Your Spouse Won't Give You An Enema? You're Nuts!

Well, my current spouse is not into any kind of anal. The first time I tried to put my finger in her, she stopped me. Enemas are out of the question. I imagine I could insist that she give me an enema, but it wouldn't work for me. She would have to WANT to and enjoy it.

As I have said elsewhere in Forum, my wife will not give me enemas. I don't believe that will ever change.

I've been fortunate through the years to have several women in my life share my enema interests. However, my most recent tops them all.

She was my secretary years ago when I was building and running recording studios in Detroit. We were always close friends and stayed in touch through the many years since those days.

Because our friendship was very close I would eventually discuss my enema fetish with her. She was so understanding and wanted to know more about it even though she had no experience with enemas for pure pleasure.

One thing led to another and after all the past years we found ourselves living close by to one another. We are now developing a romance that was always there even though we might not have been aware of it.

She has embraced enemas like no other woman I was fortunate to have had experiences with.

At first she was more interested in giving than receiving. Oh woe is me.

She developed "personalities" of enema givers. 1: A no nonsense mother giving her child an enema. 2:A very soft, loving and quiet enema giver. with this persona she is almost whispering words of love and encouragement to me while giving. 3: She becomes the stern, no nonsense nurse who tells me I am to take all she plans on giving. 4: is what she refers to as a "fuck enema" where she may spank me before, during, or after the enema. All of these personae I find very exciting and erotic. After the enemas she insists on taking me into the bathroom. She is an amazing woman and I consider myself to be the luckiest guy on the planet to have her in my life.

My advice to those of you that don't have partners is to hang in there. You never know when things may change and you find yourself in similar circumstances. Best of luck.

That is an incredible find for you, Ralph! Very glad to read about this!

Wow, Ralph. Congratulations! That's fantastic. I'm so envious I could scream.

Jack

I consider myself lucky that it was my wife who reintroduced me to enemas before we got married. I hated getting them as a kid, and had almost forgot such a thing existed until I went through a surgery about a year after we were married. She's a nurse, and by nature pays attention to things like patent's bowel movements etc. I hadn't pooped in 3 days after coming home, and I felt rotten to prove it. Without warning, she came out of the bathroom with a big green rubber hot water bottle that had the hose attached with a douche nozzle. She told me 3 days was way too long. I didn't want an enema, but I got one anyway. She humbled me with that nozzle and ruffled my pride, but I'm glad she did it. I felt like a new man when she got through with me. Now I'm always glad to let her give them to me.

Thank you Petal and Jack for the kind words. Yes, I consider myself extremely fortunate to be in the situation I am now in. She is a remarkably intelligent woman with about a ton of soul. Rather rare these days.

My spouse is a doc and has an aversion to seeing "patients" in a sexual way. He gets a free pass.

I don't know how ppl get in these situations. I have a few hang-ups making the majority of ppl undatable also I have a few "Must Have" fetishes that must be met. I wouldn't marry someone who was incompatible with me

Ralph, you mentioned that your new girl preferred to give at first, but has she also come to enjoy receiving?

Moe,

At this point she still hasn't received. She is very interested and I'm guessing it won't be long. She does administer a quick cleanse to herself for our anal play so she is familiar with the feel of a small enema. I'm not rushing her. She gives extremely erotic enemas to me, always eager to try new nozzles, bags etc. Just a matter of time she will be over my lap.

It is true that if two people really love each other, each will try to take an interest in the others special fetish (for lack of a better name). But that does not mean that the person really likes doing it, and eventually it could cause resentment, and help destroy the original love. So if I sense that my guy really does not like giving me an enema, I will not press him to do it. I respect my partner's feelings same as he respects mine. Just because you are married does not give you the right to control your spouse.

