First of all, I tried to give you your first karma point for your post on this topic, but for some reason there seems to be a bug in the system and it isn't allowing me to do so at this point in time. But I will as soon as I am able, that's a promise. The webmaster is currently in the process of updating the site and warned us a few days ago that we may run into a few bugs here and there during the process. Guess I just found my first one, lol.
Your post touched me in a way, hard to explain, and I am not being very articulate this evening so I apoligize in advance for what I am going to say because I have a feeling it probably will be taken in the wrong context by many, especially the men on this forum, and I can honestly say, that is NOT my intention.
When I first started having sex, I was 3 days shy of my 20th birthday, got married at 21, first kid at 22, second kid at 23, then didn't want to have sex ever again until I was 36 or 37, and I didn't either. Had absolutely no desire. However when I was younger, and so were the men I was sleeping with, sex was definitely different. Men in this age group, not all men mind you, that's not what I said, but many men between the ages of 16 and 30 or so tend to view sex as a wham bam thank you ma'am sort of experience. It didn't just happen that way with me, but most of my friends and other women that I have talked to as well. Our men wanted sex multiple times a day, and often right after another. Foreplay was often something like this "hey baby, its' time to take the skin boat to tuna town, so hop on board". And yes I know that is a retarded example, but you get the point. It's been my experience that men in this age group either are not interested in really finding out what pleases their women, or they are too focused on their needs to care about ours. I can tell you, that gets old really fast.
As we age, both of the sexes change, hormone levels seem to drop slightly in men as they age, as it's common fact that guys hit their sexual prime between the ages of like 16 and 26, and women usually hit ours between 35 and 45, or so the research I have read suggests. For me this has been true. Now sure what came over me when I hit 36/37 . which is also the time I discovered my love for all things medical, might have just been an odd coincidence in my case, but I don't think so with all the the "cougar" type relationships going around these days, and psychologically speaking it makes perfect sense on so many psychological levels it isn't even funny.
Women when they hit their sexual prime, and again that age is going to vary greatly between women, but when she hits it, she will know. We have or gain this ornate sense of resorting back to sex when we were younger, when sex was spontaneous, raw, dirty, dangerous,what have you, any place any time, any way sort of thing. And while we know that it is hard to please us sometimes, at this point in our lives we know exactly what it is that we want, expect, and demand from our lovers.
But many of us are finding that resorting in the younger guy thing so that we can "teach" him the correct ways of doing things to please us is, is well, quite frankly a lot of work, very time consuming. Once I discovered what exactly it is I wanted, needed and required to have fun and be pleased in bed and out, the quest was on Making two lists one of an older guy , and one of a younger one, I then had to tally the good and the bad from both age groups using what I knew from personal experience and what I knew from listening to friends and doing a lot of reading.
A lot of these cougar types are looking for a man who can bring back some of those hot sexy lusty, gotta do it like rabbits 20 times a day stage for them, and their men are more than overly happy to comply. That's fine for them whatever toots their respective whistles I guess. For me, I have never been attracted to younger men for multiple reasons, the greatest of these is that they usually have not the first clue as to how to properly prepare and please a woman. But on the other hand, women at that age often times do not know how to please themselves either, so sex when you are young is for the most part, just sex, either for procreation purposes, or just because you can and it still has that slight "air of naughtiness about it, which in it's own right makes it even more exciting. But sex for me during this time in my life definitely gave me only pleasure because I knew I was ,making him happy, and at that age that was what mattered to you no matter how often, how little or if ever your needs were being met. Again, I am only speaking for myself here. Which in turned sent me into a 13 year sabbatical from sex, not by choice, but I just wasn't horny, didn't want to be touched, or was too tired to even think about making the effort to have sex.
