I fell asleep with Doc’s arm around me. Sometime in the night, I needed to pee but I didn’t want to wake him up to take me to the bathroom in the wheelchair. It’s not like it was a long walk to get there. I got up and hobbled there on my own. When I got back to bed, he wrapped his arm around me and whispered in my ear “I should spank you for that.”

“For what?”

“For walking on that leg.”

“I had to pee.”

“You should have asked me to take you.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I’m awake now.”

“Damn, you wake up easily. I could sleep through an earthquake.”

“It’s from residency. I had to be able to wake up fast. Now, let’s get back to sleep, hon.” He gave me a playful slap on the butt. “There may be more of that coming later.”

“Promises, promises.”

When I woke up later, Doc was propping himself up with his arm and looking at me. I turned my head back toward him and said “Good morning. Enjoying the view?”

“Absolutely.”

I turned over to face him. He kissed me. “I could lay here forever.”

“Me, too”, he replied. After a moment, he asked “Where do we go from here, hon?”

“What do you mean, Doc?”

“How do you feel about me telling you that you are ‘Ms Hottie’?”

“I’ve been waiting a while for you to tell me that, Doc.”

“How long have you known?”

“I started wondering the first time I was at your place when I was asking you about her and your description of her fit me.

"Then, that day when you chased me all through the back roads, when we were going back to my place in your car and we were talking, you said I was obstinate, headstrong and a couple other things. I remembered you had called Ms Hottie the very same things when we were talking about her at your kitchen table.

“There was another time when you said that I make you laugh, and I remembered you saying that Ms Hottie makes you laugh. Over time, things happened, like that note you wrote to me when you gave me the card and stuffed horse, and I kept wondering about it. I just got the feeling that I was her.”

“Why didn’t you say something, hon?”

“A couple reasons. One, I would be so embarrassed if I was wrong. And two, I wanted you to tell me when you were ready to. I had a feeling that something big was stopping you from telling me.”

“It was. I was so afraid you would tell me where to get off if I told you about what happened to my patient, like you did to Chad Watters.”

“No, Doc, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“You tried to back off on our friendship the other day.”

“That was different, Doc. I was thinking that I’m too much worry and frustration for you.”

“You are worth every ounce of worry and frustration, hon. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone.”

“Kiss me, Doc.” He did - a long, lingering kiss. “Doc, where did you learn to kiss like that?”

“I guess I’m just talented. By the way, Meredith - you can call me Julian.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, of course not. Call me whatever you want.”

“I just like ‘Doc’. It’s my pet name for you.”

“Then keep calling me ‘Doc’.”

“I will.”

“We need to get up, hon. I have some errands to run this afternoon, if you will be okay on your own.”

“I’ll be fine, Doc.”

“Hon, how is your cyst?”

“It’s fine. Minimal pain.”

“Number?”

“Less than 1.”

“That’s excellent. You let me know if you get any more pain.”

“I will, Doc.”

“I wish you’d let me take it out.”

I sighed. “Doc, we’ve been over this before. Besides, if we are getting in a relationship, you can’t. I have to start seeing another ob/gyn.”

“You are right. I’ll see if Eric Elliott will take you on as a patient. I can’t imagine him saying no.”

“Is he competent to take the cyst out when I decide to have it done?”

“Meredith, of course he is! I wouldn't have hired him if I thought he wasn't.” Somehow, I was not reassured.

We got up and got dressed, then went out to the kitchen for breakfast. Something didn’t feel right in my body, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I decided to not tell Doc, since it was so vague that I didn’t even know what it was.

After breakfast, I had a shower, then read a horse magazine that Karen had brought me the day before. Doc did some cleaning and vacuuming but he would not allow me to help. As the morning wore on, I started to feel worse. When he was in the shower, I peeked under my bandages and the wound on my knee was oozing something with a greenish tinge to it. Crap, I’m getting an infection. This will freak Doc out, given what he went through with his patient in Vancouver, even though this was not the surgical site, it was the cut I got when I hit the ground. He had changed my dressings the day before and I expected he would want to change them again today. I went into his spare bedroom, where he kept his supplies and found the bandaging. I hurriedly changed all my dressings.

