Okay, and here's something else you NEVER want to do!! Take heed!!
Years ago, I was in a phase of putting various things up my rectum to stimulate the prostate. After what you can typically imagine - broomsticks, hotdogs, whatever - I thought, what about something inflatable?! Thus the 'balloon' incident was born...
Crouching over the bathtub one day, I placed a rubber party balloon over the end of the shower hose, wanged it far up the ol' wazoo, then cranked the faucet. Oof de doo, that felt really good - for about 10 seconds. But, that was enough, so ..time to take it out now. Except... the hose came out, but... the balloon didn't!
Who would've thought? Even if the hose and balloon parted ways, the balloon should have just emptied its water and deflated, right?
Yeah, well, not for me. The neck of the balloon somehow fused shut to where it might as well have been hand tied. That puppy was up there to stay, and stay it did - for two days of the worst hell I shall ever go through. Not only was it stretching my bowel to its limit causing red-hot-poker type of pain, but nothing would pass so of course I couldn't eat, or what I did eat came right back up on the lawn. Sleep was a lost cause.
The doc gave me Dulcolax to try stimulating the bowel to expel the rubber torture device, but nada. So it was off to emerg, enduring the embarrassment of explaining my fix to the cute young nurse who was stoically fighting to hold back her laughter. They doped me up on Valium, and the proctologist, wearing a very cross look on his face, shoved something long and sharp up there - a knitting needle for all I know - and popped the putrid party plug in less 20 seconds, giving me the second near-orgasm I'd had since the start of this hare-brained adventure.
Folks, it's a lesson to be learned; party favors are for parties. Unless you're a donkey with a yen to have their ass pinned, don't go looking for a party UP your ass!