"Technical" virgins through the generations (or "My grandma did WHAT?!!)

A few years back, some friends mentioned that girls were preferring to be "technical" virgins and only engaging in oral sex and/or anal sex and not vaginal sex. Since they had no vaginal penetration, they considered themselves pure and virginal. I knew that oral sex has been common for quite some time but recently spoke with said when he was dating and married in the 1950's and 1960's, instead of having vaginal intercourse, many women would have anal sex instead due to worry about pregnancy. Wow. I was completely unaware that anal sex was that common (Ha!) back in the old days. (Don't hate me for that. I was a child of the 1980s. I'm looked upon as old now, too.)

So, I want to know how common was it? Was it something women actually enjoyed doing and craved or were they just fulfilling their wifely duties or other emotional obligation. It was mostly taboo when I was growing up. There were some who gave in because there boyfriend or husband wanted them to but only the bad girls (like me) did it and liked it. But most girls didn't do it at all. When I was in college, I was talking to a classmate, whom I also attended high school with, and she admitted to having anal sex and liking it. She was the first person I knew, other than myself, who did. In fact, she's really the only person I've known closely who engaged in it and enjoyed it.

I'm in my early forties; turning 43 on June 2nd so line up with paddles, hands, crops and canes and get ready. And answer that age old question, "Grandpa and Grandma, did you really have anal sex in the good old days?" Please answer with the decade. It's honestly something I'm truly fascinated with. Vintage erotica, made by everyone's grandpa's, grandpa's, grandpa's, grandpa's great-greatpa's has always turned me on. I like knowing that those that came before me really knew how to get it on as much and as well or even more and better than we do now. Humor me. 😃

Dianne

Oh, and any personal stories that you don't want to share, you can send me in private message for me to enjoy. I respect and appreciate discretion.

I've never been with any that did this, but I did know some that believe in the whole anal over vaginal to protect their virginity. Now, I have introduced several to full on anal sex and watched while they made faces as I penetrated their virgin anus the first time.. That was fun as it just made my cock more swollen.

Egirlky, in the 1970's, I knew a VERY attractive, highly educated, professional woman who would only permit anal intercourse. She was a friend of a friend. I do not know what her rationale was. At the time, I was surprised that such a desireable woman would allow, let alone demand, anal intercourse.

Not long after that, still in the 1970's, I had a girlfriend who initiated our discussion and exploration of anal sex. She was also a highly educated and high achieving young woman. She said that her interest in anal sex was aroused by some book about enjoying a better sex life.

So, anal sex was not unheard of back in the "olden days" but it was probably not as prevalent as it is now and certainly not discussed as openly.

I was courting in the 1960's. My then-fiancee and I could not keep our hands off each other, but both of us wanted to avoid vaginal sex. There were many reasons: family tradition (she was terrified of her Dad!), fear of pregnancy, religious beliefs (not very strong then) plus the real clincher. That was our certain knowledge that giving ourselves to each other through vaginal sex would make an emotional bond that we weren't yet sure we wanted. But we were as randy as rabbits!

She was very easy to bring off with a finger (and loved it), but found that masturbating me was exhausting (we weren't very good at anything, yet!). She had a revulsion against oral, but was well aware that if she didn't bring me off, our prolonged smooching would (it already had) leave me with really painful 'blue balls.' So we settled on anal sex as our choice. She suggested it but didn't enjoy it - it was painful - but I found it highly erotic, and usually came with jut a few thrusts. For her it was an act of love - a giving with no reciprocity

Anal never featured once we married, and ordinary sex was ruined for her by the early birth control pills, which seemed to kill her sexual response to me. I got good at oral, which did bring her off, but she also got recurrent UTI's, so that was banned as well! After our last child was born, she had tubal ligation performed, and only then did our sex life take off. It hasn't landed yet, and we're still enjoying the trip! Next year will be our Golden Wedding.

Johnny

In the sixties I heard it referred to as Greek birth control. Probably referring to ancient Greece.

Is there a sociologist in the house?

A couple of weeks ago I penned a treatise on egirl's query. Unfortunately, the site timing system is not appreciative of slow typists. I am not fond of creating a buffer file (i.e. save and paste) so I will try to condense my rather long dissertation.

