Partner's presence at examinations

My girlfried recently asked her doctor if i could attend her exam, he reluctantly agreed. During the exam it seemed that he wanted to humiliate her for allowing me to attend. He splayed her labia out wide and commented on how large they are. I wonder if anyone has had a similar experience?

Yes, once my gf got a most thorough external exam quite unexpectedly when i watched. The doctor pulled and stretched her labia very wide and quite forcefully. It was almost a show of how much the doctor could get away with.

Thanks james i think that GYNOs hold a lot of power and that seems apparent in our cases.

I don't know if anyone here can answer this question. Can a man or women have someone with them when having an exam in a medical situation or can the spouse be forced to leave. I don't mean just at the gyn office. I mean any place where an exam takes place during non life threating emergences occur.

I realize they need to bar you for safety reasons during x-rays and ct scans and such. Thank You

It depends on the place. Doctor's offices and hospitals set their own policies regarding that kind of thing or it may be left up to the doctor as an individual. Without a law on the books that ultimately decides one way or the other, that question can only be answered on a case by case basis. There is no such federal law in the US, that I know of. There may be state laws that deal with forcing OB/GYNs to see patients under the age of 18, regardless of whether a parent or guardian is present or not. With 50 states each writing enough laws to wallpaper a skyscraper, I don't know anyone besides a lawyer who could give you specifics on that. I am positive, though, that no such state or federal regulations exist for adults.

If you aren't happy with the care or policies of your hospital or personal doctor, you should find another. Policies not to your liking for no good reason need not be tolerated--that's freedom of choice.

My husband and I both share a strong need to share in our exams. We have made the effort to insure that our doctors allow the spouse to be present for all exams. When the exams are routine it makes for great sex afterwards, when we are really sick we are then part of each others health care.

Matt83 is right, it just depends on the policy of the doctor's office or the clinic. Any time I have been to the doctors' office with my husband, he has let each one of us stay while the other got undressed for the exam. I have accompanied my husband for his exams, and he has accompanied me. When I was in the hospital, my husband was there while I was examined, or having tests. My husband was in the room when I had a TVU. I can understand there would be times and places when a spouse would be in the way.

My boy friend goes with me to my real gyn exams. when i asked the first time the nurse said absolutely not. i told her he is in medical school and he wants to be an ob/gyn and would she please ask the doctor. actually he is in medical school but he does not want to be an ob/gyn. so i lied a little. well the doctor said sure and since he always goes with me.

rikki

I want to thank everyone who answered my question. Really i knew we didn't have a legal right. Recently i had an incident with my wife where the dr forced me to leave. This has never happened to me before. There was no need for this to happen. I don't have time to write about the incident now. I have a long shift tomorrow but I'm off Wednesday and I'd like to explore this issue a little more. So I'll write about the incident more.I saw my first exam during my first marriage which only lasted a year. This was probably 1970. I was 18 or 19 at the time. Believe me I was the only man at the gyn office that day and I was nervous as hell not knowing what was going to happen or knowing if the dr would let me stay. We didn't have computers then so i had no idea what this was about or at least very little idea. He let me stay but do to the chair being at my wife's head i got to see nothing. That became the begging of a life long interest in this subject. My wife also comes with me to all my appointments. I hope more will write in before we cut off this subject. thanks

Kimberly,I'm sure there are good reasons for not allowing a spouse. But this should be very rare. We can all see the reason for not going to x-ray or ct scan. If your love one was in a bad accident and the medical personal was working on them.You might be in the way.I'm sure there are many big city hospitals where they are over crowded and there isn't any privacy where you'd be considered in the way.

The first gyn exam I saw was in the early 70's with my first wife.(a very short marriage for us) I was nervous as hell. Didn't know if i'd be allowed in. I was the only man there at the time. For the most part men didn't go to his wife's exam at that time. Really had never heard of a man going. I know my dad always waited in the waiting room and till his death never was with my mom for her exams.

I fully understand that this is a forum for our fetish. And trust me I do have the fetish. But beyond my fetish I believe you should have someone with you. I brought my daughters up to believe that also. I take my wife to every exam of mine also. When ever I make an appointment I make it with her schedule in mind. I make sure she can go.

Sad to say I have been married 4 times. The first time was very short all the rest were for a good amount of time. I went with each and every one of them. Ever since i got my first computer (2001) I found out through yahoo clubs and other sites that there are a lot of people out there with this interest. Makes me feel normal. lol As i said i went with all four women to their appointments. I realize i'm a lucky guy in that regards. I read the post from men who would love to go just once. But their wife won't let them. Of course that is the patients choice. But to me it is not the doctors choice except in rare circumstances.

