Why do some women scream and others don't when they having an orgasm.

Not that I am a casanova, more the opposite, but I had some relations in the past. I notices that there is a great difference between having a orgasm amongst them. At least the women I got involved and had sex with.

I never asked and I never got a good explanation for the differences in making vocal noise reaching the climax.

Once when I was a student there was that girlfriend who was screaming half the city awake. Several months later there was one girl who did not made a sigh.

I almost got the impression she died. Are there women or men who know more about that phenomenon?

For some I think its a matter of shyness, for me I'm usually too shy to really open up and get really vocal unless I get really worked up beforehand, and even then I don't scream. Also, some girls exaggerate a bit. Not that sex is never good enough to scream, but I think some girls like to work their partner up by acting overly aroused, hoping to arouse him more by making him think she is really really into it, so she moans louder and maybe even screams. And then I guess some girls are just that vocal and that into it and they scream because it just feels so damn good, lol.

Anyone who has read that part of my blog titled "16.8.2011 - Cumming - ready or not" will know of the belief I hold that most women do not actually orgasm - even though they believe that they do. Well, that's a strange thing to say, isn't it?

Yes, it is a strange thing to say - that is until you do really orgasm - and then you will know the difference!

In that Blog I assert that a true orgasm - a whole body orgasm - will not occur unless and until the woman surrenders herself totally to the sensations she is experiencing. It is a fact that, approaching orgasm, many women will feel that the sensations are unbearably acute, especially those of clitoral stimulation. They will often cause further stimulation to subside or stop altogether to unconsciously avoid losing control.

Of course those acute feelings will subside - so they have orgasmed. Yes? Well the real answer is a big fat NO! It's been pleasurable for sure - but it's not been an orgasm!

The possible, even probable outcome of this in many cases is, at the very best a breakdown of the relationship. The familiar outcome of "is that all there is to it", whether realised as a cause or not, is dissatisfaction in the relationship. At worst it is physical illness, which I briefly mention in the aforementioned Blog as 'womens problems'. Those problems need a great deal of explanation which I will not detail here but they revolve around increased blood supply and hormone issues which remain unresolved when orgasm and release is incomplete. Anyone wishing to discuss this with me is welcome to contact me - contact details are in my profile.

So, what are the requirements for that total surrender? Well, amongst them, but not exclusively, is what this Topic is about - namely making a noise. It might be just that - making a noise. It might also be being vocal in the speech sense. There is absolutely no doubt that to make a noise enhances the appreciation of the pleasure feelings in both parties. It also inevitably, and more importantly perhaps, increases the breathing rate and depth, both of which are desirable in the quest for that whole body orgasm. Even more importantly though it signifies that at least part of ones consciousness is surrendering.

'walks', in his post, says that he got the impression that one of his partners had died. I'll bet that she didn't orgasm!

Of course there are barriers to being noisy. I allude in my Blog to waking the kids in the next room - or worse still the mother in law! One of the essential provisions in lovemaking is PRIVACY, you know - the sort of privacy you get when you sneak back to the hotel when all the other residents are sunning themselves on the beach! Is that perhaps why holiday sex is often at it's best?

But that is surely only a once or twice a year opportunity to make a noise, unheard, or without caring. The solution is to MAKE time when you CAN be alone! When the kids are at school and mother in law is out is one. Draw the drapes and enjoy!

It isn't though just about making a noise to achieve that surrender. There are other things that play a part, which I discuss in my Blog.

One of the most famous movie scenes of all time. Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0OeM6UUAoI Nothing more needs to be said !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I'm pretty sure I give myself true orgasms. I'm no expert but it feels pretty damn good, lol XD

It's kind of like riding a roller coaster. Some people scream, some people just enjoy the ride.

Screaming during sex is part show and part excitement.

Susie, thats exactly what I wanted to say basically, just couldn't find the proper words at the time.

I used to try to stifle my noises and screams but realized that in doing so, I stifled my orgasms and that was no fun at all. Many years ago, when I was much younger,I dated a premature ejaculator who, are his orgasm, was completely done with the act of sex. He would do nothing to try to bring pleasure to me and I was too inhibited to try to do it myself. This went on for maybe a year and I ended up with the female equivalent of blue balls and had tremendous pelvic pain all the time. After he and I broke up, I had a time where I was unable to orgasm since I was practically trained to believe that it wouldn't happen for me so I wouldn't bother and could avoid the pain.