I grew up in the '50's and I can categorically state that in the South at that time anal sex was considered "Bohemian". That is for heterosexuals, of course. Homosexuality was mocked and a hidden part of the scene. It was there, of course, treated as an outcast, etc.

There was a large Greek community in our city and I heard rumors over and over again that Greek girls did allow anal sex and that it was not considered to "spoil" virginity. I have a hunch that this is a Middle East sort of concept, since I do know some Lebanese and Iranians who have told me this. This would extend why back past the 1950's into antiquity... Regardless, the answer to egirl would be that ethnicity played a large part.

According to the hookers that I frequented in those days, a very large percentage of their clients requested blow jobs. This indicates to me that most wives were not performing that. As to "eating pussy" I can only say that it really came of age and became widely practiced in the 1960's. Today of course oral sex is probably to most practiced of any activity. The '60's and '70's were wide open sexually with birth control pills arriving in the early '60's the women cranked it up! Times were good. AIDS ruined all that.

I would say that in the 1950's there was a good bit of premarital sex and "cheating" (the divorce rate climbed from previous decades) but it was more of less clandestine. Seemed like everyone was having fun but me. Prostitution was undercover, but it was tolerated, and often protected by the authorities. Sort of a remnant of the Victorian era. The massage parlors of the 1960's and the porno houses represent the crest of that wave of the sexual revolution.

I hope this answers your questions. I have found that as far as enjoying anal sex, most women are not anal erotic. You are in the minority, but be proud of that. Men tend to be more anal erotic due to the prostate and its' related nerve ganglia. There are many women who are enema fans for digestive health reasons, etc. My wish would be that they all "get off" on it! Cheers, Dawg

I don't really care what two people do when they are naked with each other, but if someone is claiming they are "pure and innocent" because they had anal sex instead of vaginal sex, they are being false to themselves and are full of crap and just plain lying whores. If someone is claiming "purity," none of these activities are permitted.

I don't really care what two people do when they are naked with each other, but if someone is claiming they are "pure and innocent" because they had anal sex instead of vaginal sex, they are being false to themselves and are full of crap and just plain lying whores. If someone is claiming "purity," none of these activities are permitted.

I understand what you write and as a modern person living in the West subscribe to the same basic ideas about sexual hypocrisy and all that - maybe worded a bit more politely ... ha ha...

But that is a view that is conditioned by the culture one lives in. I'd say that sex is such a strong motivator and urge that people go to great lengths to try and find some means of accommodation between the urge to partake and the necessity to conform to the social rules and morals of the group one lives in. Since pregnancy and childbirth are such important factors in marriage and inter-family relations and since withholding vaginal intercourse was for a very long time the only way to be certain of not conceiving, it's no wonder that people have either collectively, or individually, come up with all other ways of relieving sexual tension, while trying to convince themselves they are acting within the acceptable mores of their cultural group. So, 'pure and innocent' may mean something different than it does to us. It's not as if we don't have members of society who like to pretend they are better and more deserving than others just because they have accumulated great wealth - that also in spite of and contrary to what our moral rules teach us about greed and love of money. There are some huge discrepancies at work in this area of our culture.

I'd say that this kind of working around the sexual rules is all for the better. Imagine if everybody abstained from all kinds of sexual activity before marriage. What a bunch of sour pusses and self-righteous pricks everyone would undoubtedly be ... after all, never having done anything wrong makes some people think they are better than others. Maybe it's better if we all break the sexual rules sometimes ... it should make people less eager to cast the first stone and all that ...

For ages I have read that Turkish girls save her hymen too in practising anal sex. In Muslim countries a girl has to be "pure and innocent".

Agracier and Ricini, I still feel the same. You haven't changed my mind. These "technical virgins" are still bloody whores twisting the rules of their cultures to say they are pure and innocent. They are full of crap.

If you're going to screw around with your pants off, at least be honest about it.

Agracier and Ricini, I still feel the same. You haven't changed my mind. These "technical virgins" are still bloody whores twisting the rules of their cultures to say they are pure and innocent. They are full of crap.

Maybe it's not unlike lawyers ... perhaps not twisting the rules so much as looking for loopholes and technicalities that allow them some wiggle room ... and besides, if that is the way their culture works, then they are not really twisting anything, simply operating within the allowed perimeters of their culture ...

