I never really understood why my mother always took my rectal temperature after sentencing me, I mean telling me I was getting an enema. It went something like this.
"Aren't you feeling well honey." mom would ask with the obvious hidden agenda.
"No."
"Oh that's too bad. Well I think I will give you an enema."
"Gee. There's a surprise." I would sarcastically think to myself.
"But before I give you an enema I am going to take your temperature."
It was like mom was second guessing her own diagnosis. Or needed to have some hard facts to justify ramming the enema nozzle up my butt. Which of course she never needed since she handed enemas out like band aids in our house.
But a rectal temperature was going to happen. Now my mother liked to play games when she took my temperature. As I layer over her lap face down naked. She would hold the thermometer in the air like an airplane and land it in my bottom.
"Oh the plane landed in a tunnel." she would sing song say as she pushed the thermometer into my tunnel...ah...bottom.
"How long is the plane going to be grounded mom?"
"She would stare at her imaginary watch on her wrist. "Just a few minutes."
I would stare down at the floor pinned to my mom's knees with a thermometer. After a few minutes, the thermometer would be with drawn and my mother would announce another revelation.
"See. You do need an enema you have a fever." It was announced almost gleefully by my mom who cantonized, herself, for being so correct in her diagnosis and treatment.
Where do you think mom's learned all this stuff? I mean my mom was downright spooky. She could predict the future and diagnosis me with just a look. And, the cure was always an enema. Gad. How did the women do it?