Married to not interested guy

I did some quick research and there are a couple of websites for comparing sexual preferences with a current or prospective mate. You take the surveys separately and if there is a match the question/subject is displayed, otherwise not. The first one allows you to make up your own additional questions. I found there were things (like enemas) that I would want to know about, but weren't in the standard questions. Both appear to be free.

www.weshouldtryit.com

www.mojoupgrade.com

I'm an ass guy, and like to get a hose in. When I got married you didn't ask those kinds of questions and my wife absolutely hates anything anal. My bad!

My wife is not into at all. Thankfully she’s ok if I play as long as there’s no sexual contact.

My wife was not interested, having worked in the medical field for some time, but over time she at least humors me.

Very much in the same boat there.

But honestly, it's a form of play I could never see engaging in with my other half is because A. we're too close and part of the fun as a role play patient is being around someone you don't know terribly well and B. he's just not a kinky person in general, at least as far as I can tell. (And to be fair, there are sexual activities that really turn him on and really turn me off, so it very much cuts both ways.)

Are there other folks out there who similarly think of medfet play as something that they wouldn't incorporate into their sexual relationship with their significant other?

I was nervous to tell my husband my med fet and other fetishes but luckily although it is not his thing he plays along very well. The fact that I get turned on gets him turned on.

My wife has zero interest in anything medical or kinky. Total vanilla.

You didn't know this when you married her?

You didn't know this when you married her?

No. Then again, my medical fetish wasn't fully developed back then, either. It certainly wasn't anything I factored into my decision to get married. And I don't have any regrets as the things she does for me as a wife and soulmate far outweigh any of my sexual kinks she doesn't share in.

My other half not remotely interested, anything medical freaks him out. He knows I'm into enemas (big red bag sort) but thinks it's just about getting ready for an anal session, though I have told him I rather enjoy it too. I did tell him a long time ago about someone I dated who was into medfet, but he just thought it was weird. Apart from that he's great. Life's about compromise so I've learnt to live with it.

I’ve tried to get my husband into it but he just isn’t interested. He will give a half hearted attempt at making me happy but it takes the joy out of it for me knowing he’s going through the motions.

I am very lucky. Yesterday, after getting the kids off to school, the wife and I hung out watching movies wearing disposable diapers and plastic panties. After our diapers were good and wet we had amazing sex and cleaned up before the kids got home. I feel bad for people married to a vanilla.

@Moppys_jalopy: I'm an ass guy, and like to get a hose in. When I got married you didn't ask those kinds of questions and my wife absolutely hates anything anal. My bad!

Yes, was especially true for my 1st marriage - While dating she had talked about her mother giving her enemas and I thought, oh boy! she's into enemas... What a surprise when we were married and I went to play with her ass - in no uncertain terms she told me I was perverted to want to do that.

Prov1: There are so may factors involved in choosing a mate for marriage. In the dating period, I think some people really do want to marry the person and kind of don't tackle the tough awkward subjects or personal interests like sexual fetishes because they don't want to turn the other person off and possibly cause the relationship to end.

So something like an enema or medfet fetish kind of gets swept under the rug and maybe after the two get married the interested partner works up the courage to reveal their interest in doing something sexually they know their partner may not like or worse yet admonish the person for even liking / wanting to do the fetish behavior.

Well my advice to all those who are dating and thinking about marriage. Put all your sexual cards on the table well before you even think about getting married. You will save yourself a lot of stress and worry and you will filter out potential mates that are not compatible with you. It may make your search for a lifetime mate harder and longer, but you will be much better off and end up with someone who is a good match.

Yes, after 1st marriage I did what you said as soon as next relationship got serious.

Yes , I have been in a relationship for years, with a lady that thinks medfet is very weird. She did allow me to take her rectal temp years ago and I did measure her breasts, but just once. If she would only allow me to do a medfet exam on her or give her a suppository, then I would have married her years ago. I would like to give her an enema and a B-12 butt injection.That is why I seek ladies of the evening, but it is difficult to find a lady of the evening that doesn't think medfet is also weird.

Married to guy not interested in any kind of sex at all.

There I am, that’s me.

I’ve been married for over 30 years, to a woman who’s not into any of my ass play, with or without a rectal temperature. The worst part of it, is that I spend all of my alone time, masturbating with a thermometer in my ass, and pictures of hot women in front of me. I’ve tried the therapist route, and that actually made things worse. I want physical pleasure in the worst way, but it’s not that easy, and I don’t look for prostitutes, or coworkers to indulge me. I just remain quiet, and unhappy.

Married to guy not interested in any kind of sex at all.

Pity to read that. It's like he doesn't respect you as a human being, your needs as well as your marriage. If he really doesn't like sex he shouldn't marry someone who is in need of sex. Time to consider the value of your marriage and take conclusions.

Why do you people marry these people? Was he or she got? Didn’t want to be alone? It seems like there was a lack of communication between the couple. My husband and I talked extensively about how to keep sex exciting once the honeymoon phase wore off. We agreed that we should be willing to do stuff as long as it was not illegal or cause anyone harm. I think people get too wrapped up in the lust of relation ship that they don’t talk about the longterm goals in their sexuality. It is so sad every time I read this.

Unfortunately, sometimes we just fall in love, or lust and run headlong into a relationship without thinking it through and asking the pertinent questions.

Maybe we think we can coax our partners into it. All comes down to priorities I guess.

I doubt I would ever get into a long-term arrangement again without discussing sexual likes and dislikes.

I was in this situation for two decades. It was beyond frustrating. My spouse would occasionally indulge my medfet desires, but more often than not, she found ways to criticize my interests, often based on the defense that medfet is out of the mainstream. It caused resentment in multiple ways, both expected and unforeseen. It was part of what caused our divorce.

