Your Spouse Won't Give You An Enema? You're Nuts!

It's crazy to me, that people who have enough interest in enemas to be on a forum like this, have trouble getting their spouse to take care of them. From my point of view, that's horrid. I'm not talking about the occasional lurker, I'm talking about the people who really like enemas.

I'm 70 years old. I've been married to my third wife, going on 11 years. Although she became disinterested in sex a few years ago, I still get plenty of enemas from her, just for recreation. My other two wives also gave me plenty of recreational enemas for sexual foreplay, and sometimes just for the fun of it.

Early in my life I realized that for me, enemas were a NEED! I assume that is how it works for many of you. Just recognizing that it was a need, set the stage for relationships. Enemas didn't have to be a need for my women, but they had to accept my need, which turned out to be rather easy. NONE of my wives liked enemas. None of them allowed me to give them enemas, except maybe for 2 or 3 during the first year of our relationship.

Before any relationship turned serious, my need had to be worked out. I was a little tricky with the first one, because I didn't know how to broach the subject. I pretended to be constipated one afternoon when we were alone at my folks house. Of course, being raised at that time meant she knew about enemas. It didn't take much to get her to offer to give me one. After she saw how I reacted to them, she understood my need. For the next 18 years, I got enemas from her on a regular basis.

Wife number 2 was sexually adventurous, and definitely not vanilla. She made it plain that we could expand our fun if I was cleaned out back there. It only took a few minutes to anchor in my need for enemas. For the next 5 years I got plenty of them.

Then there is my current wife. Wife number 3. As we were having dinner one night, we talked about sex. I mentioned that I had a special need that was driven into my mind map by my mother. She asked what it was, and I told her I needed to be given enemas by an assertive woman. Her reply was, "Whatever it takes." Shortly thereafter I was getting my first enema from her. She needed to be trained how to do it, and how I liked it. As I said, sex ended for her a few years ago, but I still get enemas once or twice a week.

Take a lesson. If enemas are something you need, make sure you work it out before making a commitment. It's not that hard to find someone who will do it. Women seem to be easy to convert when it's explained to them as a need. In fact, I believe that when many of them know it's a need, they like it. Taking care of you in such a special and private way, makes them feel more secure in the relationship.

Edit:

I should mention that wife #1 and wife #3 were both pretty much vanilla when it came to sex. After 18 years, wife #1 said, "no more enemas." Within a year, we went our separate ways.

Many marriage counselors say that kinky can be really good for a marriage. I read a bit about one lady who spanks her husband. She said that it is the glue that holds their marriage together.

You're a dirty old man!

. . . . and that's exactly how it should be. I'm glad you and your wife are able to keep you satisfied.

Unlike Curt, who is one lucky individual, I did not make my wants known to receive enemas from my spouse during dating. I married for the second time and while I enjoyed enemas at that time, I did it rarely and when no one was home. I NEVER brought up the subject and regret it ever since. My wife does not like it when I do them. I usually do one when she is out of the house for several hours, which is not too often. She says she will never participate with me in it, and I believe her. I do take care of myself once in a while, but would have been much nicer had I been more proactive.

Please read Curt's post and he brings up some very good ways to broach the subject. I wish I would have been more assertive like Curt, and I would be in a much happier place.

Thanks Curt!!!!!

I just love to hear the voice of wisdom point well taken just wish I know how much I liked enemas back when I met my wife life would be different for sure but life is all about change so one never knows what will happen next. Just how to raise the question without being showdown , so many ways it could go just must muster the courage to broach the idea of mutual enemas.

I have been married for a long time. I have always had a great sex life. My husband I are both very open to each others ideas and desires.

I have always loved enemas from the time I was very young. I used to fantasize at a very early age about being on the receiving end of a nice thick nozzle. As much as I loved them and hoped to be able to share this passion with him eventually and on a frequent basis, I figured I'd be fine and settle for doing them solo. I'd get there with him someday. For some reason, though I love him heart and soul and trust him with my body completely, I could not bring myself to tell him that I had this need to have him participate in this with me regularly. I felt embarrassed to say that I wanted to be on the receiving end and wanted him to enjoy them a well.

I was the one that brought it up early in the relationship but didn't say it was my "thing". I just expressed that it was something I would be open to along with other things that we had discussed though eventually it became clear that it was actually my passion. Unfortunately, unlike many of you males here, enemas are not something my husband really had an interest in though we did dabble in them for a very brief time many, many years ago. It never went further. I never pushed it.

I can remember before we had the internet and you had to pretty much rely on magazines and print publications for your enema fix. He used to go to an area sex toy shop and buy magazines for himself and would pick up an Enema Digest and whatever else they had that he thought I'd like. At first, I was in heaven to see other people that had this same passion the way I did. Yet, although my husband knew I was into this, he never made any special requests to be a giver or receiver. He did ask me once or twice if I'd like him to give me an enema. He meant well but it was said in a way that was almost humiliating to me. Not in a good way. Trust me, I know he didn't mean it like that but it just didn't make me want to take him up on it no matter how much I wanted that 3 letter word (yes) to roll off my tongue.