Circles I ran in during my adolescent days always referred to the intensity of sexual attraction like baseball. First base = Kissing, Second base = Petting/Breast Play, Third base = fingering in cunt (what we call a bi-manual), and Fourth base (Home Run) = All the way (full intercourse). I don't know where oral sex falls into that (probably as part of third base). Anal sex was extra innings I guess but I could never imagine substituting it for conventional vaginal sex for any reason. As long as you didn't hit a home run you were still regarded as a virgin, technical or otherwise. As for AGracier's belief that this has to do with having your cake and eating it too (conforming to the social norms but still engaging in activity resulting in sexual release), that works for the male but what pleasure does a female get personally from anal or oral sex? Sorry, orgasm for most females is not possible. I think was really happens is people hit home runs all the time and say they didn't when the need arises. With considerable discretion, I would never dream of getting serious with a woman before both of us taking each other out for a test drive. Of course we just say we never did.

Agracier, you didn't quote what I considered the most important part of my post. That is "If you're going to screw around with your pants off, at least be honest about it." . . . and that's the problem I have with them. THEY AREN'T BEING HONEST. They aren't pure and innocent.

For the record, I don't care if anyone is pure and innocent. I wasn't, my husband wasn't and my daughters aren't. Pure and innocent is an outmoded, obsolete and just a plain ridiculous and stupid concept even if it is how your religion or culture says it should be.

Agracier, you didn't quote what I considered the most important part of my post. That is "If you're going to screw around with your pants off, at least be honest about it." . . . and that's the problem I have with them. THEY AREN'T BEING HONEST. They aren't pure and innocent.

For the record, I don't care if anyone is pure and innocent. I wasn't, my husband wasn't and my daughters aren't. Pure and innocent is an outmoded, obsolete and just a plain ridiculous concept.

Of course pure and innocent has always been an impossible concept to attain ... just as the concept of success in life not being dependent upon on accumulating money is also a concept that doesn't really work out in real life (as in being in love, but poor, or giving away all your possessions to the poor). It belongs in the contradictory realm of ideals that society apparently demands of individuals to believe in, but which is in practice very difficult to attain. It's just another of life's fairy tales if you like. Stories that youngsters are told to socialize them into a cultural group, but which otherwise have little binding value except in outward appearances.

I've always thought that people who see through all the social fairy tales we're taught as youngsters are the really smart people. They know how the system really operates and can tell the difference between outward sanctimonious claptrap, and what people end up doing. So many of society's ideals are unattainable by everyday normal people, but they are held up nonetheless as a sort of binding social glue, in the hopes of creating a working society.

As for the instance that seems to cause so much vehement disapproval, that of some Muslim cultures not considering anal sex to be a violation of virginity - it most certainly is a form of sex, little doubt about that as far as I'm concerned. But you can also be certain that the idea of it not being considered a violation of virginity, must also come from somewhere within the same culture, that generations upon generations of unmarried women have been behaving in a similar manner. It's certainly not a new idea. It's just a way that has been figured out to relieve the sexual tensions that unmarried people experience with the social requirements of virginity in that particular culture. And if so many people in a given culture do it, they themselves are not being dishonest, they are acting true to their culture.

It's when you start comparing cultures to each other that questions like this arise. And we just happen to be living in a time of the mixing of the peoples, when people from all over the world have started living together and all the many aspects of various cultures are becoming apparent. That's when cultural differences come to be especially highlighted, or taken out and singled for ridicule. It's perhaps a natural impulse, and it makes living together very difficult and perhaps not even really desirable in the long run. But you do need just a bit of cultural relativism to get along.

In some cultures, not being "pure and innocent" carries a death penalty. So one can either commit suicide or be honest -- which is the greater sin?

In our melting pot "western" culture, which generally holds that each individual's belief system is to be respected, each individual must decide what is right for them. And this is difficult when a culture says one thing and the hormones say another. There is also the question of 'honesty' with whom -- self, partner(s), friends, community, society, ...?