I strongly suspected my wound was infected and I knew it would not go away without antibiotics. How to get them without Doc finding out? I didn’t want to keep secrets from him, that’s no way to start a relationship let alone maintain one, but given his past and what I’d already put him through, I couldn’t stand the thought of what this infection would do to him.

I tried to act normal during lunch, and afterward told Doc I was tired and needed to lay down. He said he’d do his errands while I was sleeping. Perfect. As soon as he left, I got up and called a cab. I wrote him a note:

Doc,

I’ve gone home by cab. I need some alone time. This has *nothing* to do with our relationship, I want to be with you but just need to sort some things out. Please respect my need for a bit of time alone. I will call you later or tomorrow.

Meredith xxoo

I rationalized that I really did need alone time - to heal - so it wasn’t a lie.

I took one of the crutches I had been given at the hospital - I could only use one anyway and had the cab take me to the bank, then to a walk in clinic. I paid cash and gave a fake name – that way, if Doc called the clinic, they say I had not been there. When they asked what happened, I told them that I fell. They asked more questions, wanting to know where I got it stitched up, when I broke my leg and wrist etc. I told them I was from the US on vacation and had broken the bones at home a few weeks ago. I said that the cuts happened a couple days ago in a different city, that I was just passing through here but wasn’t feeling well and suspected an infection, so I sought out a clinic. I had given them the address of a friend in the US. They gave me a script for antibiotics and I was on my way.

When I got home, Karen wasn’t there, neither was Chey. Jessie was ecstatic to see me. I let her out into the yard, then texted Karen that I was home, needed some alone time and was heading to bed for a bit. She texted back that she would be over to do afternoon chores later and would see me then. I took a dose of the antibiotic I’d been prescribed and fell asleep in the downstairs bedroom after letting Jessie back in.

A few hours later, I woke up when Karen let herself in the back door and Jessie bounded off the bed to greet her. “What’s going on, Mer?” she asked. “Doc called me, he’s frantic.”

“There’s no reason for him to be frantic.”

“He got home from shopping and found your note. He didn’t say what preceded it, but he is convinced you wanted to get away from him for some reason.”

I sighed. “Let me pee and I’ll update you.” I was feeling worse, but did not want Karen to find out about the infection unless I decided to tell her. I was afraid she’d tell Doc and I didn’t want that. While I was in the bathroom, she put a pot of coffee on. She always makes herself at home, I do the same at her place.

We sat down at the kitchen table and I told her about what had transpired at Doc’s place. I told her about what happened in his past and how he had feelings for me but was scared to tell me.

“That’s why you needed time alone?”

“I have my own fears about getting seriously involved with him - or anyone.”

“Such as?”

“What happened with Chris.” Karen knew all about that.

“Then talk to him. He told you about his issue, tell him about yours.”

“I need to figure out how to tell him.”

“What’s to figure out? Just tell him.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. Now, what else is going on? I don’t buy that you came home over this.”

Karen knows me all too well. “You have to promise to not tell Doc.”

“I won’t tell him, don’t worry.”

I told her about the infection and about getting antibiotics from the walk in clinic. “I can’t let Doc know about this, he’ll freak out after what he’s been through.”

“Maybe so, but you should tell him anyway. It’s part of being in a relationship.”

“I don’t know if we are in a relationship.”

“Of course you are. People who aren’t in relationships don’t usually sleep in the same bed in each other’s arms.” Karen could be as sarcastic as me at times.

“I don’t know, Karen. I just can’t bear to put him through that.”

“Look at it this way, Mer. If the situation was reversed, would you want him to tell you?”

“Of course. But this is different.”

“How?”