There was never any mention on his part to try incorporating it into our intimate life. That made me uncomfortable and I felt awkward so I just let it slide and never brought it up. Pretty soon, the magazines seemed to be either the same old stuff or they just got so bizarre that they weren't for me. I told him not to bother buying them anymore.

Eventually, I denied that enemas were a "fetish" or a passion and that I just liked them more for health purposes. Any extra stimulation was a benefit but they weren't something I did for the purpose of sexual enjoyment. Although, it's not all a lie because as I got older, I realized just how much I enjoyed them beyond the anal stimulation. I always felt so good after one. I'd get a feeling of being high after one. I felt so energized. Yet in some cases, very relaxed and zen like. It wasn't all about the erotic pleasures each time but there is no doubt I did always look forward to that part of it.

Even though are intimacy level is definitely not vanilla in any way, I foolishly let my "pride" (for a lack of a better word) get in the way. He's not like most of the men on this forum that love enemas. We both enjoy anal pleasures and he loves to be on the giving end as well as the receiving end (from me). He likes to get spanked, loves a rectal temp and sometimes enjoys a little humiliation. So one would think it would seem likely that he would enjoy enemas because we are pretty much hitting all of those aspects of it! Nope. It's just not his thing. Therefore it made me feel somewhat silly.

I foolishly didn't realize from the beginning just how much it was a need for me and not a desire. Only recently did I decide that I was being so foolish. When you love someone and trust them completely, how can you not let yourself go and just open up and say this is what you want and this has to be something we do? After all, I'm not 100% on board with all of his "kinks" but I go along with it because I want to make him happy. Making him happy makes me happy. Taking him "there" gives me joy even though sometimes it starts off feeling more like a chore (if it's not my thing).

So, I did it! It took me years and years and years to get to that point but I did it. I put it all out there and told him exactly how I feel about it and things have changed to my benefit. He now tells me that he does enjoy enemas to some degree but the impatient side of him is what keeps him from enjoying them as much as I do. He's not into the "process" of it since he seeks more instant satisfaction. Meaning he's not thrilled with a 2 or three enema session. I will add that he does have ADD so maybe that's part of it. He's also mentioned that he isn't crazy about doing them as a prelude to any anal activity as the enemas make him sore and therefore make the anal intimacy that he so enjoys, uncomfortable and impossible. I get that.

Anyway, we are getting there. It's soooo nice to know that I am able to work this into my intimate life with him now and be on both ends of it as a giver and receiver. I know he's going to come around to it completely and will actually WANT it like I do. I can see it. It may never be his #1 priority but it may be #2! I'll settle for that.

Don't deny yourself! Curt2299 is so right. You have to mention it up front and put it out there. I went for years and years and years of depriving myself of sharing this pleasure with my love. All because of my own foolish quirks. I am so happy and relieved to know that I finally allowed myself to open up and be honest about it. I was my own worst enemy.

MsBottomzUp -

Persistence pays!

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THANKS for sharing your story!!!!!

MsBottomzUp nice!

It is difficult to lay it out on the table, so to speak. There is always a risk of being thought of as weird or worse. For most of us, the downside is only living half of our intimate life. It wasn't that I was so brave. I knew a relationship would never work for me without getting my needs taken care of. So, I had to come out of the closet, in spite of my fears.

I wish I could open up to my wife. I'm quite sure it will not be possible. She is vanilla in most respects, and I felt I needed to keep my habits secret because I believed she would not accept them. Last year she found my equipment, and deduced what I did, and she was exceedingly unhappy about this, calling it 'disgusting'. I'm sure that, had I confided in her earlier, she would have been somewhat less unhappy, but just as disgusted. After a few months she realized that I was continuing with my habit. She was shocked yet again. Somehow she believed that if she expressed disapproval of enemas once, I would simply drop them on the spot. I think most people on this list would understand how unlikely that is to happen. I've seen the word 'need' mentioned many times. Even though I only started enemas five years ago, I think it was something I was destined to discover. I cannot imagine dropping this now.

But I still dream of the day when my wife could accept the idea without horror.

Cattan,

When I was young, I looked forward to the day that my desire for enemas would go away. Now, at 70, I can tell you that it is a life long fetish, which I came to realize, is a need. Many, many counselors say the same.

