Masturbating in Hospital

I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar when a nurse walked in as I was waiting to be taken to surgery. I had just been shaved, leaving everything feeling very nice to the touch, and the erection that I'd had during the prep hadn't completely gone away. Oh and I was enjoying listening to what was going on with the woman in the next bed as it was her turn to be shaved. I never really got going, but it's just as well, as I was also on a cardiac monitor and in a very short time I would be momentarily naked on the operating table. The nurse had come to put a shot of Demerol in my hip, thereby ending my fun.

I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar when a nurse walked in as I was waiting to be taken to surgery.

You must not have been in for a serious surgery or otherwise I'd think the anxiety about the results afterwards would quell any arousal beforehand ... this is the most audacious story here I think ... just before surgery. Congratulations.

You must not have been in for a serious surgery or otherwise I'd think the anxiety about the results afterwards would quell any arousal beforehand ... this is the most audacious story here I think ... just before surgery. Congratulations.

Actually, in some people, stress causes arousal.

Nope never tried,but wud love to do it next time m in hospital

Actually, in some people, stress causes arousal.

Well there's stress and stress I guess. Just before a presentation to a group of people can cause stress, but not as serious as the kind of stress before surgery wondering what the verdict will be afterwards - or if you'll even wake up at all. That kind must be pretty debilitating.

Though now that you mention it, it got me morbidly pondering: I wonder if anyone ever went to the guillotine with a hard-on? On-lookers no doubt, but the main actors? And I know that hanged men ejaculate sometimes (hence the myth of the Mandrake growing under a gallows being so potent), but I doubt that has much to do with stress. Probably some other physiological reaction that I'd rather never experience ...

... this is the most audacious story here I think ... just before surgery. Congratulations.

Well, in fact I was not concerned about the outcome as it was not a life threatening situation, and I never said it was. As for "serious", that would seem to be a relative thing, and as it turned out the complications I had post-op certainly were considered serious.

Maybe you think too much. Congratulations.

In the 70's I had a girl friend in college that was confined to the university clinic for something like mono, I don't remember exactly what it was but they kept her for a couple of nights. One time we were alone in her room and she was sitting crossed leg on the bed so I slowly snaked my hand under her nightgown and proceeded until I found her golden triangle. I gently masturbated her until she had a silent but definite orgasm. Fortunately she wasn't hooked up to any monitors so no was the wiser.

I remember masturbating a couple of times during a hospital stay in 1980.

Working In hospital I have caught a couple of patients who were masturbating or engaged in sexual activity while in hospital. Incidentally they were both female one a young woman and her boyfriend and the second a woman in her late 30's both of which were not monitored at the time. I expect it is a lot more widespread than first thought judging from a few of the above replies.

When I was at Columbia, I was giving a short tour to some people and we accidentally walked in on a man who was masturbating. The guests were appalled and asked "what is going on here?" I explained that the patient has prostate problems and that regular ejaculations was part of his therapy. Later we walked into a room where a nurse was giving a patient a blow job and again the guests was shocked. I explained that this patient also had prostate pathology, but he had better insurance that the other man we saw. Near the end of the tour, we saw a nurse having intercourse with a man. The guest said, "I suppose he has prostate pathology, too. I explained that was the case, but that this patient had the best quality medical insurance.

When I was at Columbia, I was giving a short tour to some people and we accidentally walked in on a man who was masturbating. The guests were appalled and asked "what is going on here?" I explained that the patient has prostate problems and that regular ejaculations was part of his therapy. Later we walked into a room where a nurse was giving a patient a blow job and again the guests was shocked. I explained that this patient also had prostate pathology, but he had better insurance that the other man we saw. Near the end of the tour, we saw a nurse having intercourse with a man. The guest said, "I suppose he has prostate pathology, too. I explained that was the case, but that this patient had the best quality medical insurance.

Then what happened?

I was in a private room in a level 3 ICU The nurses had applied a Uro Sheath external catheter to my penis. I masturbated by sliding it up and down over my penis. When i was fairly aroused I pulled back the covers to get more space to move my hand. Big mistake. A few minutes later female nurse comes in--without knocking of course. I was caught still jerking. I quickly covered up while she just stared at me. After a moment she announced that she had to check my urine output in the drainage bag. She didn't say anything about catching me. As others have said, I probably wasn't the first patient she'd caught.

