How important is pain to an erotic spanking?

Whether you are spanking, being spanked or just watching a spanking, how much does the pain being inflicted/suffered affect how erotic the spanking is to you? If it is different, depending whether you are giving, receiving or watching, please comment on that too.

As a spanker, I adore watching and feeling that the spankee has a hard time. When we reach the point that she is really having it hard to stand the pain, I flirt with her pain limit. Going less intense, having a very short stop so the pain is going away ans immediately continuing the spanking quick and hard. I need to see kicking legs and arm behind to protect. Signs that the spanking has effect. That is erotic for me..

I posted this question because I realize my own view of the part pain plays in making a spanking erotic has changed over time. I am conflicted about my more recent view or, it might be more accurate to say about coming to terms with the emotion there all along.

Males spanking females or females spanking males, have been erotic to me for as long as I can remember, even going back to before I knew what arousal or sex were. In the early days of my spanking interest, I just figured I was a little weird to be aroused by spanking scenarios. It was only when I got old enough to encounter erotic spanking in literature that I found my kink was not even unusual.

What was erotic to me for many years was the D/s aspect, the removal of clothes, exposure of the bare bottom and view between the legs of the recipient, humiliation... I did not give pain a conscious thought. Only recently, watching a realistic spanking video, I realized the very real pain being suffered by the victim was arousing me. It was almost orgasmic when, completely overwhelmed by the pain, she gave in to uncontrollable crying. That response in me scared me.

Thinking about how coming to respond to the pain seems to have developed over a long period of time, I wonder if it was a case of more and more stimulus was required to trigger an arousal response. At first, just the lowering of panties and submissive positioning was enough but gradually that wore off and, finally, pain became the only stimulus to which I had not become anesthetized. But, for whatever reason, pain went from not even consciously registering to being erotic in itself.

My usual spankings - which I view as "therapeutic" - are always bare bottom OTK. My spanker understands that she must take care to not leave evidence, as my wife is a total vanilla.

But the last session we had I asked her to push my limits. Boy howdy, that's exactly what she did! Very painful, which was what I truly needed.

However, when I spank her there are no limits, and I have left her with several large bruises on her bottom. I think she has what could be called "buns of iron"! She needs this level to help her through the issues she wants to excise.

My wife and I switch. We generally spank so that the bottom is rosy to red, and tingling; no lasting marks. We would not like it if we felt strong, acute pain. But we do like the tingling sensation in a well-spanked bottom.

Since I am not into spanking, the pain factor would make it non erotic for me.

I like the spanking to hurt, but not excessive pain. The spankings I get are somewhat harder than those I received as a child.

I have new partner and she really enjoys spanking me. In previous relationships I have always been the spanker, so this is the first time I have been spanked since I was 16. I really enjoy getting spanked. She does it hard and until my bottom is very red. I find the whole thing amazingly erotic. I have to call her ma'am and she either strips me naked or she sends me to the bedroom and makes get in my pjs. I have to wear tight shorts in the house when we are playing the game. But I reallyenoy the spanking itself. It is so liberating for the both of us.She wasn't spanked growing up but she saw plenty of boys getting strapped. She really enjoys spanking me.

For me the pain isn't as important as the submission. I don't want it to hurt too bad, but it needs to hurt bad enough to be embarrassing. It needs to be harder if the position is less humiliating (like face down flat on the bed needs a harder spanking to me than bent otk because it's more of an embarrassing position)

For me, pain and erotic don't belong in the same sentence or thought.

I'm with Quincy pain and erotic don't go together. The erotic pleasure of a spanking comes from the exposure of the bare buttocks and near exposure of the anus and genitals. The embarrassment and humiliation is from that and is delicious.

For me to truly enjoy the spanking there has to be some pain as well as the humiliation element.

As arousal increases, some pain enhances the situation for me. Nothing serious, just what I consider erotic pain.

My experience is that the anticipation of the pain is as erotic as the stinging sensation after impact. However it's the package deal for me. Waiting for it, here it comes, thwack. The sucking in of air and the sudden desire to whimper as my ass starts to heat up. I kind of likes it.

If I am receiving I want pain it is a must if I am giving then that's up to the receiver

I think too much pain is not a good idea but sting and helplessness is what makes a spanking worth taking. Also the humiliation of being exposed, yum.

The pleasures of spanking are highly variable from person to person, as these posts illustrate. I have always thought that for individuals who "enjoy" or prefer (might be a better word) very hard spankings, the pleasure must come from the endorphin rush associated with them. This view would be supported by the spanking model, Nikki Flynn, who wrote in her memoir, Dances with Werewolves, that she did not like being spanked but she loved having been spanked.

Pain is essential in my experiences with receiving or giving spankings. The loss of control, anticipation, and intense sting are all good elements in a good spanking.

It has to be be painful both giving and receiving.

For me on the receiving end I have to feel out of control. The pain causes a reaction by her but it can't be a reason to stop. Even if it hurts like holy hell I'm turned on by being forced to endure more. I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I like being taken past it.

For my wife, I want to see the distress and involuntary reactions to the pain. She doesn't like being spanked. She likes being controlled but being spanked scares her to a certain degree. We have a safe word for her but not for me.

I have to see her react to the pain. It is such a turn on for me. She hates being put over my knee so that is how I spank her, she hatevelnerable vulnerable but that is how I make her feel, she hates that her vagina and anus are exposed when she bends over or especially when she kicks her legs around but afterwards she is so turned on. We are really tucked up but we explore this together and our marriage is amazing g even after 27 years. But the pain has to be there for me.

Glad I married this girl.

For me there should be some pain, but not too severe, enough to produce a good number of "ow!"s.

It depends on how important pain is TO YOU.

No I do not want to have any real pain when my husband spanks me. A nice spanking is all about being over his knee and getting put in my place.

I do not need to be reddened by a spanking either.

No I do not want to have any real pain when my husband spanks me. A nice spanking is all about being over his knee and getting put in my place.

I do not need to be reddened by a spanking either.

You might as well get a OTK massage! 😁 😁 😁

How can you husband say, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you?" 😁

I think the definition of the word "pain" varies from each individual . I dont want to be beaten but I do want it to hurt somewhat . I agree with Amethyst her point that I want to be put in my place . Believe me , sometimes I need it . Thats where trust is very important . I need to be able to know that he will spank me hard enough and long enough knowing where my limit is even if I am protesting , but not beyond . I can be very naughty 😉

I think you are right @bridgette and I know just what you mean about the amount of pain varying with individuals. What my husband gives me is not an over the knee massage 😁 but it stings me just a bit. I think it is right that it is harder for him to spank me lightly than if he spanked me hard, which would make me black and blue and that is something I know he would never do. He is a very good judge of how hard to do it. Bruises and marks that do not fade away in a minute are not what I want.

A good sting that lasts in a spanked bottom for a while afterwards is always a good thing. I like to be spanked so it stings for a while, especially when I try to sit down after the spanking

Some pain is important for me, nothing too horrendous, just enough to take you out of your comfort zone. If I'm spanking, the same applies, I like to hear my partner cry out a number of times. Slipping in a few stingers towards the end can be particularly exciting and erotic. When it's over, it feels good knowing you've endured a hard spanking.

I agree with most of the comments. A spanking should have some sting for you to remember that your bottom has been tanned. Everyone has different tolerances, but a spankee SHOULD want to rub their cheeks after a warming, right?)))

For me I like the sting and burn from a paddle on my bare butt, it's a spanking there needs to be some pain

I think a good spanking involves some crying..... just my opinion