What's wrong with me?

I'm not seeing anything wrong with you. If a man can't take you as "you" then he isn't worth having! I would say those guys in your area are missing out on a really great lady. They are just too darn stupid (pardon my honesty) to look under what they see at first. They are not willing to get to know the person inside the jeans.

I agree with most and what they have said. You need to be you, and you are fine. I still have to tell you I am very impressed with the changes you have made so far. You are doing fantastic.

I have to laugh at something MissStress said when she was talking about men in your area, which was, "They are not willing to get to know the person inside the jeans."

Well let me give you some good old advice, take it or leave it, lol. Here's the deal, good men ARE willing to get to know the person inside the jeans.......but, and here's where it gets a bit tricky, but, if they pull down your jeans and find boxer briefs or tighty whities instead of a nice pair of panties????????? Well, even the good men will run for the hills. See what I"m saying there sister?

Hey, I'm just trying to help you be the best you you can be. As I said before, the first step in change begins with you and you didn't take a step, you took a giant leap! It's impossible to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, and you do. I LOVE that!

If we lived closer I would love nothing more than to go to a Munch with you. I have never been and want to go. Which actually brings me to another point I wanted to mention. You said you went to a Munch already, and by yourself! Do you know how HUGE that is, how great and fantastic that is? Do you even know how much courage, self confidence, and guts that takes? Wowza! You ROCK!!!!

Mashie

But there are guys out there who would get a rock hard erection if they found a gal who was in boxers/briefs. Especially if they were theirs. 😉

That is a very good point MissStress, and honestly one I had not thought of. Now you have me sitting here with my finger up to my chin saying, hummm. I'm pondering that.

Mashie

But there are guys out there who would get a rock hard erection if they found a gal who was in boxers/briefs. Especially if they were theirs. 😉

Bingo, we do that he wears my panties and bra. I wear his briefs. And we are a perfectly straight couple.{His penis is straight also}

MJL

I'm know I'm late updating about the munch. I went into a public location to meet people I don't even know online. That part of it was okay. I'm not shy and I'm used to being in uncomfortable situations.

Most of them were friendly. One lady didn't acknowledge my presence at all but that's fine. If you don't want to know me, I probably don't want to know you. One guy kept humping everybody but ok, as long as you don't hump me, no problem.

I got quizzed a little by the kid (24, I know she's an adult but it was weird) about what I was into. I answered as best I could. I'm not comfortable sharing the fact that I had a pretty big plug in my ass the first time I meet a group.

So not bad and not too too awkward. At least until they started talking about rape scenes and torture. Like water boarding torture. Hmmm, maybe this isn't for me... One guy was very into talking about impact play. Ok, I'm cool with that until he starts taking about blood. Ummm.... No.

They also seem to play among the group. Maybe that's safer and I guess it would be but I'm totally not okay with that.

So yes, I'll go to future events in public. I can't judge the local scene in one meeting.

Thanks for the update. Without sounding like a complete idiot again............., lol, what is impact play? I have never heard of that.

Mashie

Without sounding like a complete idiot again............., lol, what is impact play? I have never heard of that.

I'd never even heard of a munch. When the thread first started I tried looking it up and of course ended up with gazillions of links to either the artist or the actor (loved it when he played in 'Homicide'). Not much help ... I finally got the appropriate meaning a short while ago.

So, me too: what is impact play?

I believe in that context impact play is hitting people with things.

I was kinda digging it until blood came up. I'd love a good spanking and I'd like to try a paddle, belt or flogger. But no blood. I'm female. I bleed enough as it is.

I had a bit of trouble understanding some of the other lingo too. One very young woman was referred to as a power bottom. She later shared that she's not much into BDSM. I was confused but not willing to question her further. Who am I to question?

The whole experience was bizarre and I left feeling like I'd just returned to earth. there was a role class after. Nope, not going home with strangers. I think the 24 year old organizer was a bit miffed at me but... Not strange houses with strange people.

A "power bottom" plays the submissive role but tops from the bottom.

They are kind of masochistic types.

The only times I top from the bottom is when I want to teach a novice how to be a dominant.

Thanks Sue for that information. I didn't know topping from the bottom had a name. I do that all the time and I can't help it. I try very very hard not to and I am getting better I think at not doing that, but I am a little bit of a control freak. Yes I know that has to be a huge shock to all of you, but alas, that is the truth.

Now before this post if someone had asked me what a power bottom is I would have made some comment along the lines of "Buns of Steel" DVD's or Susanne Summers from the show Three's Company who invented or was the spokes person for the Thigh Master, lol. So now I know. I learned something today, so it's a good day.

