My wife, @Ms_Lila, not only does not mince her words, she keeps them.
It’s complicated. And what I will write here is my way of keeping it straight and trying to get it clear in my mind.
I love her and her spirit and when we began exploring new ways to satisfy each other sexually and all that goes with it, we made a vow that we would always keep the lines of communication open between us. She takes no prisoners and she never wears gloves, and there is no doubt about where you stand with her. We set out to explore the sex life out there beyond our marriage with our eyes wide open, but really without a clue. Luckily we had friends with similar feelings and the timing was right for us all and we all clicked and it has been one of the best decisions we ever made. But now the couple closest to us, physically, geographically, and emotionally, are gone, and you know them as @Lora_C and Tom.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, but Beth Anne with some inkling of what was happening, Lora was involved in an affair with someone she held dear, @Cedar, and she had joined him here on this site. Beth Anne spied on her friend and figured out who this Cedar was and sat at the computer reading about her friend and this man Lora was having an affair with. Beth Anne didn’t say much or tell me what she had discovered but I knew that something was going on, just not what it was.
Lora and her husband were having problems in their relationship and Beth Anne, I could tell, had something she was dying to tell me but not sure what to think. I worked with Tom and knew that the relationship was strained and of course Beth Anne and I talked about this and didn’t want our own marriage to go down that road. I always liked Lora and Tom and hoped they would work it out. In the meantime, Beth Anne seemed like she was getting ready to pop and then, she seemed to have a change of attitude and, in hindsight, took on a wait and see approach.
Time went on and I noticed that Tom started to seem happier and when I saw Lora she also seemed happier. I mentioned this to Beth Anne and it was like I had confirmed her suspicion that the world was round! Beth Anne confused the hell out of me and she seemed to think I should know what was going on. Oh, no, I did not but my father began to have some serious health issues and my brothers were not a lot of help in getting things in order. So I was out of the loop and going in two different directions. I was away from home a lot and Beth Anne and I invented our own version of phone sex. It was us making the best of a bad situation but at the same time it was giving us ideas as to how to improve our own sex life and we were more open to different ideas.
It’s right around this time we got into anal sex and enemas were those necessary things to make it happen for us. She would do them without me being able to see her, then she did them in front of me, those Fleets enemas, and I was surprised that the sight of her giving herself one of those enemas was pretty arousing. It was obvious to her that I was liking what I was seeing.
Little did I know then, that Beth Anne’s spying on Lora involved her reading about Lora’s and Cedar’s use of enemas as a gateway to their having an affair. Beth Anne would tell me later that she thought they were out of their minds about enemas being erotic or sensual. But there those two were laying it out there about how “bonding” they were and Beth Anne not believing something like that was possible. Beth Anne told me that this was the inspiration of her naming this thread, “Enemas? Really?”
And yet, Beth Anne told me, she saw the effects of her having one of those Fleets enemas before we had anal sex so maybe there was something to it. She said, way later, that the more she read about Lora and Cedar, the more she could see it. But still, Beth Anne kept thinking, “Enemas? Really?”
Sometime around then, Beth Anne signed up here instead of staying on the outside looking in. She did it so she could spy even more on Lora and maybe learn a little more. All the while Lora’s disposition and marriage to Tom seemed to be improving and Beth Anne made comments about this to Lora. Beth Anne tested the waters with Lora and asked her advice on the best way to deal with her constipation. This made Lora suspicious and Lora told Beth Anne that some things were happening that made her suspicious.
Beth Anne thought Lora was suspecting her so she let the subject go. Then Lora mentioned that things were making her nervous and started taking Beth Anne into her confidence about the problems she and Tom had been having and Beth Anne asked her if she was having an affair. Beth Anne said that Lora confronted her right then and said that she knew that she was the “flower shop chick” but that she was worried that her daughter, DD, was getting suspicious, too, and asked Beth Anne if word was getting out somehow in the downtown shops and who would be spreading the rumors.
Somewhere during or just before this time, Lora made a trip to meet up with Gibby and turned an online relationship into the real thing. I am not sure of the timing but, things warmed up between Lora and Beth Anne and cooled off between Beth Anne and Sarah. I didn’t really have a clue what was going on, but I did know that Beth Anne was itching to expand our horizons with each other. We kept up the phone sex and when I was home Beth Anne started wanting me to give her the enemas and I thought she was really creative with them and they definitely had something going for them and the whole process. Beth Anne began to say things to the effect that she liked the fact I gave her an enema before anal sex and that they made her feel sexy. I’m thinking, “Enemas? Really?”