Then what happened?

C'mon ... that was a classically structured joke ... all that stuff was to build up to a punchline ... ha ha

C'mon ... that was a classically structured joke ... all that stuff was to build up to a punchline ... ha ha

And that is a classically structured minimization of a lame (but classically structured) joke.

I never said it was profound!

I laughed...

Susie, A better punch line would be: "Oh, he is private pay."

Tried but failed. In 1973 I was in the hospital for a week after eye surgery. Tried to get off one afternoon but couldn't get the job done. Got hard, stayed hard, but never could quite get there. May have been the first time I tried masturbating while on my back.

@Quincy, I'll remember that for the next time I tell the story.

Alternatively, "he has a private duty nurse."

Given that as already noted you will likely not initially be at all interested in such matters - there will (hopefully) be a time when you start to feel better, and as an adult man or woman in the 'sexually active age bracket' then you will for whatever reason need to relieve yourself. An old g\f told me that as a woman it much easier and can be performed more discretely - I can't agree or disagree but as I'm a man and will talk from a male perspective. Women do, and always will, and good luck to them - its an integral part of recovery and normality.

For a man it clearly involves having to diguise the eventual 'output' and also an accompanying acoustic moans and groans (women also take note!)...... This is easily achieved by use to the readily available tissues and waste bins and is always, always, best done at night after 'lights out'. I have never had a shared room - we were four to a 'bay' off the main ward corridor - so you could easily hear people coming along - but at night hardly ever did - and when they did, you just paused, later on I got so 'good' at it I never bothered to even pause.

You'll almost never be disturbed, can take as long as you wish and have a snooze afterwards - much better than sleeping pills! No one will ever know .... but if you are plugged into a heart monitor etc....caution - or you can just 'brass it' - call the night nurse, tell her your problem and simply state that you are going to have to masturbate and she is to thus ingonre the readings in the immediate future. This direct approach works and is appreciated, try it ! Either way she now knows where you are coming from .... a good 'chat up line' - no promises, but you now have friend who 'knows' you, as a direct honest (sexually mature) chap.

Should you have suffered from an accident that limits your hand movements then you do have an issue - now I have never been as unfortunate, but am assured (nurse friend) that if you are in this position 'arrangements can be made' for you to be (obviously unofficailly) relieved - wash time is the usual time for this to occur, but be aware it can also be performed during the night shift - when all hospital wards are virtually 'unmanned', the lights are out, no visitors (or g/fs or wives), no senior staff and no patients walking around - its easy.

So there you have it - not the final word on the issue, but my take on a fairly routine occurance, its no big issue. All the understandable rules are inplace to protect minors and 'vulnerable / immature patients' - and so they should be.

But for 'you and I' its back to work and normality asap, and masturbation IS an integral part of this and your hospital stay.

Good luck - I hope you never have to !

I have answered a number of threads on this subject - and yeah its no big deal. I'm a Brit (male) and was hospitalised in the UK relatively recently and all I can say is its best done at night after 'lights out' when the ward activty is very low. Depending upon your mobility you can either use the shower room / bathroom or simply whilst in bed - there's no need to make or leave any 'mess' as there are more than ample supplies of paper tissues etc and abundant waste bins.

Never got caught, its far to easy at night so you'll be OK. If you are connected up to a monitor then you have an issue, depending upon how well you think you know the duty night nurse you can always 'man up' and simply tell her that you need to releive yourself and she is to ignore any wildy fluctuating readings! They'll understand - really, and they'll appreciate your honesty. Its a normal bodily function and all a real part of your return to normality.

A nurse friend of mine has confided in me that in cases where a patient for whatever reason can't do this themselves then the nurse will oblige - this normally takes place at wash time with the curtains drawn or in the shower room. I can't speak for women or their needs - but my friend tells me that its easier for them, if only because there is no discharge to account for at the end - certainly they also relieve themselves in hospital.

None of this is to say that its rampant - it isn't because most the time most of the patients are too ill etc .... but as they get better, yeah, it happens as the old urges start to return. No reason to get caught at all, its easy, is the message to take to hospital with you.

