Cheating on wife

Some don't lose out, they chose instead to step out, aka cheat, find love elsewhere. It is sometimes easier to do than trying to fix what they have.

That is WRONG.

The men are NOT looking for love elsewhere, they are looking for SEX elsewhere.

Once a woman denies sex to her partner/husband, what her husband does for sex is none of her business and her husband is NOT cheating if he goes outside the marriage to get what his wife won't give him.

SHE needs to fix it.

SHE needs to spread her legs once in a while and let him in.

The men are NOT looking for love elsewhere, they are looking for SEX elsewhere.

Agree - men aren't looking for a relationship - they are looking to replace the sex they aren't getting at home.

Once a woman denies sex to her partner/husband, what her husband does for sex is none of her business and her husband is NOT cheating if he goes outside the marriage to get what his wife won't give him.

Matter of semantics - I still consider it cheating - albeit justifiable cheating. Sex with someone else without spousal consent is cheating - in my book. Point is - if you aren't getting it at home and it's important to you - do it and don't feel guilty about it. Sometimes cheating isn't wrong.

SHE needs to fix it.

I'd replace SHE with THEY. There could be a lot of reasons why a woman is withholding sex - maybe because of something her husband does/says/assumes/looks like ..... They should work it out together.

SHE needs to spread her legs once in a while and let him in.

That isn't asking a lot and isn't hard to do. A small gesture that could mean a lot in a marriage.... maybe keep him from going outside the marriage or even save a marriage.

@gwhap said

Matter of semantics - I still consider it cheating - albeit justifiable cheating. Sex with someone else without spousal consent is cheating - in my book. Point is - if you aren't getting it at home and it's important to you - do it and don't feel guilty about it. Sometimes cheating isn't wrong.

It isn't cheating at all. Technically it would be adultery, and maybe the partner knows, but who cares? If she isn't giving it to him, it's none of her business how he goes about getting it. IF SHE CARED, she would do it.

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I'd replace SHE with THEY. There could be a lot of reasons why a woman is withholding sex - maybe because of something her husband does/says/assumes/looks like ..... They should work it out together.

OK, I'll give you a 70 to 30 split on that, but the problem of denying sex is mostly her doing. She could always just spread her legs and do it. It doesn't cost her anything and that simple act could be a big start in fixing other problems if they expressed a little physical tenderness and some pleasure to each other.

They might actually have a good time doing it.

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The men are NOT looking for love elsewhere, they are looking for SEX elsewhere.

Love or sex ... they are looking for whatever they feel they want elsewhere and not trying to fix or work with their partner.

SHE needs to fix it.

No they need to fix it. It isn't always one or the others fault. They both have some fault in what is not happening.

Switchable you have said this statement numerous times

SHE needs to spread her legs once in a while and let him in.

To understand how that can feel, to just be a hole to fuck, one has to have been that hole often. The every once and awhile time doesn't count. To have it go on for weeks and months ...then you can understand the relationship is not enjoyable, caring, or loving in any way. No one wants to only be "just a hole to fuck". Fix the "why" or "cause" then you might not have to cheat.

But to not even try...shows it is easier to go elsewhere.

SHE needs to spread her legs once in a while and let him in.

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To understand how that can feel, to just be a hole to fuck, one has to have been that hole often. The every once and awhile time doesn't count. To have it go on for weeks and months ...then you can understand the relationship is not enjoyable, caring, or loving in any way. No one wants to only be "just a hole to fuck". Fix the "why" or "cause" then you might not have to cheat.

I know very well what it is to be a hole to fuck. My husband sometimes comes home from work, grabs me from behind, throws me down, literally rips off my clothes and ramrods me. He won't do it if I'm wearing good clothes, but a shirt and jeans is fair game. It's a lot of fun and I won't give up being that hole. We throw each other down pretty often. We play rough. When I "throw him down" he puts up some resistance, but he lets me win because he is bigger and stronger than I am.

@gwhap said

.Matter of semantics - I still consider it cheating - albeit justifiable cheating. Sex with someone else without spousal consent is cheating - in my book.