I thought my wife was sexually liberated since she lived in San Francisco before I met her. We dated and married in our 40s. (This was a second marriage for both of us). She was not in the lifestyle, but she seemed open to enemas from our conversations. I failed to negotiate a clear understanding of how we would proceed with enema play. A few days after we married, I gave her a sopsuds enema for the fun of it. She was not amused, and I had to end our marriage after 30 days since she lost all interest in sex, and my desire to give and receive enemas. Oddly, she never said "No." Go slowly, and negotiate enema play in marriage as carefully as when single.

I have heard more then one story about couples who do things before they are married and after marriage one of the spouses then refuses to participate. Their desire to marry must have made them deceive their spouse. I had a friend who loved camping and went two weekends a month. His new girlfriend loved to go with him and seemed to be really into camping. They were engaged and the camping continued over the course of another year. Then they married and the first time my friend wanted to go camping his new wife refused and has not gone since. I think if this is discussed before marriage and then one spouse backs out it will cause resentment and might lead to infidelity. Not fair and deceptive.

Whether it's sex, camping, enemas, or a combination of two or all three, too many times, before marriage, one partner willingly participates in activities the other partner enjoys or desires. But once they are married, and they have a legal contract, suddenly the operative word is often no. Is is deception, you bet. Is it almost equal to fraud, absolutely. Don't rush into marriage. Date, live together,and build a relationship and understanding. Most people have an agenda, or so I have found, and that agenda is often tied to money, especially if you have it and they don't.

I was really not into enemas yet before marrying my present wife, so no deception on that front. There was lots of deception on the sex part, though. Trouble is, she feels even less happy about enemas than sex. Oh, well.

Same experience here as many have commented above. In my case, I actually brought up my enjoyment of enemas BEFORE we were married, because I knew they were something that was important to me. The then wife-to-be said she was fine with them, and did indulge me 2 or 3 times after we married.....that was over 29 years ago. Since then.....zip, zero, nada....no interest whatsoever, other than occasional comment like: "I never seem to satisfy you". Yup....that's true much of the time these days. Yes.....it's damn frustrating, because I thought I had that "base covered" before we married. Her health issues are such today that I wouldn't bail out on her, but it does leave me in a somewhat less than satisfying marriage. Makes me yearn for some of the more exciting relationships I had previously.

Interesting to read these perspectives. There can certainly be cases of deliberate "bait and switch" or deception to get married.

But each couple has a unique situation including outside factors such as health issues, pregnancies, childrearing, parental care, career stress, etc. that may dampen or heighten interest in sex, enemas or caregiving of any type. What's recreational for one person (or may once have been an enjoyable pastime) may not feel that way at all anymore given new priorities and time restrictions in the person's daily life. Sometimes just having an hour's peace and quiet alone or enjoying a nap is the best thing in the world. Viewed in this light giving a partner an enema may not be appealing.

I agree with Amy K. Just because you're married to someone does not give you the right to control your spouse. It's also not realistic to have 100% aligned interests and tastes over time. Being honest and keeping the communication channels open can help, as can negotiating how certain needs may be met outside of the marriage if needs cannot be met within the marriage.

I totally agree with @Amy K and @captivated. I may have posted this in another thread a long time ago, but the single best book I ever read on relationships, of all kinds, is called "The Five Love Languages". It's worth looking at the writer's website, at minimum.

In a nutshell, the writer's premise is that people experience receiving and giving love differently, and there are 5 main ways to do so: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. The idea is for you and your partner to determine which ways resonate the loudest for each other. There's a little survey to help figure this out and I know it has helped me, even in my platonic relationships. For example, a husband might think his wife would really feel loved if he brought her flowers, when it would actually mean so much more to her if he rubbed her shoulders for 15 minutes (or cleaned the bathroom or read a short story to her or gave her an enema).

