Fetlife

I tried it a few years ago after somebody else introduced me to it. Didn't stay long as it's not my sort of thing.

For anybody who has never been on there it's basically facebook for fetishists. Seemed like half the people on that site were just there to look at pictures and watch videos from other users. Dare I say the ones who were posting content were usually doing it only for attention or to advertise their onlyfans/snapchat. So good luck trying to make any meaningful connections on there. I've heard it's worse now but I wouldn't know.

Makes me appreciate what we have here on Zity - and here it's all for free!

Yes, I have been on Fetlife for many years and find it a good source of interesting material. However, there are some on there who just want to vent their poison and disagree with everything you write. I only read and respond to sensible threads.

Since 2013 or 14 or so have been a member of FetLife. It has been extremely successful for me because I was also fortunate enough to meet people in the local community.

I barely post or comment and when I do, it is mostly only to friends.

The men send pms like, “whasss up”, “hey babe” or “hiii” without reading my profile. It gets tiring. However that is why my profile here states I'm not a friend collector and other stuff.

Without going out and kissing a few frogs, here and there, it would have not been a success story.

My husband and I met several couples and singles for lunch or coffee at the beginning. There were quite a few deadends, but we did have fun trying.

If I had been single and on my own, I am not sure how well it would have turned out.

Because we are partners, (husband & I) I am well immersed in the Orlando Kink community.

Was a member years ago, probably still am. I joined when I was active in the local kink scene. Not as active since I moved from the city and found a lot of the same complaints others have offered. Definitely not the welcoming place Zity is.

Was for a while. Thought I'd find like minded people there but mostly it was a free for all, not very polite, not very educational, and not very erotic. Some people were so rude and crude. I mean, I love naughtiness but FFS you need to establish a little bit of a connection first! I much prefer Zity. Honestly I've learned quite a bit here. Even some crude things! 😉

Yes I'm a member on there and its nice and all but people are rude at times and also alot of them don't show up or stand u up when u agree to meet. I am very real and I expect the person I'm talking to be too also especially if u spend monthes getting to know someone's over messanger. I hate time wasters. But I've enjoyed this website alot . I've found alot of like minded people and learned alot too.

Joined Fetlife maybe 15 years ago, never really figured it out or got involved and haven’t logged in for years. Just checked today and my account is still there although I had to reset my password. Quick browse but no real interest as in the past I found it difficult to navigate and never got into any of the discussions (do they have them)?

I have an account on there I occasionally reactivate. It’s pretty much Reddit level of dysfunction and bad behavior

I'd like to try it someday but a lot of bad comments here. Haven't had much luck with a kinky encounter here.

I was on FL for a year or two, a few years ago. But it wasn't for me and I deleted my account. Lots of good pics, very little discussion. And my.memory my be a bit foggy but I seem to recall finding the whole site pretty overwhelming with the myriad of groups.

I'm much happier here.

I have not been on Fetlife for awhile. Can you filter messages there to control the experience, make it a little less ugly? I can’t remember how it works and don’t want to log in to my old account. Thanks!

Ive been on fetlife for several years met one or two as my kink is a bit too much for many i guess , however i now have met woman for play on there who seems real enough , and another meet is beinng arranged.

@GraceT you can block people and I believe you can set your inbox to friends only. It that’s about it.

One last comment: as a woman, Fetlife reminds me of the old saying about girls in engineering school finding a guy: the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Ie you get a lot of attention, just much of it is unwanted.

@Nurse_Phillips OUCH! I went to technical college for four years studying mechanical engineering - I can honestly say I didn't give any unwanted attention to any female students. To be fair from 1974 -79 there were precisely zero female students!

I haven't read any of the stuff on here about Fetlife. I did set up a password & such a couple of years back but recall I didn't like it much.

@alan20cm sorry babe, my humor can be sharp edged at times 🤣🤣❤️❤️😉

mechanical engineering - I can honestly say I didn't give any unwanted attention to any female students.

Straying off topic but brings to mind my electronic engineering days - no females; except for one gorgeous gal and as fate would have it the boss of engineering confided in me that he moved her into my office so I could keep all the single male wolves in the dept at bay! Oh, she liked to sit up on the corner of my desk talking to me while I was seated - her legs just open enough so there just a foot or two - what beautiful white panties she wore under pantyhose!

@Nurse_Phillips That's OK - no apology needed. It's true though that aged 16 almost to the end of my teens I was so shy & nervous it took massive effort for me to say "Hi" & smile at a girl, much less give her any unwanted attention!