And THEN, I bought my first Hitachi Magic Wand and remembered how good it felt to cum. After that, I would accept no less from lovers. They were (and still are) required to give me at least one mindblowing orgasm when we play or they are not welcome in my bed and not invited back to try again. If I'm being generous, think a lover has potential and that he gave a good effort in wanting to please me, I'll allow him one free pass. But only one. I have little patience for men who only care about themselves. And I give them explicit directions on how to bring me to orgasm, feedback and the tools to do so if they don't have what it takes due to injury, illness, disability or more likely, fatigue.

I'm not a complete diva about it and make him do all the work. I try to give him as much pleasure as I'd like to receive and make every effort to make him happy. But I won't like back and be a doormat about it either. I am a very receptive and expressive lover and men know where I stand, so to speak.

My noises and responses are never fake and I give in to my sexuality and allow it to take me as far as it will go. It is definitely a partnership where my lover and I communicate and guide each other on what feels best or what could be done to really get us off. I've found myself laughing sometimes at the noises I make or the things I say because they're my candid and uncensored thoughts and things get out of control. Sometimes my screams escalate until they're extremely loud and high-pitched and I'm certain that either the neighbors can hear them and think someone is being murdered and will call the police. Or that they're so high-pitched that only dogs can hear them. There is doubt my neighbors know my lovers names. Some of my vocal guidance are the usual yeses, moans, panting at the like but sometimes directions like, "A little to the left. No, maybe the other left. A little higher. Higher. Higher. OH, GOD, YES!" Followed by the aforementioned screams. One of the most recent embarrassing things I said right before orgasming was, "Mmm, yeah. Here we go." Followed by high-pitched screaming until I could recover my senses enough to be back in my head enough to try to gain control again. I started laughing and shaking my head because I felt like such a jackass having said that out loud. It's something I've often thought before cumming but until then, had never said to a lover. It was pretty much as Susie said, a rollercoaster ride. I felt my orgasm climbing higher and higher until it reached the pinnacle and the waves of my orgasm took both of us there. Afterward, while we were catching our breath and becoming aware that there was a real world that existed outside of our pleasure, he kind of chuckled and said he thought it was hot when I said that. I told him I felt like a jackass. But he said that it was so sexy and that he knew he was doing the right thing and kept on doing it to make me cum. And that it really turned him on when I lost control like that.

I don't make noises just for my lovers, I make similar noises when I'm by myself and my only audience is a cat sitting at the foot of the bed, silently judging me for being a disgusting human with disgusting human needs.

I often joke that women should not fake orgasms but should fake not having them so men try harder and give us multiple orgasms. As in, "Did you cum?" "No, but I'm really close. Do it harder, faster, more, a little to the left. A little to the other left. Oh, yeah. There!" And then, "Oh, I was almost there. Do it again." I was once called a sexist and read the riot act on here by some man who said it was wrong of me to do that. It's just a joke. Geez. You would think a man would want to make sure a woman is completely satisfied. Oh, well.

I disagree with most of what BigK suggested but in part, he's correct about some women being inhibited and not knowing what a true orgasm feels like. But I don't think it is the fault of the woman or that she deceptive in any way. It's more the fault of society and the media for presenting women in a certain light that real women could never measure up to. And the fault of men for believing the myths and for thinking that they are God's gift to women and that their penises and the act of sex alone is all that is needed to make women cum. They don't learn the most basic genital anatomy and trust that their uneducated fumbling are enough. And some are too arrogant to take direction or to think what works for ONE woman works for ALL women. Or that they don't pay attention to their partner's subtle physical and vocal responses to learn what excites them and how to fine tune their motions to make her cum. Couples need to communicate and to treat lovemaking as the intimate act that it is. Most men need to slow down and listen more. Only then will they find the physical, emotional and spiritial path to their lover's desires and know once and for all how to please her and end this foolishness of did she or didn't she for all.

Dianne

WOW Dianne, someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside!

Excellent post!

I'm puzzled Dianne that you should feel that you mostly disagree with what I said. Reading through but yours and my posts I cannot see that we disagree on anything at all! We actually do disagree on one point, the use of vibrators, but as that is in another recent post of mine it's hardly for discussion here. Luv ya really!