@SwitchableSusie said:

It isn't cheating at all. Technically it would be adultery, and maybe the partner knows, but who cares? If she isn't giving it to him, it's none of her business how he goes about getting it. IF SHE CARED, she would do it.

@SwitchableSusie We had this exact same discussion a year ago - post 6 & 8. Can’t change the spots of a tiger. ???

@gwhap said

@SwitchableSusie We had this exact same discussion a year ago (post 6 & 😎 . Can’t change the spots on a tiger. ???

Tigers have STRIPES not spots---98 stripes to be exact. You can look that up.

Cheetahs have spots.

Jaguars and Leopards have rosettes.

Switchable did you not read my post where I said -

one has to have been that hole often. The every once and awhile time doesn't count. To have it go on for weeks and months ...then you can understand the relationship is not enjoyable, caring, or loving in any way. No one wants to only be "just a hole to fuck".

Because as you say for your own situation

I know very well what it is to be a hole to fuck. My husband sometimes comes home from work, grabs me from behind, throws me down, literally rips off my clothes and ramrods me.

You admit it is a sometimes. Not time after, time for weeks and months. "Sometimes" isn't same as a continual experience. When one loses interest in sex, as some of these posts say for an extended period of time - weeks, months, and even into years, it would take it's tole.

I can say that because after having both of my first child I lost interest for the first months after their birth. I spread my legs "to keep my husband happy and serviced". I felt like nothing, like "just a hole" for him to fuck. I didn't feel loved, cared about, or a part of our marriage. It felt he was being very selfish to only care about his needs and not consider mine. But with time we got it worked out and that terrible feeling was proven to be wrong.

Look, being married has certain responsibilities. Fucking your partner is one of them. It isn't any different than paying the bills that come in the mail. It's something that needs to be done. I don't care if you feel loved or not. Sex does not necessarily have anything to do with love. Sex is playing with body parts. There are other ways to show love. If you want your partner to "forsake all others," just spread your legs and do it. It's not difficult.

I goes both ways. In the first ten years, my husband spent his Sunday afternoons at my parent's house. I know he didn't want to be there but he did it for me. Especially, my dad telling the same story over and over. We do things for our spouses because we love them. He goes shopping with me and carries all the shopping bags. He sat through the many "girlie girl" movies with me. Yes, I remember not wanting sex after my first kid was born. Yes, maybe I was a fuck hole for 6 months or so. But, I remember all the stuff he does for me that he probably did not like doing.

People who choose to cheat have to be prepared for any consequences that come out of their deeds being found out. No whining about being caught and the financial fall out that could follow.

People who choose to cheat have to be prepared for any consequences that come out of their deeds being found out. No whining about being caught and the financial fall out that could follow.

Not only fallout from your spouse, but also the other person involved. Can't assume they will be passive in the relationship and accept it if you decide to end things.

Not only fallout from your spouse, but also the other person involved. Can't assume they will be passive in the relationship and accept it if you decide to end things.

Or family, friends, and business associates and collegues. Some pick a side and stick with it. It could be hard on ones career if found to be cheating.

Curious as to how many people (men and women) cheat even though they have a good sex life at home. For the thrill, variety, power, risk of getting away with it - what ever. I'd bet (nothing to back this up) that more people cheat who are getting it at home than those who aren't getting it at home.

Like smoking and alcoholics - it's not gonna happen to me - I won't get caught!

You people siding with the women are doing nothing more than making excuses for them. Just be straight with your wife. TELL THEM you are going to find somebody to fuck. They don't have to approve if they are denying you sex.

SPREAD YOUR FUCKING LEGS. JUST DO IT. It's not difficult to do. You'll probably get some needed exercise in the process.

You people siding with the women are doing nothing more than making excuses for them. Just be straight with your wife. TELL THEM you are going to find somebody to fuck. They don't have to approve if they are denying you sex.

I am siding with the person, wife or husband, who is being cheated on. To disregard their feelings just to get a fuck (since I've been told they aren't looking for nothing more than a fuck) seems selfish and hurtful in a whole different way to me.

I am siding with the person, wife or husband, who is being cheated on. To disregard their feelings just to get a fuck (since I've been told they aren't looking for nothing more than a fuck) seems selfish and hurtful in a whole different way to me.

