Despite the stinging in my butt, I began to drift off. The sound of the back door closing woke me up and I heard Karen talking to Jessie. I think Doc and I realized at the same time that my bare behind was up against him and she would see that if she came into the room. There wasn’t time to do anything but pull the blankets over us. Doc must have had the same thought as he pulled them up a split second before my friend came into the room. I made a mental note to speak to Karen about knocking when Doc’s car was in the laneway.

“How is she, Dr Richards?” she asked as she entered the bedroom. She stopped abruptly when she saw us in bed under the covers. “Ooops… I’m so sorry” and turned to leave. Doc slid out from under the blankets, taking care to keep me covered.

“She’ll be fine”, he said. Karen turned back into the bedroom. “The antibiotics Meredith got from the clinic are not used for the type of infection she has. I gave her a shot of the proper one and will give her a shot once a day for 2 more days. I also gave her medication to bring the fever down. She’ll get more of that until her temp is normal again. And Karen, please call me Julian.” He smiled.

“Okay, Julian”, she replied. “Thank you for coming when I called.”

“Thank YOU for letting me know about Meredith. I think I can get this infection under control without having to take her to the hospital - thanks to you alerting me to it. Had you not done that, knowing Meredith, it would have been much worse by the time she told me about it.”

“I’m going to call you any time she’s sick or injured and refuses to go to the ER or call you, Julian.”

“Please do that, Karen.”

“Gee, it’s so nice when people talk about you like you aren’t in the room”, I said sarcastically, as I sat up.

“Hon, you know we care about you.”

“I’m going to get out of your hair”, Karen interrupted. “Before I go home, I’ll check the garden and bring in any ripe veggies.”

“Thanks, Karen - and take whatever you want. I‘m sure there’s lots.”

After Karen had left, I said to Doc “Doc, I know I frustrate you, but this is who I am. I’m probably not going to change. If you can‘t handle that, I‘ll understand.”

“I’ve come to that realization, hon. I wish you would be less stubborn and self destructive but like you, I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather have you as you are than not have you at all. Now, I am going to change your bandaging, then I’ll make lunch. What do you want to have?”

“I need to go shopping, there’s not much for fresh fruit and I want to pick up some produce that I don‘t grow. I guess canned soup or Alpha-Getti or something - though I‘m not sure if I will be able to keep it down.”

“How can you eat that processed crap? Karen told me you‘d thrown up. I will give you a shot of Gravol.”

“The same way you can eat liver.”

Doc tousled my hair. “Ok, sweetie, on your left side.” I'm going to go wash my hands first.

I lay back down and turned on my side. Doc went to the bathroom. When he came back to the bedroom he got his supplies from his bag and drew up the Gravol into the syringe, putting gloves on before swabbing my hip. “Needle going in, hon”, he said as he inserted it. When he had injected the Gravol, he withdrew the needle and held pressure on the site for a few seconds before capping the needle.

“Doc, can I ask you something?” I rolled over onto my back, then onto my right side.

“Of course, hon.” He began cleaning up.

“All this hand washing, even though you were wearing gloves, is it because of what happened in Vancouver?”

“We always wash our hands when doing something to a patient, hon.”

“I know but did you wash them *this* much before that happened?”

“No”, he admitted.

“And that’s why you are so impeccably clean about your home and why you don’t like getting dirty, right?”

“Yes.” My heart broke for him.

“Come here, Doc. Have a hug.” I sat up and he sat down on the bed and put his arms around me. I hugged him as tight as I could. “I wish I could take that pain away, Doc.”

“You don’t know how much that means to me, hon.”

We sat that way for a few minutes, then Doc broke the silence.

“You coming out to the kitchen with me or do you want to rest?”

“You’re giving me a choice?”

“This time. Don’t get used to it.”

“Haha, Doc. First, you need to brush the hair you messed up.”