Your post, is like mine, full-some and in order to properly reply I've had to print off both of them. I had hoped that readers would refer to my Blog, "Cumming - ready or not", for my views on various points. Maybe open the page of my Blog I referred to. Taking this in your paragraph order I would draw your attention to how, in fact, we agree.

Para. 1. The 'thank you Ma'am, roll over and sleep' syndrome.

Well, my post was about just one aspect, that of whether or not a woman making a noise aided a true orgasm or not. I believe I said that it did - but that it was only a part of 'letting go'. I referred to the need for privacy, lack of which severely inhibits most people. Clearly you don't worry about that, which is admirable but over here in the UK it is a ground for eviction from social housing (state provided housing), or hotels, to disturb neighbours who hear noises of sexual activity! Sad, but absolutely true!

In my post, and in my Blog, I touch upon the matter of the physical penalties for women, of incomplete orgasms, especially if it is ongoing. I'm sorry to hear that such affected you but you were lucky in that you recognised it and got out of the situation. I also said that, recognised or not, it was the cause of many relationship breakdowns. By your testimony it is clear that this happened to you. To quote from my Blog -"

The first thing to understand is that men generally come to climax far quicker than women. This gives rise to the familiar picture of the man rolling over and going to sleep. As far as Mother Nature is concerned the job is done! Not so for the woman who begins to think ‘is that all there is to it’? If that realization dawns, what can be done about it?

Well, in my practice I encounter a lot of this disparity between the sexes. My maxim, somewhat basically stated is, that the trouser fly stays zipped up or the pyjama cord stays tied, until the woman has orgasmed. Now that’s simplistic of course, they are probably in bed and he hasn’t got his trousers on. But what it means is that the man must recognize the disparity in arousal times and take steps to even this up".

Para. 2. In many cases it is of course basic ignorance on the part of the man - sometimes it's simply a don't care attitude. But in all cases it is a matter of communication, something which is lacking in such a relationship. You, rightly, make sure that your man knows where he stands, or lies down, in the matter - but sometimes neither the man or woman even know that things aren't right - I allude to the oft repeated "is that all there is about it then?", when realisation fails to dawn on them!

Para. 4. I'm pretty sure that I didn't say it was OK to fake noise or responses. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that it was, or that it would of itself solve the problem. Clearly it won't because in doing so a woman isn't 'letting go'. In fact it's the opposite in that she concentrates on that to the exclusion of anything else.

Para. 6. Oh I love what you say in this paragraph - about faking not having orgasms to encourage him to go for multiples. Yes, you joke about it and no harm in that. Sure, a man should want to make sure a woman is sated, however many orgasms that takes, but we're back here with 'communication', or lack thereof. To quote from my Blog again - "One of the best ways is that he brings her to orgasm either manually or orally. Then it’s his turn and the very great likelihood is that she will orgasm again". OK - he probably isn't a superman who can get it up ten times in an hour - we men are mainly 'one shot wonders' you know!

But he does have a tongue, fingers, toes and other means at his disposal which do continue to work after he cums and there is no excuse for not employing them - but how many women are confident enough to remind him of this - expressing their need? It's too late when he has rolled over - you both need to talk about this NOW! Communication, again?

Para 7. Yes, many women, rather than some women, are inhibited - 'not knowing what a true orgasm feels like' but no, it's not her fault, or her being deceptive. How can it be her fault and how can she be deceptive if she knows no different? Yes, the media images constantly presented are indeed largely to blame here but also porn is a major contributor. One of the major dislikes I have about porn videos is the pulling out 'jus a la moment critique', for the money shot - on her belly or bottom! It merely reinforces the assumed and alleged 'supremacy' of the male in the minds of both man and women. Sure - facials, or cumming on other parts of the body are nice diversions - but diversions are what they should remain and not be the norm. I think responses to the Topic 'Where do you like a man to cum' do, in the main, make it clear what is preferred.

It's true also that a lot of men think that they are 'Gods gift to women' - they are not! - If there is a god then his gift is each to the other -and before I get flamed for it I'll include same sex couples in that too.

This Topic started on the difference making noise during sex might make - and I derailed it by broadening it into the whole issue of being able to let go and let it happen. I don't think it was was necessarily wrong to derail it, but as I said in my post and again at the beginning of this one - 'I believe I said that it did (make a difference) - but that it was only a part of 'letting go'. From then on I did concentrate on the 'making a noise' aspect of inhibition, whilst clearly saying that such was not the whole problem when I said that "it signifies that at least part of ones consciousness is surrendering". The approach to the problem should be a holistic one.

