Yes, long history there: my parents had a 1929 Encyclopaedia Britannica and at some early teen age I found the section on "Reproduction". That dry and thorough text and images were burned into my brain. I was not, and am not, gay; I stared at the diagrams of male and female anatomy, but my growing erotic focus was largely on male genitals and what I was finding out my own could do: erections, ejaculations, and more, with girls / women watching closely or making it happen.
It took decades for me to finally understand my particular kink - in fantasy, the submissive subject of penis research and abuse, with professional females doing the research and abusing. I discovered medical textbooks at local universities and medical schools, and recall the excitement at finding a "Urological Surgery" textbook, going directly to "Surgery of the Penis" and the electric shock of arousal learning that - yes, there are circumstances in which the human penis is simply cut off (perhaps the "ultimate form of abuse"). Image of penis cross-section still arouses - because I know someone's member was sacrificed to get that image. Then there were all the urological journals describing erection research, ultimately leading to Viagra and its competitors in the ED fix-it scenario. Having a group of female researchers closely observing my erections was the ultimate fantasy. (Or maybe, cutting it off when fully erect, that was up there too).
I traveled a lot on business and visited med-school libraries all over the U.S. and one in the U.K. I have a stash of copies from those journals and textbooks - pumping rolls of dimes into Xerox machines while hoping no one notices the nature of what you're studying and decides you're a perv who shouldn't be there. Libraries were wide open at the time; I don't know if their security is tighter now.
For a decade or so I had an affair with a local woman who was intently curious to learn my kinks, and I told her about these tours of the med-school library. She wanted to see it, so I brought her. At some point she finally pulled me into a dark aisle between bookshelves, made me hard, sat me down in a chair there and impaled herself sitting on my lap. That was hot.
I have finally learned to accept and not apologize or feel embarrassed for my kinks / orientation; seem to be permanently wired that way and I've had some good times with open-minded women. Thanks for listening. - Finder