I had been used to Beth Anne having a sexual relationship with Sarah, who was always a little on the “Butch” side and gave me the feeling she resented my having introduced Beth Anne to the wonderful world of boy/girl sex. So, when even I began to notice some sparks between Beth Anne and Lora, I knew that something was going on, but I had no idea how and when it started.
Things progressed from there and Beth Anne and Lora became very intimate with each other and I knew that enemas were involved. I also saw a big difference in her marriage with Tom and things had changed for the better. The stage was set for Beth Anne and me to try to make the best of my being away from home. There was something beautiful going on between those two and more to the story than I knew, but what I did know was that it had Beth Anne wanting more with me.
Also at about this time the topic of our “little circle” started to form and take shape.
Beth Anne and I both had the foresight in knowing that opening our marriage, in a very limited way, was something we needed to make sure we always had the communication lines solid and unfiltered. It wasn’t as simple as we thought it would be and there were health considerations we needed to keep in mind, STD’s in particular, and being mindful that if one of us had sex with someone, we all had sex with that same person, in a manner of speaking. It was complicated and if we kept to “our little circle” then we would be safer.
If any of us contemplated having sex with anyone outside of the circle, we all had to know about it and be able to trust that “outsider” was safe to have in our merry little band. At the outset when Beth Anne and I, Lora and Tom, and @gibby and Pete, and even Ruthie and Dave for a little while, were pretty much all who were involved. It was Lora
She and I grew up, more or less, with each other and she always walked a different path than most of us did at that time. She’s brilliant in so many ways and is definitely the brains of the family. I’ve always been fascinated by her and is wise beyond her years. She is the youngest of her family and because of her intelligence, she not only was advanced scholastically, she had to learn to function beyond her age level and was more mature than any of the girls she grew up with. In fact, she was doing seventh grade level work when she was in the second grade. Smart beyond her years and still emotionally within her own age.
I always liked her and when Beth Anne formed a friendship with a girl named Sarah, the other kids in her class, the advanced class and her, our, own age group knew that there was something different but we didn’t quite know what it was. I did not know what it was but it played a part in what Beth Anne and I became involved with.
Then things happened and our little circle solidified and it was good. We went on a vacation to a nude resort together, had naked dinners, breakfasts, threesomes, foursomes, and there wasn’t anything off limits between the three of us couples. The only “variable” was a guy named Cedar that Lora had as her intimate friend and she made it perfectly clear to all of us that he was not an “option” but a “fact.” But, from somewhere, he knew the “rules” and was someone “safe” and he was Lora’s. However, Gibby made him part of her own circle and I’m told that this wasn’t part of Lora’s plan but then again, Gibby didn’t bother consulting with her. I think Gibby more or less made peace with Lora about it under the philosophy, “It happened, is going to happen, so deal with it.”
Time went on and my having to go in two different directions at the same time were catching up with me. But our little circle was happening and we were enjoying the good life and that there were no rules other than to keep it to ourselves and if someone else got involved there would be testing of us all once the “outsider” connected. That is where Charlotte came into the picture and our own business relationship turned into a mutual respect, which turned into a friendship. The attraction was there between us and growing stronger, and Beth Anne knew her and her husband, and so when it was becoming stronger about Charlotte, Beth Anne and I had “the talk.”
This was also the time when Lora had her first stroke or maybe a little earlier, and Beth Anne was given Lora’s blessing that if Beth Anne felt inclined towards this Cedar, that she would accept it. So both Beth Anne and I were about to open our marriage a little more, but it didn’t depend on whether we both took on another partner irrespective of whether we both acted on it. The option was there but with one big proviso; and that proviso was that we both had to agree on having one more partner, but it only took one of us to say “no” and that would put an end to that. If one of us ended our relationship with our partner and wanted to close our marriage again, then it would be closed.
Beth Anne and I agreed that it takes both of us to agree to open up our marriage to one more partner outside of our “little circle” but only one of us to want to close it or make it exclusive to just us. There is the option of either of us consenting to the other having an extra marital partner while one of us did not have someone outside of our marriage. But we had to agree to that. But tantamount to our agreement is that it only takes one of us to close our marriage back to just us and the “forsaking all others” vow would be in full force and effect. All this had to conform to the “rules” that governed our little circle.
And this is what all of the above has lead up to this point. I did not fully understand, and in my defense I would guess that Gibby’s husband, Pete, and I can say with certainty, Lora’s husband Tom, did not fully appreciate the “lint picking” or “handholding” clause of the “rules.”