Then again as I previously said, I hit someplace between the ages of 35 and am now currently 41. Have I hit my sexual prime? I am guessing absolutely yes I have. I am not sure how long it's going to last, but I pray it lasts as long as he is about to handle me and want me to handle him, lol; Back in the days of my youth when I was first starting out, to be honest with you, I wanted it a lot, now keep in mind that I was usually not sexually satisfied with this these so called romps in the hay, which in turn just made me stop wanting it all together. Hell, I didn't know where my clit was, really what it was for in the first place, so the want and desire quickly went by the way side so that I could spend all my attentions on going to school full time, going to work full time, and basically being a single parent because the husband worked second shift when I and the girls had to be off and ready for school at 7 am, we got home around six, ate dinner, all did our homework, then it was off to bed for us. Meanwhile my husband was working a very hard a difficult modified second shift job where he would leave for work around 3, an hour or so before we got home, then would return around 4 in the morning. So we were sleeping when he got home,and he was sleeping during the end our ours. Then I went to school Monday through Thursday from around 7 to 4, and then I worked on Fridays from 6 am until 11:30 at night, and did the same on Saturdays too, then on Sundays I would only have to work from 6 am until 3:30 PM, but it allowed me to work a full time 40, and go to a full time nursing program, and still be home with the kids every single night, it was very hard, very hard, plus I was in the middle of being diagnosed with a thyroid problem which explained why I was constantly exhausted all the time.
But back to the point at hand here for this topic. My hormone levels have to have increased greatly because I wanted and love any and all parts that are sexual in nature, but only with Doc I believe he is the catalyst. Now, I don't know what he was like when he was younger as we have only been together for a little over 4 years now. He says that he has never been that typical guy, meaning no basic foreplay, getting on, and then getting off so to speak, and I actually do believe him as he is a very kind and nurturing person, not to mention, almost totally selfless in bed.
We have both said multiple times in the 4 years together that even if one of us doesn't cum, it's okay, because a lot of our personal pleasure comes because we know that we have pleased the other person. He is definitely in the stage in his life that he feels guilty if I don't cum, or if I have him in a position where he is physically unable to give me much of any pleasure at all while I am giving him pleasure, for example, he's standing, me on my knees, in front of him with his pants around his ankles and I am orally pleasing him to climax. While I don't cum, he does, and that makes me very very happy. I know when I do this it sometimes makes him feel guilty because I was not made to cum at that time. But again, I remind you that we women do not always have to cum to be totally happy and satisfied. But again, to be totally honest, there are sometimes when I do want and need to be pleased.
But I agree with you LarryLeather, as we get older sex often becomes less about seeing how quickly and how many times you can cum in an hour, or a night, but it becomes more about making it meaningful, memorable, special, endearing and also becomes seeing how much pleasure you can give your lover, not yourself.
Can we chalk this up to hormonal changes, yes, maybe we can slightly on and with both sexes, but more importantly, I think it comes more down to maturity between the sexes and realizing that quality far out weighs quantity.
Also as you said, bodily functions sometimes don't always cooperate, or function on levels they once did in our youths. That sucks, but that's when it's time to put on your thinking caps and work around these little issues. For men, often the trouble is being able to get or maintain an erection, well, there are medications to assist with that, and from what I understand most of them are very effective. For women past their sexual prime and heading into, or already into full blown menopause, we often lack the amount of lubrication we once had, which again, often times the easy and cheap fix is a 4 dollar bottle of KY lubricant. Neither of my suggestions will work for 100 percent of some couples issues, but it's worth a shot, and sure beats painful or uncomfortable sex, or even worse, no sex at all.
You are also 100 percent correct when you say that a man's, and a woman's biggest sex organ is between their ears. You don't usually realize that when you are younger. You stick your hands down someones pants, and that's usually enough to get things going and usually over in 10 minutes.
