Married to not interested guy

I read these postings and this is so sad. I don't like the speculum exams because I find them extremely uncomfortable even painful in the beginning when my husband was not very skillful but I let my husband do them on me because I love him and I see what joy this brings to his face. I don't like injections but if my husband wanted to do them, I would let him. Many women go fishing and/or play golf with their husbands so that the can please them and vice versa. My husband does things for me that he doesn't like because he loves me. A marriage is suppose to be a "give and take". I guess we are in a "me me" society where people are only interested in themselves.The world would be a whole lot better if couples shared in each others fetishes and stuff!

Medfedcouple-wife

I have to agree with my wife. I can't believe how many you guys and girls out there have significant others that won't play.

I could not even imagine what life would be life if my wife didn't play doctor.

Medfedcouple-husband

It sounds like the two of you share a wonderful and loving relationship that has incorporated the joys of this unique fetish into the relationship. I imagine that there are many of us on this board who wish that we were so fortunate.

Heather, Portland, OR, USA

No, it is not true that every one can insert a speculum. But, just like real doctors, it takes practice to learn how to use instruments skillfully. I have loved medical fetish stuff since the age of 4. But when I was allowed to use a speculum on my wife, I have to say that I was all thumbs but in over ten years that we have played my wife says that I am better than all her gynecologists.

The first time we played it was not very realistic because I was a novice who would forget parts of the exam and my wife would remind me. You can't expect first timers to just jump in and be as skilled as a real gynecologist. Yes, I do know that some people just try to please their partner and maybe there heart is in it or maybe it is not. There are real doctors out there who really don't have their hearts into the practice of medicine but they are still there.

Playing doctor is a skill that you have to learn by reading books, watching training videos and practice, practice, and practice. I remember when I let my wife for the first time use an anoscope on me. She didn't insert the two pieces together so she pinched the hell out of me inside. It was about two months before I let her try again. Over time she got better. Now, she is as good as my doctor if not better. You have to have patience when dealing with someone who never played before. If you want perfect, then go find someone with experience.

I hurt my wife the first time I inserted the speculum. If my wife wasn't patient, we would not be playing now! I am sure my wife didn't enjoy the first time we played. She said "Practice makes perfect" and we continued to play. She does not like being the doctor but she said she would do it for me but she was scared because she really didn't know how to handle the instruments and was afraid that she might hurt me and she did many times. After 10 years, she is like a pro. I had to give her cheat sheet for her clipboard with the exam steps in order.

Before, you discount your partner give them a chance if they are willing to play. You eventually might have fun in the end.

You are right that medical fetishism is something that you can't learn. But there are different levels of medical fetishisms. Are you going to find someone who has the exact level of medical fetishisms as you do, probably not. Do my wife and I have the same level? The answer would be no. She does not like the vaginal speculum part of the examine but she lets me do it on her because she knows that it is part of the gynecological role-playing. She does not like being the doctor but she does it because she knows I like it. Just like in marriage, my wife and I blended our medical fetishes together. Isn't the end results to have fun? What about people who don't have realistic exam rooms are they not into medical play? People play doctor for many different reasons. People play piano for many different reasons. Now, if you have someone who does not want to play then you are out of luck! Someone taught you to read and write. The teacher did not say "This student does not know how to read or write so I will not bother with them".

My wife would get, at times in the past, because she knew I liked it, but does not anymore. She does not care if I pursue it elsewhere, she just does not want to hear the details.

What I have is more of an "interest" than a true fetish, if you take the definition of fetich being something that someone HAS to have in order to get aroused, as opposed to something I like to do but I am fine without it as well......

My partner is a bit of a prude - rarely does she let me see her genital area. However, one occurence recently may have changed all that. Last month she developed irritable wart-like lumps in the area between her vagina and anus so off we went to the doctors. She firmly told me to stay in the waiting room. Half way through her examination the nurse came out and told me that I was wanted. As I walked into the surgery there was the sight of the love-of-my-life with her legs up in stirrups naked from the waist down.

