Kink and Love

You may need a different partner.

You and she want different things in the bedroom.

Relationships involve compromises. You both need to determine if you can live with some compromises in the bedroom.

I think I made up my mind.

I´m gonna try and drop my kinks for as much as I can, I have to go without them...

I´m unable to terminate my relationship because of my sex life.

My sexuality is important to me, but not important enough to sacrifice two years of constant work at a relationship.

I invested too much into it to let it go just like that.

But I fear this won´t work for long.

Lets just imagine I marry her and sooner or later have kids and stuff...

One day there is gonna be another women/girl that´ll look right through me, knowing instantly what is burried inside of me. ...I´m talking out of experience here, I know there are women able to do such things.

I can feel such characters entering the room with my back to the door.

I´ve proven to myself, more then once, that I am able to reject sexual offers before it gets to deep.

But when I´m trying to imagine a situation in which there is someone offering to fulfill my most inner wishes, after years of hiding them to myself and everybody else...

I fear that I won´t be able resist... and that would make me the last thing I ever want to be...

--> a cheater

Can you live with her now that she knows your innermost desires? your kinks? What if she finds someone who fits the image of what she wants?

It works both ways

Good luck

Damn, I hadn't thought of that yet!

But on Second thought, even if she finds someone else...

I'd much rather make her do that first step and keep my reputation as an honest and loving man, then leaving her in favour of my desires, ... Making everybody say: "there is another typical male over here, his sex life has the highest priority...

This may sound a little childish...

I really don't know what to do or think right now.

I guess for now I'm going to try and keep Things running...

Maybe I can talk to her about it.

Anyway, Thx for your warning and advice.

I agree with most of the posters about the importance of sex (10/90) and the fact that when I "get what I want" I don't need it as desparately and as often - but, here is what I think: our fetishes aren't about 'objects' - or 'actions' - they are about FEELING and intimacy. Sharing a fetish is one of the ways we experience intimacy -and, if your partner can't connect with you intimately via one of your main interests - then, your relationship may always lack that connecting point.

"To thine ownself be true." I read that somewhere.

"Damn the tide full speed ahead" If you are both into it why ask questions. Enjoy one another to the fullest you are never going to get another chance in this life. Sex is great for couples; if something does not appeal to you back off and try something else. An open mind will return dividends.

Have fun.

If you find someone into your interests and end up falling in love it's a win:win situation, even if distance is a problem that has to somehow be resolved.

Well...

I have been able to establish a "normal" sex life within my relationship recently.

I'm not really getting exactly what I want here, but I've learned that my desire for my kinks is fading for as long as I am able to keep up a certain frequency of vanilla sex...

For the last two weeks I was able not to think about my desires... I was satisfied.

But just moments ago I was attempting to shut down my computer to go to bed... I was forced to wait for updates...

So I had a few minutes with nothing to do.

I decided to look out the window, catch some fresh night air.

As I was doing so, a group of young ladies were attracting my attention, one of them shouting that she had to pee...

One of the other girls took her by the hand and led her behind a tree where they both pulled down their panties and peed right into the city.

I am of course happy that I was able to watch the scenario, but I am also very sad, because the event somehow triggered my kinks again... I woke up again.

I now feel very unsatisfied as if there was something left to do that I was ignoring.

My girlfriend would never just squat down and pee anywhere except being on a toilet.

It saddens me that she does not want more then the ordinary in any case, that she is so f***ing conservative and vanilla.

Just had to write that down, there is no one I could talk to about this

Good night

Thx for your advice.

Wow what an interesting post...I feel like it definitely a harder mix to find but it doesn't feel like there is many options. If you never really get what you want...you will never be satisfied and will always sabatoge what you have. Interesting post!!! Thanks.

Over the years, I have found for myself that it is indeed more difficult to connect with someone who accepts or shares my fetishes. One tool that I have employed liberally is objective selectivity. If I remain objective before I become emotionally vested, then it is easier to be selective and observe if they have interests other than 'vanilla'. It is much...much less of a hassle if it turns out that a prospective individual has only 'vanilla' interests.

G.N.

So many interesting comments here. Probably better to get everything out in the open first. I don't believe you can be in love with anyone who doesn't share your enthusiasm with your kink(s). Even if your partner shows some tolerance in your desires this may turn to resentment later on.

Here, here, nobleone, I completely agree with you, 100 percent.

Yes, I agree too ...

However not so easy to find one.

M.

Kink and Love... nice theme... more than nice, important!

In fact, Kink and Love resume at one thing... sexual life.

How I want to live my sex life? What are my sexual tastes? Is it my boyfriend/husband the right person for me? What kind of sexual tastes he/she have?

What kind of confidence I have with my boyfriend?

Much questions... with less answers. Kink, BDSM, vanilla, medfet, it's many different ways to experience sexuality that is inherent in all people. The important are the honesty and dialogue between two persons. If this persons are in love, they must to be honesty and open to listen the other part and try to understand. We can not always eat the same food, but we can always eat the same dish, with this I want say that we can and must vary our sex life, but always with the same person. to have a good sexual life, it is important, because the people are more happy, are less frustrated. People happy, make others happy too! The sexual energy it is the most power energy of human being! Discipline it, restrict it, hiding it, it is wrongs ways!

I had been married at 22 years! A good man, good father and a good husband... but the medfet in me talks more hight and the love died... he never share an accept my tastes... Love in life it is important, but the love don't survive without a good sexual life. We can have sex without love, we are animals too, but the love alone can not survive without the sexual side. So it important to share, to speak, to be a little open mind to the other. If we find a person that share the same tastes (sexual life), oh God it is the heaven, we must grasp with both hands and live this great gift, because it is rare to find someone who shares the same sexual tastes, whether that type are them but it is not impossible. So, I was divorced and a few months ago I knew a man that share my tastes in many departments but in sexual life too! I am happy!