He went over to my dresser and picked up my brush. Coming back to the bed, he held it up and said “Maybe I should use this next time I spank you.”

“Only if I can use it on you as well, Doc.”

“Very funny, Meredith.” He started brushing my hair.

“I was joking about brushing my hair, Doc.”

“I know, but I still want to do it.” When he had finished, I put my robe on and went out to the kitchen with him.

“So, hon - have you decided what you want for lunch? Did you eat breakfast?”

“No, you know I don’t like breakfast.”

“I know you don’t, but you should eat it anyway.” I opened the fridge. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Getting some eggs out. I think I’d like an omelette.”

“Sit your butt down. You aren’t making it.”

“Aw, Doc…”

“Don’t ‘Aw, Doc’ me. Do I need to take you over my knee now?”

“I dare you, Doc.”

“If you weren’t sick, I would. Now sit.”

“Just a couple eggs, please. I don’t think I could eat much.”

“Tell you what, I’ll make a big one and we can split it, ok?”

“Sure.”

“And it’s much healthier than Alpha-Getti.”’

Just then, Jessie came running into the kitchen. She had gone outside with Karen, who appeared a moment later. “Everything I picked is on the porch. I’m taking some tomatoes home. They don’t last long at my place, the kids love them. But I’m not complaining. It’s better than them eating junk food.”

“Take all you want, Karen and thanks for picking them.”

“Do you need milk?”

“I think so. Doc, how much milk is in the fridge?”

“Not much, hon.”

“Then I need milk. There’s none in the porch fridge.”

“I’ll bring some when I come to do supper feeding”, Karen said. “Are you going to be making butter?”

“Yes, I’m almost out, I think. Doc, how much butter is in that butter dish?” He held it up for me to see.

“Yep, I need to make butter. Oh, I want to make ice cream, too.”

“Then I’ll bring some cream as well. Oh, I need some eggs. I almost forgot.”

“Take as many as you need”, I told her. It was a trade off. Karen kept me in milk and I kept her in eggs. We traded veggies, too and I let her have my extras of even the ones she grew, since she had a family to feed and I didn’t. Plus, she helped out so much around the farm and with the horses. I had offered to pay her on many occasions, but she wouldn’t take it, telling me to donate what I would have given her to an animal welfare organization.

When she had gone, Doc said “I feel like I’ve walked into a time machine and gone back a hundred years, with this talk of making butter and ice cream.”

“It’s better for you than the stuff you get in the store that’s laden with preservatives.”

“Meredith, do you wash your eggs?”

“No, Doc.” He took some eggs from the carton and turned on the kitchen tap. “Seriously, Doc?” Then I remembered his past and instantly regretted my snarky comment. “I’m sorry, Doc. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Don’t worry about it, hon. I know it must seem odd to you.”

“Doc, I will rinse off an egg if I see something on it. Most of them are laid in the nests, though, so they are not dirty. However, if you want to rinse them off, go ahead, but please do it just before you use them, don’t wash all the eggs in the fridge.”

“Is there a reason for that?”

“Yes. They keep longer if they aren’t washed.”

“Ok, hon, I won’t.” He brought the divided omelette to the table when it was done. “Anything else you want, sweetie?”

“Just a glass of water, please. I’d get it myself but you’d have my head.”

“You are learning. About time” he said with a wink.

I took a bite. It was yummy, no surprises there. Anything Doc cooks is good.

“Hon, will you be okay here if I go to the city to get a few things?” he asked.

“Of course I will.”

“I’m going to get that wheelchair from my place and some clothes and reading material. I’ll also pick up some groceries, so let me know what you need or want.”

“Before you go, check the back porch and see what Karen brought in so you don’t get something I already have.”

“Sure thing. Anything you want?”

“I mostly need produce, let me get you a list.”

“How about bread? I don’t see any around here.”

“I’ll make some while you are gone.”

“You will not.”

“Relax, Doc. I have a bread machine. All I have to do is put the ingredients in and hit the start button.”

