Totally agree @Buttwoman. I always think of relationships having 4 required areas of compatibility - money, religion, kids, sex. And they all carry equal weight. A major unresolved incompatibility in one of those areas is bound to doom it.
But - there is always the very probable possibility that revealing those urges and kinks will end up ruining everything between both.. . . And it can just as easily rebound and turn out for the worse. So, is revealing everything really worth the risk?
@agracier Absolutely! Is it better to be very unhappy with a key area of your intimate life for 50 years?? This may also be a bit too simplistic, but I would see a spouse's reactions to an admission of kink going one of 4 ways:
1) They are totally into it or trying it or are kinkier than you! Yeah!
2) They aren't too excited by it, but will compromise or look for solutions because they love you, like @moliere describes.
3) They aren't and won't get into it, but consent to you indulging by yourself to read or use porn or whatever you are doing currently.
4) Are totally disgusted and want to end the relationship.
Now, 3 of those 4 are BETTER or the SAME as what you do now. Only 4) is worse... and is it really worse? Did this person really love you if a kink becomes the end of the relationship? Would someone who truthfully in their heart committed to you for life, END the relationship because you enjoy taking an enema?? Seriously? They'd throw away yrs and yrs of 'happiness' and family because you want them to stick something up your ass?
Of course if your kink is raping women or molesting little girls, then yes, if I was the spouse I certainly would want to know, so I could END the relationship.
Honesty and openness is fine of course, but very often it only works in moderation.
Wow... I just have to totally and completely disagree with this statement. I don't want a relationship where I'm only 'moderately' honest or open with my spouse. I'd much rather stay alone and keep looking!