The doctor ushered me round to the end of the exam table between her legs where I was instructed in the gentle art of applying ointment with a tiny brush to each offending growth.

Now every day for the past fortnight at home she has to lay on the bed, panties off, legs in the air whilst I don the latex gloves and carefully paint the ointment on. Sadly (!) my efforts seem to be successfull as things are clearing up. I must now broach the subject of continuing this as 'play' and later perhaps being a little more adventurous.... I'll let you know !

To all parties - (sorry if that sounds less than heart-felt, because this might possibly the most important subject on the site IMHO) (and a small tribute to "Mashie").

There is a book called "The Four Agreements" which I highly recommend to anyone who can read, at any age.

One of the things it talks about is the futility of trying to change someone else. I bring this up because I think anyone's partner who resists the idea of play of any kind is going to remain resistive.

Conversely, if the partner is just a little bit open-minded, there is very little which will prevent a loving, caring person from at least indulging their partner to some degree.

I, for one, suggest that if we take the subject to our partners as a sexual enterprise as opposed to a kinky one, moving gradually toward our "goal", they might be more open to it. I mean, marriage or a committed relationship is expected to have a sexual component and therefore requires little or no negotiation. Kink is, well, kink; and if not negotiated as part of the relationship at the outset of course requires massive changes in viewpoint.

To follow Mashie's extremely brave example is the best way to live as far as I can see. She just recognized what she wanted and setting about ways of achieving it...so simple, so elegant, and so obvious how happy she now is as a result.

The martial arts term "sensei" actually means "one who has gone before" - so, Mashie, if I have anything to say about it, you are now officially an EC (and wider "life") Sensei: quite literally an example for us all.

I hope this isn't too simplistic, but it has helped me; and hey, it's just like the rest of life - one step at a time...

My wife has a great body but she is exceptionally prudish - she should be living in the 19th century. Her mother raised her and her sister to believe that "sex was dirty - something a woman had to put up with occasionally."

I bought her bikini and thong panties and she returned them telling me I was a "filthy pervert."

She is petrified when it's time for her annual physical. So, one can imagine how far I would get suggesting we have fun with medical fetishes.

My GF is slowly giving in to my gyn fetish, It has taken time, (over a year) but I think the speculum idea is starting to interest her!

remember, there is always Hope!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, people are scared of the unknown. In the begining of my marriage, I resisted the idea of getting an enema for fear of the unknown. The questions kept popping into my mind, is going to hurt, what would it feel like? Would I be able to hold it? What happens if I have an accident? I was raised that young proper ladies did not mess with things down in that area! But now, I love them sooo much to a point that I find them erotic!!!

Medfedcouple-wife

I have learned that it takes time and no one knows how long. It will be worth the time to do this together.

I have mentioned many times that people either get it or they don't, med fet wise. Some people think they have a medical fetish because they like to see naked women naked in the stirrups, or naked people bent over a table or what have you. This is not medical fetishism, this is medical porn. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is what it is and it has its place.

Mash is completely right. In fact what every true medical fetishists needs and looks for is for people that are really into medical fetishism. This topic became one of the most interesting and rich discussion issues. Everything is possible though: Medfet couple are a wonderful example of what compromising,on a love relantionship may allow.Gaze houndgal post is also remarkable

I've been a single woman for many years. I am comfortable both with myself, and by myself, and yes, there is a difference. I am a professional and have a very fulfilling life and wonderful family. Having said all that, I must admit that my recent experience with intimate relationships; few and far between, have not been as fulfilling as I would expect them to be at my age.

. It's is really time ( in my opinion) that the real medical fetishists "Come out of the Closet". We are in the 21 century, it's time that all the "sexual" minorities assume themselves, establish platforms of discussion and fell the feelings of guilt or shame. We are only at the beginning of a long way and as usual,we are also working for the benefit of the next generations.

I also agree with Mash about people that are only in "medical porn", I have nothing against that, but it's really another stuff.

Yep---my wife isn't into medical fetish at all. She HATES her ob/gyn app't every year. Although she might be open to giving me a play exam. I've never asked her.

