Happily married but always fantasizing about past girlfriends

I'm guessing I'm not the only man in a happy relationship but who also relives many past sexual escapades in my mind. Often accompanies by masturbating and a mindblowing orgasm. It's not that I'm wishing I were still with any of those women, because the relationship part never worked out. I'm very happy with my life now and the woman I'm with. But I just can't get some memories ever to go away.

Is this normal or not?

Is the same true for any woman out there?

I think everyone who has had a wild sex life relives experiences with people they are no longer connected to.

Wouldnt call my sex life wild, but my fantasys when masturbating are made up from bits of women ive known in the past , and in my mind they often do things they never did for real anyway.

First time, as I young teen I frequently fantasized about the woman who lived next door (my friend's mom). I had this fantasy that she would babysit us (which sometimes actually happened, only it was with several of us kids, never just me along) and that I would be a bit ill and she would take my temperature rectally. There have been many other neighbors in my life I've fantasized about (always with the woman naked in some way), but that one was the first and the only one where I didn't really care about her being naked, just about her taking my temp. Of course, it never happened.

Fantasizing about sex with other people than your partner, not only from past relationships but also new, imagined ones, is quite natural and common. The reason for it is also quite simple. There is broad consensus among anthropologists and academics in human biology that our species Homo Sapiens is NOT biologically monogamous. In fact, none of the ape species nor any of the more intelligent other mammals (dolphins, whales, etc.) are monogamous.

The social and cultural evolution of humans driven to a large extent by religion, steered us into a society that is supposedly monogamous. However, the very high failure rate of marriages (50%+) and breakups in co-habitation relationships (80%+) is a clear indication that something is seriously amiss, somewhere. Add to that the very high prevalence of unhappiness in supposedly stable relationships (one study puts it also at 80%+) and we have a fairly good evidence base to support the notion that monogamy is something artificially introduced to our species, in direct conflict with our biological (animal) instincts.

If you are truly happy with your husband/wife, count yourself very lucky. Statistically you are the exception, not the rule. And don't fret or feel guilty about "taboo" thoughts entering your mind and stirring lustful fantasies involving others. It's about as natural as farting.

I have great memories of several sexual relationships that I relive for sexual gratification.

Call it what you will. I have a library in my head of both real memories and fantasies, some are of people I haven't ever been with and some are past partners, as Suzie said. It's totally normal.

Totally normal to remember the past. I think about past, present and future escapades, mainly about "Zity" type adventures.

Have answered similar questions in other posts and the answer is still the same. Happily married for many years but yes, I often think about old flames. Usually just a passing thought, wondering how and what they are doing, especially during periods of boring activities. It is seldom sexual in nature but, occasionally, I do drift into a full blown fantasy about them. Have not kept in contact with any of them so any thought has to be past recollections or totally abstract. Wife is a perfect partner for sharing fantasies. Don't need to dwell on the past.

Pretty normal and it keeps you going .Those fantasies are great

I too think this is pretty normal. Unless you're extremely lucky or keep to very limited experiences, it is likely that there will be specific 'assets' of a particular person from your past which will best that of your current partner.

I was with a girl who was absolutely insane (not the good kind), not particularly pretty or favourably memorable in any other aspect except for fucking. She was always so energetic (maybe demonic) when riding me and would clearly lose herself in the moment which was so hot and quite easily the best experience i have had in regards to that particular type of situation. I've heard people say crazy people are best at sex and on this experience, I agree.

Anyway, it's clearly very normal to use happy moments from your past to, uhm, make you happy.

I totally agree

I'll tell you what's not normal. For a man to only ever care, fall in love, or lust after just one woman throughout his entire lifetime. Men were just not meant to be monogamous, the way they are wired. It takes tremendous sacrifice to be monogamous & be with just one woman for eternity. If it weren't such a sacrifice, you'd see more married couple stay married a lot longer, and even forever, than you do now.

So yes, you thinking about other women, even if they were only in your past, is quite normal.

"I've heard people say crazy people are best at sex and on this experience, I agree."

