Helping her embrace her natural dominance

I want my secret lover to embrace dominance. I know there are resources on helping someone with a naturally assertive nature, embrace D/s and become a true dominant mistress. Can anyone point me in the right direction? I've already sent her several short bondage themed stories, some she has responded to better than others. But i want to teach her the basics of how to take charge, how to discipline, how to give rewards, and do all these things within a Mistress/Submissive relationship. She is beautiful, tall, thin and strikingly elegant. The perfect Mistress, in short.

Thanks!

Simply tell her...take her out to dinner sit her down and talk about your needs and desires.

She might run a mile but she just might embrace the lifestyle.

But you will never know untill you talk openly

As someone mentioned in another post, you might start by watching The Secrtary together. Although roles are reversed from what you are wanting, it is a great movie about discovering bds&m.

Thanks for your suggestions, i'll look into both of those options. As time has passed so far, she is still vacillating. But, i hold out hope that she'll keep moving forward. We did take a big and comfortable step forward a while back.

After asking many times my wife watched a video where a woman tied up her girl friend and gave her an enema where the nozzle looked like a large penis. The woman was then whipped with a strap after she couldn't hold the enema long enough. My wife found it all so hot that she wanted me to arrange for someone to that to her. It took some time but did find a woman that for a fee agreed to it while I watched and jerked off

Speaking from experience, I will tell you that generally speaking, although it is socially acceptable for women to be assertive, it isn't for them to be DOMINANT. So, even if she wants to be a Domme (as I do) it's difficult to retrain one's self to be okay with being that way. I joined fetlife.com looking for similar answers and I'm still trying to bring out the inner Mistress. I can do it, but I have to set aside my conditioning and not be sympathetic or easily manipulated by my sub. I was raised to be a pleaser, so sometimes this is difficult.

I am still exploring this in myself so my comments are simply to encourage you; should she truly be interested in being dominant you might find more info on fetlife.

Good Luck ?

Make sure that you give back to your Domme/Misstress so that she feels "adored". (Adored isn't the word I'm looking for, but it works.)

Another way I think of it is, you can't get water from a glass if you don't put any water into it.

I get this 100%. Its hard for me at times to not switch out. While i do enjoy both sides aside from my husband the only other experience i had was as a sub. Ive noticed certain things bring the dom out with me - especially if encouraged.

1) if denied for an extended period of time 3+ days. This however is a slippery slope and can backfire with me becoming extremely moody.

2) giving suppositories

3) restraints (50-50 here )

4) merlot. (No idea on this one. )

I struggle with this myself. Both because I myself have a hard time being dominant, but also because I’d give my left arm for my husband to be more aggressive and dominant! My husband had been dropping hints for a little while that he wanted me to top him. I know his job is stressing him out lately and he would probably benefit from the chance to purge some feelings with a good flogging, as well as not have to be totally in control of everything for a little while. It felt super weird but I hit the internet, read a ton of articles, watched a ton of videos, made an account here 😉 and figured out what I needed to know to be safe. I sent him a questionaire to get a better sense of what he wanted and what his general limits were. Then one night while we were Skyping while he was away, I told him in graphic detail the plans I had for his return. I converted our closet into a slightly more soundproof area because my biggest issue is that my kids still live at home. When he got home, I ordered him to go to the closet, undress, put on the blindfold and wait for me. I’ve never seen a bigger grin. A short while later I wiped that smile right off his face, in a really good way. I admit, it was a lot more arousing than I had anticipated! And the sex that followed was great. At the same time though, it’s pretty out of character for me. I’m an extrovert, but not an aggressive person or particularly dominant except for being a mom and keeping my kids in line. I try to psych myself up thinking about how much he enjoys it, and there’s a fair amount of acting going on. I’m hoping it feels more natural with more time and practice.

The other side of the coin though, because my day job is raising kids (several with special needs of medical issues) a lot of times I’m emotionally bankrupt by the end of the day, I don’t want anyone to need anything from me for a while. On particularly bad days, even sex feels like one more chore, one more thing someone wants from me. I don’t want to have to come up with some creative scenario where I have to spank the crap out of my husband because his day was difficult. Some days I’d like him to have the master plan. I’d like him to tell me what to do because I’m tired and him taking charge is sexy. He’s asked me several times if I “want a turn” and I’ve eagerly said yes. I’ve told him flat out “what I need is for you to make all the decisions. I need you to tell me what we are going to do.” I don’t even care so much if it involves the flogger! Just throw me on the bed and grab what he likes, or hell, just make a dinner reservation. I’m tired of being in charge. The only thing I haven’t tried, but probably should next, is to tie him up, give him a good spanking and give him orders that for the next 24-48 hours He has to be the top!