“Well, okay. Do you have something to sit on?”

“Yes, a stool.”

“Good. Tell me where it is and I will get it for you.”

“It’s in my computer room.”

When he came back with the stool, I said “Doc, I wasn’t totally honest with you.” He looked at me and raised an eyebrow much like Mr Spock would do. “I do have a bread machine, but I only use it to mix the dough. I bake the bread in the oven.”

“So, you just transfer the dough to the pan and put in the oven?”

“Not exactly. I have to shape it first. And it needs to rise.”

“Can you do that sitting down?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, you may do it. And thank you for fessing up, hon. Where is the bread machine? I will get it out for you.”

“Doc, I’m surprised you don’t make bread.”

“I *can* make it but it is a lot of work to do without a machine. Time is a problem.”

Doc washed up the lunch dishes, then left to go to the city. I put the ingredients in the bread maker, then I went to the bedroom and lay down until the beeps indicated the dough was ready. After getting it out and divided, I put it in two pans to rise, then lay down again. I wasn’t nearly as sick as I’d been with the pneumonia, but I wanted to rest as much as I could so that I could spend some time with Doc later.

He got back after I had put the bread in the oven. First thing he brought in was the wheelchair. “You are to stay off your feet as much as possible and use this to get around in” was the edict.

“Doc, I can’t wheel myself, I only have one good hand.”

“I will push you.”

“And when you aren’t here?”

“I will be here the majority of the time. Did you rest this afternoon?”

“Yes, Doc. As much as I could between needing to tend to the dough.”

“Good.”

“I wanted to be able to spend time with you tonight without falling asleep.”

“You are sick, hon. You need to rest as much as you can.”

“I’m not nearly as sick as I was with that pneumonia, Doc.”

I sat at the table while he got supper ready. It was time to feed my dog. “Doc, can you feed Jessie please?

“Sure hon. Just tell me how.”

“The bag of dog food is in the pantry. There’s a scoop inside it, she gets two in her bowl. Could you please check her water, too?”

After he had done that, I said to him “I asked you to feed her so she sees you as someone good and doesn’t think you are taking me away from her. I want her to see you as part of her 'pack'. I know you aren’t used to animals, but try to pay attention to her. Give her pets and talk to her.”

“I’ll try, hon.”

“That’s all I can ask of you.”

After Doc did the supper dishes, we went to the TV room. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, flipping to the listings channel. “Nothing here I want to watch, what about you, Doc?”

“I don’t see anything interesting either. Turn it off, hon. How are you feeling?”

“Better than I was this morning. That antibiotic works fast. How many more shots do I have to have?”

“Two more. One tomorrow and one Thursday.”

“Thank God it’s only three total. Those are brutal.”

“I know, but, like you said, that antibiotic works fast. How’s your pain level?”

“Not great, to be honest.”

“What hurts the most?”

“My leg.”

“That might be because you have been walking on it. Let me get your pills. I’ll give you as shot of the stronger medication at bedtime, unless you want it now. It will make you drowsy, though.”

“I’ll wait. I’ve been sleeping so much of the day, I want to be up for a few hours.”

After I took my pills, I said “I think I’m going to go sit on the porch for a bit. I’ve been inside way too much.”

“I’ll get the wheelchair.”

“I don’t need it, it’s just a few steps to the front door from this room. I have a crutch in here.”

“Adam Beckett is not going to be happy about the time you are spending on that foot.”

“It can’t be helped. I can’t take the wheelchair everywhere in here, it won’t fit.” I got up and went outside, with Doc following. Jessie ran down the steps and found something to sniff in the front yard. I sat down on the porch swing and Doc sat down beside me. “I love this swing, I haven’t sat on it nearly enough this summer and now it’s into September.”

“You should have a sweater on, hon.”

“I’m okay, Doc. It’s not cold.”