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

I had been doing enemas twice a month ever since being in college. One was always for relief during my monthly cycle and the other one just because it seemed like a good idea. When we got married my husband knew of my practice, but wanted nothing to do with it. Some years into our marriage he developed a problem and was scheduled for a sigmoidiscopy and told to do an enema the night before and another one the morning of the appointment. He could never bring himself to buy the Fleets and that evening before asked me if I would run out. I refused telling him that I had a perfectly good enema bag and would help him that way. He was not a bad enema receiver and after he came home from his exam, which went well, he told me how much he appreciated my help and didn't think that the enemas were as bad as he thought. Then he shocked me by offering to reciprocate and give me one any time I wanted. We've been doing them on occasion ever since. Sometimes all it takes is patience and a good opportunity.

@Emom He sounds like a good guy. How awesome!

Emom, your situation sounds exactly like mine.

My DH knew of my enema "thing" when we were married although he never participated at the outset. Over the years he has had a need for an enema from time to time and I have been more than willing to administer it. I tried to make it as pleasant an experience as possible. No four quart wash-outs, strong soap solutions or other additives that could potentially make it a gut wrenching (pardon the pun) ordeal. While he's not an enema enthusiast, he doesn't object and has, on occasion, indulged me in a little enema play prior to some serious love-making!

It's a matter of communication and taking baby steps. Sometimes it takes longer to get there....but it's really nice when you do finally arrive!

Have fun and play safe!

Deb

The old bait and switch. Happened to me too. Dated three years before marriage. Enjoyed mutual enemas and nudist lifestyle. After marriage nada. Don't understand where I went wrong. . . .

You would have been better off staying single with her!

Yes, it's a common problem. There's no real reason to get married anymore. For many, it only makes it more difficult to end their misery.

I'm lucky in that I happen to have a girlfriend (soon to be wife!) who is willing to participate. She gives me my enemas on a reasonably frequent basis, though not as often as we just have regular sex. Occasionally if she's in the mood she'll ask me for one.

If I had a partner who wasn't interested however, I feel like I'd be likely just to keep it to myself; I wouldn't want to seem selfish.

I'm lucky in that I happen to have a girlfriend (soon to be wife!) who is willing to participate. She gives me my enemas on a reasonably frequent basis, though not as often as we just have regular sex. . . .

I guess you didn't read this post:

The old bait and switch. Happened to me too. Dated three years before marriage. Enjoyed mutual enemas and nudist lifestyle. After marriage nada. Don't understand where I went wrong.

or mine that followed! 😁 😁 😁

I , too, was a victim of the bait and switch, but just in sex. We never had enema sessions before marriage and never after. I would never marry again - things change rapidly after the marriage. The "I do's"soon become the "I don't's." The next time around, more investigation! My bad!

My ex and I enjoyed enemas early on in our marriage. Both giving and recieving I thought I was in heaven, but gradually her sexual desires waned and eventually we parted. I find it difficult to even bring up the topic now to anyone I am dating. Maybe someday

As for me, a single gay male, a marriage of any kind is an agreement by two people to accept and respect (not merely tolerate) each others' true needs, and to help each other to achieve them. Otherwise, there are friend and acquaintances, to satisfy special needs. If one has agreed with a partner beforehand on the terms of one's marriage, subsequent decisions to the contrary are invitations to look outside of the marriage to fulfil those needs or an invitation to leave it. Love is not enough to keep two people in the bond of marriage. They must also like each other. Love can be distant or close. Liking require a the ability to share a whole life whether as friends or partners.

If your spouse won't give you an enema, then give yourself one, or more.

Seriously, everybody is different, so relationships between two people are different. Not everyone is into enemas. Some folks are averse to anything involving their anal region. So if your spouse isn't into enemas, fine, there are plenty of things she or he are into that you can both share and enjoy. The relationship will last a lot longer if you focus on the positive and not the negative.

Sunny76's post references five languages of love, one of which is quality time. Quality time can be solo time too, it doesn't have to be together time. In fact, quality solo time helps you be you, the person your partner is in the relationship with. Don't get me wrong, quality together time is important too, but it shouldn't come at the expense of quality solo time. It is important for you to stay you, the person your partner got into the relationship with in the first place.