All of what you say Dianne is true - but I still can't see a disagreement! Still luv ya!

Too much to reply to now in my tired state but to clarify, the lack of orgasm is not what broke up the relationship. You do not even want to know what really happened. It's too terrible for words.

Sometimes the SO moans, sometimes she grunts, sometimes she is pretty quiet. A lot depends on how vigorous we are being.

I can tell when she pops though. If I am in her, every mussel of her body contracts at once and stays that way for a minute, unless my parts do the same, which causes her parts to answer and we go back and forth. Like little sparks flying between us.

She also pops from getting me off. Even with her hands. Right after I pop she will straddle my leg and I can feel her tense up and spasm.

One thing I find funny is the adverse reaction of rolling over and going to sleep. We make a point of having sex in the daytime so we are both good and awake and can really enjoy it. Sex sucks when you go at it half dead. But the two of us take pride in when we leave the other so fucked out that all we can do afterwards is roll over and go to sleep for a bit. We really see that as a sign of a job well done.

We also do't keep score. Urg.

I am a screamer with the right man, and there has only been one, lol.

Mashie

Sound is another dynamic to an orgasm, an added release of pleasure besides the whole body convulsing, it is another sensory outlet complimenting the others.

I have had sex with a few men in my life as I have mentioned previously. But as I said in the above post, only one was able to make me scream.

See, sex with Doc has been so different than it has with any other man. I think sex with Doc is how sex was meant to be done. The funny thing is for both of us when we first met, and even prior to our first face to face meeting, both of us openly admitted that neither of us were good in bed. We did okay I guess, we knew that our spouses were pleased, or the others that we slept with were pleased, but now that I say that out loud, I am not sure either of us were all that pleased. Sure it felt good, but just seemed to be lacking maybe? I don't know, it's hard to explain really.

In previous relationships when I was getting pleased I would moan sometimes but that was about it. Doc, never ever made a noise. The first time we had sex together, I don't know, it was vastly different than anything I had ever had before, and I think for him too.

That first night in bed with Doc was a complete surprise and in a great way I believe for the both of us. Not that I want to speak for him, but I think it was probably the best sex hes' ever had. I know it was for me. Aside from all the nervous newies and what not, we still managed to have fantastic sex. I still can't explain this real well. I remember getting off the bed and going to the sink to get a drink. It was the first time I had ever had sex in the light and I wasn't even embarrassed, which was very odd for me. I made some comment to that effect and I said, "I don't know, this just seems so right?" and he replied "It seems so right because it is so right". A simple response but very powerful. Neither of us expected what just happened to happen, neither of us expected that our sex was going to be so different and great from anything we have ever known or had from our others.

And after that first time, it just kept getting better and better. We found ourselves doing things in bed we had never done with anyone else before, even doing things we had done previously much better and much more in sync, in tuned with each other. It was amazing, all of it, the pre sex, the sex it self, and the post sex action. Still to this day we both do not think we are good in bed when we are with different people, but when we are together in bed, I don't know, something changes in us, magic happens. We turn into two people who are so perfect for the other that it's like a masterpiece. It's hard to explain really, I don't have words for what we do.

Shortly into our relationship I noticed myself starting to become a screamer. I almost can't help it. I can try to hush it a little out of respect if there are little kids in the next hotel room, but I know they can still hear us, and if I don't care who is listening, or it's been a long time since we have seen each other, well, I make no promises, and no apologies to those around us.

Doc does that to me, and when I scream his name, they can blame him in the morning, lol. I have found though, that while I can't really help but scream when he is making love to me, when I am able to be free, say what I want, be as loud as I want etc, my orgasms are so much better and the release lasts so much longer. It's just an over all much better orgasm for me.

It took a little doing for me to convince Doc that it is okay to relax and release some of his built up tension in bed. He had been trained to be quiet, never really had much choice due to little ears so close. I reminded him several times that there were no little ears around and that it was okay, if he wanted to, if he felt comfortable enough, that he was free to make noises, even scream if he wanted.

