Hello, Doc here again. I’ve been reading Meredith’s writings and wanted to let you know how I feel about the things that have happened since the last time I wrote.

At the end of my last writing, I said that I love Meredith but don’t know how to tell her. I did tell her she’s Ms Hottie. I had been so afraid she would reject me for what happened in Vancouver - that she would think I’m an incompetent doctor who killed his patient. I would not get involved with her until she knew, though. It would not be fair to keep that from her. I hadn’t intended on telling her that night. I’d thought the time I told her I relocated here because I couldn’t find a job would satisfy her curiosity. Evidently, it didn’t as she asked me about it again. I didn’t want to talk about it as I was so afraid of what her reaction would be. But something made me tell her anyway and I’m glad I did. She didn’t judge me, as I’d feared she would. She was very compassionate and insisted it wasn’t my fault.

So, when she wanted me to sleep in the bed with her that night, I couldn’t help but tell her she’s Ms Hottie. My heart was pounding, wondering how she would react. When she said she had thought she was, I was so relieved. The next morning, I was a little afraid I’d dreamt it, but I hadn’t. Meredith let me kiss her - not just a peck on the cheek or forehead, but a nice, long kiss. I was elated.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. First came the riding accident. I had been nervous about her riding, especially off her property and on a horse that she didn’t know. Horses are beautiful animals, but they are big and pack a lot of power. Meredith had told me she’d been injured before and had fallen off more than once, usually when a horse would rear up from being spooked. She had broken that leg before, though it was from getting kicked. Finding that out didn’t calm my nerves about her safety at all. At least she always wears a helmet and that is something she was doing before she met me.

So, when I got the call from Karen letting me know that Meredith had been thrown and was injured, all sorts of things went through my mind. I feared the worst, thank God it wasn’t. Broken bones and cuts will heal. Head injuries can be fatal. I was a wreck when they took her to surgery. I know it was only broken bones that needed to be pinned, but after what happened to my surgical patient in Vancouver, I was so afraid. At least she didn’t give anyone attitude in the hospital, aside from asking if she could go home right after the operation, and she agreed to come to my place to recover.

When she suggested we back off from our friendship after I asked her to stop riding, it felt like my heart stopped. Just the thought of not seeing her again was enough to send my mind into a tailspin. I was so glad that I was able to talk her out of that but it hit home that I needed to tell her how I feel about her. As far as she knew, I was just her doctor who had become her friend and stepping back from that would be no big deal for her. It would be a huge deal for me. But first I had to tell her about my past. Thank God she asked, because I don’t know if I would have had the stones to bring it up myself.

Things had been stable up until the accident. Pardon the pun. Meredith had been really good, though still sarcastic as ever. Then the accident happened. She was good for a few days, but she took off from my place when I was out shopping and running errands. When I got home and she wasn’t there, my heart sank. I thought she’d rejected me, even though she said my past wasn’t my fault and she wasn’t going anywhere. I know I sounded frantic when I called Karen. I was. At first, Karen wouldn’t tell me why Meredith had gone home, just that she needed some space but that it wasn’t because of me. I couldn’t help but think it was something to do with me, despite her reassurances.

Then she called and said Meredith was sick and that one of her wounds was likely infected. Meredith had not wanted her to tell me, but she was getting sicker despite having antibiotics from the walk in clinic, and Karen decided to call. I got Eric to write a script for a strong injectable antibiotic and headed out there. Darn half hour drive gave me a lot of time to think and stew. I was pissed off at her for hiding it, but my worry took over and I couldn’t discipline her - yet. She will get a spanking for that, trust me. I will wait until she’s recovered from her injuries.

She hasn’t told you but she asked me to do it after she had recovered from the infection. She wanted to get it over and done with. I said no, it will happen when her leg has healed. After what she’s put me through over the past months, she can worry about it and wonder when it will happen.

But I won’t spank her until she is over what Eric did to her. I am livid over that. Not only the snarky comments he made to her, but even more for being so rough with her during the exam and cutting her with the speculum. No doctor should ever take it out on a patient, even when the patient is being belligerent or rude. He will pay for this. I do have to snicker at Meredith indirectly calling him a “dickhead”. That is so her.

I still have to find a way to tell her I love her and what she means to me. ::sigh::

So, now you have my thoughts on recent events. If you are interested, I will post regular updates.