However, the older we become, the more we realize how true in fact this statement is, and while eventually hands will be going down someones pants, it usually after many hours of prep work prior to this happening. And for each couple, this "predance" ritual will be totally different. You just have to figure out what it is that make you and your partner tick. And the really cool thing is that it's not always sexual things that start those feeling to bubble up to the surface. I know for Doc and I for example, it's simple things like doing our laundry and packing our things the day before we head out west, or talking on the phone with him for hours at a time while he's driving to me to pick me up. Talking on the phone often times for us is a great luxury we often times due to outside circumstances don't have. I don't know about him, but doing that, talking to him while he is driving towards me, knowing each minute we keep talking is one minute hes closer to me being able to see his precious face always gets my juices flowing like crazy.
Often during these trips down I will talk dirty to him, tell him some of the may things I plan on doing with and to him. Which brings me back to the whole point of a man's biggest sex organ is between his ears. That's true for both sexes I believe, at least when we hit that all important age when sex becomes an art form, something you take real pride in, not something that has to be done because "it's your wifely duty to perform, or his manly right to cum whenever he feels the need.
For lack of better terms here, and please forgive my crassness and trash talk, and again this is a prime example of a typical younger couple vs. older couple. One of our greatest pleasures and sexual turn ons for both Doc and I is when I totally mind "fuck" him. I put his hood on first, the only hole is his mouth and bottom part of his nose. I will sit on the bed and order him to slowly undress his shirt, button by button, making him expose my absolute favorite part of his body to me, which is his chest. I make him finish taking off his shirt. I am, when this is going on,usually in my all black leather Dom outfit, black thigh high stockings, black leather knee high boots that make that especially intimidating clip clop on the floor when I walk, giving him some sense of where I might be. I will stand very very close to him so that he can feel my hot breath tickle his exposed nipples. Once in a while I will give them a light lick or a slight bite and moan due to my own pleasure, which makes him usually start breathing rather hard, because I know darn well the other parts of him are already hard as a rock too and are just aching to be released.
Then I will walk around him for a few minutes, allowing him to hear my boots on the wood floor, he never knowing when I am going to stop circling him, and what I am going to do next. I often will softly talk to him in a sort of salty famine voice about how much his chest and his hard nipple turn me on. Then I might run my one finger nail down the center of his chest down to the top of his pants. Then I walk away for a second to get the hand cuffs and then tie his hand together usually in back of him, making his chest push out even further for me to tease. Then I might run my hands up his bilateral inner thighs with his pants on, giving him that light sensation of excitement. This sort of teasing can and will go on for a long time, depending on my mood and how far I want to tease him and "mind fuck" him before I finally get down to the real business at hand. And I could go on and on and on with the things that I could do to him while I have him in my complete control, but I would not want anyone to get board with my story. Now, I am guessing a younger couple probably would not be able to handle this much intensity. For they have yet to master or realize that the art for fantastic sex almost always starts in the brain, and starts hours prior to the actual act of sex itself. Yes there are exceptions to everything and to every situation, I know this. But by often times doing things in the matter in which I have described, it allows my studly hunk of man meat to keep and hold an erection for anyplace from 3-5 hours, and that's without the help of any ED medications, and doing this also allows him to often times be multi-orgasmic, in the sense of his recovery time being a few minutes, not hours. I am guessing my paycheck there are not too many in the younger age brackets who could even come close to that.
So while I can't really speak for him, but I feel safe that I wouldn't offend him by saying that I'm in my 40's, he's in his 50's and sex for either of us, from our very first times until the day we met really wasn't all that great, mediocre at best, but between our maturity level, and the little previous experiences we have had previously to meeting each other, our needs to please the other more than our desire to please ourselves, and the fact at we really are in love, well, all those things put together and combined, make the perfect recipe for the greatest sex we have ever known, ever had, will always have, and will never find ever find again in someone else. And on a side note, people still ask us why we don't want to play or mess around with other people? Again, I can't speak on his behalf, but as far as I am concerned, I have the best, the perfect match for me. He fulfills my every want, desire, need and naughty desires. More importantly, he owns my heart. What more can I say? I never knew what real love or true happiness was until that fateful day a little over 4 years ago when I rolled over and was able to look into his eyes for the very first time. I knew then, at that instant, he was the one I had been looking for my entire life.