I'm no royalist but I have a lot to thank princess Dianne for!! My wife came home and told me that she had read that PD took enemas on a regular basis for health reasons and wanted to know what I knew about them. Well it's funny you should ask that I thought. I had been very interested in enemas both giving and receiving since I was a small boy when I had stumbled on an article in a UK mag called FORUM. The whole scene of tubes, rubber, nurses, and the like formed the embryo of all my sexual interests until the present day. I said that I knew a little about them and could certainly perform them on her if she wished. The rest is, so to speak, history.

She enjoys them on demand and finds them very relaxing. It was that easy, however I had never felt brave enough to bring up the subject myself because at the time I thought I was too weird!! My point is that I think many people go through life not making their needs or wants known to their partners. This is a very sad waste of time. Feel the fear and do it anyway. A partner can only say no and think your weird.

Of course if they are so straight laced that they are disgusted maybe they are not going to make you happy in life anyway.

My wife knew I enjoyed enemas BEFORE we married, because I told her. She obliged for a while, but then just quit. Bummer. So now I'm solo when it comes to enemas.

I agree, I now realize that my wife doesn't like enemas and never will after she recently submitted to me giving her one which she hated, she does like to do thing that please me and she does like to do provocative sexual things and is willing to give me enemas if that's what i want. I guess some of us are scared that our wife will think we're weird, in my case she knows i am but willingly does most anything I come up with, she has surprised me sometimes like recently when we were starting to have sex she said I want you to put something in my butt while you are fucking me, so i got a tapered pink butt plug out of the toy bag and did as she asked. So I think I will follow your lead and take as many enemas as she will give me and be happy and stop trying to get her to like them.

That is sort of strange. I think I could get a girlfriend into them. I have never had a problem doing that.

Way to go Curt. 😃

At the beginning of June I had a small stroke that didn't do much too me. At the beginning of August I had a another one that left me very weak on the right side. I'm better now, but for a few weeks it was all I could do to get to the bathroom when I needed too. The doctors didn't give me any kind of treatment in the hospital, because I'm claustrophobic and won't let them put me in an MRI. I've done it twice, and even with sedatives, it's tough. At home my wife was taking excellent care of me, but she kept fussing about the MRI thing.

Finally, I just asked her outright if she wanted to take charge of me for all medical stuff and make the final decisions about what happens.(I'd already realized that I'm not competent to make decisions when an event is happening) She replied that she did. I told her that if I gave her that control, enema control had to go with it, because enemas make me submissive. She agreed, and promptly took charge of me. Suffice it to say, I've seen the inside of the MRI machine since then.

She has never liked enemas, and has never really gotten into giving them to me, but she gave me weekly enemas since before we were married. Now, she gives me enemas two or three times a week, and makes all the decisions around here. She gives me soapy enemas to the point of intense cramping. About half of the time she stops the enema at that point, and starts the 5 minute hourglass timer. She won't release me until it's finished. That really makes me listen to what she says.

I got a big surprise when she took over. It's like she always wanted this kind of control, but didn't really know that until she had it. She has discovered that she likes being the boss. She's not about to go back to the way is was before. She has told me that this is permanent. She still doesn't usually enjoy giving me enemas, but she loves being in charge.

For the most part, I'm quite content with this, but she exerts more control than I'm comfortable with. The problem, if it's a problem, is that she knows that even if I want to go back to the way it was, she can become very assertive and dominant, and force my submission. Yes, I'm bigger and stronger, but because of what my mother did, I simply can't say no under those circumstances, and she knows it.

I dunno, Curt ......... doesn't seem like such a bad deal to me.

i'd roll with it.

It's okay so far, but if she gets creative, some of the possibilities are scary. I pretty much don't have a choice any longer, if I don't want relationship troubles.

I'm in a relationship myself that has been going south lately. She's aware of my interest, but not willing to participate. She's tried it a few times, but absolutely hates it. For unrelated reasons, this relationship is probably not going to last much longer. With this girl, I waited a few years to approach the subject, and it ended miserably. I'm thinking my next relationship, before it gets too serious, I may bring it up before things get too serious, but at first I can blame it on IBS. I have IBS, which causes horrible stomach problems. (actually true) And, I've found that if I have an enema at least weekly, it completely prevents the IBS issues. Totally plausible, and it's actually true. It doesn't even have to be introduced as a kink this way. Of course, it depends on the woman. Some women are totally into trying new kinky things.

Sounds like a great plan to me. That would be a great way for anyone to get started with someone new. From what I know about IBS, most anyone could fake having it. I'd wish you luck, but I don't think you'll need it.

I must say that I too am very surprised to see how many Zity's members are in this situation. It surprises me even more that most of them claim to have married (or to have started to live with) their current partner in mature age, ie when each of us has adopted long time now a way of life that conforms to own nature, including kinks and fetishes.

When I met my current partner I was 28, lived alone in perfect harmony with myself and I would never have agreed to live with a man only willing to tolerate (or pretend not to know) my inclinations and not also eager to meet them for my sake. The same applies, of course, if I hadn't been willing to do likewise toward him.

