Are there NO dykes in here?

A good way to take away the offensive properties of a word is to co-opt the word itself and wear it like a badge of pride. At first it probably starts as a small, self-depreciating joke, but when the novelty or shock value of the joke wears off you can 'own' the term and use it on your own terms ...

Or not...

The word "nigger" has been co-opted by Blacks (at least in the US), such that many of them believe they can use it freely, but non-Blacks aren't "allowed" to use it at all. The [news reports of] law suits for legitimate use of the word in classroom situations are ridiculous!

It seems like a lot of oppressed minority groups when hatefully called a derogatory name, including dyke, fag, slut, freak, pervert, or nigger, adopt the name for themselves, but usually only when addressing each other or in self-deprecating humor. Richard Prior in the 70s was calling himself a nigger, and getting wild laughter, in his stand up comedy. Group members using their derogatory name(s) to address each other, can be funny, and it certainly builds solidarity and community in the group by instantly calling to mind the oppression all group members have in common. It seems like a natural thing to do.

Someone not a member of a particular oppressed minority group should be very careful using a derogatory name for the group collectively or a group member individually. It all depends on the perceived intent of the person using the name. For example, If somebody calls me a pervert on this site, I consider it a complement. However, I did not take it that way two weeks ago on my beach vacation when a dumb redneck repeatedly called me a disgusting pervert, (just because I was wearing a skimpy bikini on the beach that only covered half my butt.)

After my divorce, I returned to school and gave up waiting tables at Red Lobster, yes that is a brutal job. I then worked at a Mom and Pop restaurant that served only beer, had a limited menu but a good following of regulars who were some great people.

Ever Friday afternoon this woman would come in, always the same seat and order a pitcher of beer. She was a bit heavyset, wore her hair very short and dressed and acted very much like a man. She would have nothing to do with men but somehow other women were much attracted to her and yes she even hit on me but not hardly my speed so I just served her beer and was nice to her.

The men in the bar had a name for her. Bull Dyke.

I don't know if it is naivete, your age, inexperience or what, but the WORLD knows another name for lesbians, often used in a derogatory manner is dyke.

There is a large contingent of lesbians who are trying to "take back" the term dyke and make it respectable, in the same manner as some women are trying to make CUNT an acceptable word for vagina.

Calm down. I am probably clueless or naïve to that portion of the LGBT community. I was just lightly teasing you all and the arguement for the use of the word 'dyke'. I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. Forgive me, it was not my intention.

It just seems that the term isn't really all that accepted in the community. Thus I stick to the word 'lesbian'. I had no idea lesbians refered to themselves as dykes, I've just never heard. Thank you for informing me.

Calm down. I am probably clueless or naïve to that portion of the LGBT community. I was just lightly teasing you all and the arguement for the use of the word 'dyke'. I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else. Forgive me, it was not my intention.

It just seems that the term isn't really all that accepted in the community. Thus I stick to the word 'lesbian'. I had no idea lesbians refered to themselves as dykes, I've just never heard. Thank you for informing me.

If I'm in the gayborhood, we're dykes and fags. Step out of the neighborhood, call us lesbians, and gays.

I hate the double standard we brought upon ourselves.

I'm not 'gold star', as I briefly flirted with the idea of boyfriends at college when all the straight girls were exploring their lesbian side, but I'm 100% lesbian now and happy to talk about our angle on med-fet and other things. There's nothing wrong with the word 'dyke' by the way. It can be used in a derogatory way or a descriptive manner for a certain type of butch and I don't think the fact that some people misuse it should rob the rest of us of one of the relatively small number of words we have to call our own.

Well I am 98% Lesbian but I am more of a lipstick than a dyke.

Faith

Well I am 98% Lesbian but I am more of a lipstick than a dyke.

Faith

I'm 98% straight and 2% lesbian--and I don't think those proportions matter when discussing the topic. If we play with women, we play with women.

In prior conversation I have had with the original poster, she was interested in taking back the word "DYKE" in the same manner as many women want to take back the word "CUNT", removing the derogatory impression the words give.

Thank you for pointing that out. I read the thread...so okay...I'm Lesbian...and I'm am referred to as a Lipstick not a dyke.

Just making a point that even tho the movement is on to change things..some things remain the same.

I am also Bi. Leaning more towards lipstick. There is really nothing better than the feel and smell of a woman

I just stumbled on this thread and it's a laugh!!! I'm really new to Zity, but my friend Anna and I have been friends since we were kids and asshole buddies for quite a while. We love each other dearly, get VERY intimate together, swap orgasms every chance we get, though we're both much more inclined toward anal play than pussy play.

We both have guys with whom we enjoy sex, both pussy and oral and we thoroughly enjoy it all, but anal play is strictly for us and each other. Our guy don't know about this.

So where does this leave us? We're not lesbian and our girl/girl play is strictly between us.

I really do not know what the definition of me would be. I am far from being a dyke nor do I consider myself to be a lesbian at least in the terms to which it is defined.