“It’s cool enough and you are sick. I will get you something.” He came back with our jackets from the closet.

“You are worse than a mother hen”, I said to him as I put mine on.

“Since you won’t take care of yourself, I have to be ‘worse than a mother hen’”, he replied as he sat down and wrapped an arm around me. I leaned my head on his chest.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Doc.”

“You were just yourself, hon. I fell for the entire package. None of us are perfect. And you are still here despite *my* past. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Doc, you got screwed and not in a good way. It wasn’t your fault.” I reached up and touched his cheek with the fingers of my good hand. He held my face in his hands and leaned down and kissed me. I thought the first lingering kiss back at his apartment was amazing, this one was ten times as good.

Kissing Doc stirred up feelings in me I had not had in a long time. I wanted him badly. Oh, how I wanted him! More than I had admitted to myself.

Doc pulled away.. “We need to talk about something, hon.”

“You give me a kiss like that, and then say you want to talk???”

“Haha, Meredith. Yes, we need to talk - about contraception. If we are going to go to the next level, then we need to discuss it.”

“You are right, Doc.”

“I know you aren’t on the Pill and you don’t have an IUD.”

“I can go on the Pill.”

“You are 35. I’d rather you get an IUD.”

“No, Doc, I will never have one again. It was horrid.”

“Make an appointment with Eric, hon. You can talk over options with him and decide. As for making love, tonight isn’t the right time. I want to wait until your leg heals, or at least until you are out of that air cast. It makes it difficult.”

“It will just make it all that much sweeter when we are ready, Doc.” I smiled at him.

“We should be going inside, hon. It’s getting cooler and I want to do some reading before bed.”

“While you’re reading, I’m going to play around on my laptop for a bit.”

“I’ll wheel you to the bedroom.” The wheelchair had been left outside the TV room door.

“Stop at the bathroom, please. I’ll do my nightly stuff first, that way I don’t have to get up again.”

I read my Facebook feed for a while with Doc lying beside me reading a medical journal. He had changed into his pajamas. It felt so comfortable and so right. Jessie squeezed herself in at the foot of the bed between our feet.

When I was ready to go to sleep, I closed the laptop and set it on the floor.

“Ready to go to sleep, hon?”

“Yes, Doc.”

“I’ll give you your pain shot. I also want to take your temperature.” Doc gave me my shot, then put the thermometer in my mouth. When it beeped, it said 37.3. “Good, it's coming down.”

“Doc”, I asked, “Why do you wear pajamas to bed?”

“I guess I never stopped when I grew up. I’ve always found them comfortable. Does it bother you that I wear them?”

“No, Doc. Wear whatever you want. I was just curious.”

He put everything away, then turned off the lamp and snuggled up to me from behind. At least this time we don‘t have to worry about someone walking in on us, I thought.

The next morning, my temp was down to 36.5. Doc felt I was on the mend. He gave me my antibiotic shot, and it hurt just as bad as the first one. At least I was feeling a lot better and Doc lay down with me and talked to me for a while to distract me from the pain.

I made an appointment to see Eric Elliott about contraception. They couldn’t get me in for a couple weeks. Doc offered to use his influence to move it up, but I said no. Since we were waiting until my leg healed anyway, it wasn’t a big deal.

He continued to stay at my place even after I’d had the third antibiotic shot and my temperature was back to normal. I tried to get him to go back to work, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Eric is doing fine on his own and I’m not hurting financially. I want to make sure you stay off that leg until Adam Beckett says you can walk on it.”

I saw Dr Beckett the next week. Of course, Doc had to tell him about me walking on my leg when I first went home. Consequently, he wanted to xray it to make sure there was no damage done. When Dr Beckett said it was fine, I gave Doc an “I told you so” look. I was given the okay to walk on it as long as it was just around my home and I used the crutch. He told me to come back in a couple weeks.