The person you say is being cheated on is NOT being cheated on if they are denying sex to their spouse.

The selfish and hurtful crap is being overly dramatic.

Just spread your legs.

I am siding with the person, wife or husband, who is being cheated on. To disregard their feelings just to get a fuck (since I've been told they aren't looking for nothing more than a fuck) seems selfish and hurtful in a whole different way to me.

I'm horny as hell, and I'm sure if I asked my gal to spread them she would, but knowing she is not into sex (at least with a fat old fuck like myself) I have no desire for that. It's not her fault, it's mine for not being the sexy guy I once was.

"No means no! Not yes, not maybe!"

Wife or not, girlfriend or not, I don't really think I'd care to have sex with anyone at all who did it just to please me alone. If they had no desire at all, that would utterly put me off.

"No means no! Not yes, not maybe!"

NOT NECESSARILY

Wife or not, girlfriend or not, I don't really think I'd care to have sex with anyone at all who did it just to please me alone. If they had no desire at all, that would utterly put me off.

WHY NOT?

I do it occasionally.

Sometimes you do it for no reason other than to make the other person happy.

What's the matter with that?

WHY NOT?

I do it occasionally.

Sometimes you do it for no reason other than to make the other person happy.

What's the matter with that?

That is just the way I am. It's personal I suppose, a character trait.

In a situation where someone is clearly and expressly doing something they don't like (be it sex or whatever) and they make it clear in whatever manner they are just doing it to please me and me only, then I would prefer not to. It feels condescending in a way, as if I am not sufficient enough to judge a situation and decide how to act in a manner that is most beneficial for both. That just may well be for me to forgo my personal desire because it won't be reciprocated.

I suppose it is my upbringing probably. Never take something away from someone unless they wish to share with you. Never impose yourself when not wanted. Don't try to please people who don't want to be friends. Go hungry rather than begging for food (that's a bit exaggerated perhaps, but the general idea) ... that kind of thing.

Obviously I don't mean this about an occasional, one time occurrence. But if it were a systematic occurrence, then I would rather not. It would feel somewhat like pity sex. And while a high school teenager would probably take pity sex any day (ha ha), I'd rather not ...

Agracier said -

Wife or not, girlfriend or not, I don't really think I'd care to have sex with anyone at all who did it just to please me alone. If they had no desire at all, that would utterly put me off.

Switchable responded

I do it occasionally.

Occasionally might be fine for some. But this lack or loss of sex is not occasionally, it is for longer periods - weeks and months. It isn't usually just occasional.

Otherwise why would someone need to cheat if the are denied sex once a month but get some the other half dozen or more times.

There is a question I would like to ask and get some advice about if anyone can help.

I know of a couple who love each other and want to stay together, but the man just can not help chatting up other women and men online.

The women found out by chance and as the man she loved and trusted had lied to her about it for so long and even lied and denied things until evidence was in his face, there is obviously a trust issue now from his partners perspective.

He really doesn't think it is a big deal as he never met anyone( he would if someone had wanted to meet him I think),

Is this a man thing, he acts like its no big deal, he loves her and she should be happy with that.

Trust is such a big thing to her, so to satisfy his urges what she did next was to arrange for him to meet someone who we could pay to do some of the crazy things he likes as his partner isn't into everything he is and has a low sex drive.

Even that is not enough as she found that he had been chatting again on another site after agreeing to always tell her everything.

I think he likes the secrecy, it turns him on to do things in secret and behind his partners back.

He has a long term illness and his partner cares for him and will stay with him no matter what, but it hurts her so much when he lies and deceives her.

He knows she will never leave him and he isn't going to change, he truly likes to do things behind her back, it is part of the turn-on for him.

She has had to learn to live with it and be a good detective to catch him when he does it again, I think its a game for him, but it is not for her.

Any advice would be great.

Peace.

Cazzy

WHY NOT?

I do it occasionally.

Sometimes you do it for no reason other than to make the other person happy.

What's the matter with that?