What started me off about this is recently i was made to leave the exam room. There wasn't any reason for this.My wife feels intimidated by doctors so she said nothing to the lady doctor. I didn't feel it was my place to say anything so i end up on the outside of the room staring at the door while my wife was getting a pelvic exam. This was not at a private doctors office or we would have left and found a new doctor. This was at a 24 hr emergency room. But it wasn't at a hospital. A free standing building that promises you won't have to wait like you do at a hospital. They do have a ct scan which my wife got one. after all this they still weren't sure what was wrong with her. But they new how to take my 100 dollar co pay and bill the insurance God knows how much. Oh and the excuse the lady used to get me out of the room. I need you to stand at the door so no one can walk in while i'm feeling your wife's uterus.

I waited two days before i talked to my wife about this incident as i didn't want to yell at her. I was mad at the doctor and at my wife for not speaking up and even at myself. Maybe i should have said something. She knew this talk was coming and said she'll speak up next time. We have written a letter to this 24 hr emergency room explaining our feelings and position. I haven't mailed it yet and don't know if i should. The problem should have been resolved at the time. Do you think i should mail it. lol

I admit this is a rare incident. For the most part my partner and i (who ever she was at the time) have never really had much of a problem staying together. I've been to at least three trans vaginal ultrasounds. The last one three years ago at the local hospital and nothing was said. The worst that has ever been said by the doctor was "do you want him here?" When the reply was yes the exam proceeded.

Twice we made our appointment together for the same time. Two different doctors. We were called in together. Put in same room. After taking my history but before the dr came in the nurse came in and told my wife she was going to move her to a different exam room so she could get ready. This happened both times. Both times my wife said we wanted to stay together. The first time we were moved to a different exam room for her exam after my exam. The next time the nurse wheeled in the cart with the female exam stuff and a gown. Told my wife when your husbands done ,gown open to the front and change places.

More than having problems with dr's it's been the nurses who have given me dirty looks. But only rarely.

I suppose the two biggest reasons they would say as the reason for not wanting you there is the doctor isn't comfortable or the women's modesty. Well guess what,my wife doesn't go for their comfort she goes for her comfort. And as far as modesty it's not me she is modest in front of. It's them. And i bring her a degree of comfort. All they need do is ask her do you want him here? Some women would not and i respect that. But some like my wife do. All four wives!!! lol

Thanks for letting me vent. It won't be the last time. Oh by the way my wife goes for her well woman exam this Wednesday. Trust me I'll be in the exam room or neither one of us will be. bye for now

Why does your doctor ask your boyfriend to leave sometimes? Very true that it is just an exam. That's why when you want to bring someone with you they shouldn't be asked to leave. The doctor should find out what you want.

In my case it is my wife's insurance,my money for the co pay and our bodies. They are after all a business.

They advertise on radio,tv,newpapers,billboards and the internet.

People like me had our babies at home in the late seventies and early eighties. That sure made the ob's take notice. Hey we are losing business to this home birth thing. All of a sudden they started allowing the dad in the delivery room and who ever the women wanted including her other children if she had any. My wife and i had five children at home. Only the last was born in a hospital. Now they call these places birthing centers and take in consideration the womens comfort. Why? Because they are caring? No because they were losing business.

It wasn't too long ago you had no rights to your medical records. It took a federal law so you can see your record and get a copy of it. Of course the government has allowed them to charge a small fee for coping your records as if you haven't paid enough already.

They,the doctors need to be more open. And i think this is happing.

Remember,your body,your insurance,your money and your choice.

Still not sure about the letter though. I'm sure they will just laugh it off.

thanks for the reply. R

I think that doctors have the right to ask you to leave. And your wife has the right to say no or find a new doctor.

From a doctor's standpoint, I could see how this could be a little red flag of a controlling husband if perhaps a woman was being abused by their spouse.

This issue has to be looked at on a case by case basis.

If we are examining a patient for domestic violence claims having one's spouse in the same exam room is not a good idea.

If you have patient who wants to share something with the Doctor and patient does not want their family member to hear what the patient has to say then...

If you have a patient that insists having someone to accompany the patient in the exam proceedings I believe the doctor should allow it unless there are other constraints.

I have been waiting for the abused wife or controlling husband. This is not a valid excuse to me. I am glad for your opinion and trust me. So don't take this personal.