Wife knows of my fetish. She allows me to examine her, but I don't think she is "into it" per se. I dated women in the past who were into it after I introduced them to it. I distinctly remember one who invited me over and told me to let myself in. She had the room set up for an exam, and played the part of a naive girl receiving her first pelvic (one of those play scenes that drives me wild). It definitely enhanced our sex lives, even when we were not playing doctor.

I have brooched the topic awhile back with my husband. He relented and let me do an digital rectal exam on him and he did not like it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the medfet play and am at a loss as to how to engage him in it with me. I have recently been turned onto e-stim and have been thinking of wiring up his penis, with his permission of course, to see if he will enjoy it as much as I do!! Suggestions, thoughts or comments??!!

@ STRAPHERDOWN > I so feel your pain!! I am in the same boat!! I do hope our mates "get it" one day soon!! And I LOVE the suggestion about the journal ina not so obvious place!! THink I may try that! ;-) Best Wishes!! ;-)

Somehow I managed to get my lady to watch one of those fake exam videos on youporn - complete with a speculum exam. She was somewhat turned on by it - definitely did not hate it. Baby steps.

Ladies, keep trying, try it every way you can think of, one idea might click with him. what ever happened to the "pleasing your partner" aspect of sex?

Yes ... Just can't find a partner outside my marriage to fulfill the fantasy ... If you're a female in Detroit area contact me

Simply it's not so easy to find a partner really interested in the med fet, I have this fortunately ...

I suspect there may be partners who indulge because they know it's what the other person enjoys but to find someone who actually wants medical play is quite rare. It isn't so easy to find those who want to participate where there is no relationship so finding it within a relationship will be a long shot. There will always be the dilemma of once someone suggests medical, or other non vanilla types of play to a partner and they are shocked it can never be reversed.

There will be however the exceptions who could have met in the first instance through med fet here on Zity or elsewhere, but I believe they are in the minority.

Husband offered to do whatever I like but the fact that he doesn't enjoy it at all is a huge turn off.

There are so may factors involved in choosing a mate for marriage. In the dating period, I think some people really do want to marry the person and kind of don't tackle the tough awkward subjects or personal interests like sexual fetishes because they don't want to turn the other person off and possibly cause the relationship to end.

So something like an enema or medfet fetish kind of gets swept under the rug and maybe after the two get married the interested partner works up the courage to reveal their interest in doing something sexually they know their partner may not like or worse yet admonish the person for even liking / wanting to do the fetish behavior.

Well my advice to all those who are dating and thinking about marriage. Put all your sexual cards on the table well before you even think about getting married. You will save yourself a lot of stress and worry and you will filter out potential mates that are not compatible with you. It may make your search for a lifetime mate harder and longer, but you will be much better off and end up with someone who is a good match.

I did some quick research and there are a couple of websites for comparing sexual preferences with a current or prospective mate. You take the surveys separately and if there is a match the question/subject is displayed, otherwise not. The first one allows you to make up your own additional questions. I found there were things (like enemas) that I would want to know about, but weren't in the standard questions. Both appear to be free.

www.weshouldtryit.com

www.mojoupgrade.com

I'm an ass guy, and like to get a hose in. When I got married you didn't ask those kinds of questions and my wife absolutely hates anything anal. My bad!

My wife is not into at all. Thankfully she’s ok if I play as long as there’s no sexual contact.

My wife was not interested, having worked in the medical field for some time, but over time she at least humors me.

Very much in the same boat there.

But honestly, it's a form of play I could never see engaging in with my other half is because A. we're too close and part of the fun as a role play patient is being around someone you don't know terribly well and B. he's just not a kinky person in general, at least as far as I can tell. (And to be fair, there are sexual activities that really turn him on and really turn me off, so it very much cuts both ways.)

Are there other folks out there who similarly think of medfet play as something that they wouldn't incorporate into their sexual relationship with their significant other?

I was nervous to tell my husband my med fet and other fetishes but luckily although it is not his thing he plays along very well. The fact that I get turned on gets him turned on.

My wife has zero interest in anything medical or kinky. Total vanilla.

You didn't know this when you married her?