I have an account but don’t really use it. Everyone over there called me a liar for sharing a story about going with my mom to her gyno exam ever since then I’ve just slowly disappeared from there. And I was on there trying to meet someone in person but nobody will ever reply. It is not good lol.

@Nurse_Phillips

The same thing is said about men in Alaska.

When I was in engineering school (1971-1975) in Chemical Engineering, there was one female ChemE student out of 39 total in my graduating class. She was quite attractive and we were friends. She started dating another friend of mine (an electrical engineering student in an adjacent room). They eventually married. She was in high demand with her ChE degree, he wasn't in such high demand with his EE degree.

I was briefly in Electrical Engineering (with about 300 students, zero women). At the time I was on campus, the male:female ratio was 9:1. And let's face it, it wasn't a liberal arts university (besides science and engineering, it had a large agricultural research component and the four-year degrees). Yeah, we heard it from our rival schools ("Cow College"), but we liked to remind them that it was "better to have agriculture than no culture at all."

We also liked to remind that we would have "real jobs" while they might use their liberal arts degree from "Pseudo-U" to wait tables and serve the food that our university helped provide....so they could wait tables.

Of course, one of the things that worked really well for me WAS NOT acting like a jerk and treating the women I met there with respect and without the clueless "desperation" that some of the males on campus seemed to exhibit (kinda' like Fetlife). But I digress from the topic of this thread.

I am over on Fetlife and have been for several years. My screen name over there was different (I have subsequently aligned them to be the same on both sites). When I first signed on, I wasn't very active and mostly lurked. When I started posting pictures over there, the floodgates opened.

I find the discussion threads are much easier to navigate here on Zity than over on FL and there is broader application of moderation here, as well. Though discussions here can become "heated" (I'm guilty of that, too), they do tend to stay civil.

Interestingly, I've met more people IRL through FL than here on Zity (and the ones I have met that are on Zity are on FL, as well). I'd say that the people I spend the most time with on FL are more "out there" on FL than they are when they are on Zity. Some are downright "Scary." And the ones that I have met IRL that are only on FL are definitely more "out there."

I've had far more intimate and discussions with a few people who are on FL. I also get a larger number of inquiries over on FL than here related to my enema fetish. Most are respectful honest Q&A. There are a few that aren't and I mostly ignore them. I do try to keep it civil on both sites.

FL allows couples accounts (secondary accounts, though there is the encouragement that they have individual accounts). There are some de facto couples accounts here on Zity where one member of the couple writes for both members even though that (technically) isn't allowed.

One thing that happens more frequently on FL than here on Zity are the more direct and overt "offers." By that I mean some version of the offer to meet IRL and, perhaps, play together. Most are not serious; just lustful, wishful thinking. But a few seem more serious (and maybe more elaborate wishful thinking).

Oh, and the ones that are perhaps the most interesting are the ones where I have been contacted by the male partner of a couple. The initial contact may be innocuous enough like "we like your pictures" or "we like your writings." And further conversations may be cordial and may branch out somewhere else and never get beyond those casual written conversations. But some number of them will turn to the possibility of playing together. As a cautionary tale, I've learned that if some guy approaches me about his wife being turned on by some picture or pictures of my cock while taking an enema and then finally getting to "how would you like to fuck/be fucked by my wife while she's giving you an enema" and I have no way to confirm any of that...it's time to walk straight away no matter how enticing it might seem.

As a result of that experience, I do not get into any discussion with any "couple" about playing together unless I have access to both of them and independently of the other. I want to make sure that some guy isn't pimping his wife/girlfriend and she doesn't know about it.

I've been a lurker on FetLife for a while, and have not seen much there that was interesting. I have sent a few messages, but have never received any responses.

@EnemaRunner You have supplied some interesting points & insights. I only tried fetlife maybe twice a couple or three years back. Maybe I was unlucky but it seemed to be heavy on pictures (not all bad) & a bit light on discussions. Again maybe I was a bit unlucky but I recall finding a degree on misogyny with women being referred to as sluts, slags, worthless etc. which was a turn off for me.

Going off on a tangent again about ratios of male & female students during my time at technical college there were precisely no girls studying mechanical engineering. Later in life in my 40s I did a distance learning degree with the Open University & mostly for fun / interest I did a year's worth of an arts foundation course. At the time, mid 1990s, it was obligatory to attend a week's residential summer school at one or another University which was closed for the summer break. The ratio on this course I would guess at 70% women to 30% men. A colleague afterwards asked me what it was like? "Imagine" I said "putting 300 adults in a subsidised students union bar & telling them all they have only a week to live...!"

