How to approach

I discovered my significant other has been frequenting "medical" sights. I knew he surfed a little porn, but whatever... he's a guy.

What I found most interesting is that he seems to frequent these sights far more than others. And though I have some latent fetishes there, I haven't been able to bring this up in conversation.

My biggest concern is though I really have TRIED not to snoop, I can't help it. He's not very technologically literate, and when I have been working on fixing his computer, I have inadvertently found it. He's TERRIBLE at covering his tracks.

Any suggestions as to how I can bring this to his attention, without making him defensive? For those guys out there, how would you feel if your girl came to you and asked you for a gyno exam.... or wanted to give you an enema?

WJ, why don't you tell him that several of the girls at work were talking about their husbands having medical fantasies. How they enjoyed participating in those fantasies playing the doctor or nurse. That opens the subject to conversation, then you talk about your always wanting to have had a relationship where you could be the medical provider.... At least it opens the door to possible further conversations and or actual playing! 😉

[quote author=wj link=topic=324.msg1605#msg1605 date=1200448406]

He's TERRIBLE at covering his tracks.]

Are you serious?? Maybe he's actively avoiding doing so!

[quote author=wj link=topic=324.msg1605#msg1605 date=1200448406]

Any suggestions as to how I can bring this to his attention, without making him defensive? [/quote]

Perhaps show him some relevant posts on here, (but not the one(s) where you insult him)

[quote author=wj link=topic=324.msg1605#msg1605 date=1200448406]

For those guys out there, how would you feel if your girl came to you and asked you for a gyno exam.... or wanted to give you an enema?[/quote]

Is this a trick question? Ok, I'll bite: I'd like it, hehe!

Thanks for the suggestions. I may go with the one about the "girls" at the office. It seems innocent enough.

Yes, the "girls at the office" ploy may work beautifully........... but on the other hand, he might see through it. why don't you just fess up and tell him you were online one night and "inadvertantly" came across a website that kinda turned you on. you know, men can be complete idiots, but some of us out here actually appreciate honesty and straightforwardness. if you told me you wanted me to give you a pelvic exam i'd probably run over someone on the way to the speculum store!

What about bringing up a conversation about fantasies in general... ask him if he has any fantasies and you can then talk about yours.... confronting him may make him defensive...

[quote author=bystander link=topic=324.msg1786#msg1786 date=1200609055]

what about bringing up a conversation about fantasies in general... ask him if he has any fantasies and you can then talk about yours.... confronting him may make him defensive...

[/quote]

In my opinion, this is probably the best approach. The "girls talking at the office" thing sounds too contrived.

Firstly, how do you feel about his interest in this?

[quote author=wj link=topic=324.msg1605#msg1605 date=1200448406]

I discovered my significant other has been frequenting "medical" sights. I knew he surfed a little porn, but whatever... he's a guy.

What I found most interesting is that he seems to frequent these sights far more than others. And though I have some latent fetishes there, I haven't been able to bring this up in conversation.

My biggest concern is though I really have TRIED not to snoop, I can't help it. He's not very technologically literate, and when I have been working on fixing his computer, I have inadvertently found it. He's TERRIBLE at covering his tracks.

Any suggestions as to how I can bring this to his attention, without making him defensive? For those guys out there, how would you feel if your girl came to you and asked you for a gyno exam.... or wanted to give you an enema?

[/quote]

I'm split on this one.. I can agree with telling him you stumbled across the cache on the computer, or saying the topic "came up" with the girls, you bring it up as if you liked it first..

If you have a comfortable relationship and you're both really in to each other.. I would say truth.. Just tell him that you weren't snooping, you weren't spying, but you know you didn't look it up.. so.. He might be shy about it.. and thinking you'll think he's odd or a perv.. I've had 1 or 2 girls I dated call me a "freak" for liking to play Dr, or liking E-Stim play, etc. Just make sure he knows that you're in to it and are totally cool with it. Once you've got it in the open, maybe invite him to your next gyno exam and let him see a real one, then you two can try bringing it in to the bedroom... I can tell you as a man, that my s/o supporting what I like openly and w/o insult is a big thing.. It's very painful to be insulted by your s/o because of what you like and can really push you in to a shell.....

Personally.. I would absolutely love if my gf/wife/s.o. asked me to examine her w/o me having brought it up first.. Or to ask me to go with her to her gyno exams, or have her recount her visits to me.. etc... It's very exciting to be in a relationship where one doesn't have to worry about what's erotic.. you just openly share it with each other.. and even if the other isn't as in to it, s/he still supports and allows the other to do it..

Again.. whatever way you decide.. just make sure he understands that you don't look down on him at all for it.. and, that it actually turns you on some.. You never know.. you might find out more things he likes that you didn't know about..

I think all of these are good ideas. The best one is the one that you feel comfortable with and believe that he will feel comfortable with. Something to start the dialogue and take it from there! Please let us know how it works out?

