I have been married for a long time. I have always had a great sex life. My husband I are both very open to each others ideas and desires.
I have always loved enemas from the time I was very young. I used to fantasize at a very early age about being on the receiving end of a nice thick nozzle. As much as I loved them and hoped to be able to share this passion with him eventually and on a frequent basis, I figured I'd be fine and settle for doing them solo. I'd get there with him someday. For some reason, though I love him heart and soul and trust him with my body completely, I could not bring myself to tell him that I had this need to have him participate in this with me regularly. I felt embarrassed to say that I wanted to be on the receiving end and wanted him to enjoy them a well.
I was the one that brought it up early in the relationship but didn't say it was my "thing". I just expressed that it was something I would be open to along with other things that we had discussed though eventually it became clear that it was actually my passion. Unfortunately, unlike many of you males here, enemas are not something my husband really had an interest in though we did dabble in them for a very brief time many, many years ago. It never went further. I never pushed it.
I can remember before we had the internet and you had to pretty much rely on magazines and print publications for your enema fix. He used to go to an area sex toy shop and buy magazines for himself and would pick up an Enema Digest and whatever else they had that he thought I'd like. At first, I was in heaven to see other people that had this same passion the way I did. Yet, although my husband knew I was into this, he never made any special requests to be a giver or receiver. He did ask me once or twice if I'd like him to give me an enema. He meant well but it was said in a way that was almost humiliating to me. Not in a good way. Trust me, I know he didn't mean it like that but it just didn't make me want to take him up on it no matter how much I wanted that 3 letter word (yes) to roll off my tongue.
There was never any mention on his part to try incorporating it into our intimate life. That made me uncomfortable and I felt awkward so I just let it slide and never brought it up. Pretty soon, the magazines seemed to be either the same old stuff or they just got so bizarre that they weren't for me. I told him not to bother buying them anymore.
Eventually, I denied that enemas were a "fetish" or a passion and that I just liked them more for health purposes. Any extra stimulation was a benefit but they weren't something I did for the purpose of sexual enjoyment. Although, it's not all a lie because as I got older, I realized just how much I enjoyed them beyond the anal stimulation. I always felt so good after one. I'd get a feeling of being high after one. I felt so energized. Yet in some cases, very relaxed and zen like. It wasn't all about the erotic pleasures each time but there is no doubt I did always look forward to that part of it.
Even though are intimacy level is definitely not vanilla in any way, I foolishly let my "pride" (for a lack of a better word) get in the way. He's not like most of the men on this forum that love enemas. We both enjoy anal pleasures and he loves to be on the giving end as well as the receiving end (from me). He likes to get spanked, loves a rectal temp and sometimes enjoys a little humiliation. So one would think it would seem likely that he would enjoy enemas because we are pretty much hitting all of those aspects of it! Nope. It's just not his thing. Therefore it made me feel somewhat silly.
I foolishly didn't realize from the beginning just how much it was a need for me and not a desire. Only recently did I decide that I was being so foolish. When you love someone and trust them completely, how can you not let yourself go and just open up and say this is what you want and this has to be something we do? After all, I'm not 100% on board with all of his "kinks" but I go along with it because I want to make him happy. Making him happy makes me happy. Taking him "there" gives me joy even though sometimes it starts off feeling more like a chore (if it's not my thing).
So, I did it! It took me years and years and years to get to that point but I did it. I put it all out there and told him exactly how I feel about it and things have changed to my benefit. He now tells me that he does enjoy enemas to some degree but the impatient side of him is what keeps him from enjoying them as much as I do. He's not into the "process" of it since he seeks more instant satisfaction. Meaning he's not thrilled with a 2 or three enema session. I will add that he does have ADD so maybe that's part of it. He's also mentioned that he isn't crazy about doing them as a prelude to any anal activity as the enemas make him sore and therefore make the anal intimacy that he so enjoys, uncomfortable and impossible. I get that.
Anyway, we are getting there. It's soooo nice to know that I am able to work this into my intimate life with him now and be on both ends of it as a giver and receiver. I know he's going to come around to it completely and will actually WANT it like I do. I can see it. It may never be his #1 priority but it may be #2! I'll settle for that.
Don't deny yourself! Curt2299 is so right. You have to mention it up front and put it out there. I went for years and years and years of depriving myself of sharing this pleasure with my love. All because of my own foolish quirks. I am so happy and relieved to know that I finally allowed myself to open up and be honest about it. I was my own worst enemy.