I am married to a wonderful man, no children between us but his daughter of a previous marriage is my daughter, I am also a grandmother who spoils my little granddaughter rotten and I love doing so. Yes we are the people who live next door to you, you pay no attention to us because we are quiet, mind our own business and I bring you tomatoes ever summer.

I also have a very special friend to whom I see and need, someone to spend time with, go shopping, travel together, have supper together, make each other laugh. And yes her and I sleep together.

Lucyyub wrote:

We both have guys with whom we enjoy sex, both pussy and oral and we thoroughly enjoy it all, but anal play is strictly for us and each other. Our guy don't know about this.

So where does this leave us? We're not lesbian and our girl/girl play is strictly between us.

Lucyyub, you enjoy sex with both sexes like numerous other female Zity members I can think off. That makes you and your girlfriend bisexual I'd say, (someone who has sex with both sexes.) I think you meet the definition even if you both predominantly have sex with your boyfriends.

With all my gay sex fantasies, my gay experiences in my teens, and my pronounced anal-eroticism, I could easily become bisexual now. Still, I'm more physically attracted to women than men.

I don't know that you and your girlfriend need to worry too much about your boyfriends finding out that you two enjoy sex with each other. My nephew's wife and my nephew's best friend's wife have sex with each other and both the guys know. The two couples are very good friends with each other, and they spend a lot of time together. The wives' sexual relationship apparently causes no problems. They've been married for a while and still hang out together.

When I was your age, (early 20s), if one of my girlfriends had told me that she was also having sex with a girlfriend of hers, or if I had accidentally walked in on my girlfriend and her female lover having sex, I think it would have been a huge turn on for me. I wouldn't have been jealous or gotten mad. I'd probably have asked if I could watch or even join in. It would only become a problem for me if my girlfriend started having a lot more sex with her girlfriend that with me, and I started to think she much preferred sex with women to sex with men.

I define myself as a woman who is only physically attracted to other women but i hate labels and that there seems to be a need to have a label.. the only thing that is necessary is the need to protect underage from predators. the rest of us are consenting adults.

I'm bi, but have this awful habit of getting caught up in some great pussy and swearing I never need cock again... And then of course the reverse is true too! But it never lasts more than a few days. Really I think I'm just too easily distracted and enticed when fucking is involved...

Classyfemme10 said

I define myself as a woman who is only physically attracted to other women but i hate labels and that there seems to be a need to have a label.. the only thing that is necessary is the need to protect underage from predators. the rest of us are consenting adults.

If you are a lesbian you can "define" yourself, (and I use that term VERY loosely because YOU don't get to make the dictionary definitions), "as a woman who is only physically attracted to other women," but in a word, you still are what you are.

OWN WHAT YOU ARE.

Labels are necessary. Without labels and dictionary definitions, you can throw the entire language in the toilet. Everybody has to be on the same page with what a word means. (Sorry about the pun, I will punish myself) You do NOT get to make your own definitions. Synonyms for lesbians are among other things, dykes, lipstick lesbians, FEMMES, among 245 others here:

https://www.powerthesaurus.org/lesbian/synonyms

@SwitchableSusie

Yes you do get to make your own definitions. It's just a fact. That is why we are an interesting lot. NO one can pigeon hole us.

Thanks for your time

Faith

If people make their own definitions that are not recognized by others the issue becomes clouded and the language ends up with vague, strange, NOT well thought out definitions where other people are left to say WTF.

Look at what has happened with the 75 or so genders. It's a ridiculous mess.

Everyone can be pigeon-holed. Just because a person thinks they are a special case, that doesn't mean they can't be fit into a slot.

To thine own self be true.

There are VERY few special cases.

@classyfemme10 I agree with you 100%. Adults only.

I define myself as a woman who is only physically attracted to other women but i hate labels and that there seems to be a need to have a label...

i think i get this. i think labels can be frustrating because a person is not the label. The label is a descriptor. What we attempt to label may not be static. How do you nail fluid down?

On the other hand, we use words to convey something, as part of communication, words are something we can use to try and connect with others. Yet, it's been proposed (and studied) that the greater part of communication is non verbal. Knowing that helps me understand (and be cautious even) about the short comings of the written word, for instance. Words written down don't have tone, inflection. Or the reader might give the written word their own tone, which might be completely different than the writers intent.

If the point of words is to connect, it makes sense to me that insisting that words be static (i.e., only have the meaning that i or the dominant culture has given them) will thwart that effort. i think words are a vehicle to convey. but that conveying a rock is different from conveying a person. We throw rocks in the back of a beat up truck, people get to ride on seats with music and controls and to adjust climate to fit the individual.

I'm new to the site. I identify as a stone femme (any stone butches out there?) but living a homoflexible lifestyle due to desperation (or do they call that pansexuality these days?)

I'm new to the site. I identify as a stone femme (any stone butches out there?) ...

Welcome to the site. I had never heard the term "stone femme" or "stone butch" before. Wiki provided the following somewhat confusing definitions.