Thus, before taking the decision to live together, we've endeavored to expose each other every slightest aspect of our personalities without any reticence or false shame: for now this strategy seems to have worked well, since we're still happily together for eight years ...

With specific regard to the topic "enema", I remember telling to him something like this: «Sometimes I love getting an enema, not for medical needs but, depending on my mood, as a pleasant relaxing or as a part of erotic foreplay. Unless there's no other alternative, I don't like do this by myself. So I expect that the man in my life will do this for me. Have you any problem?». There has never been any problem.

This has been my personal way - simple and straightforward - to address the issue and, as I said, has given more than satisfying results.

Someone here can explain to me why it shouldn't work equally well for anyone else?

Good for you, Claudia.

It seems to me that there are a lot of people who are afraid of exposing themselves because of what others might think. You have to get to a point where you can discuss things in strictest confidence before letting the cat out of the bag, to avoid the possibility that other people may find out your secrets. I made certain that what I revealed was just between us. It always worked.

Well not all people are straight forward or even honest with themselves.

Before I proposed to my wife I told her of my enjoyment of enemas, both giving and receiving. She had a few as a child and hated them and thought I was nuts for liking them. To her credit (or desire to get married) she did try a few times but always hated the experience. She was willing to give me enemas most of the times I requested them before we got married.

Our standard bet, after we got married, was if she won, she would get a 20 minute back rub. If I won, she would give me an enema. At the end of the 2nd year of marriage she owed me 70 enemas. I owed her no back rubs.

We have been married for 39 years, her only involvement in my enema taking is asking if I want to "use" the left over coffee.

For additional reasons, elsewhere explained, for the last 20+ years I have found enemates to share our mutual like for enemas and medfet play, and/or dominance and submission.

My wife and I have had several "true confession" moments in our marriage. Nothing terrible, mind you, but things each of us had been holding back for perhaps such a moment are shared - typically in a relaxed environment with a little liquid courage and we spill. So, we were on the nude beach in NJ (Sandy Hook - cant say enough good things) and I confessed I love enemas. She knew I did them, but had no idea how much I enjoyed them, and for her part, she thought the concept was kind of disgusting. Nonetheless, while she wouldn't participate, she was supportive. Some time later, she agreed to try, but that's another story I'll share later... And now, well, we're both keen devotees! So, I suppose the moral is - be yourself! Tell it like it is, and it will work out - it did for us!

... And now, well, we're both keen devotees! So, I suppose the moral is - be yourself! Tell it like it is, and it will work out - it did for us!

Quite right : this is just what I wanted to suggest in my previous post.

So flattered to be quoted by you, Claudia, thank you!

That was the hard learned lesson from my first marriage... One must be true to one's self - the truth will always come out. That principle really is the key to happiness, in my humble opinion, or at least it has been for my glorious relationship with my (present) wife since then...

I see your point about kinks, Curt, but I am still too afraid of bringing it up with my gf of 7 years. I have this idea, probably not based on reality, that she will think its really weird, and think I am a perv for even mentioning it. I think I will have to wait until one of us needs one, for a medical or other reason, and maybe we'll bo off to the races from then on. At least I will be.

Every relationship and person is different, hence it's impossible to second guess what you should do, and how to handle the "enema" question. For me, I decided it was important enough that I brought it up with my wife-to-be after a couple years of dating. To my surprise, she wasn't shocked, and said she was OK with my enjoyment of enemas. After we married, she pleasured me with 2 or 3 enemas, and that was that. No more. Obviously, she wasn't into them at all, and decided she would rather not engage in enema play. The marriage has lasted, however I have to admit, it's been a source of frustration for me. I raised the issue BEFORE we married because it was important to me, but then it hasn't worked out the way I thought it would. So, as I said, every relationship and individual is different, and there are no guarantees in anything. You simply have to evaluate how important the issue is to you, and take it from there.......with the consequences be what they may.

My wife is not into receiving, though I've tried to get her to do that. She does however recognize my desires and has no trouble administering to me. We'respect each other in that regard, and while I wish she were even more participative, I've come to accept that this is how it's always going to be. So, I count my blessings that I'm better off than a lot of klismos, even though I'd like it to be better.

Why not ?? if necessary ...

As we should all know in life by the time we get the the age of hanging out in a forum like this..... Everyone's experience is different. So in if you have a partner that has the same desires for kink as you do you found a golden egg. However if you still have a healthy relationship with your significant other and they don't want to follow you in the bathroom for an enema, I don't think this make you "crazy". If you like enemas more power to you, if you don't that just fine too. Infact any kink and long as it doesn't hurt anyone is just fine in my book. I may not partake with you, but that doesn't mean I should tell you what or what not to like. As long as its legal and safe.... Have fun!