once I said, wow, I saw this video the other night, and the guy gave the girl an enema, can you believe that? And he didn't really react. I did it again a couple of weeks later. But my desire to try got out of control yesterday, and while he was at work, I texted him saying, I think we should try some new stuff in bed. He said cool. I asked if there was anything he wouldn't be willing to do, he said no. I waited a bit, and with my heart pounding I said, would you spank me, take my temp in my butt for being bad, and make me take an enema? I waited anxiously and his reply was Yeah, I'd do that to you. We got to the rectal temp last night, tonight is enema night. Just swallow your pride and ask, even if you have to text!

Sexual pleasure is the primary reason you would like to share enemas with your husband I presume from what you wrote.

Maybe a bolt approach would be the right way then if you enjoy it that way: why don't you arrange it to "get caught" giving an enema to yourself and masturbating at the same time. I guess many men enjoy the sight of their beloved woman sticking her ass up in the air and will get the hint.

They will either play and get into it or they won't. I don't think there is much middle ground with this. Most people I have played with don't mind the going in part but want nothing to do with the exit.

Try health reasons.It worked well with my wife,now she lend her hand doing nice enema sessions on me,even insisting on colon tube, when I tell her I feel slow on B.M.. And besides - patience works wonders.

Not everyone is anal erotic. unfotunately its not a subject that usually cums up during "courtship". ahhh had i butt known. i think an interesting question for us to discuss is whether it would have been a deal breaker if we had known before marrying or committing to a realtionship that our chosen partner was not anal erotic...

My experience is a spouse either is anally erotic or not. God knows my wife tried her heart out to deveolp a true desire for enemas, but it never happened and I gave up.

4 pages of replies... What could I possibly add?

Only this:

It was touched on lightly by at least one other here, but the important thing is that You know him, and much better after 17 years than any of us do. Any of the many successful methods discussed here May work, but You are in a better position to assess the likelihood of their success, or the likelihood of them driving an irreparable (sorry, some things I just can't spell) wedge into your 17 year relationship. I understand that you might be a bit concerned, worried that things might just never be the same after you broach the subject. If you can, without harming or disrupting things, try to find out how he feels about them; a lot of kids got them at home, and maybe he hates them, or as some have said, maybe he was afraid to bring them up with you; or maybe he doesn't even know what the heck they are... as hard as it is for any of Us to believe, there are people who are completely oblivious to enemas. If you are fortunate, it may be an icebreaker; if it seems to be of interest, you might share any childhood experiences you may have had, in order to open the discussion further. But as I previously indicated you would know better than I (or most of us, I would think) if you could discuss such an intimate portion of his history. If the world is perfect (meaning he is mature enough and understanding enough), he should be compassionate enough to 'care' for you (in the way that you would like him to try). Now I have been married for 40 plus years, and have a wife who won't 'help me', but the air Is clear between the two of us, and it Didn't become a marriage breaker for us. She has given me some, and I have given her many, but that is past, and I am now on my own (for enemas). But once again, whether that will happen between you and your hubby, you are in a better position to assess than any of us.

I really wish you the best; my heart goes out to you and I wish I could offer hope.

Good luck, and hopefully, happy waterings

Cos.

I am on my second marriage and my new husband is fantastic! I love anal sex/play and he happily goes along. As to the enemas I occasionally want....i flat out asked him....i figured he could either say "Yay or Nay"...(lucky me he said yes!)...we eased into it because this whole new world of sensuality opened up for him and i didn't either want to scare him or create a monster....so far, things are going really well....so my advice: just ask. after as much time as the two of you have been together, he either knows your tastes or doesn't....and who knows? you might get the same magnificent surprise i got!

My wife and I had been married over ten years before she realized that i really like enemas. She had given me several for irritable bowel syndrome but never realized how much they turned me on. Then one day I took one myself while she was out and she realized that the bag and hose in the bathroom were wet. We talked and ended up in bed, first with my ass in the air and then on to great sex (Maybe the best of our marriage). She gets one occasionally, but she has other buttons to push so we both win.

Cheers.

What types of steps have you taken to disclose your fetish? does he have any fetishes that you play around with too?

My husband would not participate in enemas for the longest time. It got so I could not bring the topic up despite him knowing that I took one every couple of weeks. Life changed when he needed them for an exam, but didn't go buy the ones that the nurse told him to. Instead the night before he told me thinking that I'd run to the pharmacy for him late at night. Instead I told him that he'd get enemas, but they would be my kind from a bag. Funny thing was that he found that he liked them. He's been a sort of enemate ever since although not with the frequency that I enjoy one.

I was a husband who got "hooked"; here's how it happened to me:

I was introduced to enemas by my (ex)wife, not by a mom, aunt or nurse. My "ex" had gone from frowsy county social worker to attractive office staffer. She had a coworker/mentor -- saucy older woman -- who showed her how to "get with it", shed the running shoes for high heels, the loose khaki slacks for a skirt. The temperature of our sex life rose quickly as a result. We made the mutual discovery that we were anal-erotic (yup - the foundation was laid). She began bringing little "control games" into our bedroom antics -- she's the boss, stern enough to make our roles clear, but all done verbally and through demeanor, no actual rough-stuff. Following the advice of her "coach", she took this to the point of saying that I needed to learn to follow her instructions, and that the potty was the perfect place for my training. When she announced that suppositories and an enema bag would be the "training aids", I was only a little surprised, and not at all averse to trying. Like I implied, we'd been fingering, rimming, dildoing for a while by then.

Enemas became a regular part of our romps, mainly with her as giver. Her repertoire soon became ritualized: she always dressed in the same garb to administer, almost always used the same gear and solution, never strayed too far from the "script". Boring? NO WAY! That's one activity in which repetition does not make for fatigue. I still crave enemas, but her enemas especially - and we've been apart for years.

Suggestion: Add a measure of domination and submission to your play. I think that's at the root of all enema lust, regardless of how you got introduced. Let the giver be boss, and act the haughty part; have the receiver simply obey, and expect mild correction when the whining starts. GIVE WITH ATTITUDE; SURRENDER AND RECEIVE! Nobody has to get rough to make this work; the giver just has to be assertive enough to let the receiver know, there's no way out. . . your ass is mine! You can continue the role play through the retention period, and all the way to the toilet and expulsion, if you like. Sure worked for the "ex" and me!

Rafter the enema play obviously wasn't enough to keep you together, but that routine sounds wonderful. Emom I would love to receive enemas regularly from a bag. However, you are in a small minority of women who enjoy giving them to men.

Bostonseeker,

Sad but true on the matrimony point. Wonderful's a good word to describe the enema-dom sessions. Don't want to go over the top here, but they've taken on an almost mystical quality, as I've replayed them in my head countless times.

And I suspect you're right about the rarity of desire among women to give men enemas. Hard proposition to test -- not often a topic of conversation in the grocery line! Fact remains, though, I haven't found another since the "ex" and I split.

Problem is as so many have said, if she wont let u play with her anal area, enemas are hard to get started on unbless she really gets constipated and U happen to be at the right spot and right time.