“I’m tired, Karen. I think I’ll go back to bed. Thanks for taking care of the animals.” She knew darn well I was avoiding the question, but she kept quiet about it.

“No worries, do you want me to take Jessie? Chey knows you‘re home so she won‘t be walking through the door.”

“Jessie is fine here, it’s not a big deal for me to let her out and feed her. I’m not super sick like I was with the pneumonia. Tell Chey thanks for watching over the place.”

“Think about what I said, Mer.”

“I will, Karen.”

The next morning, my wound looked a bit worse. Well, they do say it takes a couple days for antibiotics to start working, I thought. I had picked up some bandaging supplies while waiting for my prescription to be filled, so I changed all my dressings after my shower. Karen came in while the horses were eating their grain. She would put them outside after they were done and then she’d muck the stalls out. For once, I was not about to try helping when I wasn’t supposed to. I had no desire to get manure in any of my cuts. I knew that would be bad news if I did.

“Mer, you look awful.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine once the meds kick in.”

“I want to see your wound - the one that’s infected.”

“You don’t need to see it.”

“Yes, I do.” I pulled the bandaging back and let her look. “Mer, this doesn’t look good.”

“It will be fine.”

“Please call Doc. Or go to the hospital.”

“I’m not going to the hospital.”

“Then call Doc.”

I sighed. “I’ll give it until tomorrow, then I will see.”

“Damn, girl, you are stubborn.”

“Gee, where have I heard that before?”

That afternoon, I watched some of my soap, which my PVR taped every day. Later, I thought I had better call Doc, since I’d said in my note that I’d call him today or yesterday. He had given me my space and not called, though he’d texted me that he hoped I was okay.

He was happy to hear from me, but so worried that I was pulling away from him. And he was worried about how I was getting on without him hovering over me. I told him I was getting on okay and not to worry about me. I don’t think he really bought it but he didn’t push.

I hung up the phone and sat in silence for a while. I missed Doc terribly and almost picked up the phone to call him and ask him to come out. Then I remembered why I didn’t want him to know about my leg and got up and went to bed for a while.

The next morning, Karen came in, as usual, while the horses were having their grain. She insisted on seeing the wound again. “Mer, it looks worse.”

“I think I feel a bit better, Karen.”

“Bullshit, Mer. You don’t look good.” Karen is like me, she doesn't beat around the bush.

Just then, my stomach decided it didn’t want coffee in it. I headed for the bathroom as fast as I could on one good and one bad leg. Dr Beckett would kill me if he saw me now I thought. Heck, DOC would kill me if he saw me now. When I was done, Karen said “Come on, call Doc - or let me call him.”

“It’s not even 48 hours since I went on antibiotics, I’ll give it until tomorrow.”

I lay down to sleep again. Later on, I awoke to the sound of someone coming in the back door. “I’m in here, Karen”, I called out. Weird, I thought, the footsteps seem a bit heavy for Karen.

“So, when were you planning on telling me?” I just about jumped 10 feet out of my bed at hearing Doc’s voice in my doorway.

“Doc, what are you doing here?” I asked.

“Taking care of you. Karen called and told me what is going on.”

“Got a defibrillator with you? You just about gave me a heart attack.” I noticed he had a couple bags in his hand, including his medical bag.

“Haha, Meredith. Alone time, my ass. You are sick.”

“Well, I needed alone time to get better.”

“What am I going to do with you, Meredith?” He sat down on the bed.

“Doc, I didn’t want to worry you. Especially after you just telling me the day before about what happened in Vancouver.”

“Hon, don’t treat me with kid gloves over it. Be honest with me, tell me when you aren’t feeling well.”

“Tell me you wouldn’t be freaking out, Doc.”

“I never ‘freak out’, Meredith. But yes, I would worry as you would worry if it were me. At least I think you would.”

“Of course I would, Doc.”