Forty years ago when for the most part no one gave a damn about abused women or even the children they weren't letting men in the exam room. there wasn't the awareness about abused woman or any shelters for them to go to. It finally took a lawsuit in the state of Conn.which the police dept paid out a lot of money for not arresting the husband at the time of the beating. Since that time law enforcement agency's all over the country are enforcing arrest for either spouse who is thought to be abusive at the crime scene. This case in Conn. i believe happened in the 1970's.

First let me say this also,i am 57 years old and never once in 4 marriages have i ever hit a women. I also realize you were not saying that i was. Nor am i controlling. My wife and the ones before her were always allowed to live life (their life) on their terms. My wife has gone to the Dr by herself many times. Including for a pelvic exam. I wish i could make every appointment by due to work it is not always possible but we both make it for each other as often as we can.

In all those times she went alone or my other marriages they were never asked if they were being abused. And considering they didn't have to always get undressed it would have taken asking about abuse as they wouldn't see marks on a fully dressed women. More then likely any women with a black eye is trying to avoid the public.

Years ago i worked for a very nice security company not the ones you think of as rent a cops. We worked only apartment complexes that the man we worked for owned. If memory serves me correct it was some 10,000 units or more all around the greater Houston area. When i first started i thought i could start helping some of these poor women. I was never more wrong. I never helped even one. They are of a different mind set. The abuse has left them damaged. Fear especially constant fear is a terrible thing for all of us human beings. Most of these women are not going to admit to the abuse even when they have terrible marks on them.

My point is this,when a woman is ready to get out of the abusive relationship she will make the appointment or call the shelter or see the minister all by herself. Just knowing he's sitting out in the waiting room is enough of a deterrent for most of them to keep silent. The Dr has every right and maybe a legal obligation to call police if he suspects abuse.

I am sure in todays world if a woman or even my self needed to talk to a Dr alone the appointment would be made without the knowledge of the other spouse.

If the Dr's cared so much about about abuse it would be a standard question at every office. Are you abused? B ut it not. Not to say it is never asked because my wife was once asked and i was there. About four years ago at her gyn office as she was sitting on the exam table in her gown and i was sitting in the chair. It was pelvic time. lol The nurse came in and looked embarrassed. She handed my wife a piece of paper and a pen. My wife read it and smiled. She then signed something on the paper and gave it back to the nurse. I didn't know what it was but thought it was permission for treatment or something about our medical visit that day. I didn't ask. Later my wife laughed and stated the paper asked if she was a abused woman. But that was the only time and only person i know who was ever asked.

Now I'm sure some of you women reading this have been asked that very question but this is rare i would think unless there is a law mandating this in your state.

Let's face it,most Dr's wouldn't want to get involved. They can't afford days in court. The expense of the office ,nurses ,receptionist, electricity someone to file insurance claims keep their work load at maximum. Time off for court is cost prohibitive.

So now we are down to the only time I've been made to leave. During a pelvic exam. not before or after was there a problem in me being there. The only time i was asked if i wanted my wife there was when i was getting a rectal exam. My wife is asked only before a pelvic exam. But most times nothing is ever asked. And at no Dr have we ever been asked when there wasn't any pelvic or rectal going on. Is this the only time this thought comes to the Dr's mind? When one of us is naked. I think not. Just an excuse for their main reasons.

These reasons to me are: they are embarrassed or they are thinking of the modesty issue. I don't care if they are comfortable or not. We are paying for this. My wife works as a waitress. In the last six years every one of her pay checks is for 0.00 dollars as all of it goes to pay for the insurance. So all she gets is tips only. In Texas waiters only get 2.13 an hour. And many times we get bills from the Dr's for stuff not covered or covered in full by insurance. So trust me i don't care if the Dr is comfortable with me there or my wife with me. And the modesty issue? Hell we see each other naked every day,we play together,we enjoy things and places together,we know each other ,have sex together,and yes at times we even fight together. My wife is not embarrassed in front of me being examined. Some women would be and that is to be respected.

My wife and i should be respected by all dr's except in an emergency situation. Then our being together simply can not be in the same manner as a regular exam.

As i said mostly we have no problems staying together and we are blessed to have insurance and i found you to vent to. lol

Thanks for the comments. R

Juan my experience in Spain has been similar to yours, very understanding and informative.

I have attended my wife's exams for23 years and have NEVER not been admitted. The only exception to this is the mammogram. The rooms are smaller than ever and i just stay out of the way. some Gyn's are there less than 5 minutes.

I recently went to my girlfriends exam. The doctor was very patient, and didn't seem to have any problems with my presence. She even let me look inside when she had the speculum in, without even asking my girlfriend if that was Ok with her. I was highly aroused, but thankfully I was able to hide it well.