I broke the rule of “no handholding” with Charlotte.
This infuriated Beth Anne, and after spending the better part of this week and tonight, talking this through, we have come to terms with my mistake. I understand, now, why Beth Anne reacted so strongly to this “simple” act of having held Charlotte’s hand on a few occasions.
Beth Anne exercised her right to make our marriage exclusive once more either until we reaffirmed our commitment to each other to the exclusion of all others or if we were satisfied that we are still first and foremost holding to each other. I had it “easy” in that Charlotte is 3,000 miles away from me and thus not “so close and yet so far away.”
True to her word and vows, Beth Anne closed our marriage to all others until and if she and I worked it out between us in no uncertain terms. Our talks were intense and frank and I came to understand that she feared that my holding hands with Charlotte meant that I was moving away from hers and my marriage and falling out of love. I did not understand this at all and told her so, and here I am laying it out here for everyone else to see, especially Beth Anne.
She told me that she, as a woman, was more capable of having sexual relations with another man and still be “bat shit crazy in love” with me. That she has never held hands with any of the other men she has had sex with up to and including Cedar. She reminded me of the one rule that did ring a bell with me when we had our “little circle” in that whenever we were spending the night with either me and Lora or her and Tom, that none of us slept in the marital bed. Believe it or not, and Beth Anne believes me, I did get that and thought that was THE one rule.
But Beth Anne tells me, and I have since read here, that handholding is a public display of affection between two people that belong to each other in the “ultimate way”. And that the “ultimate way” was the day to day connection over time and distance and not just Charlotte sucking my cock or spreading her legs for me. That’s something done in private and away from the world, but to her, Beth Anne, she’s the only one allowed to hold my hand and walk around in public with. She’s the only one who can straighten my collar and make me right for the world because that is her privilege and right. She made it clear that Charlotte straightening out my cock in her mouth was permissible because it was what sex was about, but not what marriage is truly about.
I honestly had a problem with understanding this completely but we talked and discussed this at length. There was a point when words just weren’t doing it for us and I got pretty frustrated with it and couldn’t understand why she was so livid about hand holding and not being satisfied with my saying I would not do it again.
She came home a night ago and we were so damn tired of talking and I didn’t have any more words or way to say it. We were both frustrated and the minute she walked through the door we fucked each other like the tired as fuck animals we were and how it just devolved into nothing but two people fucking each other. For me it was me fucking my frustration out on Beth Anne and trying to make her see that I have never fucked anyone else, not Lora, not Gibby, not Charlotte like I was fucking her right then. It was like a boxing match only I was using my cock and she was using her pussy and we meant every thrust and bite and slap and we literally were trying to fuck some sense into each other.
And then, suddenly, this beautiful woman and I weren’t fucking each other anymore and I saw that she got it that I love her. I have always loved her and always will. And just like that we were making love with each other.
We did fuck some sense into each other and since then we have fucked each other until we made love. But not like that night when I didn’t have any more words I could say that would make her understand.
But I understand. It is crystal clear to me what she meant and she knows I understand the significance of holding hands. I will not be holding Charlotte’s hands anymore and if she tries to straighten my collar or pick lint off of my shoulder, it isn’t going to happen.
I will not hold anyone else’s hand. Ever.
Beth Anne has left me with the option to continue with sexual relations with Charlotte. And Beth Anne and I both will continue with our open relationship with Gibby and her husband, Pete, if they both want to. And of course if this pandemic ever goes away.
For my part, I am going to continue with Charlotte. She is a fine person and a classy lady and her husband knows fully what we do. I am going to tell her that I have learned the significance of holding hands and what it means to a married couple, and explain to her that I am not going to hold hands out of respect to her husband or my wife. Charlotte is the caliber of woman that will understand where I’m coming from, or more probably, where Beth Anne is coming from.
Another thing I have learned, and I am talking about my being here, is that writing it down does make a difference. It is something that can be read again and again and even studied. I got that bit of insight reading what @Lora_C wrote and even though she is gone, I can still see and read what was important to her.
Tomorrow, or today, around noon, I will file my flight plan and fly up to the project site. Charlotte will be there and it will be good to see her but I will be a lot more certain what we have and cannot have. And that is the way it should be for me and Charlotte and especially Beth Anne.
Beth Anne’s asleep right now and she hasn’t said whether or not she will be continuing with her keeping it open option. I asked but she said she needed to process all of this.