Good Luck

I had a foley catheter when I was admitted for a hip fracture in the '80s. I always wanted to masturbate when it was in but was afraid I would get prostatitis. Let me tell you the first thing I did when it was removed was to get down to business. That was midmorning too,

I have a true story to tell you folks. First wife was in nursing school in the early and mid 60's. One evening she was assigned to a Med-Surg. floor and had a young male patient in her charge. She went into his room during evening visiting hours to find the curtains pulled around his bed and heard some distinctive grunting and swooning sounds. The guy's wife was visiting, but under the curtains there were no legs or feet visible. She was 19 and didn't know what to do. She went out to the nurses station and called a nursing supervisor. They both returned to the room and the couple was still in the throws of passion. Miss Lampe (the stern supervisor) announced that she knew what was going on, through the curtains and stated that this was NOT a motel and to cease their love making immediately!

Momentarily, the wife came out of the room, beet red in the face and quickly exited the hospital. Miss Lampe confronted the male patient and chewed his ass out for his outrageous behavior and threatened to have him kicked out of the hospital to any other place that would have him.

He was meek as a lamb the rest of his stay in that hospital and every time someone entered his room, he turned red and stayed very quiet.

I guess sick people need love too!

Momentarily, the wife came out of the room, beet red in the face and quickly exited the hospital. Miss Lampe confronted the male patient and chewed his ass out for his outrageous behavior and threatened to have him kicked out of the hospital to any other place that would have him.

Surely his passion was a sign he was getting better. Or if he was getting worse then perhaps it should have been regarded as a charitable gesture ... in any case not very nice of Miss Lampe ...

This reminded me of something my wife once told me long ago. One of her first jobs was working at a sanatorium back in early 1970s. She told me that since the sanatorium was obviously mixed and didn't have other types of ill patients, only TBC, many patients apparently liked to find a temporary sex partner among other patients. Apparently this caused no end of indignation amongst the staff or staff supervisors and staff were supposed to be on the lookout for any tell-tale signs.

My wife thought it was quite appropriate to be on the look-out, but I thought it quite mean hearted, not serving any discernible purpose other than to deny the patients what little fun they might have ... some in the time left remaining them. She also told me that terminal TBC patients often get quite horny - which is something even then I found hard to believe. And believe me I was very ignorant of many basic medical tenets back then, so it really sounded outlandish.

A former girlfriend gave me a hand job during a short hospital stay many years ago. No need to masturbate the rest of the stay.

I had just learned about masturbation a few months before I came down with pneumonia. I was about 12 and I had to spend about 5 days in the hospital. It was the late 70's. Breast exams for lumps were new on the scene and there was a channel on the hospital TV in the room showing women how do do them. I was in heaven! I was spanking it to topless women in in front of nurses showing there bare boobs! The only down side was the lack of lubricant. How was I supposed to get it or ask without being obvious? ?

Tried a time or two. Did not get the job done. Too many distractions.

Yep. In for a triple arthrodesis (orthopedic surgery) in 1959. I was a horny 17 yr. old. Radio kept playing Annette Funicello's "Pineapple Princess". I had the hots for Annette and wacked off in my bed, under the sheets.

IF....I were ever in this situation. Sharing a room, required to stay more than a few days. How would I play it?

Do all i can to sleep as much as i can during the day. That gives me the overnight to myself to do as i need. I would either try to go dry, to use a bathroom product like soap or shampoo, or see if i could get a moisturizer product from a nurse during the daytime, perhaps choosing the nurse i'd be most comfortable asking. The latter would be the most preferable.

I have done it twice, once I was quietly palming the head at night when I realized a nurse was standing at the foot of the bed watching me, I don't know why but I was embarrassed, it has been a fantasy to have someone watch.

The other time I was quietly talking sex with my girlfriend at night with the covers completely off and fully hard in hand stroking. All of a sudden a nurse was at my bed side checking the moniters, I said I gotta go a nurse is here, She said No that's Ok, so I continued to stroke, She watched for a few seconds, smiled and left.

I now know I must have set off the monitor. She had to tell the other nurses cause the next morning they said Awh too bad you have to check out Your a good patient . Glad they didn't mind seeing a guy pleasuring himself.