Well, talk openly, love honestly, be happy, make someone happy, it is worth seeking, worth having hope, it is worth believing in our dreams and our dreams are quite the sexual side!

Cheers for all!

Patient Care

This is an interesting thread and leads right to one of my biggest frustrations. Having been married to what I call a "spicy vanilla" (dabbled in some various kinks) but now divorced I can tell you that it has been a big disappointment to find out just how plain and ordinary vanilla really is!!

So much time wasted thinking that someone shares at least some of your interests but ultimately does not. Sad sad sad.

True love is about mutually desiring to meet each others needs. Hubby and I were totally vanilla for 11 years until he finally pushed me to tell him why I never talked about fantasies. What we do now is not totally aligned with my kink, but it meets both of our needs better than what we were doing before. It's easy to think that a person who shares kinks must also be compatible, but there are any number of spankers I have chatted with online whose kink is very closely aligned with mine that I could never have a relationship with because we don't share the same values about how relationships are supposed to work. I love to fantasize about DD, but Hubby and I could never live a DD life, because we have built a marriage on shared decision making, drawing on our shared values. That's not just hubby's need, it's mine too.

Well, I haven´t been around lately, but I see there has been a lot of discussion, I´m happy that there is at least something good coming out of my misery.

I parted from my former girlfriend two months ago...

Sexuality has not been the only reason to end our relationship, but it was definetly one of the bigger ones...

I have been promoted at work, climbing up the ladder, she was still a student, we didn´t want the same things in life anymore.

But enough of the misery.

My desires never sleep and I am allways eager and hungry.

There might be someone new already, but this time I want to play safe... I´m dating to see if this is worth it.

For the first time in my life I have made my sexuality and my kinks a priority.

I think thats a big change.

I´ver learned from my mistakes.

thx for you support and guidance people...

you´ve been a great help!

PEACE

Wow.. great comment Patient Care. You describe my personal dilemma exactly...

So much to say, so hard to write in English for me...

This topic is rather close to my heart, but unfortunately, without a realistic happy ending.

My wife and I are married for 30 years now. Early in our marriage, we incorporated a lot of kink to our sex life. We experimented with BDSM, medical fetish and others. However, due to the onset (?) of mental illness in my wife, she is now basically asexual. She is virtually an invalid by her own choosing. She does little around the house. There's ZERO sexual contact, even little physical contact.

Why do I stay? For two reasons. #1 I love her, despite what's happened. She's the love of my life. She was my childhood sweetheart, still is my biggest supporter and friend. Even though she no longer is sexual, I love her. There is more to life than sex. Reason #2 is that I promised to remain with her "for better, for worse." We've had the better, now it's time for the worse.

I have not taken a lover but satisfy my needs in other ways. Chatting, cybering, phone, all can be pleasurable when they are your only options.

In my opinion, Love trumps kink.

Jeff

Bless you Jeff. I can identify with your situation.

Jeff, that was a beautiful writing. Your love, devotion and sincerity are absolutely outstanding. Many karma's to you.

A few thoughts. Most of my kinks arose after I got married. I was always a chronic masturbator, always will be. That I kept hidden because I never had to share it.Turns out she figured it out a while ago and didn't care. Hell she encourages that.

My med-fet interests though, WOW that took a long time to get her to accept. Three years to be exact. From subtle mentions to working up to "This is all I want for my birthday". I had to overcome disgust and fear to get her to come around.

Patience is sometimes the name of the game. Planting the seeds of acceptance is the way I worked it. Last night I gave her an hour long exam and took over a hundred and fifty pictures. She surfed the net on her iPad.

My advice is give a few hints and then give a few more and then a few more. My wife will never be into Med-fet but she is willing to help me be into it now.

Keep the faith and be strong, a good partner is worth the effort.

I always feel so bad for the folks who say they can't reveal their fetish to their husband/wife/partner. I understand that there are some here who have revealed same and been rebuffed (worse yet, I suppose), but not allowing your partner the opportunity to please you is to deny yourself, and very possibly, your partner as well.

I am living with a friend at the present time and when he told me about his fetish, I was repulsed at first. After he had come for a couple of visits to California I learned his fetish was sort of cute and soft and found it really turned him on. It provided for myself and my life Partner a sort of on / off sex switch for him. I live with him in Canada at the present time and have really learned to love his fetish, I am going to miss him and all of our night time games when I return home.

As a demonstration of contrasting situations; I live with my wife and our girlfriend (For lack of a better term), and we all engage in enema play. I have a friend who is married to someone he loves very much, but for years would not even allow him to endulge himself solo. (After decades, she has finally told him to do what he needs to do, she just doesn't want to know anything about it.)

There's no singular answer when personalities and emotion are involved. Have to follow your instincts, be patient and empathetic to your partner. Be sure to make their first experiences pleasurable, if you hope to introduce them to being administered to. Don't expect someone who is unfamiliar with the pleasures of enemas to immediately "get it", needing nothing but the enema for arousal. It would be best, in fact, if they are in a very high state of arousal before you introduce the enema into the play. Some people are very shy about the bathroom aspect, so allow them whatever they may need to be comfortable.

If I ever find myself another partner, they would have to be into what I am into. I don't think I could cope with another vanilla partner.

Diaper_dreams

#60

If I ever find myself another partner, they would have to be into what I am into. I don't think I could cope with another vanilla partner.

I agree with you diaper dreams. My partner too is sooo vanila and so boring, yet she is a wonderful and hard working person. I really don't know if she will ever accept who I am.