"Stone femme can have many different meanings:

a femme who is the bottom in sexual interactions

a femme who is attracted to or partnered with butches; who does not wish to sexually touch her partners' genitals[1]

a femme who is sexually stone and therefore does not wish to be touched in the genital area; often sexually Top in sexual interactions.

Relationship to sexual and gender identity"

From your post and your profile I take it you are a bottom looking for a medfet top. Welcome to the site and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Interesting, we are what we are. I’ve been married for almost 25 years, but during that time I’ve almost always had a GF to play with, since I was a teen. So I was happy to be considered bi, but now I hear the term heteroflexible. So does that imply you have a preference for the opposite sex, but indulge in same sex occasionally? Ok, so there would by homoflexible, too.

I’ve reached a point where my kids are grown and out on their own, if you count grad school as on your own!

I’m enjoying my girlfriend far more than my husband, who eats, falls asleep in his chair, then goes to bed. When we do have sex it’s all about him, like I’m just a life support system for a vagina. And he’s all thumbs.

Oh, back to definitions, I’m told I’m a lipstick lesbian, can someone tell me what the hell that means.

So, my mid life crisis, I’ve really just discovered my ass, which went from occasional enjoyment to I can’t get enough, which happened when I started reliving those childhood enemas because of a recent incident, so... Yes, I rediscovered my ass.

Where do I go from here? I feel like I might be ready to start a new life, while I’m still young enough to enjoy it!

Wendy1975 said

So I was happy to be considered bi, but now I hear the term heteroflexible. So does that imply you have a preference for the opposite sex, but indulge in same sex occasionally? Ok, so there would by homoflexible, too.

homosexual >> homoflexible >> bisexual >> heteroflexible >> heterosexual

Heteroflexible means you have a preference for the opposite sex and homoflexible means you prefer your own sex but have sex with both.

Take a look at the public profile settings in the profile for sexual orientation.

For example, I am heteroflexible because 98% of my sexual activity is with men and that's my preference, but if someone wanted to call me bi, that would be fine with me. There are two very special women I play with individually twice a year. They are both very good friends of mine and our relationships go far beyond sex. One is a (lipstick) lesbian/homosexual and the other is heteroflexible and married like me. Our husbands know we do this and they approve. Those women and I have never had a threesome with our spouses and do not intend to. We love each other but we're not whores for the world! 😁 😁 😁

.

I’m told I’m a lipstick lesbian, can someone tell me what the hell that means.

You do not appear to be a lesbian. You have sex with your husband even though you say he's a lousy lover, so you would seem be bi-sexual and have a preference for women. ???? TO ME the frequency of homosexual activity is the difference between heteroflexible, bisexual and homoflexible. The widest range would be in the bisexual. Would you like to have more sex with men or your husband if he were a better lover and paid more attention to you?

A lipstick lesbian is a cutie who dresses and likes to look very feminine--someone a man would go out with and find appealing, in contrast to what most people would call a dyke who might have a crew-cut, green hair, wears baggy old clothes and doesn't look feminine at all and doesn't interest men.

A note here--many lesbians want to reclaim the term "dyke" and remove the derogatory connotation that it has in the same manner as many women want to eliminate the derogatory implication from the word "cunt."

Ahh, Susie you did it to me again. Old memories.

In HS I worked in a drive in diner where one of the jokes was: Waitress complaining to the cook about that guy over there. "He called me a cunt." What did he say? "He ordered a BLT then spelled out C U N T." Cook: that's Cut Up Not Toasted. After delivering the order she went back to the cook "He's doing it again" Cook: what? He spelled S H I T. Cook: That's: Shoulda Had It Toasted.

Running for cover now.

I was wondering about this too! Lots of us bi's especially when it comes to bi-manuals, recto-vaginals, stirrups and spreading our legs on exam tables. Even hard sex. But when it comes to putting my arms around someone and holding her tight, laying in front of a fireplace, dancing naked in the bedroom, kissing her face and stroking her hair after she cums,

well . . . that's not a fantasy. Still, men are wonderful for "playing with" for some of us.

I'm new to the site although for about a year I've been reading some of the stuff visible to those not registered.

I don't really like to define myself as I found that trying to find a box to fit into made me unhappy. I imagine myself on a spectrum.

I've only ever had relationships with women and only fall in love with women. However, I do fantasise about men, but usually when I fantasise about being the patient of a male doctor. I fantasise about soft butch female doctors too. I like the idea of having submissive sex with a man, but I have no desire in having a relationship with a man.

I find women intriguing, sensual and I love female bodies and their minds.

Yes! I've been on this site for a while but only now starting to post. Seems there are way less women than men on Zity, and even less lesbians (although I see a lot of lesbian fetish content, which sometimes appeals to me but not always). I'm not kinky in real life but I enjoy reading stories and discussions.

Seems there are way less women than men on Zity

Not so. The actual percentages of active accounts on the site is around 55% male and 45% female.

Interesting statistics, DrZ. Nice to know. Thanks.