I think honesty is the best policy. Perhaps if you share this a newer more intimate side of your relationship will develop. This is what makes life worthwhile.

catlady

I would agree that it would be best to tell him that you enjoy the same thing and that you are cool with what he has been looking at and would like to try some of it with him. Making up a false story is not a good idea because it will be harder to remember a made up story.

Believe me, any way you bring it up it will make him very happy. Whatever way you feelcomfrtable with use it but Im sure he will be very happy you didbrng it up.

He probably feels very secretive about his desires, and probably you'll have to make the first move.

Maybe you could watch "ER" or "Gray's Anatomy" together and look for an opening.

He might be secretive just because he doesn't know how you'll react, let him feel secure about his desires and it should turn out well.

I would have to agree with the above posts...d wouldnt be forcefull with it gently bring the issue up in casual talk will do wonders

I think you should just be open and honest with him. You may be suprised how happy he is to share with you.If not at least you tried.

Very intresting approach.I am a male who just loves the idea of medical fantasies.That is why I like this site so much.

Certainly would like to know of others experiences.

Regards

BOBC

If my wife had the same interests you have, it would save a great deal of time and money for me. I would suggest you just honestly bring it up with him and you might be pleasantly surprised!

If you already know he's been frequenting medical fetish sights you've already got more than half the battle won. You already know you both share a common curiosity, now it's just a simple matter of letting each other in on the secret. Try initiating a conversation about your most intimate sexual fantasies and I'll bet it blossoms from there. You'll open a whole new door to your sexuality and you'll be grateful to each other for it.

One more thought: maybe he's trying not to cover his tracks.

[quote author=ryman link=topic=324.msg1880#msg1880 date=1200701420]

[quote author=bystander link=topic=324.msg1786#msg1786 date=1200609055]

what about bringing up a conversation about fantasies in general... ask him if he has any fantasies and you can then talk about yours.... confronting him may make him defensive...

[/quote]

In my opinion, this is probably the best approach. The "girls talking at the office" thing sounds too contrived.

Firstly, how do you feel about his interest in this?

[/quote]

I agree that it seems a little contrived. I've never had anyone bring up things that personal at work in everyday converation. I know its hard but any healty relationship involves open communication, you just need to bring it up. If it's that hard someone had a great idea on here about watching Grey's Anatomy or ER and wait for an opening.

[quote author=wj link=topic=324.msg1605#msg1605 date=1200448406]

I discovered my significant other has been frequenting "medical" sights. I knew he surfed a little porn, but whatever... he's a guy.

What I found most interesting is that he seems to frequent these sights far more than others. And though I have some latent fetishes there, I haven't been able to bring this up in conversation.

My biggest concern is though I really have TRIED not to snoop, I can't help it. He's not very technologically literate, and when I have been working on fixing his computer, I have inadvertently found it. He's TERRIBLE at covering his tracks.

Any suggestions as to how I can bring this to his attention, without making him defensive? For those guys out there, how would you feel if your girl came to you and asked you for a gyno exam.... or wanted to give you an enema?

[/quote]

Wj,

1)"whatever... he's a guy"? what kind of generalized discriminatory

attitude is that? you're here aren't you?

2)That he frequents medical fetish sites more than others is representative of his

preference. You need to accept that you are not 'unique' in your

fetishes and focus on what "you" can do about expressing them to him, not that

he has been to them.

3) You should be concerned,snooping is wrong, and yes, you can help it.

If you did not want to snoop, you wouldn't. Snooping is one of the fastest ways to

destroy trust......period.

4) As for making him defensive? well, for starters you snooped, if he does not know do

not tell him. It is now inherent upon you to approach him with one of your

"latent fetishes" and tenderly and romantically ask him to fulfill it.

5) Many of us would love to have a S/O or playmate to do doctor/clinic/gyno/enema

scenarios with instead of being solo.

Dear WJ:

Please let us know how it went!

Honesty with your partner is always the best. I knew my husband was into enemas on our first date!

I say just tell him,that way you know for sure.If my significant other asked for an exam,or wanted to give or get an enema,I would be in heaven.

All of the suggestions are good ones.

I like being up front. You could always say that you have your yearly GYN appointment coming up or you are going to schedule it. Mention that you usually fing yourself aroused thinking about the experience. You may even say, "I don't want you to think I'm strange..........."

No matter how you bring it up, he will be happy.

A girlfriend once told me the story of her prep before a procedure. She used so much detail that I realized she was turned on by it the experience and I simply realized she loved medical play without even knowing to call it "medical play."

Good luck

Once that road is crossed, it is an unbelievable feeling.

My wife many years ago told me how she dislike going for her yearly and how she dreaded going.I jokenly said it cant that bad.I then offerd to go with her to see if that would ease her feeling on going.Ever since then I go with her to her GYN exams.She does not think I am weired for going with her.She says it actually makes it eaiser to go.She says I am able take her mind off the idea of having the exam done.She has talked to a few of her freinds and told them I acompany her to her exams.And one of them told her that she has her Boyfriend go with her.

I would say it is pretty normal for the guy to go.

Why can't you just wait for a quiet intimate moment and gently bring it up - tell him you are interested too?? He should be happy?