While I am pretty much aligned with Susie's intellectual position, I read her

... If you're going to screw around with your pants off, at least be honest about it. . . . and that's the problem I have with them. THEY AREN'T BEING HONEST. They aren't pure and innocent. For the record, I don't care if anyone is pure and innocent. I wasn't, my husband wasn't and my daughters aren't. Pure and innocent is an outmoded, obsolete and just a plain ridiculous concept.

as being insensitive, even judgemental, towards those who see the world differently.

I trust that I did not turn this forum into a didactic of cultural mores. I have not problem with Ms. Susie expressing her opinion of the practices of Middle Eastern and other Muslim cultures. The problem is that her understanding of the true and honest nature of the culture is non-existant. Please understand that these people have no idea as to Western thinking. What we see as hypocrisy, they, either through fear, or actual belief, find as fact. The use anal sex as a necessity to avoid possible death as part of "honor".

Having worked in the Middle East, I offer that I have seen this culture first hand. I can assure Ms. Susie that she would not be comfortable nor able to speak your mind in that society (outside of a very closed environment). Do not get the idea that I have any use whatsoever for the faith these people hold, that is their problem, or blessing depending on the spin. I would state that unless one has experienced living and working intimately in a culture, there is only speculation as to what the specifics are.

In some cultures, not being "pure and innocent" carries a death penalty. So one can either commit suicide or be honest -- which is the greater sin?

In our melting pot "western" culture, which generally holds that each individual's belief system is to be respected, each individual must decide what is right for them. And this is difficult when a culture says one thing and the hormones say another. There is also the question of 'honesty' with whom -- self, partner(s), friends, community, society, ...?

While I am pretty much aligned with Susie's intellectual position, I read her

as being insensitive, even judgemental, towards those who see the world differently.

I see no problem being judgmental when it comes to being honest.

. . . .I have not problem with Ms. Susie expressing her opinion of the practices of Middle Eastern and other Muslim cultures. The problem is that her understanding of the true and honest nature of the culture is non-existant. Please understand that these people have no idea as to Western thinking. What we see as hypocrisy, they, either through fear, or actual belief, find as fact. The use anal sex as a necessity to avoid possible death as part of "honor". . . .

I am not criticizing any particular group, I am criticizing PEOPLE in general for not being honest about it.

In the case, that a "technical virgin" will practise anal sex, normally she will not get pregnant.

^^^^ yeah, not unless she drips and wipes in the wrong place.

I would have to agree that having oral sex or anal sex is still having sex. For a funny take on the concept, see the Garfunkel and Oates video on YouTube called The Loophole (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY).

I would have to agree that having oral sex or anal sex is still having sex. For a funny take on the concept, see the Garfunkel and Oates video on YouTube called The Loophole (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY).

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

THAT WAS FANTASTIC! The lyrics and puns are great!

I'm sending that to my daughters (a little too late 😁 😁 😁 ) but they will laugh all the way through it. I loved the last line, "sometimes you have to think outside the box" and "we go to FIFTH base!"

Who are these girls? They have a slew of hilarious sexual Youtubes. I have seen the shorter brunette before, but don't know where.

I would have to agree that having oral sex or anal sex is still having sex. For a funny take on the concept, see the Garfunkel and Oates video on YouTube called The Loophole (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY).

Hilarious, no other words for it ...

by the way, wasn't the small darker haired girl on the Big Bang Theory a year ago? If I am not mistaken she played a horribly shy girl who Rasjesh was going for ... in this vid you can really she she's not the shy one at all .. ha ha

Thanks again. Great find !!

Dave,

thank you very much: This is one of the best videos on YouTube I know.

YES Agracier.

That's where I saw her.

Here is a Youtube that has all the lyrics. It's Garfunkel and Oates in concert.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DocpDltQALA

I missed some initially because I was laughing so hard.

Great video !!

In response to sending Garfunkel and Oates "The Loophole," my 20 year old daughter called me a dirty old lady and sent me these from college:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIyeNRbbKBw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOXQmvl8HaQ

Yes I engaged in anal sex long before I had vaginal sex. I wanted to minimize my chances of becoming pregnant. But I didnt love anal action at first it was something I tried out on my own using my fingers then toys. Once I learned that my anus could expand my first ex-boyfriends penis would be simple. We had sex anally and loved it.