Before we went back to my place, I asked Doc to stop at a craft store so I could look at fall decorations. Not that I needed more, but I didn’t want to go home just yet. I think Doc knew I was stalling, and he suggested we have lunch in the city.

“Thank you, Doc”, I said after we’d given our order. “I wanted to stay out a bit longer as I’ve been home for so long.”

“I figured that, hon.” he reached over the table and squeezed my hand. “How do you plan to do your fall decorating with a bum leg and hand?”

“I plan to utilize you”, I teased him. “Especially for the stuff that goes on the roof.” The look on his face was priceless. “I’m teasing you, Doc. I don’t put any fall decorations on the roof.”

“What a relief!”

“That’s for Christmas.”

Over the next few days, Doc and Karen helped me get the place decorated. It looked really good when we were done. Julian had stopped taking my temperature in the mornings, but insisted on doing it before bed, but now he was taking it rectally. “I want to make sure that infection doesn’t come back, hon”, he explained when I asked why. “If it does, I can catch it early and you can get on oral medication faster.” I wasn’t sure whether to buy that explanation or not – I was beginning to think he was just looking for an excuse to look at my butt.

Since I was able to get around on my own, he decided to go back to work the next Monday, but he stayed nights at my place. To be honest, I was glad to have some alone time while he was at work. Much as I was enjoying his company, I did need my own space. And I needed to go out to the barn. I felt okay doing so as my cuts and surgical incisions had all healed up. Doc did not like the idea.

“Hon, I’m just looking out for your own good.”

“My own good is getting out to the barn and spending time with my horses.”

“Hon, I don’t think you should.”

“My cuts and incisions are healed over.”

“I know, but still…”

I took his hand in mine - we were sitting on the sofa while having this conversation - and said “Doc, I know where this is coming from and I understand.”

“Then you will stay away from there?”

“No, Doc. I get where you are coming from but you need to let me live my life. My horses are a big part of my life. Remember you told me not to treat you with kid gloves when I hadn’t wanted to tell you my wound was getting infected?” He nodded. “Please don’t treat me with kid gloves.”

He finally agreed to back off. I knew I had to be extra careful to not hurt myself again or he’d really freak out. Though I knew it was a matter of when it would happen, not if. When you have horses, getting injured can be a routine thing, even if it’s only a kick in the leg.

When I went for my appointment with Dr Elliott, Doc was torn. He wanted to go in with me but he didn’t want Eric to feel like he was being evaluated by his boss. He finally settled on staying out, after I told him I’d be okay without him in there.

Eric reviewed my chart and asked how I was feeling. I told him the cyst pain had been very minimal for a while now. “I see Dr Richards wanted to remove it but you said no.”

“That is correct.”

“Will you reconsider?”

“No. And that’s not the reason I’m here. I’m here to get the Pill.”

“I understand that, but I need to know your history.” He changed the subject. “You know this is a bit unconventional, right? Changing gynecologists so that you can have sex with your previous one.”

“It is more than sex”, I said. “In fact, we have not had sex yet. We are enjoying getting to know each other and building a relationship first.”

“Still, the ultimate goal is to have sex.”

“No, the ultimate goal is to be with someone I am falling in love with who just happens to be someone who happened to be my gynecologist. We did the proper thing and terminated the doctor/patient relationship long before any sexual activity. Now, can I please have the prescription?

“I need to give you an examination first.”

“I just had one not long ago.”

“Six months ago.”

“Yes and that is well within guidelines.”

“I see Dr Richards did a few within a year.” I just glared at him. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with that.”

“Dr Richards isn’t a dickhead.”

“I insist on doing one.”

I was so tempted to walk out on him, but then I‘d be screwed for birth control, so to speak. But if he had any ideas of making it miserable for me, he was in for a surprise. “Fine. Then I want Dr Richards in here with me, as he is my partner.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“It’s my right as a patient.”

He got up and got a gown out. “Get completely undressed and I will be back with Dr Richards.”