I attended my GF first visit to the gynecologist. She was 18 at the time and wanted to get on the pill. She pleaded with the nurse for me to go in the exam room with her. The nurse said she would ask the doctor, but usually the answer was no. Five minuteslater she said the doctor told her it was OK. When the nurse came in the waiting room she said the doctor will be ready and we were to follow her. We walked down the hall way to a door that had a sign stating it was EXAM ROOM 5. In the center of the room was of course the table. The nurse handed my GF an exam gown and said she was to strip completely, put on the gown open in the back, and sit up on the table. The doctor would be in shortly. It was after she had on the gown that I noticed the two arms holding the stirrups. I asked her what these were. She gigled and said "baby those are the dreaded stirrups". She added that just because it was her first exam it didn't mean she didn't know about the exam. Fifteen minutes later so did I. the doctor looked like a movie star and boy did he examine her. He gave her a three month supply of the pill and said she should come back in three months for a quick check to see if every thing was OK

Is it common in the US NOT to let a boyfriend/partner in the exam? When I do go to gyno, (I know I will have to at some point, probably soon)I think I will want my boyfriend with me, and I know that he is interesting in coming.. I don't know how much I'd want him to watch, but I'd want him to stand by my head, at least. It would also be my first exam. I would feel very odd if the doctor or nurse did not let him be present.. I'd be far more comfortable with him there, as well as for moral support. Why wouldn't the doctor let someone in the room with you, for the average experience? (I would be more comfortable with my boyfriend there then with a nurse or even a female friend, I think.)

There has been a time or two i did not attend OB GYNO says ya come in . this way both of you can learn how to keep each other healthy. 😁

I've never even thought ofasking my wife if I could come along for an exam, much less the doctor. I wonder what she'd say. ???

I have attended with my girl friend for her yearly pelvic exams with her OBGYN. Her OBGYN is a personal friend of mine and I had my girl friend see my friend. My friend is female and young. When it comes to her exams, my friend is very thorough and gentle with my girl friend. My friend always takes her time and usually spends about 35 minutes

with my girl friend. My girl friend appreciates the thoroughness of her physician and so do I.

Ellen,

You better ask if your boyfriend can attend your exam before you book the exam. Our experience in Texas is that about half the doctors will not allow your boyfriend to attend. We have experience quite of few that won't even let a spouse in moreless a boyfriend. They will state that the patient has a right to privacy. A few years ago, I went to a doctor and the doctor said no way that he would allow my husband to attend and that was his policy! after going through this same scenario with other doctors, we finally have a list of doctors who will allow the spouse to attend. My advice is check on the policy of the clinic on having boyfriends in the exam room before you book the appointment.

Medfedcouple-wife

Is this a normal request or am I just being silly? My wife thinks that I'm crazy and can't understand why I would want to go with her. As I said in a previous post, I'm new here, and I'd like to know what everyone thinks.

It is a normal request and there's nothing wrong about it. Now, most of women prefer to go alone I think and some prefer to be with her partner or with a female friend for instance. I don't know your history as a couple, ages, children etc. but an OB_GYN appointment is about the woman health but also about the couple if you are living a stable relationship. The doctor itself won't find nothing wrong about your presence but then it's a matter of luck if you are able to watch the exam cause some doctors have 2 rooms one separated for the exam.

Wish you good luck! try to persuade your wife but respect her will if she still will want to go alone.

Even if your get your wife's approval, you still will need the approval from the doctor. Some doctors are o.k. with you in the exam room and others are not. It has to be your wife that makes the request to the medical personnel because she is the patient and they must protect her privacy.

In Canada a woman is permitted to have the chaperone of her choice. It could be a friend, a partner or a spouse. The doctor would need a substantial reason to decline the request and if it's important to you I might suggest changing physicians if s/he isn't willing to have you in the room.

All that being said I never had a chaperone in during a pelvic exam. One person seeing me in that position is enough.

Jackie

Thanks for the recomendation. I've actually tried this before. She has an IDU, and sometimes when I insert my fingers I can feel the strings; and depending on "the time of the month just before her period" her cervix also can be felt much more easily as it seems to come down into the vagina a bit more. Does this make sense? Anyhow, I tried this approach, and she didn't go for it. She told me that this is normal just before her period. Next month she is due to get her IUD changed, so perhaps I'll try again then.

Lexas Sometimes, and I mean sometimes the sex of the doctor makes a difference. I have been told by friends that it's a little harder for her to have her husband there if the doctor is male. Some think it would make him jealous letting some other guy have that much control of his wife

I have not seen any men going inside the exam room with his wife for a routine exam. I have seen many men go into the exam rooms if their wives, so, gf, are pregnant.