I have written previously about my last FAA medical exam. Well, that was 5 years ago and it was due again. This exam was okay, basic and nothing particularly new, but still the experience for me was very memorable.
I'm now 27 years old, and otherwise healthy. Earlier this week, I completed the online form to register for the medical certificate. Nothing fancy, just a health history. At the end, there were two doctors who popped up to call to schedule the exam. I googled them, and picked the older doc who is probably 60-65. I made the appointment for today, and waited...
In the interim, I remember having a lot of thoughts about what the exam would entail. My last exam ended with me stripped down to nothing but my boxers, standing in the middle of the room and pushing my last few fibers of clothing to my knees while the doctor rolled each testicle between his fingers and then performed a hernia check. I had also read on the FAA website the instructions on how to perform the exam, and I knew that a GU exam was required, but still that cant mean a lot of different things.
This morning, I thought about whether I should trim my pubic hair. I normally keep my pubs trimmed on about the lowest guard and my scrotum completely shaved. It has been about a month since I tidied up, so I'm still more towards trimmed then bushy. I decided to just go how I am. With that, I took a shower and made sure I was completely clean. I chose boxer briefs for this exam instead of boxers. This would allow a better visualization of my genital bulge if I ended up stripping everything else off.
For me, the exam isnt as much about the exposure itself, but rather not knowing what is going to happen, coupled with the power dynamic of being instructed to expose your self to a completely clothed stranger while they inspect you to make sure your genitals meet their expectations. I gotta be honest, I was nervous. Real nervous. But looking back, thats what makes this enjoyable.
It's all I could think about, all day. On the drive to the office, Justin Beiber's song "I'll Show You" came on the radio. How fitting the lyrics "Act like you know me, but you never will I'll show you / I'll show you" as I'm on my way to show my penis and testicles to this stranger. I checked in, sat down, and waited for about 10 min. I was called back by his nurse, and passed his last patient, a guy of about 50, on my way in. I remember thinking, "He's checked your dick out before."
The nurse did some quick paperwork and walked me to the bathroom. I was told to initial the cup, fill it, and leave in on the counter. I remember looking down at my penis, knowing that the next time it saw the light of day, I wouldnt be alone.
Back in the exam room, I was left to wait. After about 10 min, the doctor enters. He's tall, with glasses, and salt-pepper hair that is fairly stylish for his age. Wearing khaki's and a button down. After the introductions, I was asked to remove my sweater. He took my blood pressure over my shirt sleeve, and continued with the medical history. I'm healthy, so that went really quick. He asked me if It worked out by noting that I had a good build... I liked that he was noticing my build.
Soon enough, up on the exam table. Vision, eyes, ears, mouth all went easily. He asked me to unbutton several of my shirt buttons so he could perform his auscultation. I was stil wearing a crew neck tee shirt underneath my shirt. He slipped the stethoscope inside the neck of my tee shirt and proceeded to listen to my heart. By this point, I have only been asked to take off my sweater, not even my shoes. The history and exam have gone super quick. I mean, he isnt even having me take my shirt off. I started to wonder whether he would even bother his a genital exam.
A quick listen to my lungs and then I was told to lie down. He pulled out the extension, and I complied. He again listened to my heart. Almost as an afterthought, very quickly asked if I had any abdominal tenderness as he took about 5 seconds and palpated.
Surely an exam this cursory wouldnt include exposing my genitalia, right?
"Well hop down and let's get the hernia exam done."
And there it was. The phrase I had been anticipating all week. This guy hadnt even bothered to have me take off my shirt to see my chest, but I wasnt getting that certificate without him seeing my penis. So I stood up at the end of the exam table while he sat in a stool in front of me. He was talking non-chalantly about other things as I undid my belt, button, then zipper. With that, I lowered my pants and boxer briefs to mid thigh, then lifted my shirt tail to make sure he could see everything he needed.
Here I am, a 27 year old guy having small talk with a guy about 60 years old with my clothes framing my genitals as I willfully hold my shirt out of his way to submit myself to his examination. He took his ungloved finger and inserted it into my right inguinal canal. I coughed twice. I quickly looked down to see my penis hanging between my legs as he repositioned his finger to the other side. By now, his finger was now appropriately inside my left inguinal canal. I knew what to do without command, as I turned my head. Cough Cough. And just as quick as everything else, that was it. No examination of the testicles or the penis. He stood up and went the to sink to wash up as I redressed.
He went to finish the paperwork, and then returned with my certificate. He sat down and continued to have several minutes of small talk with me about flying. I remember just sitting there thinking, "not 5 minutes ago I was standing in front of you with my genitals hanging freely while you had that finger shoved up my ballsack." We shook hands, and I left.
I am not a shy person with my genitals. In fact, I'm more the opposite. Both sexually and with roommate / locker room situations, I also enjoy new people seeing my penis. But there will always be something about an exam that is different. This was was very quick, and not very embarrassing. I certainly have had a lot more attention payed to my penis and testicles, even developing erections in the past as a teenager. The thing that struck me with this was how quick the entire exam was. The only areas of skin he ever saw were my face, neck, hands...and genitals.
I went home and immediately went to the bathroom mirror, where I dropped my pants and raised my shirt to see just what it looked like. I snapped a pic, and will share with anyone who wants it.