“Then don’t try and shield me, hon. Now, I want to see your wound, but I‘m going to go wash my hands first.” He headed for my bathroom. When he got back, he sat down on the bed again and pulled the blankets back. He put gloves on and took the bandaging off the cut on my knee. After looking at it, he said “Where is the medication they gave you?”

“In the nightstand.”

He took the pill bottle out of the drawer and read the label. Then he opened it and shook the pills into his hand, counting them as he put them back in the bottle. “Looks like you’ve been taking them as directed.”

“Of course I have.” Doc rolled his eyes. He leaned forward and put his hand across my forehead. “Feels like you have a fever, I better take your temperature.” He leaned over and opened his medical bag, which he had set on the floor. He took a thermometer out and told me to open my mouth.

“You're taking it orally?”

“Yes. You've gotten to enjoy rectal a little too much. I'm not rewarding you for being bad. Now, open up.” After he'd slid the thermometer, under my tongue, he said “You went to that walk in clinic, didn’t you?” I nodded yes. “And gave a fake name, I see.” I nodded again. “Why?”

The thermometer beeped and he took it out of my mouth and looked at the reading. “I wanted anonymity.”

“Hon, that clinic is no good. People have been trying to get it shut down for a long time. They hire incompetent doctors who rush people through to increase their profits. Many of them have had problems at previous places of employment and have been fired or forced to quit. The antibiotic they gave you is not appropriate for this type of infection and they should have known that. And before you say it, this is different than what happened to me.”

I put my hand over his, which was resting on my hip. “Doc, I wasn’t even thinking that. I know it’s not the same, though I didn’t know that they aren’t competent. Is that why I‘ve been getting worse?”

“Yes, sweetie. If you’d told me you weren’t feeling well, this could have been avoided. Your temp is 38.1, not good, hon – even worse when your normal is 36.”

“So what happens now?”

“I knew there’s no way I’d be able to get you to go to the ER unless you were comatose, so I got Eric to write a prescription. You have been officially transferred over to him.”

“You don’t want me as a patient anymore?”

“I can’t have you as a patient, hon. Not if we are in a relationship or pursuing one.”

“Are we, Doc?”

“I hope so. Do you want that, Meredith?”

“Yes, Doc, I do want that.”

“You might not say that after you have your shot”, Doc said with a wink.

“What do you mean?”

“I have an injectable antibiotic for you. It’s going to hurt, but it’s stronger than pills and will work faster.”

“Doc, I was thrown from my horse and broke my leg and my wrist. You really think a shot is going to bother me?”

“It’s not the needle, hon. It’s the medication that hurts and it hurts a lot”, he said as he took his gloves off and disposed of them. “I’m going to need you on your tummy for this. The shot goes in your butt.”

“Doc, I can’t go on my tummy. I think it would hurt my leg too much to lay like that.”

“The other option is for you to stand up and bend over the bed. I don’t want you standing on that leg.”

“I’ve been walking on it for a couple days, Doc.”

“And you aren’t supposed to, my dear. Let me get a pillow, you can rest your leg on that and see if it helps.” He picked up a pillow I wasn’t using. I rolled over and he put it under my leg. “How’s that?”

“Tolerable.”

“I’ll be quick with this.” He got everything ready and put fresh gloves on. I felt the cold swab on my cheek. “Needle going in now, hon.”

“That’s hardly painful”, I said after the needle was in. “What were you sayi.…..OUCH!!!!” Holy crap, that hurt.

“I warned you.”

“That you did, Doc. That you did.” He withdrew the needle and put pressure on where it had been. “It might hurt for awhile.”

“Define ‘awhile’.”

“Half an hour or so.”

“Divert my attention, Doc.”

“I'm going to give you some Tylenol to help bring that fever down. I'll be right back with some water.”

He lay down behind me and snuggled up against my bare bottom without pulling my nightshirt down. Putting his arm around me, he said to me “When you are better, I’m going to spank you for doing what you did.”

“I expect that you will, Doc.”