I was a math major and a statistics minor. I helped a lot of the girls in the sorority house with the basic statistics that they encountered in their education classes. They would say. "I really can't believe that anyone would elect to take statistics." I would jokily counter. "It's where the boys are!" I said it one time too many. One of the girls known for her zingers retorted. "And all of the horny nerds are probably figuring out the median of your tits and the standard deviation of you ass, every time that you walk by them."

Fet Life was designed as a social networking site not a dating site, thus those using it as a meat market don't really have a good experience, that is kind of by design and meant to discourage the people just looking for a quick fuck.

I have been a member for many years and have member number that is under 50,000.

The site has changed a lot since it's creation and has attracted a lot of less than serious members.

If you weed through the garbage there are still a lot of quality people on there as well as some really good groups and information.

For all the negative comments I see regarding Fet, I can only agree. Seen it change over the last 10 years, from the influx of profiles from the 50 Shades release to the boom of Only Fans. It can be a brutal unwelcoming site and has every kind of fake and predator you can imagine. At times Fet seems to be all too happy to let those profiles exist, under the BDSM rule of keeping identity hidden. So people’s behaviour and rudeness come mainly from being guarded and shaped by past experiences on the site. My take on what causes the site to be so unwelcoming boils down to how the site is run, management's lack of interest and action to make it a safer place for its users. But Fet holds the monopoly on free BDSM sites at the moment, but not for long…..

Fet does however offer a wealth of BDSM knowledge shared in the Groups, by some fantastic people, with a great sense of community for those who wish to join and learn. For myself I found understanding and answers to questions about my submissive nature, so will always be a place I love. Luckily enough to meet 2 great Masters from their IRL. Made some wonderful friends in the process too.

Really can not compare it to Zity, this place is a far nicer environment for discussions, comments and interactions. Medical Fetish does not seem that popular on Fet. So I would not recommend a look at Fet if you’re happy here.

As @masterkinkster put underneath FETs owner designed the site to be safe for women as its not a dating site. That was his best and unique selling point. But that's about all he did for safety on the site. Lost count of community members he dishes out life time bans to, for trying to rid predators out of there community.

@bittersweet_tee the bans are usually for spotting or other violations of decorum. One of the rules and goals of the site are to make it a positive environment and not ruin it for others. One of the rules they implemented was to not malign other members. Anyone can make an accusation and early on that happened a few times and thus the rule.

As for only fans, I report any of account that spams and they are usually gone within 15 minutes.

I have had conversations with the owner and his intent is good, finding the balance to make everyone happy is pretty much impossible though he tries.

@masterminkster I respect your experience is true and the case. However I sit on fence with the owner’s intent and actions to really give a dam and actually make it safer. See far to many examples of him being open and willing to help when a Male presents a problem to a female.

As for keeping the site safe, I was not refer to profiles of unsubstantiated complaints or one off complaints. Have seen repeated abusers that have become really issues in the community. Even though no names or profiles were mentioned a post containing serious violations even those limits were ignored or worse requests to play STOP play ignored. Became posts of numerous profiles saying this happened to me TOO. Victims are always shut down??? Now how is that safe or fair?? No Doxying took place, in fact the only way those posts got removed where from the Abusers profile Reporting the posts This particular incident happened around 6 months ago and was already aware of this Profile being a damage especially for newcomers The victims tried to open dialogue with Support and get further time outs SADLY it was not until a rather Large Male Profile with a huge Following and well known account got involved did the Owner even enter into talks. That's one story of many I personally know of.

At the very least the owner Can Do Better and it's fun now he has the pressure of a new site Submit looking to take away his monopoly he is starting to up his game. I love Fet but the Owner does not care. Bans profiles of community members that drive out convicted sexual preditors. Is in fact illegal for them to even be on a site never mind Fet. Look further than the surface you see similar issues in all areas of the globe.

Respectfully I think your conversation related to different issues than mine. But as they are Profiles themselves are not here to defend or confirm I will not further reply on them. Respectful your experience is not mine.

To be fully transparent of my knowledge of Fetlife and the issues I am one of many members Fet that have lost faith given my support to Submit Site and part of Early Access Testing Team on the platform building.

@masterkinkster I hope my reply was not rude to you personal, because that was not my intention. I think our comments some what differ on experience and problems.