I was really pissed off but I told myself to calm down. Just don’t ever see him again without Doc in the room, I told myself.

When Doc came into the room, he could tell right away that something was upsetting me. “Are you okay, hon?” he asked.

“I’m fine, Doc.”

“You call your boyfriend ‘Doc’”, Eric said. I think he instantly regretted that from the look he got on his face.

“It’s her nickname for me”, Doc piped up.

“Let’s get started on the exam”, Eric said, probably wanting to get the spotlight off of himself.

He took my blood pressure, then auscultated my lungs and heart. Next, he had me lie down for a breast exam. Doc stood at my feet as there was no room for him anywhere else. Eric’s hands were cold and he wasn’t exactly gentle. It seemed he pressed harder than he needed to as he checked for lumps.

He was just as rough with the abdominal palpation. It was bearable but not fun. If I thought that was bad, I was in for a surprise. No gentle insertion of the speculum. It was right in my chart - I checked with Doc later - that a size small was to be used, but he used a medium and he shoved it in hard. Doc didn’t see it as Eric left the drape over my thigh and he (Doc) had moved up to my head. I couldn’t help but gasp, though. Julian asked if I was okay. I nodded.

When Eric withdrew the speculum, it hurt. Doc later told me that he probably closed the bills all the way and it pinched me. He said that's a rookie mistake and Eric should have known better. I'm positive he knew better, it was done deliberately.

The bimanual was next, and Eric was not gentle with that either. Nor the recto-vaginal. I drew the line when he said he wanted to do a rectal. Doc defended me, saying it wasn’t necessary at my age. Eric backed off.

He insisted Doc leave the room while I got dressed. Probably to prevent me from telling him how rough he’d been. I took some tissues and wiped myself. There was blood. Oh great, I thought, I’m starting my period. But it didn’t look like period blood. Fortunately, I always carry panty liners in my purse.

When they came back, Eric had a prescription for a progesterone only contraceptive pill. He’d given me enough for six months, one year is the norm. He said he needed to see me to make sure the cyst was doing okay. Doc said he’d make sure I went for follow ups, so Eric changed it to one year.

When we left the building, I told Doc I’d see Eric again “when they are playing ice hockey in Hell.”

“Why, hon? What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you at home, Doc.”

When we got home, I told him about what Eric had said and how rough he’d been with the exam, ending with how I’d found blood on the tissues when I cleaned myself afterward. I’d never seen him mad, not even that time I led him on a car chase through the back roads. He later told me he had been furious, but he never let me see it. Today, he was fit to be tied. He wanted to fire Eric on the spot. I got him to calm down and suggested he sleep on it before making any decisions.

Doc had a speculum in his bag and he insisted on looking at me, even though he was no longer my doctor. Fortunately, it was the appropriate size for me. He got me to lie down on the dining room table, which was very sturdy and he used chair backs as stirrups. He was very gentle as he inserted the speculum and opened it up. Right away, he was able to see the cause of the bleeding - a cut deep inside me by my cervix. He said it was probably from Eric shoving the steel instrument into me so hard. He insisted on taking pictures with his phone.

“I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with pictures taken of my lady bits”, I told him.

“Hon, it's just for evidence. If I decide to file a complaint about him with the College, I can include them as proof that he hurt you.”

“Well, okay”, I said.

Fortunately, the cut would heal on it’s own, he said. But it made him even madder and determined to fire Eric. I suggested that he wait until he found a replacement. I didn’t want him to have to shoulder the whole patient load by himself. The patient load had grown since Eric had joined the practice. Seemed a lot of people wanted to switch from Dr Watters.

That night, Doc held me extra close as we fell asleep. “Hon, I will make sure this never happens to you again, even if I have to take over your gyn care again.”

“You can’t do that, Doc.”

“I’ll get a lawyer and get special permission, hon. I highly doubt I would be able to get you to see another gynecologist again.”

“You got that right, Doc.”