I have mentioned a good hundred times on here that in the grand scheme of things I am a novice and basically a newbie. I have gotten hate mail, been called a liar privately and on the main forum floor and a whole bunch of other things, but it's actually true. While I am a professional nurse and know medical things, that's as far as my knowledge and skill set goes, for the most part. This is why I ask questions all the time from our members. I honestly don't know but I want to learn. I am sure my questions get annoying, hell for that matter I'm sure I get annoying, lol, but that's why I am here, to learn and to gain the skills I need to make sure I am able to please and satisfy Doc.

Sunedee, I am a bit surprised to hear how your munch went. Again, I have never been to one, but I guess I just assumed that when they are held in a public venue that people would be a little bit more reserved or discrete. Or do they just rent the whole place out so everyone can be more open? I guess I just assumed that a munch was sort of like going to a dungeon or being in the BDSM community period. From what I understand in that community there are rules to follow, proper etiquette, and other such things. I would have never in a million years thought someone would be going around dry humping people lol.

I have talked to another friend of mine who has been to some munches as well and she made it sound like my above statement about proper etiquette and what not are how they are run. But, I didn't ask that specific question and maybe I am just assuming. I will have to ask her the next time I talk to her.

Mashie

The munch was at Hooters on Saturday during college football season. That's pretty much as private a public place can be.

I messaged back and forth with the organizer trying to make sure I didn't say or do anything wrong or offensive. She said no, anything would be fine.

Maybe other groups are more formal? I suspect from the posts on another local group's group page on fet that they're much more formal. im planning to attend one of their events in a couple weeks. It'll be interesting to see the differences.

My sub and I went to three munches, with two different groups. At all of them the people were very nice and welcoming. It was comforting to see and talk to people face to face about kinky things. The only thing that discourages me from going to one again is that the people kept hounding me (not sub, since I am the Miss) about coming to their play parties. It was said by a number of members. I'm not ready for a play party. It just put me off of them. Though maybe it would be nice to try it again to just see how the environment is now.

Glad you got to meet some people Sunddee. Try it again to, if you get the chance, to see how the discussion goes.

As Sunedee said, impact play just refers to any sort of play where the bottoms is being hit by something else with a reasonable amount of force. Elastic bands could count, but by and large it refers to paddles, canes, floggers, fists, riding crops, etc. It's really an umbrella term for a lot of different tools, techniques, and sensations.

Thanks for that information Fan. You explained it perfectly so I can understand. I love riding crops, lol.

Mashie

Any time Mashie! I'm glad I could help!

There is also POF plenty of fish which is pretty good for someone looking for a possible permanent relationship. They try to weed out the married people etc.

There is a lot of your profile which speaks to me. I was a lot like you, only a guy, single in my 30s - that was 20+ years ago, I'm happily married now. So, consider me your older-brother want to be 😃

There are a lot of guys who would not hold the fact that you are "bigger" against you, and would think you are an awesome person. I think you may need to hold back on the kink at first, try your hand at dating, then slowly reveal the kink.

Keep a smilke on your face and be positive. And, if you need a platonic male cyber friend - brother figure as a sounding board or shoulder to cry on, feel free to contact me.

Nothing is wrong with any of us. We’re all individuals and there is, somewhere, someone who is our match. For many they are lucky and find their match, for some it takes longer, but never give up hope...

I have been asked on numerous occasions about what part of a woman turns me on the most. I am certain you have all seen those stupid polls as well. My answer is always the same…. the brain.

I am a very non-judgmental person and body size, shape, height, weight mean nothing to me. I have seen women who have been Playboy models speak, and what comes out of their mouth make them instantly unattractive. I have lived with strong women all my life and worked for many female bosses but I have never been afraid or intimidated by them. It takes a strong man to handle strong women.

The fact you take care of your parents just means you are compassionate and were raised right. These days, and I see/hear commercials for it every day, to put parents in communities even if it is a self-sustaining one.

I think you sound amazing and I am certain there are many other men out there that do as well. Don't give up the search and don't settle. I hope you find peace within yourself and an amazing person to spend your life with.

Be yourself, but put your best foot forward. When you go out you don't have to go crazy looking perfect, but get yourself looking nice with a nice looking outfit on.

You can also consider looking for others the vanilla way too. Going out on dates going on vanilla dating sites like plentyoffish.com A relationship is more then just the kinky side, and a very large percentage of people are kinky, they just don't annonce it. So get to know as many people as you can, and enjoy the ride.

The OP hasn’t been active for 5 years. He states he’s lonely and feels sorry for himself. For anyone feeling that way, look at your positives and change your negative self images. Feeling sorry for yourself isnt going to attract very many people.