X2. Probably my #1 go-to spank-bank account is an ex who was at some level a mild sociopath. Very self-involved while chiding others (including me) on their excessive self-involvement. Profoundly talented in the seduction game but that also translated into a constant need for affirmation via the attention - visual, conversational, and flirting - of other men, which is what eventually ended the relationship for me. After a couple of false re-starts, I was done. Smoking hot in bed though...

From time to time it is exciting to remember having sex with one of my GFs while masturbating. It is funny how when you are masturbating, your mind can run wild with memories or even made up situations that never happened. So I think it is natural to have thoughts and memories of past relationships at least for me being a male. But I don't think this is just a guy thing. I would imagine that women who are married have the same thoughts too. Let's face it these recollections are some of the most memorable and enjoyable times of our lives so why not recall them.

It is totally normal. After all those of us who do it certainly are not dead.

I'm pretty sure it's got to be perfectly normal and I quite often relive some of my memories from the past. With one ex-girlfriend it was possible to mutually share experiences but I wouldn't chance that in my current long-term relationship. I must admit I tend to keep those parts of previous relationships locked away in a separate box as the relationships didn't work for various reasons and I don't particularly want to remember the other aspects.

Of course its normal, I think some of my memories are the things that keep me going,the fact that things didn't work out shouldn't spoil the memory.

And in addition to memories and fantasies of ones you had sex with, you can also fantasize about what it would have been like with the ones you didn't have sex with. Those may be more fun as you don't have reality to cloud the issue.

No.. only have one ex bf and I hate hes guts. Everything he said or did disgusts me now. I could never forgive cheating, even in my fantasies.

Well, Cherie, next time you really have to poop, imagine your ex bf's face on the bottom of the toilet bowl. Mount your throne and let him have it.

I suppose that there exists only one possibility to be happily married and to avoid fantasizing about past girlfriends: This in having had sexlife exclusively with your wife and not with another woman.

I have had no desires to be with past male partners only women. Maybe that has something to do with your desires. When a relationship with a man has ended, he becomes a stranger almost immediately. Even his body seems vague to me. I have remained friends with many ex partners, but the men always seem like new people and not the man I once dated. I can't remember the sex in detail. It's all kind of foggy.

The women however, I remember women. My last ex girlfriend is so clear in my mind. I can remember her smell, what her breasts felt like, her skin, her hair etc. I can remember exactly how to make her cum and I can remember her taste.

My theory is that women are very emotionally open and giving in a different way then men. That this creates a greater impact or imprint in our minds. I know what she is thinking when we are together, even after many years. I have no desire to be in a relationship with her, but it's like now and then I want to go back to that warm and comfortable place and the deep connection she provided.

I can vividly recall past lovers and sexual experiences. None live up to the sex my wife and I shared. Not even close. So while I remember them, the ones that turn me on are the ones with my wife.

My relationship is just OK now but I do often think of the women I dated many years ago. I was really naive about dating and sex back then and I could never read the “signs” that women give when they are interested. I missed a lot of opportunities by this and really lost some really great women whom I really fell for. I missed a once in a lifetime chance at a 3-way with 2 girls I used to go clubbing with on Friday nights. It was my buddies sister and a close neighbor. They brought up the idea but I thought they were just kidding and laughed it off. I found out later through a mutual friend that they both wanted me and were serious! There's no such thing as a time machine, so I think about what could have been and use the “ass-kicking” machine!!

I'm thinking it's true with any man or woman. will never forget about the good times…

I was married for about 12 years, never cheated on wife but had MANY opportunities. If I'd of known then what I know now, I'd of taken a few of them up on it and a few of them were real HOTTIES! 😜

Interesting thread.

I recall most of my lovers but don’t actually fantasise about any of them. I miss my ex wife’s body only because she was so pretty but how the relationship deteriorated ensures my memory is realistic and not all soft focus and starry eyed. I guess I see it as a part of our passage through life. I do however remember some of the things lovers have told me and some of the more stand out experiences we shared and they will keep me smiling privately for the rest of time.

I don't fantasize about my past girlfriend I do remember some the hottest sex I ever had.. My ex cut me off not long after the ring went on . So I had 11 years to sit and think of previous times. I have written about some of them on my blog here. Real experiences not made up. When I joined here and started to write and recall those days it felt really good to write it down.

@Rigel you are a very lucky man!!!