I agree with all those that say that people should investigate and discuss these issues before marriage, but I also recognize that that is easier said than done, and in some cases, the answers received before marriage can be misleading. I personally find communicating interests about medfet to be even more personal than other sexual desires, perhaps because it is more specialized. Yet I also found that, at least in my marriage, there are limits that are discovered after the “I do's" that remained surprising to me for twenty years.

It should also be noted that we dated for several years before marriage, and had what I thought was great communication, so it's not like we jumped into anything. I would like to say I've learned from it going forward, and that I will do better next time…hopefully so.

I do sympathize with anyone currently in a marriage that is battling this situation. It's hard to want to share something so personal that is then rebuffed (explicitly or implicitly) by someone who you thought was a committed teammate sexually. To those that have worked through these issues, I salute you. To those that are in the middle of it, I send my best wishes. To those that end in divorce, I can say that I honestly understand that terminus now, and I hope you find a partner who understands more of you, or at least is seriously willing to try - even if it takes them time. I am thankful to those on zity who have been open and welcoming.

Why do you people marry these people? Was he or she got? Didn’t want to be alone? It seems like there was a lack of communication between the couple. My husband and I talked extensively about how to keep sex exciting once the honeymoon phase wore off. We agreed that we should be willing to do stuff as long as it was not illegal or cause anyone harm. I think people get too wrapped up in the lust of relation ship that they don’t talk about the longterm goals in their sexuality. It is so sad every time I read this.

I imagine latent desires play a big role in that situation. A lot of people don't realize They have a given fetish until later in life; even someone who gets married in their mid twenties might figure out in their thirties that they're really interested in (insert kink here) and don't Know how to bring that up in bed.

my question for OP is how do you know he's not interested? If you brought it up and he expressed disinterest or even Confusion, it may be worth revisiting at some point. If medfet is something you feel you need for fulfillment in your marriage, then he should at least be willing to give it a shot (no pun intended). Especially if you're asking to be on the receiving end. I could see a vanilla husband having stronger reservations about you taking his rectal temperature or giving him an enema, but if you're just asking him to do it for you and he won't do it, you married a wuss.

Now if you haven't discussed it all and you're basing the assumption that he's too vanilla for it on how he otherwise acts or talks, bring it up anyway. The worst he can do is say no (and if I'm wrong there then you should probably get out anyway) and there's probably a decent chance he'll either become curious himself and give a shot try, or at least agree to try it out to make you happy. Hell, theres actually a pretty good possibility he'll enjoy it if he gives it an actual chance. there's a statistically significant likelihood that he'll like receiving RTs, enemas, suppositories, etc since they'll all stimulate the prostate. As long as he isn't too hung up on the myth that “liking butt stuff makes you gay,” he's biologically wired to enjoy it once he relaxes and lets it happen.

My relationship is wife is not interested anymore… period. So no intimacy at all. I’m old but not that old. I would love to have that back at least a couple of times a week but not happening. 😢

I get it their are so many men that crave anal play it is amazing. All stuck in marriage and being starved sexually remember guy's very few woman are interested in playing with your butt. When I was married I could not even suggest to the wife to take my rectal temp or give me an enema but always had the kinky fantasy in my head than one day I met a guy that was into the same things and we becane best friends and to this day we get together have a couple cocktails and play out our fantasies and after it's over back home to the wife and sexually satisified works for me.

When I was married my husband wouldn't indulge my fetish. We would have anal sex sometimes but that was it. Now I am hoping to meet someone who will indulge my fetish. I have met someone on here for some great play dates but nothing serious as of yet

Why do you people marry these people? Was he or she got? Didn’t want to be alone?

Simple, I was ( and still am) obese, had very low self esteem and did not think anyone would ever want me.

Time to consider the value of your marriage and take conclusions.

Not first time I heard these comments. But I could not consider divorce for a variation of reasons, the most important two being that I do love him and our son who lives with autism would not be able to cope with such a major change.

What to say about a person who, once already married, discovers or develops an interest in certain sexual practices/interests like medfet stuff? Not everyone is fully developed sexually or sexually knowledgeable when they (first) marry at a relatively young age.

Then you can discuss sexual preferences prior to getting married till you're blue in the face, but if those specific urges/preferences aren't there or not recognized or discovered, then all the discussing is for naught.

Not first time I heard these comments. But I could not consider divorce for a variation of reasons, the most important two being that I do love him and our son who lives with autism would not be able to cope with such a major change.

Pity to read that, I really hope you will have endless amounts of energy and idea's to make the best out of your situation.

What to say about a person who, once already married, discovers or develops an interest in certain sexual practices/interests like medfet stuff?

I agree, speaking out of experience….

What to say about a person who, once already married, discovers or develops an interest in certain sexual practices/interests like medfet stuff? Not everyone is fully developed sexually or sexually knowledgeable when they (first) marry at a relatively young age.

Then you can discuss sexual preferences prior to getting married till you're blue in the face, but if those specific urges/preferences aren't there or not recognized, then all the discussing is for naught.

So true, for many our sexual aptitude/curiousity/desires grow and evolve. Young people tend to lose their rationale when falling in love and feel they can overcome any obstacles - if they don't even realize there may be an obstacle in their marriage - sexually or otherwise. Some jump into it simply because they feel the clock is ticking and they need to do something. Check the divorce rates - I'd bet many of them are the result of not knowing your prospective spouse well enough before committing to marriage.

Obviously, not true for everyone …..

@Rigel: for many our sexual aptitude/curiousity/desires grow and evolve.

So very true - when I was single and somewhat desperate for the company of a woman I would sublimate my kinky desires. Once a serious relationship began and I was feeling secure, little by little the enema bag (ha) would find it's way into things 😈