What would be wrong with that? Or maybe I'm reading things wrong but @SwitchableSusie is married and doesn't fuck anyone else anymore so I read it that sometimes you fuck your husband or wife for no other reason that to make them happy. I'm that way with my husband because sometimes I'm preoccupied with something else, doing something where my mind isn't in the moment, reading a book, listening to music, and in comes Meat Monster and he makes a couple of passes. My mood or mindset may not change because he is wanting some sex and I'm not into the moment but what the hell?

This guy puts up with my shit when I'm bitching about something and listens while I go on about it, or he will pick something up at the store before he comes home or go right back out when I ask him to and doesn't complain. Maybe he wants a little romance or TLC or just use me to masturbate but it is not all of the time. The key word is occasionally and it's not like I don't like fucking Meat Monster in the first place.

I mean, WTF? I may not be in the mood and really not wanting to take him at the moment but that's why we are married. So HELL YES! Bend me over the table, the end of the couch, put me on all fours and nail my ass doggy style, put me on my knees and put is cock in my mouth and DAMN! He's happy and I'm glad he's happy because I like the look on his face when he cums. WTF is wrong with that? Even if there are times or phases he goes through and we aren't in sync with each other, I'm fucking this guy. 🌹 🌹 🌹

OCCASIONALLY! Or more than occasionally when we aren't in sync. He wants it he gets it and if I want something from the store or whatever, or him to return the favor to fuck me when he's not in the mood, I get it from him.

WTF? Or am I reading this wrong?

But there is a lot of communication and commitment that set this all up and keeps it going. I like being on his mind. He wants to fuck? Fuck me. Enjoy. It's what I'm here for. 🌹 🌹 🌹

WHY is the person who says, "no" the one to get their way all the time?

That seems incredibly UNFAIR.

Being married has certain responsibilities. Having sex with your spouse is one of them.

It's easy for someone who has an active/normal sex life to accommodate their spouse when they are not in the mood. But a woman (or man) who refuses ALL sex is a totally different situation. They should accommodate their partner (at a reasonable rate) when asked. Unless there is a physical reason, something more than sex is missing from that marriage/arrangement.

WHY is the person who says, "no" the one to get their way all the time?

That seems incredibly UNFAIR.

It is unfair. Most times they don't have to say "no" because after a while the question never gets asked - out of frustration over previous denials or maybe the other party isn't really interested in his partner either and it may drive one to venture outside. There's more ajar in that relationship than lack of sex. , it's a dysfunctional relationship and they need to address the root cause. Give and take occurs out of respect and love in a normal relationship -

Someone who isn't getting sex at home and they want or need it and can't/won't work it out, is not being unreasonable - nor are they a creep if they find it elsewhere. Personally I don't view them negatively for cheating or committing adultery or whatever you want to call it. "Wrong" is in the eye of the beholder. Some may do it and feel guilty - others are fine with themselves.

If couples with marital problems had sex more often, that would help improve the intimacy component of their relationship.

Sex is part of the "glue" that keeps couples together.

@Caz said:

I know of a couple who love each other and want to stay together, but the man just can not help chatting up other women and men online.

The women found out by chance and as the man she loved and trusted had lied to her about it for so long and even lied and denied things until evidence was in his face, there is obviously a trust issue now from his partners perspective.

......, Trust is such a big thing to her, so to satisfy his urges what she did next was to arrange for him to meet someone who we could pay to do some of the crazy things he likes as his partner isn't into everything he is and has a low sex drive.

Even that is not enough as she found that he had been chatting again on another site after agreeing to always tell her everything.

To me his constant chatting behind her back is an obsession or even an addiction - like gambling, compulsively watching porn, etc. He knows she doesn't approve so he tries to hide it, he may even enjoy getting caught occasionally.. His health issues may even come into play, inadequacy etc. . I wish I had some advice for her other than too confront him and tell him how hurt and betrayed she feels - maybe she's done that but it's not getting through. Why does she have a low sex drive - maybe she could get some help and rev it up a bit and bolster the sexual intimacy component of her arrangement. Like Susie said "sex can be part of the "glue' to keep couples together" - also night build more trust and better communication .

There are lots of articles on the internet as to how to deal with a loved ones sexual addiction and or obsession written by far more (supposedly) qualified people like me. Most are psychologists for whom I don't have a lot of faith. FWIW here's an example:

'https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-your-partners-sex-addiction/