I have not gotten him to the screaming part yet, lol. But he has become quite loud. Not every time, but way more often than he used to. I asked him if he felt a difference in his orgasms between being totally quiet and when he makes noises, especially when he moans and voices my name. And to my pleasure and enjoyment too, he also said that his orgasms when he verbally releases are much stronger as well. Yay!!!!!

Doc, I miss you both inside and out, just sayin.......

Mashie

Mashie .you are one of the luckiest. Good for you.

Having kids in the house means no screaming while cumming here. Though there are times some noise is okay just nothing that is full blown let her rip noises. I'll enjoy what I and sub can do together. We're getting better at figuring out how to position the buttons and knobs so I can stifle my screams. Or atleast scream really loud in my head.

Orgasms with kids in the house is definitely a good reason for putting a damper on the noise. Actually, sex of any kind will guarantee that kids will suddenly need to potty, get a drink of water, have a nightmare. You can always spot a mother. She's the one with the volume control...

I don't know the answer to the posted question, but I will share with my own experience. I am quite a screamer and I always have been. It doesn't matter if I am with a partner or alone, however the volume will be much louder if I am with a great partner. I have never had children, so there has been no need to worry about them hearing anything and frankly, the dogs just don't bother to wake up. They have heard it all before, so my screaming is nothing new to them.

Sometimes I am in the mood for one big O or many O's. Sometimes, my voice gets weak and my throat sore from making such loud noises. It is a concern in hotels and I do try and keep it down, but in my own home, I can be as loud as I wish or need to be.

Besides screaming, moaning and more, I will also have a laughing O, which are always fun and often catch me by surprise. I didn't start the laughing O's until I was in my early 40's for some reason. They are totally different, but still satisfying.

Lady Teddy, who would find making no noise to be very boring, indeed

Lady Teddy, This is totally off topic here and would be off topic no matter which post of yours I would respond, but I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time and just haven't done it.

And it might sound weird and or somewhat creepy, neither of which are my intention, and if so, please forgive me. Also, I am not even sure how to say what I want to say, lol. So here it goes, lol.

I just love how at the end of every single one of your posts you close them with a personal statement for example at the end of this post you said, "Lady Teddy, who would find making no noise to be very boring, indeed". I follow your posts a lot of the times just for the super cool, sometimes quirky, often times very funny, but always well thought out statement.

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I greatly appreciate and love your endings, hehehe. A karmic bump for you and your fantastic endings to as always great posts. 409 > 410

Mashie

Would that be 'Happy Endings' perchance Mashie? Seriously though I too love Lady Teddy's quips.

This is off topic, but Thank You Very Much Mashie and my dear BigK.

Lady Teddy, with big Hugs to the both of you 😃

There are also men that get pretty vocal during sex and orgasm.

The moans n screams makes me more kinky and its a big turn on for me.

Before the kids I was a moaner until ready to cum, then I became a screamer. Even now I can be too noisy and my husband tells me to "shhh" as he's cumming inside me.

My wife has always been a screamer, but the kids around keeps us kinda quiet unfortunately. Being Asian, she would sometimes "scream" in her native tongue....and being extremely multiorgasmic its almost funny for this Texas native.........but that doesnt last long for me as it always produces quick orgasms for me!!! Especially the screams that are mixed with speech!!

At least if she screams you that you have your breakfast sorted. My wife screams frequently sometimes it's with sex but mostly because I haven't pleased her in other ways? LOL.

I think some women deliberately stop after a small orgasm, preventing further ones or a stronger "whole body" orgasm from happening. Some are too embarrassed to be more expressive. I think many don't realize what more is possible. One I know tries to always stop before she has an orgasm, because her goal is always to get the man to have an orgasm so she can extract some major favor from him.

When I was in college we had a saying "she moans for the bone and screams for the creme". Fortunately, I knew some girls like that.

Some girlfriends I have been with are too embarrassed to vocalise too much, especially the first few times, trying to keep things polite. But the really funny thing is, if they start with this idea but then can't maintain their composure, it usually ends up with them screaming pretty hard and funny looks from neighbours the next morning.

I do tend to believe girls that do vocalise seem to have a much bigger, more fulfilling orgasam. All part of the release that an orgasm gives.

Tip for guys that are having sex for the first time with a new girl - try not to have your head too close to the girls mouth at the critical stages of engagment. Pretty sure that I am partially deaf from a couple of encounters where my mind was elsewhere (surprise, surprise), or physically wasn't able to get my head far away enough.